APOV
Almost three months had passed since Bella and I had our fight, I was now seeing the campus counsellor and working my way through my problems. Today was my last session before summer holidays, Dr Carmen suggested I write a letter to everyone my 'problem' had effected. She also suggested I talk to my parents when I get home, just to clear the air. We had made progress over the past 10 weeks, I no longer blamed myself, I tried not to let the thought of James effect me, and with the help of Yoga I was slowly becoming 'one with myself'.
I made my way back to my room after my appointment, I still had some packing to do before I went home on Friday and I wouldn't have any time tomorrow night as the six of us were having an 'End of Year' dinner. For the first time in months I was content with my life. Jasper and I were in a good place; he was more supportive than ever and loved me despite my many flaws. I was determined to let him know in my letter how much I appreciated his help.
Pushing open the door to my room I noticed Bella's bag lying on the floor, which was quiet unusual. Despite the way she had been acting over the past two months she was never messy. Ever since her parents announced their divorce she was a wreck. She was just a shell, I couldn't remember the last time I saw her smile or laugh, and she was constantly making snide comments and always look tired. To say I was worried about her was an understatement.
"Hey Bella," I called as I made my way over to my desk hanging up my bag and plugged in my cell phone to charge.
There was no answer. That was odd, Bella always said hello at the very least. It didn't sound like the shower was on; I looked around to see if she was here. The bathroom door was wide open, that's when I saw her, lying on the bathroom floor unconscious. I had never seen someone dead, but I was fairly sure that's what someone would look like. Her skin was pale and waxy, her lips almost purple, dark circles framed her eyes, and small amounts of blood stained her shirt and the floor around her right hand. Every breath of air I had in my lungs was knocked out the moment I saw her.
"Bella!" I cried, running towards her falling to the ground to check her pulse, I could still feel the faint pounding of her heart beat. I didn't have much time, I was sure of it.
Running out of my room I made a bee line to Rosalie's room, without even knocking I walked right in.
"Rose, I need you. Please. It's Bella," I sobbed, Bella needed us. Despite the way she had been acting lately I still regarded her as my friend and wanted her to be okay.
"Alice? What's wrong with Bella?" Rose asked, looking up from the book she was reading.
"I don't know, please help," I breathed, leading her to my room.
Rosalie's reaction to Bella was twice as bad as mine. She broke down. I looked around the bathroom for the first time to see if there was some clue as to why Bella was unconscious, it was then I saw it, a fine white powder lying on my magnifying mirror and a rolled up twenty not far from Bella's hand.
"Rose, what's this?" I asked, hoping she could confirm my fear.
Rosalie looked up tears stained her face, she picked up the twenty and looked at the mirror before gasping.
"Cocaine," She whispered.
"What?" I couldn't believe it.
"Coke, she swore she wouldn't do it again," Rose said in disbelief.
"Again? Shit Rose, what do we do?" I asked frightened.
Before she could answer I saw Rosalie on the phone, tears still welling in her eyes.
"Dad? I think Bella's OD'd," She breathed into the phone. "Okay. Ah huh. See you soon," She said answering the questions Carlisle was asking. She hung up, turning towards me with a serious look on her face.
"Alice, my dad is coming, he'll stabilise Bella before taking her back to Port Angeles. He was in Seattle for a meeting," She said.
"Rose, I'm not leaving her," I told her.
"We won't have to, look my dad is a doctor he'll be here in five. I'm going to my room, clean up the bathroom as much as you can and pack some things for Bella to survive on, clothes, toiletries, phone, and the essentials. First help me carry her to the bed," She explained.
I was worried, I didn't know much but I was sure basic medical advice was not to move someone who was unconscious, but I trusted Rose. Thankfully Bella had lost a lot of weight over the past eight weeks so it was easy enough to move her.
Rose made her way to her bedroom, I did as I was told, cleared the bathroom of any evidence of the coke, cleaned the blood off the ground before packing Bella an overnight bag, stuffing pyjamas, jeans, t-shirts, and sundresses into a bag along with her toothbrush, cell phone and charger. I ran around the room, packing a few things for myself as well, just in case. The last thing I packed was my newly purchased personalised stationary kit.
