EPOV
I hurried through everything I needed to do so I could get back over to Sookie's for the barbecue. I did all the mundane household chores as fast as I could, it was doing the laundry just about killed me. No matter what I filled my time with, waiting for the dryer to finish, it just seemed to take forever. I know I can afford to pay for a cleaning service, but after the last one, I wasn't willing to try it again. Ginger was a freaking nightmare. I know I shouldn't judge all people in that industry because of the grief she caused me, but she went above and beyond in the crazy department. I hired her from a cleaning service that advertised that all employees had been screened extensively and they have apologized profusely for what occurred. I am sure they were just worried that I'd sue their asses off, but I really did believe them when they told me it was the first time she had committed any kind of infraction in the 10 years she worked for the company. Pam thought it was hilarious that Ginger decided to flip her shit while working for me.
It wasn't the "normal" over worked, under appreciated work related melt down you heard about and for the record I was never a dick to her and never expected anything that wasn't in her job description. I can't say I'd have been any happier if she showed up with a gun and gone postal on my ass, but what did transpire wasn't anything I ever wanted to go through again. It wasn't one thing, it was just a bunch of little things that all added up to fucking crazy. It took me installing a video camera before I realized the extent of what was going on. (Thinking I would just be catching Pam).
At first I just thought she wasn't changing the bedding, so I left out a clean set of sheets on the bed that were a different color then the ones that were on it. I was relieved to find the new ones on the bed at the end of the day. Then I realized that a couple of my favorite concert tees had disappeared. I even asked Pam if she had taken them to mess with me, she laughed and asked what she would want with my old clothes. When my signed Pearl Jam concert tee went missing and Pam was out of town, I started suspecting Ginger. But I still wasn't completely convinced. I had had a few people over and it was possible Pam had set it up to have help fucking with me. What got me to finally install hidden cameras in my home had been finding women's underwear in odd places. The first pair I found was in my jacket pocket and believed they must have been slipped in there while I was out (weird, but not impossible). It was when I found them in my bed that the cameras went up.
Turns out that after Ginger had finished cleaning the front of the house she went to work in my room. The film footage showed her changing the sheets and leaving the room with the old ones (to put them in the wash). When she came back she immediately went to the bathroom. I hadn't installed a camera in there, but the camera in my room picked up the sound of the shower running and showed that there was steam coming from there. It was when she returned to my bedroom that started my stomach rolling. She was wearing nothing but her underwear and her hair was wet. She walked over to my dresser and grabbed one of my tee shirts from the drawer and put it on. At that point she got in to my bed, under the covers. It wasn't hard to figure out what she was doing, but when she called out my name, I turned the tape off and called my lawyer. And immediately after that phone called finished I called Claudine.
Obviously Ginger was fired (by my lawyer), my locks were changed, her agency was contacted and so were the police. When questioned by the police Ginger stated that what she had done was at my request, since we were in a relationship. When I filed a retraining order against her, she filed a paternity suit against me. I was lucky enough that the police were on my side. When the courts found out Ginger wasn't pregnant at all and was still adamant that she was (and that I was the father), a psych evaluation was ordered. She was court ordered to spend an undetermined amount of time in a mental health facility and since she was getting help, I dropped my lawsuit. And decided that doing my own housework was in my best interest. Even though the dryer was taking forever to finish.
I sent Tray a text asking what I should bring and he sent me a text back saying everyone would be bringing appetizers or desserts. He had the drinks covered and Sookie had everything else under control. It was then that the dryer finally buzzed. I quickly folded the second to last load and threw the towels from the washer into the dryer and left for Sookie's. On my way back I ran into my favorite bakery to pick up a pumpkin cream cheesecake as my contribution to what I knew would most likely be the best barbecue I'd ever had.
I was only running 10 minutes "late" when I pulled up to Sookie's. Alcide was just getting there with Maria-Star so I waited for them before heading to the door. Maria-Star had made some kind of spicy creamy corn relish in the largest bowl I had ever seen and Alcide was carrying several bags of Fritos with him. I offered to carry the bowl for Maria-Star, but was quickly told that she wasn't in need of any help as she had two hands and could handle it herself. I saw Alcide laugh silently behind her.
"Don't you dare laugh at me, Alcide Herveaux." She snipped at him. It wasn't uncommon for them to bicker, but it wasn't like Maria-Star to take out whatever Alcide had down out on innocent bystanders. I was confused further when she winked at me and gave me an evil smile. I began to wonder what she was up to.
