Chapter 12: The reunion (part II)
"Liv, what do you mean Lily didn't listen to you? Did you… talk to her?"
At her brother's question, Livia recalled that she had never mentioned her encounter with his childhood friend. The squib was afraid of his reaction, but knew she couldn't deny it now, so she sighed and confessed, "I did. Behind your back, obviously… You had just told me your friendship was spoiled… I saw how much you loved Lily anyway and, even though I never really liked her, I thought that you'd be way happier if you became friends again. So I tried to talk to her, but she told me to go home, that you had chosen your path and she hers. She practically shut the door in my face! The nerve!"
Severus looked touched, the hard lines of his face disappearing. He opened and closed his mouth various times before he could ask, "You did that for me?"
Livia rolled her eyes.
"Of course, silly! I just wanted to see you happy. I may have been twelve, but I knew she was the key…"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Livia shrugged.
"What good would it have done? I didn't want to hurt you more…"
Quietness covered them like a blanket. Surprisingly, it wasn't uncomfortable. Each was lost in their thoughts, memories of their childhood and of Lily haunting them.
"I was never fair with you when it came to Lily. I excluded you…" acknowledged Severus, breaking the noiseless environment. "Yet, you disregarded my actions and did everything in your hands to help me gain her trust again. It means a lot to me."
Livia grinned ruefully.
"As a child, I didn't understand what the deal was if I met the girl, but I guess that now I see it. It was your way to escape home and to take a break from me. I was five after all. I am sure I didn't let you breathe. I always wanted to be with you, and you wanted to play other things than hide and seek. We were children, Sev, don't feel bad."
He almost voiced he still felt sorry, but chose to keep mute as he knew that Livia won him in the stubbornness department and that she would spend hours coming up with a thousand motives why he shouldn't blame himself if necessary. She looked at him as if she was studying him, looking for something. He nearly dropped his gaze so she wouldn't find it, but she did.
"Sev, you haven't been with anybody because you still love her, despite everything, am I right?"
The last time Livia had seen her brother exposing so much vulnerability in his obsidian orbs was when she grasped he was in love with Lily, when they were mere teenagers. It was ironic to think that Lord Voldemort, the greatest legilimens, was unable to break through his occlumency walls, while his squib sister could tell what was going on in that twisted mind of his with a simple glance.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you lost her…"
He shook his head. "I actually lost her in my fifth year, Liv. You were there for me."
"You know what I mean… I wasn't there to comfort you when she passed away…"
Everything that mattered to him was that she was with him now, so he told her just that, gaining a rueful grin from her.
"You'll get over her eventually. Maybe you'll find somebody else…"
He snorted. "That will never happen, Liv. Have you seen me? I am an ugly broken snarky man… Who would ever love me?"
A ray of hope flared up inside Livia when she realized he had not denied he could eventually get over Lily; he only doubted he'd find somebody to love, somebody that loved him back. That was a big step and something she could relate to that all too well. She used to think that Regulus would never love her. Her self-esteem had been low until he made her believe in herself again.
"I thought the same about myself and now I am married. Perhaps you will go through something similar. Underneath all those black robes and sarcasm lies a good heart, Sev, somebody will see it."
Severus wanted to snort again, but she sounded so confident he almost believed her.
"Anyway, it's not like you need a woman to make you happy. I have already seen you smiling more than once today, so I guess that Severine and I make you happy, don't we? I know that family love is not the same as romantic love but-"
"I don't need that, Liv. You and Veryn are more than enough."
She raised her eyebrows.
"Veryn? Were you serious?"
"I'm not calling her Severine, Liv, unless I get angry at her for scrawling on the walls like you used to do…" he said, diverted. "That irritated me immensely, although I reckon I won't be able to scold my niece no matter what she does. In fact, I am planning on spoiling her endlessly."
Livia couldn't remember painting on the walls, so she deduced she must have been a toddler when that occurred. She could picture a six-year-old Severus freaking out when he caught her two-year-old self happily scrawling on the living room walls. She was sure Tobias would have not liked his walls decorated with spirals and indescribable shapes of a hundred colors. Severus must have been punished more than once because of her mischief, and he hadn't reproached her that, ever. He had really cared for and watched over her, always.
"Of course I did, until you left home, which makes me wonder why you did that in the first place," he hissed, as if he read her mind.
