AN: Okay... Like I said I didn't like the chapter I uploaded, so I revised it. From the beginning I did plan to Lily involved with the story. I just didn't know how to insert her into the story. I was going to leave the chapter as is, but the review I got steeled my resolve to fix it. I did say I didn't like it, so I hope this one is a little better. I find it a bit more bearable, but it isn't quite there yet. If you noticed, I tend to leave things ambiguous. I do that for a reason. To leave you wondering, and so I have something to expand on in future chapters.
Unlike some of the authors on this site, I do not have my stories prewritten before I start posting them. I post as I go. So it is not exactly fast as some reader might like it, but its my own pace. And yea... I'm just making excuses anyways. :D
Oh, and I decided that I'll leave the other chapter 11 up so there's a comparison. I don't like the original, but I kinda don't want to take it down.
"Hurry up, Harry. We're gonna be late for class," Draco said trying to get Harry out of the bed.
"I don't want to get out. I want to stay here," Harry whined sleepily.
"It's Halloween today. You have to be happy. Its a day for the dark to revel. Come on already!" Draco said loudly in Harry's ear.
"No," Harry said resolutely into his pillow.
"Ugh! Blaise come over and help me out. Harry won't get out of his bed." Draco was yanking on Harry, and Harry was holding himself down by using the bedpost.
Blaise laughed. "I thought you would be able to handle him."
"Not when he's being such a minx. I mean look at him." Harry mumbled into his pillow.
"Ok. I see what you mean. I'll help you out." With the help of Blaise, the two managed to get Harry prepared for the day. Throughout all this, Harry had been mumbling incoherently until they reached the dorm exit.
"I guess I have to face the day," Harry said, straightening from his slouch.
"It's not you have to face the day. You must face the day," Blaise said on Harry's left.
"Yea, yea, yea. I know that. I just don't feel like it." They exited the dorm with their normal Slytherin facade. They ate breakfast quickly and went on to the Potions classroom. Harry sat in the corner, not feeling like doing anything today. He was not in the mood for anything. The bell rang in the silent classroom, and Harry felt it when Snape entered the room. The room was smothered in his dark essence, and it calmed Harry somewhat. His face was hidden in his arms as he had his face in the desk.
"Today you will be brewing the potion to cure headaches. The instructions are in the board. Get to it. Oh, and Potter? Please stay so I can have a word." The chairs scraped loudly as everyone got up to gather things from the supply closet. Harry had sat by himself, and no one had tried to sit next to him. Blaise and Draco sat at a desk in front of him, as they were always trying to help him. They had to be in helping range, so they sat in front of him like sentries. Harry wondered what Snape would say to him. He had never caused any trouble in his classroom, and he could do nothing. There always the concern that he could probably blow up the class. Time moved too slow for Harry's liking. He was only concerned with getting into bed tonight, so the day could be over already.
Eventually it came to the time for the class to end. Harry walked up to Snape's desk and stood there. "You wanted to talk to me professor?" There was the shuffling of paper and a scraping of a chair.
"Do you have any classes after this?"
"No, professor. I have a free block now."
"Good then. Come with me." Snape walked somewhere and Harry trailed behind. They had exited the classroom and wandered the halls. It was silent where they were, so Harry concluded that this hallway was one of the ones the students never traversed. "It is not I that wants to talk to you, but you will see when we get to my chambers."
"Your chambers, sir?" Harry had his eyebrows scrunched up.
"Yes, I have something for you to read, but I thought it best for you to read in private." Harry nodded absently. Who would send him a letter? Harry crashed into Snape's back and was held steady as he was going to fall. "Be careful, Potter. Here, give me your hand." Harry hesitantly placed his hand into Snape's. "There is a step you have to cross to get into my chambers so be careful." Snape stepped into his chamber and helped Harry through the portrait hole. When the portrait swung close, Harry froze. He knew this aura, so well. He clenched his fists and grinded his teeth.
"My mother was here, wasn't she?" Harry asked accusingly.
"It is no business of yours to know who was in my quarters," Snape bit out. "Sit!" Harry grumbled into his fist but sat down obediently. Harry heard the shuffling of papers before footsteps came his way. "This is the letter your mother left to me to give to you. You are expected to read it accordingly. I would read it to you, but I was informed that you can read yourself. It is a personal letter, and I am going to respect your needed privacy. And also since I have learned this fact, I expect more out of you the rest of the school years." Snape walked away from Harry. Harry expected Snape was at his desk, as that seemed like the only other place he could sit down. Harry tilted his head down so he wouldn't be seen pouting. What Snape said didn't sound like any fun. Who told him? Only the dark lord and Tom knew he could read. Unless the Snape was close to the dark lord, Harry didn't see any possibilities of the fact being known to this man.
