Well... this is it. It's done. My first Star Trek/english/far longer than usual fanfiction.
I just wrote the last part and am feeling a strange mix of happiness, pride and desolation. I guess the authors among you can relate.
To my reviewer Depressed Mizuki: I understand why it would have made you uncomfortable, but I wanted to write Jim the way I believe he is; not overly sensitive but with a forceful, impatient and playful personality. He really couldn't have guessed what had happened to Bones; as Bones is by no means your typical victim, but also a very strong, independent character. Jim's patience had been tested to the limit by him after years and years of mutual pining. Then they get together - finally! - and after playing the submissive part for several weeks, Jim simply wanted to be the dominant part (as it is his nature)... I hope I could explain some of my reasoning to you. Thank you very much for your valued opinion!
Chapter's warnings: Ok so I really tried to NOT make it tooth-rotting fluff by writing a nice, steamin' lemon; but I am afraid it's still very much so.
It's definitely emotional, with mention of rape/flashback to rape, and some angst. And, I repeat, half of the chapter is sex. :)
Enjoy, everybody!
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
- Touched by an Angel, Maya Angelou
Chapter 12: Healing Bones
Leonard still didn't really know how he felt when he entered Jim's and his quarters that night.
It was like a mix of relief, a lot of it; nervousness and exhaustion; exhaustion that ran bone-deep. It was all he could do to walk over to the couch before he collapsed onto it, his legs finally giving out. His lover regarded him with concern.
"Bones? Are you alright?"
Sighing, McCoy sat up again. He needed to explain how he felt as best as he could; he didn't want Jim to worry. 'Not anymore. He's worried about me enough.'
"Yeah, Jim, I'm okay. I just... I'm still struggling to believe it's over now."
Silently, the younger man sat down next to him, putting an arm around him. After a pause, Leonard continued: "It's just been so many years, Jim... Years in which I thought I'd have to live with what happened... That I'd have to keep it quiet forever. And now, It's all out there... everybody knows. And who doesn't know yet will read about it tomorrow. Burgh's too well-known; it's gonna be one bitch o' a scandal."
"Maybe. Maybe this was the price for bringing him to justice. But I believe it was worth it, Bones. And no matter what's gonna happen in the future, I'll be with you."
Turning to his blond lover, Leonard managed a small smile. "Thank you, Jim. I don't think I could face this shit without you."
Leaning in, he gently kissed Jim's soft lips. It was meant as a quick thank-you-kiss, but the moment he touched his beautiful lover, inhaled his sweet scent, he already deepened it; bringing his hands up to Jim's head, fingers twisting in the wheat-colored strands. There was something deep in his stomach that wanted this, needed this - needed to be kissed and touched, to be loved and taken care of. Briefly Leonard wondered why he felt it now, right after the lawsuit against his rapist, but the thought was fleeting. In its stead, he was suddenly filled with hunger. Before his traumatized mind could decide against it, the doctor had ripped open the jacket of his uniform; leaning back on the couch and pulling Jim with him-
-or so was the plan. Leonard opened his eyes and half-glared at the younger man who seemed unwilling to follow his lead. "What's up, Jim?"
His captain was biting his lips, looking thoroughly pained. "I don't think we should do this, Bones."
The hazel-haired man furrowed his brow. "What?"
"I mean, now, after a day like this! You're completely exhausted, and-"
"Jim," Leonard interrupted, suddenly filled with dread, "...don't you want-? I mean, don't you want to-"
"Oh Gods, Bones, of course I do!" Immediately, the younger man leaned down and kissed his lover deeply. "I really, really want to..."
McCoy nodded, oddly relieved, forcing the slight trepidation he felt into the background. "Well, then I guess you just have to do all the work, darlin'," he mumbled in that southern drawl he knew was making Jim horny and, for good measure, pressed his hips upward into Jim's.
Just as intended, the blond man groaned and leaned down again, running trembling hands up and down Leonard's body, who closed his eyes. There it was again - this need. More than anything in the world he wanted to show Jim how much he loved, how much he trusted him. His body thought likewise, striving towards his lover's touch, wanting to be loved; yet his mind was still afraid-
"I love you, Bones."