Livia was sure she hadn't voiced her thoughts, but she didn't mull it over, not when Severus's amusement had been so easily replaced by concern and hints of anger. He had forgiven her for leaving, but that didn't mean he understood her motives, that was clear by the way he continued, "Do you know how I felt when I read that bloody letter on that drawing? I spent all these years believing that I had failed you! I could have hidden and protected you!"
He sounded angrier with himself than with her, his voice even quivered, so Livia chose to answer calmly.
"I didn't want to be hidden only Merlin knows where. I had no freedom with Tobias, and I would have had no freedom with you either, not while you were an active Death Eater. The tiniest mistake and we both would be dead. I left because it was the only way I saw to ensure our safety. Mum had just died and I… I didn't want to risk losing you too. We were separated, but knowing you were alive somewhere kept me going."
Severus understood her choice then. She had never meant to hurt him. Her decision had been made out of desperation. She had actually been brave to do what Eileen had never dared to. He just couldn't figure out how a sixteen-year-old girl had survived in a foreign city when she had never left Cokeworth.
"You were a mere teenager, Liv. How did you survive alone in London?"
She shrugged.
"Luck. I found a job, so I was able to pay the rent and to cover the basic needs. I inherited the local when the owner retired. My husband works for me now."
He quirked an eyebrow, feeling amused again, the tense topic from earlier long forgotten.
"You are his boss?"
"Technically. I mean, I take into consideration his opinion and his role is as important as mine. We work remarkably well together. However, if there are disagreements, I always win. I am the owner, after all. Something wrong it?" she inquired, a little offended by the tone of the question.
His chuckles rang out and he ended up giving her a satisfied grin.
"No. I am proud of you, yet I almost pity him. You have quite a temper, Liv. May I know what your business is about?"
She gave him a smug smile and conceded, "An Arts Supplies Shop. I do some workshops to teach muggles how to paint as well."
He had to agree that the job suited her. Livia had been absorbed in drawing since she could grasp a pencil. It was part of her, her passion. He was sure the neighbors of Cokeworth would be astonished by her success in the big city.
"Do you show mercy or do you criticize everybody's skills unpityingly? I still recall when disapproved of my drawing because, apparently, my broomsticks looked like flowers. That one hurt," he teased.
She erupted into laughter, crossing her arms and grabbing her sides. He hadn't seen her laughing so much since they were infants playing in the park, before Lily came into the picture. A triumphant sense flooded him at the realization he still had the power of making her happy.
"Merlin! I told you that? I can't remember it…"
"No wonder. You were four and you drew better than me. You enjoyed bragging about it way too much."
She sniggered and shook her head, smiling fondly at him.
"You don't know how much I've missed you…"
Probably not as much as I missed you, he thought.
"I am sorry it's taken me so long to contact you… I was never fond of Lily. I hated that she abandoned you. And then I did the same. I was mad with myself. You crossed my mind every day. I wanted to reach for you, but I didn't do it because I thought you wouldn't want to see me. I thought I had screwed up."
"I am glad you grew out of it then… Lily stopped talking to me because she believed I had already chosen my path before I had the Dark Mark. You left home and broke ties with me because you were trying to keep us alive. The reasons are very different. I have already forgiven you, Liv."
He was not the best to give life lessons, anyway. Livia had been right about that, although he would not say it out loud. That would be embarrassing.
Unaware of his thoughts, Livia rushed to him and enfolded him in her skinny arms, a smile tugging at her lips. Salazar! He had really missed her gusts of affection. She was the only one to ever hug him or hold his hand. Severus hugged her back and kissed the top of her head the way he used to do when they were children.
"I love you, big bro."
"I love you too, annoying little sis," he said back, with a playful tone in the end.
Uttering the words after all these years felt tremendously good. Feeling her hands squeezing him tighter felt even better. Livia had always been his home, he could be himself with her.
"Sev."
"Mmmm?"
"Your clothes reek of potions…"
"You used to say poshions were yucky," he ribbed.
"Well, most of them don't sniff out precisely good. I don't see the appeal."
"You say it as if paints smelled of roses. They don't, but you still love painting, don't you? It's the same with potions for me."
"Touché."
He smirked and snuggled her closer. Livia had matured, but for him, she would always be that incredibly unimaginably infuriating little sister who loved him to no end.
"Sev."
"Mmmm?"
"Do you mind meeting my husband now?"
The truth was that he didn't know how he felt about that. He should be happy for her, however, there was a part of him that felt like a total stranger had stolen his little sister. But then again, her face lit up whenever she mentioned her spouse. He couldn't be that bad, could he? Besides, he had to meet him someday, it might as well be right then. Frankly, the intrigue would be unbearable if he left this house without meeting Mr. Snape, so he told her he didn't mind.