Harry opened his hands, and the letter was placed in them. Harry pursed his lips. He felt untold anger by holding the letter, but he knew it wasn't his own anger. One of his fine eyebrows rose in confusion. What could his mother want him to know? And whatever it was, what made it so full of emotion that it lingered on the letter?
Harry cut open the letter and whispered under his breath.
"Harry Potter
There are many things that need to be explained to you. I want to begin by saying this. I am not who you might think I am. I am a dark sided witch. You may be shocked to hear this, but I would expect the reaction from you. So saying this, I have something to follow it up. I am disappointed in you. I thought you would be on the dark side from the beginning, but you have become the hope for the light. I am sad to say that you cannot learn anything from me. If you plan to follow in your father's footsteps, then I will have no say in your life.
I am going to tell you a little about my life. I am a Muggle born witch from the Evans family. Ever since I was young, I had been with Severus. We fell in love with the dark arts, and this led to us joining the Death Eaters. I had become one of the hidden ones, while Severus took the mark. We were friends all the way up till it came to depart to Hogwarts. We were separated by the rivalries between the houses, so I lost contact with him. As the time went on, I became tightly ensconced by the Gryffindors. I lost track of my goal, and I turned to the light. I was so lost in the light that I fell in love with your father, James Potter. To please him, I hid my dark nature. I started to become lighter by doing more of the advanced light spells. This was a good thing for me in the long run because now I can cast both light and dark advanced spells, so this little fact wasn't necessarily a bad thing for me.
Eventually I married your father after graduating from Hogwarts. Then you came along. That's when my life became complicated. You were needed on both sides of the war, and I decided that you belonged with the dark. Things were getting out of hand, and the balances were tipping. Your birth was woven into so many complicated events that I could do nothing about it. I did my best with you. I started tying ends up, so you had it easier when you grew up. You were tasked with something beyond your power, and you will need as much help as you can get. I will not reveal what I did to help you, so do not bother asking Severus what I mean. He doesn't know anything about it either. I cannot say anything about your childhood. I know it was a bad one, and there is nothing I can say now that will make it better. I am sorry that I left you alone at such a young age, but there were things that needed to be done. I cannot say that I regret it because that will be a lie.
This brings me to another thing I wanted to talk about. I am not going to sugar coat any of my words. Remember the Halloween of six years ago. It has been six years now, and I do not regret leaving you at the house. You have grown and lived past it. At least you can do that, but I expected more from you. About your father, he wants nothing to do with you should you choose the dark side. He may not necessarily know I am dark, but if he ever catches wind, he will drop me. Should I ever find myself in this position, I know how to find you. If you do choose the dark, then I should tell you of your father then. You will never be able to fully know him if you are on the dark. Once you have decided to be dark, your father will see you as an enemy. That is just how he is. He is a blind follower of the light, and he is a devout believer in Dumbledore. I once was like this, to tell you the truth. I now look back at the past with disgust. Your father is kind. He is also brave. He has many good qualities in him, and he also has many bad qualities. To say the least, he is human. He is an emotional man, and this is one of his flaws. But this doens't mean anything.
I know you must find this letter odd. Why did I choose this moment in time to contact you? This moment is when I finally overthrown Dumbledore's power over me. Life is harsh, and there will be many obstacles that you have to face. I cannot rightfully say I am a powerful witch, but I can say that I have a power that can rival others. I had been on the light side to relay information to the dark side. What other way to gather information than being on the inside? Of course, I had many hardships to get through while under Dumbledore's influence, but that doesn't matter. This letter will be focusing on you.
I wanted to tell you that, should you join the dark, there is a lot of risk involved. I suggest that if you do, you should know that you will most likely take the dark mark. Even if I haven't been marked, I am one of the few exceptions. Should the exceptions extend to you depends on the dark lord. You will also need a wide base of knowledge, preferably in the dark arts. You will need the counters and like if you happen to wish to live. Of course, there is the risk of dying as always in a state of war. Becoming a spy guarantees a better chance of dying. Being in a position of power is the same. All around, there is a huge risk, but you can't avoid this. You will be dragged into this war no matter how much effort you put into parting with it. It is undeniable that you will have to play your part.