"You ready?" Rose asked, showing up in my doorway again.
"Yep," I replied quietly, sighing in the process.
Rosalie was laden with an overnight bag for herself as well as another smaller bag that looked like a first aid kit. She made her way over to Bella laying the first aid kit next to her. She wrapped Bella's bloody hand in a bandage before putting a wet cloth on her forehead.
True to his word, Carlisle was quicker than I had thought, he carried in a lot of medical equipment which instantly made me fear for Bella's life.
He worked quickly and quietly while Rose and I held each other in the corner. Half an hour had past without anyone uttering a word when finally Carlisle turned to face us.
"She'll be okay," He told me softly.
"Are you sure, Carlisle, what if we were too late or did something wrong? I mean shouldn't she go to a hospital?" I questioned.
"You got there just in time, any longer and it could have been too late. You both did everything right, and although it is against everything I am for, being a doctor, it's best if she came back to Port Angeles. If she was at a hospital they would put her in psych ward and possible put her on suicide watch. I don't think she did this to end her life, she did however use a lot of cocaine earlier today, we won't know until she wakes up what really happened, but it's best for her to be here with people who care about her and want her to recover," He said reassuringly.
"Dad, what do we tell Edward?" Rose asked.
"He is going on a camping trip with Emmett and Jasper as you girls know, hopefully by the time he gets home Bella will be awake and better," He explained. "Alice, you are more than welcome to stay with us for as long as you like, I know you are worried about Bella," He added.
I accepted Carlisle's invitation. It took us another fifteen minutes to get Bella into Carlisle's car on a stretcher bed. Rosalie and I followed in Rose's car. It was a quiet car ride, every now and then I would hear a quiet sob from Rose but I tried to ignore it, I was fighting tears myself.
When we arrived at the Cullen's the three of us managed to get Bella into the guest room, settling her in for the night.
Rosalie and I sat beside Bella's bed for the remainder of the night; I had received a number of text messages from Jasper and one phone call that I rejected asking me where I was. The last thing I wanted to do was to lie to Jasper, but I had to, instead of telling him the truth I told him there was a family situation I had to take care of and Rosalie had accompanied me for support. Okay, so maybe it wasn't completely a lie, Bella was practically my family in my eyes and Rosalie was supporting me much more than she should be.
Esme brought us dinner around 7:00pm, hugged both Rosalie and I before making her way over to Bella. She brushed her hair, cleaned her face and with my assistance put her into a clean set of pyjamas. I tried to tell myself that Bella was just sleeping and she would wake up soon enough.
-x-x-x-
Over the next three days Rosalie and I took it in turns to sit by Bella's bedside. At night we would lie awake in Rosalie's bed and whisper about our dreams. Most of them were about Bella waking up; Rosalie had told me how she and Emmett had been seriously talking about marriage and spending the rest of their lives together. She hoped that Bella and I would be standing next to her on the biggest day of her life. I told her about my final counselling session and the letters that I had started to write while Bella was unconscious. I let her know that Jasper was 'my rock' and had helped me through so much over the past few weeks. Rosalie also filled me in on Bella's promise to her about her cocaine use.
The boys had come home on Friday, they were spending most of their time at the McCarty's, and Rosalie had persuaded Emmett into getting them to avoid the Cullen's as much as possible. It was Sunday morning I had planned on going back to Forks on Monday to talk to my parents about my 'situation', Rosalie and I were sitting in Bella's room talking about the arrangements and when I would come back. We had agreed that I should only need to be away until Wednesday, Thursday at the latest, I was going to stay with the Cullen's for the remainder of the summer to be a support for Bella. We still hadn't found a way of telling Edward that Bella was currently 'living' in his house.
Edward had let us know on Friday that he and Bella had broken up; Rosalie and I gave each other meaningful looks when we found out. It was one of the missing pieces to Bella's puzzle we were looking for. He didn't give details on their break up just that they had changed.
"Is it normal for her to be unconscious for this long?" I asked Rosalie while I was writing my letter to Jasper. I had finished my letter for Bella first; it was the hardest to write given the current situation.
"I think so, but it has been quite a while, hasn't it?" She replied softly, shifting in her seat.