Livia wriggled out to get her husband, but came back only with an awaken little Severine in her arms. She beckoned him to follow her.
Severus was beginning to jitter. Who had married his sister? Someone he wasn't keen on from Hogwarts, this much he knew. It wasn't like his list of possible candidates had reduced much, quite the contrary, in fact.
When they got to the living room, there was a man who was giving his back on him and tapping his foot. Severus could have sworn he was Sirius Black. His heart skipped a beat. It was inconceivable. Black was in Azkaban and Livia had guaranteed him they weren't of the same year. Who the hell could he be then? As if he had heard his inner question, the mysterious husband turned around to face them. There he stood. Regulus Arcturus Black. Bloody fucking hell, Severus cursed inside and reacted on impulse, his wand pointed to the man who had presumably wedded his sister, his other arm shielding his family.
"Who the heck are you?!"
Severine burst into tears the moment she heard the scream and Livia proceeded to rock her. She just wished Regulus and Severus behaved. She didn't fancy a hurricane of emotions and misunderstandings in the living room.
"Regulus Black, now a Snape. I thought you'd recognize me from school. We were in the same House, for Merlin's pants!"
"Regulus. Is. Dead! Where's the polyjuice potion? Who are you and why have you tricked my sister into marrying you?"
Regulus raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his chest.
"The rumors about my death are an overstatement. As you can see, I am alive. And I would never deceive Livia. I love her."
Severus approached him as a predator who was about to hunt his quarry and hissed, the tip of his wand on his neck, "You better not play games with me. I am an impatient man who won't hesitate to injure a vital part of your body if you do not stop lying this very instant."
"Master Regulus never lies," a squeaky voice protested.
Severus had been so shocked that he hadn't acknowledged the house-elf's presence. Livia was grabbing the creature and preventing him from defending Regulus against Severus.
"It's the truth. Please Sev, lower your wand. You're scaring me… You're scaring my daughter…"
Severus's expression softened at her voice, but the wand was still grazing Regulus's skin.
"You and I got marked the same day, Severus. How else would I know that?"
Severus's pupils dilated and his breath hitched.
"This proves nothing! You could still be an impostor!"
"Legilimens me, then," he dared him.
Severus froze, caught off guard.
"Go ahead. If you still don't believe me after this, you can send me to Azkaban with my brother."
Severus narrowed his eyes. He turned his head and saw Livia desperately trying to hush her baby, a silent plea to do as he requested in her eyes. Severus gulped and before he could regret it, he entered his mind.
He saw everything: Kreacher telling the story of his near-death experience to his master, Regulus creating a copy of the locket and replacing the real horcrux with it, Kreacher apparating them in London and Livia finding them.
Severus withdrew and stared deeply at his grey eyes, breathing hard. He was still processing all the information.
"So now that you know the truth, are you sending me to Azkaban or are you telling your Death Eater friends? Either way ends poorly for me."
Severus disregarded his comment and growled, "Are you aware of the implications of this horcrux? This means that You-know-who isn't really gone, unless you destroyed it, of course."
"Regulus and I have tried everything," intervened Livia. "Nothing seems to work: we have tried every spell, we have tried to burn it down, to split it with an ax, to squash it the muggle way… Everything."
Severus pressed his lips thin. "Why didn't you go to Dumbledore?"
Regulus snorted, "I was a Death Eater. He'd have sent me to Azkaban before I could say Hogwarts."
"You, fool! You could have explained everything to him! Do you know how important this is?!" he bellowed, suppressing the urge to shake him in frustration for being such an idiot.
"Why do you act like you are on Dumbledore's side?" Regulus inquired with an arched eyebrow, confusion written over his face.
"Because I am, you dunderhead! I became his spy!" Under other circumstances, he would have not disclosed this piece of information, but considering that he was his brother-in-law and that the scenes he had just witnessed while he legilimenced him proved he wasn't loyal to the Dark Lord either, he just didn't care. He would have found out by Livia anyhow. "Now, why the hell didn't you tell the only wizard the Dark Lord respects and even fears about the horcrux?"
Regulus met his eyes, so similar to Livia's. Hers had never looked so smoldering though.
"I don't trust him. Why should I? My brother may have been a git at school, but he was no murderer. I would bet my life he isn't guilty of the crimes he was accused of."