Opening his eyes again, Leonard looked up into blue eyes, clear and gentle though Jim's whole body was shaking with suppressed need. Suddenly he appreciated what an effort it must have been for Jim to not do what his instincts, his body were shouting at him to do, and what was offered to him right now. His lover was a self-assured, energetic young man with a keen instinct to conquer; yet he had surrendered control to Leonard since they'd been together - well, since he knew about what had happened to him. Kirk had been acting against his nature since then - for him.
'But is this fair?' Leonard wondered, 'Do I want him to deny himself forever, because I am too scared to let him take care of me?'
He thought he knew the answer, but before he could open his mouth, Jim continued: "I love you and I want to help you heal, if you let me; but we both had a rough day and tomorrow's gonna be ugly too, with the board calling the sentence and all... So, I'm gonna cook us something really, really good with all the calories you usually frown upon, and we will work on putting some weight back onto you!"
With that, Kirk stood up; offering McCoy a hand to pull him up, too. Leonard took it and chuckled slightly. "Not afraid I might get fat, darlin'?" he asked coyly.
"Not at all. I like my CMO's well-fed without any ribs poking out... And with a nice, smackable behind," the younger man added, playfully slapping Leonard across the backside. The older man raised his eyebrows.
"Your CMOs? Plural?"
Kirk grinned. "Would you like it better if I'd say 'my boyfriends'?"
McCoy winced. "Hell, no."
Jonathan Burgh was sentenced to four years the next day.
It was less than Cora had demanded, but it was likely that Alexander Marcus had pulled some strings in the background so his friend was not punished too severely. Kirk was outraged, as well as the rest of Enterprise's crew, but Leonard didn't really mind: being convicted meant that his tormentor would never teach anyone ever again, and his reputation was damaged as well. For Leonard personally, it meant also that he would probably never see him again, if he or Jim could help it, and that was enough.
The local press wrote about the case, but Admiral Pike saw to it that no reporter entered Star Fleet property so McCoy was left alone. Star Fleet itself was asked for a statement but gave none - Leonard was not surprised; the Fleet had its ways of dealing with unfortunate business, and the usual one was to hush things up. Also, he never heard an official apology for the way he had been treated, but he hadn't really expected one; Star Fleet would need a whole different kind of leadership before it could admit its faults, and McCoy feared it would not be in his lifetime. But he hoped the organization had learned from its' mistakes.
Standing in the bright sun in front of the court building, he enjoyed the warmth on his face and felt like he could breathe freely again for the first time in weeks.
Jim was still inside, talking to the crew; now that the whole affair was over, it was important he resumed his duties as captain again. He and Scotty had already developed new ideas to improve their ship before she would be ready to rise again in about two weeks, on her deep-space-mission with Jim as her captain.
'As he should be,' McCoy thought.
His musings were interrupted by a gentle cough behind him. Turning, he saw Spock standing there, looking slightly uncomfortable.
"Doctor," he greeted him.
"Spock," Leonard acknowledged him, nodding kindly. On a day like this, he felt he could even become best buddies with the 'hobgoblin.'
"I intended to congratulate you on your victory. If must be highly satisfactory."
"Why yes, Spock, it is indeed highly satisfactory," McCoy chuckled softly, but turned serious very quickly.
"Listen... I owe you thanks, for helping with my case. No, really," he insisted when the Vulcan raised his hand in deflection. "Without your and Cora's work... I might have lost. Thank you."
Spock seemed even more uncomfortable with the praise, but nodded. His dark chocolate eyes locked with the doctor's hazel ones. "You're most welcome, Leonard. If there is anything else I can do for you, I am glad to be of service."
McCoy looked away quickly, touched by the other man's words. "There... is somethin' I have been meanin' to ask you about, Spock... It's about Jim, also..."
The birds in the trees around them twittered merrily as the two men quietly talked.
It was late in the afternoon when Jim Kirk finally managed to detach himself from the Enterprise and 'Mother Hen' Scotty, as he had secretly nicknamed the enthusiastic chief engineer.