Tray answered the door and was promptly told the same thing I had been when he offered his help. After letting Maria-Star in, Tray just looked at Alcide and shook his head. It was almost funny to realize that we had both assumed that Maria-Star's mood was Alc's fault, without even knowing what was going on.
"What did you do this time?" Tray finally asked.
"I have no fucking idea. We were getting ready to come over here and everything was fine. Then on the way here everything I said she took the wrong way and no matter how much I apologized, nothing I said was right. It was really weird and I'm starting to think that maybe her crazy is finally starting to come out."
"If she were crazy, you'd know by now. You must have said something that set her off." I volunteered.
"Like I said, I have no fucking idea. I can't think of anything I might have said that would have set her off. So if you have any ideas I'm listening."
"Maybe she's pregnant?" I knew Tray was fucking with him when he looked down to hid the smile that was threatening to break through, he knew something. But by the panicked look that took over Alcide's face he missed it.
"Did she say something?"
"Nope. Just trying to help you figure it out." Tray responded. We watched as Alcide wondered off, looking like he'd seen a ghost.
"Spill."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Tray replied. "But if you think Maria-Star and Sookie might be up to no good then you might be onto something." He smiled wide.
"Uh huh, Maria-Star and Sookie. And you know nothing right?" He nodded his head yes. "Should I be worried about myself or is Alcide the lone target?" He laughed then. I couldn't figure out if I should be worried too, but I knew they couldn't get me with the heads up Tray just gave me. I just needed to be vigilant.
I followed Tray into the kitchen to find Sookie whispering to Maria-Star, they were definitely up to no good. I felt my jaw clench and my ears get hot when I realized Sookie was looking like a pin up girl again. The way her dress hugged her every curve made my body ache with want. I needed to touch her. Every time I had met up with Sookie I had worried that the sex kitten I saw on stage would be who I was meeting with and I'd make an ass out of myself. But when we had met up she was laid back, wearing something simple, don't get me wrong, she still looked absolutely beautiful. It's just that when she tried to look sexy she accomplished it so thoroughly that it made every nerve in my body stand on end.
Sookie noticed my arrival and I watched as a shit eating grin spread across her face. I felt fucked. I couldn't figure out if I was more screwed because she was up to something or because of the fact that when she smiled up at me, I felt my heart nearly jump out of my chest. Then I realized I didn't really care that she might be messing with me if she was smiling at me like that.
"What have you got there?" Sookie asked looking directly at me. It took me a minute to realize I was still holding my contribution to dinner. Before I could answer Pam came in, took the dessert box from my hands and glided out of the room with it without a word to anyone.
"Pam, you have to share!" I yelled after her and turned to find Sookie standing there laughing.
"Eric, you should know better then anyone that Pam very rarely shares."
"And what about you Sookie, do you share?" I knew I confused her, so I decided to let her know now that I knew she was up to no good. "Like maybe, you would like to share exactly what you two are up to." I nodded to her and Maria-Star.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She giggled out. Cuz that was believable. "I think I'm gonna go find out about what Pam's not sharing." She explained before turning on her heal and heading to the backyard with an evil cackle. I was starting to worry that maybe even with a warning I might not be able to stop Sookie from getting the best of me.
With Sookie gone, I tried to get something out of Maria-Star. She just laughed and said she had no idea what I was talking about. Then she offered to go get the door for Tray, since someone else had just arrived. I was kind of surprised to see that it was Claudine. She waved and walked over to talk to me.
"I hope this isn't too awkward for you and Sookie, but my brother invited me and I hadn't realized where the barbecue was until I got here." She said looking guilty. Before I could answer her though Sookie came back in the room and looked puzzled when she saw Claudine in the kitchen.
"Hey Claudine, everything alright?" She asked.
"Oh yes, of course it is. My brother Claude invited me and I hadn't realized this was where he was taking me until we got here. If you aren't okay with this then I can go."
"Oh I don't mind at all. I didn't know Claude was your brother. Small world, huh?"
"Yes, actually we're twins." And before Claudine could continue who I assumed to be Claude came in the door. It took me all of two seconds to realize that even though they shared a womb, these two people were exact opposite. I was half tempted to call him the Anti Claudine. Where Claudine was polite, kind hearted and likeable. Claude was obtrusive, rude and the most conceited person I'd ever met. For the life of me I couldn't figure out how he knew Sookie.
"I understand why you keep inviting me to these things, but for the life of me I can't figure out why I keep showing up to them." Claude complained.
"You come because you're hoping that Alcide will finally decide that Maria-Star is no longer his type and you want to be the one to introduce him to the true meaning of carnal pleasure." Sookie sassed as she walked up to him and swatted his shoulder. I highly doubted the reprimand would have any effect on him. "Now why don't you go outside and play nice with all the other children." I could have sworn I saw Sookie wink at him, but because of where I was sitting I couldn't be sure.