Severus is the one handing you this letter because he is one of my trusted friends. If you ever turn to the dark side, he is the man you should talk to. He will teach you things that Hogwarts and the restricted section in the library cannot teach you. Do NOT get caught. If you get caught, you will be the one bearing the consequences. Severus will not be blamed as he is a trusted member of both the Order and the Death Eaters. I cannot tell you anything about the Order or the Death Eaters. Though, respectively they are the names of the organization that works under the spear head of the opposing sides. That is something I can tell you for now. You will find out this information by yourself when you choose a side. Choose the light side, and you will learn more about the Order. Choose the dark side, and you will learn of the Death Eaters. Right now, it's better not to reveal everything in my hand.
I do hope you turn to the dark side. You will be a great asset, and I happen to have a few connections to up your position if you happen consider it. And you are an asset no matter what you think. I am one too if that consoles you. Everybody plays a part in this war, even if they are neutral. One action leads to another, and this is true everywhere. Do not mope around thinking you are being used. It is and always be true. And I shall tell you this. I am a friend of a person high in power, so nothing you do will harm me. I know that you will try to have your revenge on me. I would too if I was in your position. I do not blame you for anything. I did what I thought was best, and you will be doing what you think is the best. It comes down to our differing opinions.
Also if you do plan to join the dark, I have some information regarding your eyes. I know you are not meant to be blind, and I can tell you something that might interest you.
I may sound harsh, and I know I am your mother. This does not justify anything, but I do plan to become a part of your life. Like every mother in the world, they cannot bear to part with their child. I am human, and I will always have a heart. I can love and hate just as well as any other person on this planet. It is just the fact if I choose to show it or not. Remember this.
Sincerely,
Lily Evans
Your Loving Mother"
Harry sucked in a breath. He had not heard his mother's voice in so long, but it sounded so different from his memories. In his memories, his mother's voice had a soft musical quality that always sounded serene. In the letter, her voice had the same musical quality, but it held a maelstrom of darkness. Harry's lips formed an o shape as he exhaled the breath he took in. The letter was very odd to say. He didn't know if he should be proud that his mother was as cunning as a Slytherin or if he should feel a little bit sad that she was being harsh. He did know the saying 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger', but he didn't expect this from his mother. He never expected his mother to support tough love, but the letter was proof of this. "Wow," he said. "As the years pass, your memories become golden in age." He didn't recall his mother being so stern before, or at least he didn't think so. He remembered that his mother was a loving woman, so what had caused this letter?
"Yes, many people do find that their past becomes more embellished whenever they try to remember it." Harry blinked rapidly. He forgot for a moment exactly where he was.
"Does that happen to you sir?" Harry asked this knowing he most likely wouldn't get an answer. Snape never did come off as someone that would converse with him.
"It does happen often if I'm being honest." They left it there. The silence was thoughtful, and the two were lost in their own thoughts.
Harry left the chambers after saying a quick good bye. He had no reason to linger there in his professor's quarters. The man didn't have anything to say to Harry, and Harry didn't know the man enough to attempt striking up a conversation. As the door shut, there was a rustle of cloth. "Was that necessary?" Snape asked.
A warm laughter rose from the other side of the room. A woman emerged from the shadows with a smile on her face. "Yes it was necessary. That letter will prompt him to decide faster. We can't depend on our lord to persuade him now, can we? He is busy after all."
"If he does join the dark, will you tell him everything?"
"I can't say for sure. Some things are better left unsaid."
"But the words left unsaid are often words you regret not saying."
"That is true, but I will not regret it. Things will play out as I planned, and if it doesn't, I will just have to take it in stride."
"And your husband?"
"Taken care of. He will not miss me."
"That is what you think."
"That is what I know. Our marriage has been a little shaky as the time passed. Now that I have been reawakened, it has gotten worse for me."
"Was he not the one?"
The woman smiled. "I think you know that better than I do. It's best if you leave now, Severus. You do have classes to teach."
The potions professor frowned. "How long?"
"How long what?" she asked narrowing her eyes.
"How long have you known he wasn't the one?" A sad smile graced her lips.
"Ever since the beginning," she said slowly. Her eyes closed as her smile wore away.
"Why did you choose him?"
"In the letter, I told Harry that I loved him. And this is true, but back then I wasn't fully myself. So now, I can't bear to be near my husband when I need someone else."
"Why did you seal yourself away?"
"Self-preservation. Appeasement. You get the general idea don't you?"
"I see. Then what will you do now?"
"What I have always been doing, living." The woman smirked at him.
"You know what I mean," he prompted.
"I cannot tell you. It is too personal to disclose to you."
"Can you at least tell me who is the one? I can help you look."
The woman snorted. "I don't need any help. I have known all along." She walked up to the potions professor and grabbed his robes roughly. She smiled mischievously. "Get the picture?" she whispered into his ear.