' No idea how he does it, but he manages to be even more fussy about the ship than I am, and I'm the captain,' Kirk thought to himself, shaking his head in quiet disbelief.
Quickening his pace, he made his way over to the building where the officers had their lodgings; feeling slightly guilty: he had told Bones he would not be gone for long, yet the day had passed too quickly... But his lover understood. Jim was sure of it.
Still, he patted the bottle of finest bourbon he had brought earlier and hidden in his uniform jacket - he intended to celebrate their victory tonight.
'I'll cook us something good, then we share a few drinks and...' Kirk grinned as he imagined how the night might further unfold.
Still smiling in a decisively dirty way when he reached the door to their quarters, he let himself in.
The sight that greeted him was absolutely not what he had expected:
His lover was sitting on the couch, with Spock of all people beside him, and Spock's hands on his face. The whole room was lit with candles, decisively warmer than the last time and smelling faintly of incense.
"Uh... Bones? What's going on? If you wanted to try a threesome, you could have told me," he tried to joke away the awkwardness.
McCoy opened his eyes and glared at him. "Shut up, kid! Undress and come over here."
Now Jim was wondering if he hadn't been too wide of the mark - until he saw Leonard's exasperated look.
"Your uniform, Jim... Just get comfy, right?"
"Right," the younger man answered and hurried to do as he was told, taking off his jacket and boots and walking over to his CMO and First Officer. Spock had removed his hands from Leonard's face and was looking calmly at Kirk, who sat down.
"So... who's telling me what this is about?"
"Jim..." Bones started hesitantly. "Remember when Spock performed the mind meld with me?"
"Sure," his lover shrugged. "He looked into your memories."
"True, Jim," the Vulcan agreed, "but that is not the only way a meld can be used."
Intrigued, Kirk leaned forward. "I have heard stories about Vulcans creating a link between them. That they even share their thoughts. Do you mean that?"
"Yes and no," Spock said. "To be able to hear another's thoughts it is necessary for both participants to be Vulcan, as humans have no telepathic abilities. But it is indeed possible to create a connection between two humans... A bond, if you will."
"..." Kirk stared, unable to voice his thoughts. McCoy took his hand, brushing with his thump over the knuckles, obviously very much intrigued with their shape. "Spock... told me that a meld between two Vulcan lovers is sometimes used as a ceremony... like a wedding," he said, blushing slightly.
"...Bones," Jim whispered hoarsely, finally finding his voice. "Are you... are you asking me to marry you?"
Leonard's blush deepened instantly. "No! I mean, sort of, but not in the way you think- uh," he broke off, looking helplessly at Spock, who deigned to explain further.
"Jim, such a meld has nothing to do with the human custom of exchanging rings and signing papers. It can be forged even between close friends and has no sexual aspect in itself. The two Vulcans are usually able to... feel the other. Also, they can communicate without words. Between two humans, I cannot say what the effect of the bond will be, but I expect you would be able to feel each other's emotions, as humans are generally inadequate at concealing them-"
"Hey, thanks, Spock," McCoy grumbled slightly.
"-and you will certainly know, over a distance, if the other is alive and healthy," the First Officer concluded, undeterred.
"I got the idea for this when I talked with him after the meld with me," Leonard spoke quietly. "It sounded so... incredible."
"Bones," Jim answered, lifting his hand to his lover's cheek. "Would you want me inside your head? You're such a private person... I don't want you to feel like I am invading your mind..."
"You wouldn't be able to do so," the Vulcan immediately corrected him. "It takes a skilled telepath to enter somebody's mind without permission. And I am fully counting on the Doctor's stubbornness to shut you out if need be."
Kirk laughed, his worries considerably diminished. "No doubt about that! Bones..." He caught the other man's eyes again. "If you're sure about this... Then I say yes to marry-meld with you!"
"It's not a marriage!" McCoy protested, still blushing furiously but smiling all the same, his hazel-green eyes filled with affection.
The blond man grinned back. "Sure, sure... So, how do we do this?"