I was about to respond when a murmur came from the Bella, we both sat bolt upright to see Bella blinking her eyes open, disorientated. Her eyes were bloodshot, her pupils dilated; the colour in her face had slowly come back over the past few days, although she still looked sick. Rosalie ran out of the room in search of Carlisle.
"Bella, can you hear me?" I asked softly
She looked at me, pain and sorrow in her eyes, slowly nodding in response. Tears slid down my face, I was so happy that she was awake, and although we had made it over one hurdle I knew that there were still many obstacles ahead. I reached out to hold her hand; she flinched away a little before allowing me to squeeze it reassuringly.
Carlisle and Rosalie came into the room; Carlisle was in full doctor mode, hovering over Bella, asking her questions, doing tests, and checking her breathing and heart rate. Rosalie and I stood in the corner holding onto each other for support, until we got the final okay from Carlisle we weren't going to rest until she was well on her way to recovery.
Carlisle turned to face Rose and me before nodding to indicate that we could come closer. We approached with caution. Bella was wide awake, for the first time in three days she looked so small in the queen sized bed she was lying in. She looked petrified, Carlisle had replaced her oxygen mask with a smaller tube that enabled her breathe by herself. She was propped up on two pillows allowing her to sit up.
"Girls, Bella is still a little frail, she is currently suffering from a little short term memory loss which is normal for most people who over dose. I trust the both of you to figure out the cause of this, but tread lightly, I don't want her to go into shock," Carlisle whispered low enough for Bella not to hear.
We sat down in the seats we had become well acquainted with over the past few days; I pulled mine closer to the bed. Rosalie was looking a little hostile, she had confided in me that although she was worried about Bella and her state she was also very pissed off at her that she didn't feel the need to seek either Rosalie's or my help.
"How do you feel Bella?" I asked softly.
"Shit," She responded, her voice failing her. She slowly turned her head towards Rose, sadness flooding her face. "Sorry," She rasped.
Rosalie's hard exterior cracked as soon as Bella apologised, tears welled in her eyes, whipping her nose on her sleeve she cried out loud, climbing onto Bella's bed hugging her. The three of us cried for what seemed like hours, we cried for Bella, for me and Rosalie, for Edward, for the people we were, and for the people we had become.
-x-x-x-
The three of us fell asleep clutching on to each other for support, Esme must have come in during the middle of the night to check on us girls because Rosalie and I had blankets draped over us and there were sandwiches sitting on the night stand. I was the first to wake up on Monday morning, as quietly as possible I crept to Rose's room, showered and dressed before making my way downstairs for breakfast.
"Good morning honey," Esme called from the kitchen as soon as she saw me.
"Morning," I replied quietly as I hopped up on a bar stool.
"How's Bella?" She asked placing a plate full of pancakes in front of me.
"I think she'll be okay, but that doesn't mean I'm not worried," I answered truthfully.
"She's lucky to have you and Rose there to support her," She said insightfully, squeezing my hand in reassurance. "Are you still going home today?"
"I need to, for me though, not for anyone else. I know that sounds selfish and I really should be here for Bella, but I can't get better myself until I confront my parents," I had told Esme on Thursday night about James and the termination of my pregnancy. Esme was really the mother of everyone, she held me while I cried and didn't judge me. She was constantly reminding me that I was special and I had more strength than anyone she ever knew. I didn't care if she was only saying it to make me feel better or not, because regardless her words made me feel loved.
Halfway through my pancakes Rosalie came stumbling down the stairs, and although she always looked fantastic after she woke up today Rose looked more tired than ever. She shuffled to the fridge to the get the orange juice, drinking it straight from the carton before leaning her head on Esme, who was now serving Rosalie's pancakes. Esme and Rosalie had a mother-daughter dynamic that I envied, not that I wasn't close with my mom but Esme and Rosalie connected on an unspoken level. Esme pulled Rose into a hug, brushing her hair flat.
"I love you Rosie," Esme whispered, turning towards the stove again.
Rose and I ate the rest of our breakfast in silence, I volunteered to take Bella some breakfast while Rosalie was getting dressed. I needed to tell her that I was going home for a few days, I was also planning on giving her my letter. It would better for me if I wasn't around when she read it.
