Author: LadyFromPoland

Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin", though it'd be great. "Merlin" belongs to BBC.

Warnings: SLASH MerlinxArthur.

English is not my mother language, so sorry for some mistakes.

Chapter 12

"Lost along the way"

Merlin and Arthur were ill. They had to listen the doctor Lena or doctor Tenra. Amy was just like a nurse but they couldn't know who the nurse was. However women were very protective and a bit strict in their recommendations. But boys didn't care. As long as they had to stay together sharing one bed almost all the time they enjoyed their they did not admit it aloud.

Next morning Lena came into their bedroom quite early but she saw them awaken already. She was a bit surprised but after all the witch felt a huge relief. The sorcerer and the prince looked so lovely when they were whispering between each other. Lena saw in their eyes so adorable things. However she knew that Merlin didn't tell Arthur about his feelings yet. It was still too early. So many things had happened in a very short time.

"Well..." Lena said and they glanced at her. They didn't notice her before. It was, in such a way, so adorable too.

"Yes?" Arthur asked a bit confused and he moved a few inches away from Merlin.

Prince just realized that they were probably too close to each other and Lena would see some things wrong. But that move was meaningful and it seemed to be so funny for the girl.

"I brought you some medicines," she said smiling. "And breakfast." Lena put the tray on the little table near their bed. "And..." she hesitated.

Boys looked at her carefully.

"Nothing," Lena finally decided. "Eat breakfast, take medicines and have some rest." She smiled shyly. "I won't disturb you."

When the door had been closed, silence filled the bedroom. Lena had interrupted them and they just couldn't back to their former talk. Words and questions were running through men's heads and they weren't ready to say them out loud.

Arthur took two sandwiches from the tray and he gave Merlin one of them. Wizard smiled a bit and took it. Breakfast was a good idea. They could spend more time in silence. However there came a time when all sandwiches disappeared in their stomachs and they also took the medicines. Suddenly silence became very uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," Arthur whispered. Merlin said nothing, "I didn't... I really I didn't mean all these cruel words that I said then. I just... wasn't myself."

Sorcerer moved on a bed and looked at prince's face.

"I know, Arthur."

Young Pendragon wanted to smile but he couldn't. It would be unfair. Merlin didn't seem to be angry with him but prince still felt guilty.

"I don't know what happened to me. Really" Arthur tried to explain his behaviour.

"Probably you just had a worse day," sorcerer said quietly.

"But it's still unfair," the blond man said. "I told you so many bad things and you're still... you're trying to explain it."

Merlin closed his eyes. He wanted to forget about that events. They were too much painful.

"Just let it go," he said.

"But I can't." Arthur glanced at him carefully. "I'm really, really sorry for what I've done and said to you."

"I know," Merlin whispered.

"I can't forget it," Arthur continued. "I would like to back to that moment. I'd stop myself."

Merlin looked sadly at the window.

"Time is something that we can't change," he said wisely.

Prince nodded with sad agreement.

"But Arthur..." he looked at the prince. "You should really let it go. I've forgiven you.

Pendragon glanced at the sorcerer with disbelief written on his face.

"You have?" he asked.

Merlin nodded.

"And you don't hate me?" Arthur really couldn't believe it.

"I never hated you, Arthur Pendragon," the warlock told him frankly. "How could you even think that?"

"Well..." the blond man hesitated. "I would hate myself if I were you."

"I'm sure you would," Merlin said winking. "But I'm not you, you prat."

***

They laughed and joked a lot. The illness seemed to be nothing. However they both wanted to talk honestly but they didn't know how. Arthur and Merlin were too scared. Men didn't want to lose each other. Besides their feelings were such a delicate things.

Suddenly the atmosphere became very nervous.

"They are health already," Amy told Lena one day. "I will not stand it any more! Are they ever going to talk about this?"

The brown haired girl sighed.

"I hope so," she said. "But we can't just tell them. They have to realize it alone.

"I know, I know..." the younger woman said. "But we can help them in a different way."

Lena looked at her sister raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

Amy gazed around. They were alone. She came up to Lena and whispered: "Maybe they haven't had time enough for each other yet." Lena smirked. "I think that we should lock them. We'll open the door only if they talk frankly."

Lena thought for a while.

"It would work but... Merlin has magic. He can open the door with a stupid spell," she said.