"Claudine can I get you anything to drink?" After getting Claudine a drink and introducing her around the party Sookie came back into the kitchen looking mighty pleased with herself.
"Are you gonna sit here all day observing or are you actually going to go out there and participate?" She smirked.
"That depends on what I'm expected to participate in." I winked at her and watched her eyes widen a little at my innuendo. Instead of giving in and telling me what was going on she grabbed a small paper plate, a napkin and some plastic utensils before heading back out to the yard.
Being completely hypnotized by the sway of her hips I ended up following after her. Yep, totally fucked. I was starting to think that I should go find Claudine and see if I could possibly persuade her into believing that me starting a relationship with Sookie tonight would be in our best interest.
I watched Sookie approach Pam and take the cake box from her. Pam growled at her. Sookie swatted her butt and walked over to a nearby table and set the box down. I hadn't bought a small pie tin cheesecake, the thing had to weigh like 10 pounds and was a good 10 inches in diameter. I had no idea if Sookie even liked cheesecake, but apparently I had done good. I watched Sookie cut herself a small slice and hand the box back to a waiting Pam. Pam walked off, probably to find somewhere to hide her treasure. When I looked back to Sookie she had just taken a bite and I watched her eyes roll back in appreciation and then she moaned. My brain automatically cataloged the visual as something sexual. Then started supplying my over active imagination a healthy supply of Sookie fantasy. My body was so tense with want that when Alcide came up behind me and patted my back I shivered back to reality. He just laughed. It was just a good thing he didn't fuck with me and blow in my ear.
"Hey man, you okay?" He asked.
"Yeah. Did you figure out what was going on with Maria-Star yet?" I asked and pried my eye away from Sookie's food induced orgasm. Before Alc got a chance to answer we were joined by Lafayette smacking him on the ass.
"Where'd you run off to Sugar, I been looking all over for yous?" He hummed into Alcide's ear. I watched Lafayette walk his fingers up Alcide's arm. Since I had met Lafayette before I knew this wasn't his "normal" behavior. Lafayette was still standing behind Alcide and leaning into his ear when he winked at me. Everything kind of just fell into place for me right then. This is what Sookie and Maria-Star were up to. It was really hard not to just burst out laughing.
Awhile back I asked him about the rumors of him being gay. All he said was that he had pissed off Pam and he didn't need to say anything else. It's a rule- Don't Piss of Pam. I'd done it a few times but only in retaliation. I couldn't begin to imagine what would happen if I fucked with her for no good reason. Knowing that she was successful in making Alcide publicly gay had me thanking my lucky stars.
"Eric, you met Lafayette? He's friends with Sookie from way back when." Alc did his best to seem unaffected by the big flamboyant gay man currently stroking his arm. I almost asked if Maria-Star knew about his hidden lifestyle, but I wanted to see where those girls had seen this going.
"Yeah we've met." I smiled and held my hand out to shake Lafayette's. "Lafayette makes the best burger I've ever had the pleasure of eating."
"You certainly know what to say to a girl to make her feel special." Lafayette cooed. "What about you big boy, you wanna come over to my place and taste what I gots to offer?"
Before Alcide could say anything Lafayette was being called over to Sookie. "That's okay Sugar, you think about it. You knows where to find me when you ready." Alcide jumped when Lafayette goosed him before sashaying away to see what Sookie needed.
"Hey Eric, can I ask you a question?" Alcide asked. I nodded. "Do you think I look gay?" That was it, I lost it. "It's not funny. I thought gay men had some sort a gaydar thing, but I'm starting to think that either that isn't true or I come off as gay." I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to regain some composure. Finally, when I got myself under control I spent a few minutes reassuring Alcide that he didn't give off a gay vibe.
"Thank god. It's not that I have anything against being gay, it's just that I'm not and I can't help it if it makes me uncomfortable having some guy try to persuade me that I needed to at least try it before I completely give up on the idea." I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing again. Before I could tell him I didn't need to be shot with a gun to know I wouldn't like it, Claude joined us.
"Claude Crane." He shook hands with Alcide. "I wanted to give you my card. I'm the owner of a strip joint out in Monroe. I would love it if you wanted to come by sometime and see the show. VIP treatment on the house. Hope to see you there some time soon." Claude concluded before turning to leave. Alcide looked almost excited til he read something on the back of the card Claude gave him, then he just looked ill. And again I had to stand there and not let on that I knew anything was going on. I had thought about telling him what Sookie and Maria-Star were up to, but I was afraid of how'd they retaliate.