Bella was sitting up with her phone in her hands when I walked in. She was more awake than yesterday, colour slowly returning to her face.
"Hi Bella, what are you doing?" I asked, setting her breakfast down on the bed
"Nothing, I just turned my phone on. There are no missed calls, no text messages. It's like my parent's haven't even noticed I'm not at home," She said quietly, tears welling in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Bella, maybe you should call them though, let them know you're staying here," I suggested.
"Yeah I guess you're right," She sighed.
We sat together for five minutes quietly while Bella slowly ate, she didn't have much of an appetite. Mostly she just played with her food. I was trying to pluck up the courage to tell her I was leaving. I had to do it soon, I was leaving in an hour.
Taking in a deep breath I looked up to meet her eyes.
"Bella, I'm going home," I breathed.
She just looked at me, not in disappointment, anger or sadness, but instead she had a little bit of pride in her eyes.
"Good, you need to," She smiled, it wasn't a Bella smile but it was definitely a start.
"I know, and I'm leaving today," I told her solemnly. "In an hour actually, but I'll be back soon, I promise,"
Rose joined us shortly after letting me know that Carlisle was almost ready to drive me home. I hugged Bella and Rose goodbye, promising to call later on tonight. I set Bella's letter down on her nightstand before making my way downstairs to where Carlisle was waiting. I threw my bags into the back of Carlisles Audi, with a tear in my eye I climbed into the passenger seat. It didn't feel like I was going home, it felt like I was leaving.
The drive to Forks was quiet and uneventful; knots were forming in my stomach the closer we got to my house. When we arrived, Carlisle helped me inside carrying my bag before giving me a quick hug letting me know that I could call anytime and that he would keep me updated on Bella's progress.
Thankfully my parents weren't home when I got there, I let myself into the empty house, slowly making my way through to my bedroom. My parents house hadn't changed much in the past ten years, the mantel above the fire place held all my school photos, as well as photos from my baptism and communion. There was a small photo of my parents on their wedding day. From the outside looking in my life looked perfect, and I guess up until recently it was.
I walked into my bedroom, it was nothing grand especially in comparison to Rosalie's. It was a simple bedroom, I had a cast iron bed sitting in the middle of the room, a small desk sat in the corner with my ancient desktop computer sitting on top. It didn't seem like my parents had even entered my room since I was last here. I sat on my bed looking through old photo albums from high school, there were so many photos of me in my cheerleading uniform; Smiling and laughing with best friend Victoria, the squad at the Classics and at Homecoming, James and I at Prom, James and I on the night everything changed.
The front door slammed shut causing me to jump, I got up off my bed and made my way into the main part of the house, looking for my parents. I could hear them talking lightly about the church, mom laughed at some lame joke my dad just said. They were sitting in the lounge room, they mustn't had seen my bags lying on the floor. I cleared my throat to announce my presence. My mom whipped around a smile flashing across her face.
"Mary Alice, you're home!" She beamed, almost knocking me over as she hugged me. "John, our baby is home,"
My dad stood up smiling, waiting for mom to finish hugging me before welcoming me home. I was really glad to be home at that moment, things felt right. I had decided I would wait until tomorrow to tell my parents about my 'situation', I just wanted us to be a happy family just one last time.
"Mary Alice, I am so glad you're home!" I flinched everytime she said my full name, I was so used to being just Alice. "We were just talking about you the other day, weren't we John?" My mother never missed a beat; she didn't even wait for my father to respond. "Yes, we were talking to that nice young man, James. You remember James, don't you? Of course you do, you were both so close in high school. He was quiet concerned about you, wondering how you were at college. I really think he's in love with you," Oh god, I didn't know if I could hear much more. I felt like I was going to be sick. "Oh you, two would be perfect together. He comes from such a respectable family, they are a wonderful part of the community," Now was my chance, my mom had stopped to take a breath.
"Mom, you know I'm with Jasper now, and he is wonderful. James and I didn't work, we were two different people," He was a conniving jack ass and I was not.
"Oh pish ah!" Mom said, waving me off. "Regardless, he is coming over for dinner, I thought tonight would be a great time to reconnect with him," She smiled, turning away towards the kitchen muttering something about getting dinner started.