Leonard chuckled at the eager excitement of his young lover - this was so typically Jim; once he got the idea of something he rushed into it without a second thought.
Spock cleared his throat: "Please sit next to the Doctor."
Doing as he was told, Jim switched places with his Commander, looking at him expectantly.
"Now, hold each other's hands."
McCoy groaned. "Isn't this a bit too cheesy, Spock?"
Spock looked slightly affronted. "On the contrary, Doctor; physical contact is crucial to-"
"Sorry, Spock, he didn't mean it that way. Of course Dr McCoy will follow your lead," Kirk interrupted the looming tirade, glaring at Bones, who held his hands up in silent surrender and then placed them in Jim's.
Still looking a bit put-off, the Vulcan continued:" Now close your eyes and relinquish all thoughts. Try to sense the other's presence in front of you... Good," he nodded when he was satisfied with what he saw. "Next, I'm going to lay a hand on each of your faces and initiate a mind meld."
Carefully placing his fingertips on the nerve joints in question, he too closed his eyes in concentration. "My mind to your mind..."
He found the doctor's mind easily, as traces of their recent connection were still there. Mentally moving through the haze that surrounded him and was proof of the man's instinct to guard himself, Spock proceeded. Concentrating harder, he tried to contact McCoy; not with thoughts this time but letting him feel his presence instead, receiving recognition quickly: the doctor's mind was no longer that abyss of emotion that seemed to draw him in but a quiet, dimly-lit place. In the distance, he could still sense the wall that hid the dark memories that haunted McCoy but the wall seemed thicker now, the darkness kept at bay by rays of light coming from the bright, sun-filled center of his mind.
When the connection was firmly in place, Spock drew back slightly; focusing now on finding the other human...
The light that suddenly surrounded him was startling. Jim Kirk's mind was bright and easy to access; almost as if it wanted to be found. It attracted him like a moth was attracted to a flame; but without the danger of being burnt - Jim greeted him warmly and openly. Spock felt the urge to linger; it was such a nice place. But this was not about him.
Drawing back again, he concentrated on both humans now, picturing the path between their minds, urging each to take it. He felt Jim follow his lead eagerly, felt his mind reach out to his lovers', stopping when it met the protective fog there. Spock sensed Jim hesitate, unsure how to proceed, and the Vulcan urged him further: "Call out to him."
"Bones?" Jim's mind followed his advice. "Are you there?"
A faint answer reached them through the fog: "Jim..."
Leonard sounded muted, as if he was still holding back. Spock focused on him; the fog no hindrance for his telepathic abilities. "Doctor, you need to dissolve the fog. The Captain can't enter your mind like this."
He felt a surge of desperation. "How, Spock?"
"Trust him, Leonard. Let him in. He means no harm."
He felt the human struggle to remove the fog, but it was difficult. A mind can't be changed so easily.
"Find the path between you, Leonard. Follow it."
Leonard concentrated on the fog in front of him, trying to cut through it. He sensed Jim hovering somewhere close by; waiting for him. He focused with all his might on that beloved presence, forcing the fog back until he saw a light. Picturing himself moving towards it, Leonard reached out: "Jim? I'm here."
"Bones," the bright spot answered happily, coming closer. "There you are!"
"Yes, I'm here. Sorry for making you wait, kid."
Leonard marveled at the colorful, enticing presence that was his lover. "Trust Jim to have a mind like a rainbow bubble..."
"Hey, I heard that!" his lover protested. Leonard winced; he forgot his thoughts were not his own right now.
Suddenly he felt a third mind that had been discreetly in the background step forward. "I will leave now. Once I remove my hands from you, you will most likely no longer hear your thoughts, but stay focused on your emotions; they will always guide you towards each other."
"Thank you, Spock," Leonard thought, sending the grudging affection he felt for the half-Vulcan towards him; smiling when he sensed something similar echoing back. "For everything."
"You are very welcome...friends," the mind answered, then was gone.