Severus snorted, knowing full well that Sirius was behind the prank that nearly killed him. If he had been able to scheme something so cruel in his teen years, what could he have done as an adult? Oh, right, the kind of thing that earned you a ticket for Azkaban. Knowing that the mutt was in prison had been a blessed relief. However, he had a feeling that if he voiced his thoughts, Livia would get upset, so he chose to keep quiet and listened to Regulus ramble under his naivety.
"Dumbledore didn't help him avoid prison. Why would he listen to me when he didn't hesitate to send my brother to Azkaban? Need I remind you that Sirius was a gryffindor and I a slytherin? Dumbledore favored gryffindors, but never slytherins. What do you think the outcome would have been? And even if he had believed me, the Death Eaters would have found out about my betrayal and today I wouldn't be breathing! I did what I thought was the cleverest thing to do: pretend to die and focus on defeating You-know-who on my own. I never imagined it would take me so long to destroy this bloody locket."
There was a much needed pause that granted them time to assimilate everything. The only noise in the room was the cries of Severine.
"Kreacher will take her, mistress Livia."
The woman bit her bottom lip and reluctantly handed the baby to the house-elf that had grown to respect and care for her, despite their rough beginning. Kreacher lurched to the baby's room and gave them some space, but not before sending Severus a mistrusting glare.
Severus was panting, his eyes shut. What Regulus had just told him made sense, but that didn't mean this situation wasn't absolutely nuts. By the time his eyes flew open, he was totally composed.
"Albus didn't send me to Azkaban because I was most useful to him as a spy, not as a prisoner, so I can understand your disinclination. In spite of it, you must comprehend that Dumbledore must know about this madness if you really want to defeat You-know-who." Regulus nodded unenthusiastically and Severus continued, "Much to my dismay, Livia loves you, so I will not let you go to jail, no matter how much I dislike the idea of a Black married to my sister. You can give me the locket and I'll tell Dumbledore about it. I will not reveal how I got the information or the fact that your death is a nasty rumor. I will make an unbreakable vow if I must, but I am not going to leave my niece fatherless, you can count on that."
Everybody fell silent, pondering the pros and cons, until Livia agreed.
Regulus gulped and proposed, "You can tell Dumbledore that you made the vow, but it doesn't have to be real. I confide in your word, if you say that you won't tell him about me, then that's enough for me. I detest those bloody vows, anyway."
Livia was aware that after all the effort they had put into the destruction of the horcrux, it was an arduous task for Regulus to suddenly trust the object with her brother and the headmaster of Hogwarts. Hence, she broke into a run and hugged her husband.
"Thanks, Reg."
She drew back briefly, but Regulus raised an eyebrow and pulled her in again.
"I've been all the afternoon locked in our bedroom, hoping that everything would turn out fine. I survived your brother's attack and I have just agreed to give the bloody locket to him and Dumbledore. I'd say a hug is not recompense enough for what I have endured."
Livia seemed to have forgotten about Severus, for she rubbed her nose with Regulus's and wondered playfully, "Oh! What reward did you have in mind?"
"Honestly? A complete love-making session, but for now, a kiss will do…" Regulus had whispered the words really low, preventing Severus from hearing them.
Livia grinned naughtily and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. His face fell.
"Liv, darling, you know how much I treasure your cheek pecks, but I meant a kiss on the lips."
"Really? I had no idea… You only asked for a kiss, after all…" she played innocently, fighting a laugh that was about to escape her throat. "How was I supposed to know what you needed if you didn't clarify it? I am not a seer, remember?"
Regulus let out a puff and pouted, but ended up chuckling lowly and susurrating, "I love you."
She beamed.
"I love you too, but you won't get a kiss until we are alone. I don't want my brother to faint."
Regulus huffed in disappointment, but the soft giggle that escaped Livia made him laugh too. He would wait for her.
Severus was observing them and trying to come to terms with their relationship. Livia broke the embrace and looked at Severus, who couldn't help but think she looked beautiful. She shared many physical traits with their mother, but Eileen had never glowed so much. That could only mean one thing: Livia had everything Eileen had lacked, happiness and a loving family. The feeling to protect her was still there, but perhaps he could trust Regulus. They were not so different, after all. Both were remorseful Death Eaters who had deceived the Dark Lord and who treasured Livia and Severine.
"Do you still dislike Regulus?" asked Livia, suddenly darting her eyes, timid.
Severus sighed.
"As long as he loves you and treats you and my niece well, I can tolerate him."
Livia smiled knowingly. That was his way of saying he approved of him. He just was too prideful to ever admit Regulus was okay without sounding like he was making a big effort by accepting him.
