That Saturday morning, each of the teachers found a plate of cookies on their desk. The note was the same for all of them.
We apologize for the trouble our classmates have caused. We hope to convince them to stop interrupting our academic year very soon. Please have these as an apology from the Ravenclaw House.
Regards, the Ravenclaw First Years
Dumbledore wouldn't touch his cookies at first. He wandered around the castle, suspicious of how quiet it was. When he entered McGonagall's classroom, he was surprised to find Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville all serving their weekend-long detention.
"Well done, Minerva," he said quietly. "How long have they been here?"
"I shouted them out of bed before breakfast," she said. "They've been here ever since."
"So...they were here when the cookies were delivered?"
"As a matter of fact, I came back with them and found the cookies," McGonagall said. "It couldn't have been them. And Professor Flitwick and Professor Snape both checked their batches and they said they haven't been tampered with."
"Hmm...at least it seems some students are remorseful. Carry on, Minerva. I shall speak to you at lunch."
Four hours later, many students on their way to lunch were surprised to see their Headmaster sprinting down the corridor, apparently in some distress. At the Gryffindor table, all eyes were on Harry.
"Couldn't have been me," he said, in an innocent voice that deceived no one. "We were in detention with McGonagall all morning. I've no idea what's wrong with him."
They finished their lunches, and Harry gave a slight nod to his friends in the other houses. The Prefects stood and announced mandatory study sessions for everyone fifth year and below. Harry noticed that the teachers were looking quite smug about all of this. He and the Gryffindor crew stayed put, counting the minutes.
Hermione checked her pocket after about twenty, and nodded. "They're out."
Harry stood. "Places then, everyone."
The small group headed out into the Great Hall, with the teacher trailing after them warily. After only a minute, the sky darkened and a voice boomed along the halls. It seemed to be coming from the castle itself.
"Harry Potter…."
"Yes, here I am," Harry said, rolling his eyes.
"I have infiltrated the castle."
The teachers were panicking by now, looking around for the students, but the only ones there were the seventh years. Pansy had trapped the rest of her house in their common room, just in case anyone got funny ideas, and she and Luna had gotten the younger students to safety via Professor Malone's Floo connection.
"I am coming for you, Harry Potter. You are very close to death -"
"Well don't monologue at me! Haven't you ever seen a James Bond movie? Just come and get me - I'm standing right here!"
With that, he and the others opened the front doors and headed out into the courtyard. Black smoke had begun to billow down the stairs, and they all took up their positions as the teachers rushed out to join them.
The two Lord Barons took out their power items and switched. Neville's Orb lit up with a harsh blue glow, and he chanted a bit before throwing it into the air.
Harry shot a spell at it, just as Voldemort and the Death Eaters appeared in the courtyard. All of them were immediately disarmed. They struggled, frozen in small circles of light.
"What is this?" Voldemort screeched.
"We are going to defeat you with the power you know not," Harry said, as the glowing Orb made a dome around them. "The power of love!"
Music started from nowhere as the Death Eaters struggled to escape their invisible traps. Fog rolled in on the ground, and Harry - voice amplified - began to sing.
The whispers in the morning
Of lovers sleeping tight
Are rolling like thunder now
As I look in your eyes
I hold on to your body
And feel each move you make
Your voice is warm and tender
A love that I could not forsake
Wind picked up, and all of a sudden, Draco was standing in the entranceway. His pirate-like white shirt and long hair were billowing as he sang.
'Cause I am your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
I'll do all that I can
Even though there may be times
It seems I'm far away
Never wonder where I am
'Cause I am always by your side
A bridge magically appeared, arching over the heads of the trapped Death Eaters. Draco and Harry continued to sing (with the other DA members "oooh"ing in the background, and the teachers frozen in shock) as they walked toward each other.
'Cause I am your lady
And you are my man
Whenever you reach for me
I'll do all that I can
We're heading for something
Somewhere I've never been
Sometimes I am frightened
But I'm ready to learn
Of the power of love
They met in the center of the bridge, directly over Voldemort, and Harry pulled Draco into a deep kiss.
Voldemort's head exploded.
Bellatrix's eyes flickered from Hermione, Ginny and Pansy engaged in a threeway makeout session, to Harry snogging her nephew. She went catatonic.
The rest of the Death Eaters, particularly Snape, were gagging and pleading for the teachers to feed them to one of Hagrid's giant monsters when the Aurors arrived.
Clean up was quick and easy, supervised by Remus and Tonks. Madame Bones strode over to Harry and shook his hand.
"Congratulations, Lord Potter. It looks as though to free to live your life."
"Thank you, ma'am."
"But...I must ask...where is Professor Dumbledore? Surely he couldn't have left when the school was under attack."
"He was...indisposed."
Upstairs, a very distraught headmaster sat, crying quietly, on the toilet as what felt like a gallon of liquid napalm shot out of his ass. He knew he shouldn't have eaten the cookies.