Thanks for the alerts, favorites and reviews. I truly appreciate the thoughts about this story.
Disclaimer: I do not owe Glee, its affiliations, or anything that is copyrighted/owned by someone who is not me.
A/N: Okay, so I got a few notes on why I haven't placed a genre for my story. It is quite simple. I don't know. I knew would be adding some humor, some romance, some drama, and some adventure when thinking about this story. I plan to flesh out all the characters and try to bring more perspective for what's to come. Think of it as a ride, so have fun with me.
Now, if you haven't noticed this is an alternate universe (AU) fiction. I'm having fun with my character development.
This is Kurt, the Fashion Queen of NYC, if not the world. If you are important to me, leave me a message and I'll call you back. If not, just know, my manicured finger loves the number 7 for delete. Talk to you lata, my pretty bitches.
BEEP
"Hey Kurt, this message is for all you Gleeks. It's Puck and Rachel. Don't look at me like that…. Fine, ladies first…" (speaker button sound)
"It's Rachel and Noah. We just wanted to show appreciation for your love, help and support…"
"Rach… seriously, do you want to leave the message or practice your Tony acceptance speech… okay then… be my guest" (audible sigh)
"Fine. Please notify our parents that we are safe and sound and definitely going to find our way home… Noah, stop… (giggle)"
"To each other, around each other, in each..."
"NOAH!"
"Sorry, uhm… When you hear this message, all Gleeks are to make sure to go to Kurt's. Your travel reservations to an undisclosed destination will be there for you, Gleeks and the rest of our families at his apartment. (growls something unrecognizable) Rach."
"(giggle) Make sure: Sarah brings her inhaler; Dad and Daddy bring their heart medication, and Mama brings her box of tissues. She's going to need them. (squeal) I can call your mom 'Mama' again, right?"
"Babe, you'll make my mom so happy, that she will stop raining down the Jewish guilt on me until she wants grandkids. Which means… for three days, no guilt."
"Oh good. Wait, you think she'll want grandchildren that rapidly? Huh?" pause "Should we get started? We can't disappoint her…." (growl in the background and some sort of moan) "Oh right, we really hope you all make it to said destination. I think Mr. Shue is actually coming too with Ms. Pillsbury. I can't believe they haven't gotten together. Don't roll your eyes at me, Puckerman." pause "Noah, I know, it's not the time for gossip. Oh, and forward this on to Brittany. Before I made my decision, I just wanted to let you know that my flowers flew to my true love, bluebirds sang for me a duet, and we will all going to the island of rainbows." (audible sigh)
"Ladies and Dudes, I think Berry has truly connected with her inner crazy with her quotes from the Gospel according to Brittany. (slapping sound) What the…. did you just hit me?"
"No baby, I just accidently high-fived your face. Spank me later?"
"(growl and kissy sounds) I meant inner badass, baby, inner badass."
"No, you're my badass." (kissy sounds)
"Uh, Bye. Now, where were…"
"Ohhh, Noah!"
('not for young children' sounds)
Click.
NOAH PUCKERMAN, is not available. Please leave your message after the sound of the beep.
"NOAH PUCKERMAN! EWW!! LEAVE HETERO-FESTS OUT OF MY VOICEMAIL BOX! My Poor Innocent Ears!!" (shuffling noises)
"SHUT UP, KURT! That's not important. Listen, Puck, Rachel, this is Quinn. I'm with the rest of the Gleeks and the rest of our family." (shuffling noises)
"I'm going to pass MY phone to Quinn as we're saying that she's getting sick." (indignant sound)
"Bitch, please. Ok listen up, Puckleberry, Shit has hit the fan. It just might be worse than globally. Long story short, Finn knows, has made peace, actually in more deep shit than we could ever imagine, and we have the imaginations of Kurt and Mercedes that make soap operas tame. Anyways, Triple H needs our help, and then we can kick their asses. Rachel gets first punch. Make it a good throat-punch, midget. That's my executive decision and total command." (shuffling noises)
"You better call any one of us and forget about Hawaii. Even Brittany is freaking out! Yeah, it's that bad, when our resident definition of a blonde stereotype realizes how scary this shit is." (shuffling noises and squeaks of sorry)
"Hey! I got that! Rachel, Noah, seriously answer our texts. What we just find out might just destroy us all." (Audible gulps and more shuffling noises)
"Way to stay positive, Brit."