Spock opened his eyes slowly, alone in his mind again. He stood up, taking care not to disturb the two men in front of him who were still connected through their shared feeling of love. Allowing himself a rare smile, he thought of his own love. 'It seems I have to contact Nyota again...'
At the door, he paused, looking back at the two men he truly called friends contently. They would be fine.
A long while - or had it just been minutes? - later, Jim and Leonard opened their eyes again, sighing with the loss of their connection, but equally happy. Still holding hands, they mutely regarded each other for a while, savoring the gentle, almost indiscernible pulse of their new bond.
Then, with an inscrutable look in his dark golden eyes, Leonard raised Jim's hand to his mouth, placing a gentle kiss on it. "Will you love me, Jim?"
"Always, Bones!" The blond man nodded vigorously. "Always."
Leonard smiled, but shook his head. "No, I meant: will you love me?"
"I - uh," Jim stuttered, finally getting what his the other man meant. "I mean... do you want me to?"
The doctor simply nodded. Jim lifted his other hand and placed it on his lover's cheek, still unsure.
"Really?"
"Yes, Jim," Leonard snapped, exasperated. "I do, as soon as you stop acting like a damn teenager!"
"Alright - sorry," the younger man said, excitement and wariness equal on his features. Leonard sighed softly, leaning forward and capturing Jim's mouth in a deep kiss, his hands cradling the other's head. He felt Jim follow suit, answering him with youthful vigor. Leonard felt it again, then - that spark, deep in his belly. Passion welling up, he ripped at the shirt that still covered his lover's upper body; not pausing when he heard it tear.
Jim was quick in removing the now useless garment, shoving his hands under Leonard's shirt and got rid of it next, but without ripping it. Though he was feeling the urge to pin his lover down and make love to him right now, he firmly reigned in his passion: he wasn't fooled by Bones' self-assured words. He had to, he needed to make this good for him.
So Jim pulled back. Quickly taking in his surroundings, he stood up; startling the other man slightly.
"Jim...?"
"Just a moment, Bones." Moving around the room, he extinguished some of the candles; dimming the light in the background but leaving the ones surrounding the couch and the space in front of it. Collecting the soft blanket from the armchair, he unfolded it and placed it in front of the couch, in the middle of the island of light he had created.
Leonard's eyes followed his preparations, a wry smile on his lips: "You're truly a romantic, Jim, you know that?"
The younger man smiled, but didn't answer; instead, he went over to their bedroom and collected the lube from the nightstand. Setting it down next to the blanket, he looked into his lover's eyes; they were dark and unreadable. Holding Bones' gaze, he very deliberately opened his pants, sliding them down his thigh, his legs; finally stepping out when they pooled at his feet. He was already aroused; his whole body pulsating with need, but he stood calmly and let his lover set the pace.
Leonard's eyes roamed over his captain's body; once again taking in every detail. 'He's so fuckin' gorgeous.'
Although he'd felt slightly apprehensive when he saw what Jim had brought back from their bedroom, he was now feeling a surge of raw lust while he contemplated his lover's body. "Gods, Jim... Come here," he almost growled, voice rough with desire.
The younger man complied, sitting down on his heels on the blanket, but holding his hand out for Leonard to take it. He didn't hesitate; quickly joining Jim on the floor, he let himself be pulled into his lover's arms and sealed their lips again in a bruising kiss.
Instinct told him to take the lead as he had done the other times they had had sex, but Leonard was firmly quelling it: it was time to show Jim how much he trusted him; to let this relationship become truly equal. And Leonard felt it was also time to permit himself to forget, to permit himself to be loved.
So he wrapped an arm around Jim, pulling him with him as he laid down.
Jim was breathless from the passionate, almost brutal kiss; but through the mild dizziness, he noticed the change in Bones' attitude. His lover pulled him down and on top of him, urging Jim to take control. Breaking the kiss, he looked into Bones' eyes; they were open and trusting. It sent a surge of warmth and protectiveness through Jim and raised his confidence at the same time.
'Bones is right. I can't act like a teenager... I can't disappoint him, I need to show him that he can rely on me... that he's safe with me.'