Oh crap, crap, crap! I hated my mothers insistent need to have everything perfect. I wandered into the lounge room where my dad had sat down with the newspaper. My dad and I were able to together in silence without the need to fill it with mindless chatter.
"How's college been sweetie?" Dad asked still reading his newspaper.
"Yeah it's been great, I have made some really great friends there," I replied simple.
"That's good, and this Jasper, is he good enough for you?"
"He's perfect. The best thing that ever happened to me,"
I received a 'humph' in reply, clearly my dad didn't like the idea of Jasper being such a major part of my life.
-x-x-x-
Dinner was the most awkward, uncomfortable thing ever. James was being obsessively nice, it was making me sick. My heart started pounding as soon as he stepped over the threshold of the house. I didn't know how to act. Rosalie told me to stay calm and not let him get to me – I had called an hour before dinner to check in. Bella was getting stronger, but was starting to itch for more coke. They still hadn't told Edward, Rosalie was trying to stay as positive as possible. By the sounds of the phone call it didn't seem that Bella had read my letter yet, I was hoping for the best.
"So Mary Alice, when are you coming home for good?" James asked snidely over dinner.
"I don't think I ever will, I loving being out in the big world," I replied shortly.
"Oh come on Mary Alice, this is your home. It will always be here," He smirked.
"That may be true, but I am creating a new life for myself now," I said hopefully setting him straight.
My mom didn't stop talking all night, if she wasn't going on and on about the church then she was gushing over James dropping snide hints that we should get back together. When James when to leave he kissed my mother on the cheek, shook my father's hand and went to give me a hug. Instead gripping my arms and whispering "I'll always be around, don't forget that," with conviction.
I had survived my first night back in Forks, that night in bed I tossed and turned all night long, trying to get over my fear of talking to my parents the next day.
Tuesday morning I was up at sparrows fart, I decided to talk to my parents before morning mass just to get it over and done with. I was pottering around the kitchen when my parents walked in, my mother humming a tune to some Christian song, popping grapes into her mouth. She seemed so happy. Now was the time.
"Mom, dad, I need to talk to you," I sighed.
"What is it honey?" Mom sang.
I took in a deep breath, reminding myself that things would be okay. "I ah, need to tell you something about James... And about me," I said fidgeting with the apple I was holding.
My parents looked at me intently waiting for me to continue, I however was waiting for them to interrupt.
"We ahh, last year... after the big game... we... we had sex," I breathed.
My dad started shaking his head. "Mary Alice, what happened to 'no sex before marriage'? I am disappointed, but there is always reconciliation," He said simply.
My mom just sat there, looking at me. Okay, now for the hard part.
"There's more," I mumbled, tears forming in my eyes. "I fell pregnant,"
"Ha!" My mom laughed. "Oh you're funny Mary Alice, you almost had us going for a second,"
My mom was beside herself with laughter, thinking this was all just a joke. My dad however knew where the rest of this conversation was going.
"I don't think she is joking Cynthia," He grumbled.
"Okay, then where is the baby John? Where is the baby Mary Alice?" She laughed. Then it clicked.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't... I'm too young to be a mom," I whispered looking down in shame.
The tension in the room was so thick you could almost cut it with a knife. I was waiting for the ball to drop at any moment, for my parents to say something. I gave them time to mull it all over in their minds, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Finally my father broke the silence.
"I want you out," He said simply.
Tears stung my cheeks as he said it. "What?" I asked hoping I was just hearing things.
"I want you out of my house," He repeated. "There is no way I am having a daughter who would commit such a heinous crime, especially when I preach how every life is precious,"
"Daddy, please," I pleaded, looking to my mom for support. She however chose my dad's side, standing behind him, a cold look crossed her face.
"You can have until we get back from the service, I don't want to see you here again. Leave your key on the bench," He finalised before standing up and leaving the house, my mother quick on his heels.
I heard the click of the door behind them, I was alone. My parents had completely abandoned me. My greatest fear had been confirmed, every breath of air had been knocked out of my lungs. I didn't know what to do or where to go. Without even thinking I picked up my phone and dialled the newest number in there.
"Carlisle, can you come get me?"