"Quinn, I'm scared." (whimper)
"Seriously guys, please call us up. If not, we're going to ask Ben-Israel for help locating you two. Remember, I'm your Ice Queen, and former head bitch. Kurt may give me back my crown."
"QUINN! FOR ALL THE PRADA, GUCCI, AND DOLCE & GOBBANA IN THE WORLD, I WILL NEVER GIVE UP MY CROWN!"
"Just get your asses, home, like now." (sigh)
Click.
ASSOCIATED PRESS: Broadway Diva Falls Ill On Wedding Day. Nuptials Post-Poned to NY Giant.
NY POST: Berry Sick? What could it be?
CNN BULLETIN: Giant Quarterback's Bride Falls Ill. Will Diva Make It?
EXTRA: Diva Falls Ill Before Giant Nuptials… Baby Bump Watch? Puckerman involved. Is it a "who's the Daddy" event?
: Puckerman missing? Berry missing? Is it a Puckleberry reunion or a tryst before the Finchel nuptials? Ben Israel to find out.
At the Cathedral…
After an hour of waiting, an hour of Gleek performances with the orchestra, another hour of football commentary from Mark and John, Finn had asked all his guests to head to the reception hall as the bride was not feeling well and may need to postpone the wedding. Veronica and the wedding team were ensuring that all wedding items were removed from the hall via phone. Mr. Shue and Ms. Pilsbury decided to head out and observe reception hall. The show had to go on for the unsuspecting ones as Kurt had mentioned to the wedding coordinating team.
Still even two hours later, the cathedral was now filled with the essential members of the wedding, including all the wedding party (the groom, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, etc.), the remaining Berrys, the remaining Puckermans, the Gleeks, the wedding coordinating team, the important Hudson and McCormick family heads, some NFL heads, some ganster-looking "friends of the groom's family", and the security staff hired by the McCormicks. 'Tense' and 'suffocating' were simple words that could barely describe the scenario. The press was in a frenzy outside the doors, and everyone was terrified of "Mom." Well except one person, but Mama was placed out of eye-contact and as far away from Mom. It had been an interesting afternoon for a so-called noon wedding.
After harassing Puckleberry for the last 5 hours, the Gleeks finally got a response via Rachel's text to Quinn,
Quinn, why r the news saying my wedding's postponed?
What's going on?
Don't give me bulsht becuz u know Noah!
After looking around, making sure she was by herself and no one heard her phone vibrate, Quinn quickly texted back,
Oh thank god!
U2 have 2 get to your old apt b4 the crazy bitch calls the cops.
We're trying to delay evrytin at the cathedral
Tell Puck to txt Finn & say ur sick.
Tell him to check vm.
He knows the truth, it's just to protect u&P from huge issues
At the Puckleberry Secret Suite…
The No-Name Hotel had always been their secret place since college. It was a place where no one but Noah and Rachel would stay and keep hidden after Puck hit the UFC tournament court. Here, they were "Noah and Rachel" or "Rachel and Noah". Sometimes, Noah would just bring out his guitar as Rachel hummed along. It was just their suite, as the owners and Noah had made a deal to have the room permanently made his at all times. They would never tell anyone of their hide-out, and the staff always knew to keep their guests private life out of the media and out-of-sight. Now, it might just bite them in the ass.
As the towel wrapped around her head was coming loose and hearing the familiar text message beep, "OH MY GOD NOAH!" gasped Rachel.
"What, babe?" Noah thought it was another Drama Queen moment as he stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.