Keeping that thought in mind, he let his hand wander south towards the waistband of Bones' sweatpants, pulling them down unhurriedly; at the same time kissing and licking his way down his lover's upper body. When he felt his lover relax under his ministrations, he slowly removed his pants, aided by Bones, who raised his hips slightly.
Jim released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding when he saw that the other man was aroused as well. Admiringly, almost reverently, the young captain let his fingertips follow the curves of his lover's body, causing a twitch when he reached a spot just above the hip. Bones squirmed slightly and cast a mock-annoyed look at him: "Stop ticklin' me, kid!"
Jim smiled and soothed the irritated muscles with the palm of his hand. "I'm sorry... You're a real feast for the eyes, you know that, Bones?"
The older man chuckled. "So ya keep tellin' me, darlin'; though I'd still say you're butterin' me up. 'Sides, you can stop wooin' me now, Jim, I'm already yours for the takin'."
Jim laughed along but shook his head at the same time.
"You simply have no eye for beauty."
"I'd say I do."
The loving look Bones was giving him was making Jim feel cherished beyond anything he had ever felt. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he once again vowed to himself to never betray this unconditional love.
Leaning forward again, he placed a soft kiss on his beloved's lips. Then, he moved down his body until he was aligned with Bones' manhood, and with a quick peck on the tip, took it in his mouth.
He was rewarded instantly with a low moan and the sight of his lover's rapt face. Smiling around his length, he set an even pace, not too quick; this was for Bones and he wanted it to last as long as possible.
Leonard closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the floor, his body void of all sensation but this devilishly wonderful feeling of Jim's mouth on him which sent his mind into oblivion.
'Oh my- This is...'
Even before he could finish the thought - or had he spoken aloud? - it was gone again, replaced by those wicked lips and tongue that worked him. Leonard couldn't help but bury his fingers in the other man's fair hair, voicelessly asking for more.
Jim was happy to oblige. Quickening the pace, he swirled his tongue around the tip in a motion that he knew was sure to push his lover over the edge, and with a deep shudder and a shout, his mouth was filled with heat.
It took Leonard a while to come back to his senses.
When he did, he raised himself onto his elbows to look at Jim, who was contentedly licking the semen off his lips.
"Jim," he panted, voice husky. "That was..."
"Awesome, I know," the young man replied, grinning. "Just one of my many talents, though."
Leonard almost started to lecture him about his big ego when he noticed the faint shivering that went through his lover's body - Jim had put his own needs aside to tend to Leonard's, but his body was giving him away.
Swallowing hard, the hazel-haired man took his hand. "Jim-"
"We don't have to do anything else, Bones," his captain replied, reading his thoughts. "I'm fine."
"Bullshit. You deserve this, too, Jim... And I... I want this." He found to his surprise that it was true. Though he felt a twinge of apprehension, he wanted this chapter of his life to be truly over. "I really do."
Clear blue eyes held his own gaze for a long moment. Finally, Jim nodded. "Okay."
Jim watched as Bones closed his eyes again, seemingly resigned. Some of the relaxation had faded again, and he could almost feel the tension creeping into the other man. 'Almost feel...?'
He furrowed his brow, concentrating on that spark of emotion he had gotten from Bones: he had almost forgotten their new connection. But now that he knew what he was looking for, he felt his lover's anxiety very distinctly.
Wondering if it would work, he placed a hand on his lover's chest, over his heart. Then he tried to push a feeling of calmness, of security towards him.
He knew he had succeeded when Bones opened his eyes again, smiling softly. Slowly, very deliberately, Jim let his hands wander south again, stroking, fondling; until he saw his lover breathing deeply again, his body responding to the erotic touch anew.
When he was sure Bones was relaxed again, Jim quickly pulled the lid from the tin of lube and coated his hand with it. Rubbing the lotion between his fingers to warm it up, he brought them to his lover's entrance, gently, slowly sliding his index finger in.
Leonard didn't want to, but he felt his body tense up instinctively. He felt Jim's hand still immediately, but he couldn't help it that a quiet whimper escaped him, which embarrassed him extremely.