"But..." Amy smirked even more. "Don't forget that we have magic as well. We can use that kind of spell that he won't be able to break."

This time the brown haired girl smirked too.

"It can works," she whispered.

***

The evening had come and magic sisters did as they had decided. It had to be a moment of truth for handsome prince and his cute friend.

"I guess it's time for supper," Arthur said and tried to open the door. "They are locked! I can't see the key.

"Let me do it." Merlin stood by his side. He said a spell but it didn't work. "I don't understand..."

"Look!" prince said. Merlin turned around and saw a tray with sandwiches on the little table. "I didn't see it before."

The warlock found on the tray a piece of paper.

"What's written?" the blond man asked.

"Nice supper and good luck!" Merlin read. "What the hell does it mean?"

"I don't know," Arthur said and in that moment the light went out.

"Great!" prince said sarcastically. "Hey!" he yelled. "Amy! Lena! What's happening here?"

Merlin blushed. He understood that Lena gave him a chance to talk with Arthur about his feelings. "I think it's hopeless," he admitted.

"And what are we going to do now?" prince asked. "In that darkness?"

The dark haired boy flushed even more hearing this question.

"I saw here some candles," Merlin said.

He found and lit them. The bedroom looked amazing.

"Nice effect," Arthur admitted honestly.

Merlin grinned in his own adorable way.

The prince took a sandwich and gave the sign to his friend to do the same.

After a while they both sat on a bed eating and laughing. The feeling of closeness was so good and safe.

When they finished their meal Merlin knew that he should start the talk but he had no idea how to do that. The young boy was scared. He didn't want to lose what he already had.

Arthur smelled so good. It drove warlock crazy. The dark haired boy felt that he could do something wrong, so he jumped and went to the window. Merlin's body started shivering.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked softly. He wasn't sure what to do. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," the dark haired wizard whispered.

"I can see that something is wrong," prince said. "Tell me what it is and maybe I'll be able to help you."

The sorcerer was turned back to the other man. He couldn't find the courage to look at the blond man.

"Is it that what you wanted to tell me before?" Arthur asked suddenly.

Merlin just nodded slowly. Tears ran down his pale cheeks. He knew that there was no way to stop them.

"Tell me then." Prince's voice was the softest sound that the dark haired boy had ever heard. He felt like a child who lost along the way and didn't know what to do.

"I want to but I'm afraid that..." Sorcerer kept silent.

Arthur couldn't stand it any more. He stood up and came slowly to the man that he fell for. He didn't want to scared him.

"What does make you feel so afraid?" the prince asked. The magic boy felt his warm breath on his pale neck. It was too much.

"I'm afraid that you'll hate me when you hear," Merlin answered. He still didn't dare to look at Arthur.

"What are you talking about?" the blond man said confused. "I will never hate you! There's no such a thing that you would do to make me hate you."

The boy smiled sadly. "I think that it is." He felt that. "I also know that I have to tell you anyway. If I don't... we'll never back to Camelot again," he whispered.

Arthur frowned.

"How do you know that we'll never see Camelot if you don't?" he asked finally.

"It's a long story. Very complicated."

Prince hesitated. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what Merlin had to tell him or the story first.

"Turn around then, look at me and tell me what you have to." Arthur chose Merlin. He was, after all, the most important person in his life.

Merlin turned around and looked directly into Arthur's beautiful eyes. Sorcerer's tears were shining in the moonlight.

"Promise me," he whispered. "That you won't hate me."

"I told you," prince said but warlock only shook his head.

"No, Arthur. Promise me it here and now." Merlin had tears in his eyes and he watched his love very carefully.

"I promise you," the blond man whispered amazed by sorcerer's deep and blue eyes. "Now you can tell me..."

Merlin looked down for a moment. He took a few breaths but he couldn't find the right words. The next thing that the warlock did was fast and necessary. He didn't glance at Arthur. He was too scared. Merlin just placed a chaste kiss on prince's lips.

Arthur didn't respond. He was to shocked by his friend's action to do such a thing.

Merlin pulled apart very soon. He desired more touch of Arthur's soft lips but he knew that it was a hopeless desire.

He left the prince by the window and he came up to the locked doors.

"Now you can hate me," Merlin whispered as if it hadn't been any promise.

He knelt down and hid his face in hands. All that Arthur could hear was Merlin's sobbing.

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