"My wedding to Finn is getting postponed. Carol is going to call the cops. Quinn says, we need to get to our apartment, saying I'm sick. Oh, Finn knows about us." Forgetting her towel, Rachel was scrambling herself together around their hotel suite for their clothes.
"WHAT!" Noah was beyond shocked as he flipped through their secret-escape hotel's television channels as now he gets her earlier shrieks of "Oh my God!" while he was finishing up in the shower. What the hell is going on?
"Let's just trust Quinn and the Gleeks, ok?" practically begged Rachel. She realized that if Brittany was scared, then it was bad. In Rachel's mind, Britt was slightly psychic like Rachel. I'm not losing Noah. I don't care. I'm going to fight for him.
"Alright, as soon as we get home, we make everyone that is on our side come over and explain," Noah agreed and held his Rachel. The clear panic on her face was definitely bringing out his automatic protective/possessive mode. I'm not going to lose you, now. I'm sure we can figure whatever is happening together.
"Ok, I'll text Quinn. Get dressed," commanded Rachel. Noah raised an eyebrow and leered at his very naked woman. Yep, I'm acting like a caveman. Can't help it. She loves me for it.
"Noah!" Right, getting dressed and then we handle this shit. Then, naked time… lots of naked time… Focus, Puckerman!
As her man, that's right, HER man got dressed, Rachel texted back to Quinn,
We'll be home in 20min. Is that enuf time for u?
At Cathedral Ground Zero….
After quickly looking around the cathedral, Quinn did the eye-communication thing with Finn. Never seeing them together in plotting action, this type of communication freaked out Mark and John, who were all trying to calm the Hudson and McCormick family heads. Finn nodded and raised both hands to Quinn. Mark and John watched as Quinn texted on her phone.
We r going to be there in 30, Berry, Mama, Lil Puck, Gleeks and Triple H.
Tell Noah to find his inner chi. Hes going to need it.
MrShue and MsPil will stay to handle the Bear at hall.
Thank god for germ-phobes!
At the Puckleberry Cave….
As Noah and Rachel finished reading, while simultaneously getting dressed, a second text came through:
U both better order pizza and open the bar. Open hard stuff.
Starving for the last 10 hours. Bridal Party feet hurt.
be ready for us or I'll kick both ur asses!
Rach, don't wear the dress. U R midget. Noah's shirt will fit.
Use tie as belt.
Put dress in trunk, if it fits.
As Noah (and an excited Rachel as she was free from the horrid dress though slightly embarrassed she didn't think of it herself) finished, a third text came through:
PS the press are eveywhere by now so u'll have
to bring inner Puck and the Diva out to play.
Noah and Rachel looked at each other and smiled those scary determined feral smiles that they used on the press and those that ever tried to step in their way. Noah looked into her eyes, "Are you ready, baby?"
"Of course, love," purred Rachel, soon to be Puckerman.
Noah took Rachel's phone and found the number to text to as per plan:
Finn, it's Puck. Rach's sick.
I took her to my apt.
Sorry for delay. Get ur ass, over here.
Bring Gleeks, Berrys, Sarah, Triple H.
May have 2 officially post-pone wedding
Sorry, bro.
The Cathedral Danger Zone…
After finally calming his people, Finn felt his phone vibrate and actually felt relief. As he read the text, he called his former future in-laws over and was finally ready able to set-up a follow-up press release to the Associated Press. The Berrys, the Puckermans, the Gleeks and Triple H were mobilizing as discreetly as possible to the Puckleberry apartment. Or so they thought.
Carol Hudson and Deborah Puckerman had made eye-contact.
Despite being in a church, all hell broke loose.
A/N: I know the Rachel we know from Glee would use T9 and full words in her texts. In my world, just as Noah/Puck has absorbed some of her habits, Rachel has absorbed some of his habits. Remember, in my story, they were roommates for eight years before she hooked up with Finn.
As always, I appreciate all opinions and commentaries.
Hints and Suggestions are welcome.