'Stop acting like a frightened child!' he berated himself angrily. His heart was beating fast.
"Go on, Jim," he bit out, trying to control his faint trembling when the blond man entered a second digit, finally a third, carefully preparing him. Leonard registered that he was in no pain at all, but his body seemed to remember the agony from the last time. Faintly, he heard Jim asking him if he should stop.
...He could feel himself tear, warm blood lubricating his passage, running from between his thighs down his legs in thin, light red paths, bleeding into his soul...
He closed his eyes. "I love you, Jim."
Though he could not hear his thoughts, Jim sensed some of his lover's emotions through their bond, felt some of his fear, and it made him hate the man who had caused all this even more. Bones' rapist had brought his lover to expect pain, and it made Jim feel ill.
'That was all so twisted and sick... I want to show him...'
"Bones, please... Let me show you how it's supposed to be," he whispered, torn by compassion at his lover's turmoil. Removing his hand, he leaned in, taking Bones' face in his hands and kissing him deeply. Once again, he projected all his determination to protect towards him, and then, he felt something coming back; gratitude and a feeling of trust.
Putting his arms around him, Jim pulled Bones up and towards him, into a sitting position with his lover on his lap. Bones opened his eyes then, and, never relinquishing his look, lowered himself onto Jim.
It was not what he had expected.
Though there was a faint sense of discomfort, it was nothing like the painful stretching he had feared; and even the discomfort eased as Leonard shifted carefully, trying to loosen himself after the instinctive tension. Jim stayed still; waiting for him, giving him time to adjust.
When he was sure he was completely comfortable, Leonard began to move slowly, almost suspiciously; as if he waited for the pain to come. But there was none, and he grew bolder; putting his arms around his blond lover's shoulders, using him to pull himself up until only the tip of Jim's member remained inside; then pushing down again, shuddering with the intensity of the unique sensation of being whole.
Jim fit him perfectly; as if the two of them were made to fit together, and Leonard felt he could almost weep with relief.
His lover did his best to enhance his comfort, kissing and stroking every part of his body that he could reach, mumbling his nickname over and over.
As he picked up the pace, the doctor felt something slowly built up inside him; something that promised bliss and urged him to let himself go. Panting, he looked down at Jim, meeting his eyes: they were alight with rapture, almost glowing in the candlelight; and Leonard shuddered with excitement: this was not the young man that smiled so easily and never worried about a thing; this was the captain that commanded a spaceship and was responsible for every single soul on it. Who boldly went where no one has gone before.
"Jim," Leonard breathed, leaning back.
It was all the incentive Jim needed. Skidding forward, he followed his lover's movement until he was positioned above him, with Leonard on his back, his legs wrapped tightly around him. He began to move, setting a deep, controlled pace; holding himself back while trying to reach that certain spot in Bones that had always made him see stars when his lover had taken him. He listened to Bones' moaning, changing the angle slightly, and-
-almost lost his balance when the hazel-haired man convulsed, arching his back and pressing his thighs against him, gasping.
"Bo-Bones," he panted, slowing down. "Did I hurt-"
"Don't you dare stop now, Jim," The other man actually growled. Grinning, Jim leaned down to kiss him; quickening his thrusts again, angling for his lover's sweet spot every time now that he'd found it. Bones threw his head back, lips parting. Jim could only stare at the wonderful, erotic sight in front of him: sweat glistening like pearls on that smooth, tanned skin, face flushed and hazel hair tousled, Bones could damn well be some ancient greek god. As if he had sensed his adoration, his lover looked at him and Jim was suddenly lost in his eyes; molten gold in the flickering light.
Leonard could hardly believe his own body. After all he had experienced, he had firmly believed that this kind of union was not for him; that it wouldn't be possible for him to enjoy it, but here he was - panting and moaning and meeting Jim's movements with his own.
Again, he felt something unique and new building up, and he tightened the hold of his legs around Jim, urging him on; but his lover kept his thrusts measured.
"Jim...?" he asked, frowning mildly.