"And I presume that he must really love you if he respects you enough to let you name his daughter after me. Severine. Merlin, Liv! I still don't know what crossed your mind!"
She rolled her eyes.
"You, fool! I already told you I did it because, despite your overly idiotic mistakes and grumpy attitude, you are my brother and I love you. I wouldn't have it any other way."
There. Good old Liv, insulting and praising in the same exhale of breath. Yes, she might have a daughter and a husband, but she hadn't changed, and for Severus, this was what really mattered. This and that they had reconciled after years of desolation.
The unconscious smile that Livia had drawn on his face without any brush or pencil dissipated as he recalled the invitation he hadn't answered.
"Liv, I am not the most appropriate person to become Veryn's godfather…"
She felt the need to curl into a fetal position and hug herself at the words. Regulus grabbed her by the waist, trying to console her, even though his stormy eyes were piercing Severus's soul. It seemed like Severus was unable to maintain a pacific atmosphere. He always ruined it and he hated himself for it.
"Why the hell not? Do you know how much my wife has longed to see you again, to make peace and act like a real family? I see how much you love her..." Regulus said ironically. A bitter taste filled his mouth as he spat, "She deserves better."
Regulus had hit a nerve and inflamed an abrupt rage in Severus.
"Don't tell me I don't love my own sister!" he screeched, his fists clenching.
"Then why can't you grant her wish and become Severine's godfather?" he countered back, his voice as loud as his brother-in-law's.
"Because I don't want to put her in danger! I will not be the godfather she deserves! Can't you see? If the Dark Lord comes back, I will take up my role as a spy! I will be putting my life on the line all the time! What will you do when you ask me to babysit and my Dark Mark burns? What will you tell her when her godfather dies?"
"Sev! Don't say that!" Livia begged, on the verge of tears.
"Why not? It's the truth! It's the price I have to pay for my mistakes!" He forced himself to breathe and whispered with a defeat pose, "Veryn merits a godfather that can take care of her."
"Severine deserves a godfather who loves her to no end!" she retorted, gesturing with her hands. "If something happened to me, if something happened to us, do you think I'd trust anyone else with her? You may act stupidly sometimes, but you love deeply, Severus! I know that you would never hurt her intentionally… I know that if there's somebody in the world who loves her as much as Regulus and I do, that is you. Tell me. Doesn't Severine deserve as much love as she can get?"
He gulped. The more seconds passed, the weaker his reasons to deny the offer of being her godfather appeared.
"What about the Dark Lord? If he returns-"
"We'll be prudent. We'll keep the secret. You won't tell about Regulus, Severine and me… Nobody will know. You'll be safe. We'll be safe. Please. I want you to become her godfather. It would really hurt me if you refused just because you are scared… I always thought you were brave. Don't prove me wrong."
The battle between heart and mind was throttling him. Livia used to win all the fights when they were children. Why did he think he would convince her now? Severus felt his eyes beginning to water. He was able to keep the tears at bay though, and he was thankful neither Regulus nor Livia had commented on it. Regulus was right, he didn't deserve his sister. He wasn't worthy of his niece, but he was selfish enough to want them in his life.
"Are you okay with this?" he asked Regulus, surprising himself that he cared for his opinion too.
Regulus limited to nod. Severus closed his eyes, his thoughts wandering to Severine Eileen Snape, his niece, the opportunity to be part of a family. Was he so foolish to let this chance go after sinking in his solitude for so many years? If there was something that experience had taught him was that if you are sinking and you don't swim, you drown. It was something so logical that it sounded stupid, but it wasn't. In fact, many people were blind to see it. That's what had happened to his mother. He refused to let that happen to him. Severine and Livia were the life jacket that he had begged for all this years.
"Can your house-elf bring Veryn? I want to hold my goddaughter before I return to Hogwarts…"
Her response was to let out a gagged gasp, similar to a sob.
"Thank you," she whispered once Severine was back in her godfather's arms.
"No, thank you for rescuing me, Liv."
Her smile and light touch on his upper felt like fresh air.
He had saved Livia many times, endless to count. What she didn't know was that she had saved him too. She had always been his flashlight, still was. Thanks to her, he had something worthy to live for: a family. He could live his life for himself, not only for the memory of Lily Potter, for redemption or for the war. He could finally swim, live.
…
A/N: So this chapter has not been betaed. I apologize if any grammar mistakes have made you cringe. I'm actually looking for a beta, so if you are interested, pm me :)