"I don't... want to hurt you," the younger man panted. "This is your first time-"
"Jim, you damn well know-"
"Let me finish! This is your first time with someone who loves you!"
This shut Leonard up. Though he was incredibly touched by his captain's words; he wanted him to know that he was fine - that he even wanted more.
' Time to see if this bond-thing is workin' both ways...'
Reaching out with his hand as well as with his mind, he tried to sense his beloved... and found him immediately. Jim's presence was distinct; his emotions plain and manifold, enhanced by their lovemaking. Holding firmly onto that connection, he pushed his own feelings into it, letting Jim see for himself that he was well... and needing something more.
Jim widened his eyes in surprise when he understood what Bones was doing.
'He's... okay. I AM making this good for him! ...He even wants me to...'
Suddenly completely confident after sensing his lover's approval, he smiled down at him, licking his lips excitedly; seeing the other man nod his encouragement.
Finally relinquishing his self-restraint, Jim bent forward, bringing their bodies together; pinning Bones to the floor and wrapping his arms around him. The new angle made it possible for him to enter the other man more deeply and his lover thanked him for it with a low moan of pleasure. Between them, Bones' erection profited from the friction between them.
When he felt that he was close, Jim increased the tempo further, wanting to take Bones over the edge with him. Concentrating on their bond, he sensed the other man was almost there, too.
' This is... damned good.'
He didn't know whose thought it had been, but it pushed Jim over the edge; his hands gripping the other man for dear life. He felt Bones reach completion, too; the sudden tightness around his cock almost too much to bear. Shouting his lover's name, Jim all but collapsed on him; shivering with the last throes of passion.
Leonard's breathing was fast; his heart pounding in his chest as if he'd just run a marathon. Blinking through the blond hair that now blocked his view, he slowly came down from his place in the clouds. His blood was still pumping adrenaline through his veins, sharpening his senses; making him feel the mutual heat of their bodies that were still pressed together, Jim's cock still inside him; hear their panting, smell their sweat... It was perfect.
Putting his arms around the younger man, Leonard buried his nose in the straw-colored strands, breathing in his lover's sweet scent, waiting for him to come down to earth as well.
Finally, Jim pulled himself up and onto his elbows, looking down at the other man.
"Bones... was it... did I-"
"Shh. It was wonderful, kid."
Leonard almost laughed out loud - gone was the commanding Star Fleet captain again, in his stead a young man with big puppy eyes that wanted to hear that he had done well. Obviously satisfied, Jim snuggled close again, resting his head against the older man's chest.
For several minutes, neither said anything; both contend to simply lie in each other's arms. Then Jim broke the silence.
"You know - this might be something of a mood killer, but Pike commed me a few hours ago. The Enterprise is shipshape again and ready to go. I've already sent notes to our crew. But... I would understand if you want to spend a few more days on earth."
Leonard was surprised. "Really, Jim? I'd have thought you'd want to be back in space as soon as humanly possible."
"Yeah, but I thought... I mean, we are kind of married now, and maybe we could spend a few days away from all this. And if you want, we could visit Joanna..."
Touched, Leonard raised himself to look in his lover's face. "You want to come with me?"
Jim shrugged, blushing mildly. "I mean, Jocelyn invited us, didn't she? And I know you miss Georgia - you could show me around, feed me peaches, make me drink sweet tea..."
The doctor chuckled with amusement. "Feed you peaches? I thought I'm the one that needed fattenin' up?"
Jim mock-pouted. "If you don't want to, fine, then I'll get them myself and leave none for you!"
The southerner laughed in earnest now.
"I'll get you all the peaches of Georgia, darlin'..."
Life is fine! Fine as wine! Life is fine!
^^y^^
The end. I hope you like it, and I want to thank everyone who left kudos or a comment; you're the ones who really make me write (especially as I'm a slow writer and usually need one hour for half a page)!
If you enjoyed reading the fanfiction, please tell me so; and if you didn't, tell me why.
Goodbye (for now)!
Yours sincerely, Coco
P.S.: The last poem is an excerpt of 'Life is Fine' by Langston Hughes.