I had a great time hanging out with the band and all of their friends. And I was right about it being the best barbecue I had ever had. I gorged myself and had at least one serving of everything there. I ended up sitting by Sookie and Claudine. Alcide had somehow been cornered into sitting in between Lafayette and Claude. It wasn't until dessert was served that Maria-Star finally claimed her man, much to Alcide's relief. She very politely asked Claude if he minded making room for her so she could sit next to Alcide. After he moved she sat down and started a conversation with Lafayette about what his wedding was like and when she was gonna get to meet Jesus. It only took a moment before Alc caught up to the fact that he had been played. He wasn't mad at all, just incredibly relieved.
After all the food was cleaned up Sookie pulled out her guitar and Tray got the fire pit going. Sookie sat down between my legs on the lounge chair I was sitting on and turn to ask if it was okay that we shared. To dumbstruck to speak I just nodded my head. After everyone got settled and I noticed that Sam had out his guitar out too.
Sookie and Sam took requests for the next half hour. It was incredible to watch the two of them in such a personal setting, you could see just how important music was to them. I had sat up behind Sookie when she sat down with me so every word that she sang vibrated through her and into my chest. When Pam was given a turn to request a song she asked Sookie if she had anything new that was ready to be heard. Even from behind I could see the smile on Sookie's face.
"Yeah Pam, I think I got something. It's a little bit slower then out usual stuff, but I think it's pretty good." Sookie told her.
"Well stop stalling and get on with it."
It didn't take Sam to catch on to what Sookie was doing. And I made sure to listen to every word she sang.
How soft a whisper can get
When you're walking through a crowded space
I hear every word being said
And I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you
How long an hour can take
When you're staring into open space
When I feel I'm slipping further away
I remember that everyday
I get a little bit closer to you
These are the days
That I won't get back
I won't hear you cry
Or hear you laugh
But when it's quiet
And I don't hear a thing
I can always hear you breathe
You know there's nowhere else
I've wanted to be
Than be there when you needed me
I'm sorry too
But don't give up on me
And just remember that when you were asleep
I got a little bit closer to you
SPOV
I had the best day I can remember having. It was made so much sweeter being sober, knowing my joy was my own and not something that was only achieved because of some drug. I was proud of myself and flying on the biggest natural high. I was surrounded by people I cared for with all of my heart. When Pam asked for a new song I knew exactly which one I wanted to sing. It was a song that Eric inspired and maybe one day I'd tell him that, but definitely not now. I had almost ask Claudine if starting a relationship with Eric was really such a bad idea. There wasn't one thing about him that wasn't exceptional. It was the way he looked at me that was making this whole waiting til I was better thing so freaking impossible.
After I finished my song everyone clapped and cheered. Pam toasted to my new number 1 hit and Eric hugged me and whispered into my ear about how amazing he thinks I am. I leaned back and gave him a quick peck on the cheek as a thank you. I did notice Claudine watching us rather intently. Everyone was looking at me, but she was studying me. I was enjoying myself too much to worry about it just then. I figured if there was anything she needed to discuss with me it could wait til the following day.
About an hour later, just about everyone had left. I was looking for Eric after saying goodbye to Sam and Daphne. I found him and Lafayette outside speaking quietly. Their conversation ended when they saw me.
"Well baby girl, it's time for me to be gettin home to my man." Laf said before wrapping me up in a big hug. "You take care of yourself and I be seeing you soon, ya hear?" I nodded.
"I'm so glad you came. You tell Jesus I said I want to see both of you next time." We walked to the door and I gave him another hug before he left. When I turned around Eric was standing there waiting for me. I was tearing up from my goodbye with Laf and he opened up his arms for me. I walked over to him and he wrapped his long arms around my and held me tight. I felt so safe there and even though we had hung out for the last two days I began to dread him leaving. Would it be weird to invite him to stay? Not for sex just to sleep. Claudine should be fine with that right, damn I should have asked before she left.
"I should head home." Eric whispered to the top of my head. "I don't wanna leave, but you have an early morning and should get some sleep." I really needed to talk to Claudine about this whole relationship thing.
"Kay, I wish you weren't going, but you're right I do have an early morning tomorrow. So when am I gonna see you again?"
"That's up to you, really. But the sooner the better I think." He squeezed me tighter and kissed the top of my head before he stepped away from me. "How about you get through your appointment tomorrow. Then give me a call and let me know how it went and we'll make plans then, that okay with you?"
"Yep, you got it." I pulled the waistband of his shorts and brought him back to me. I had never wanted to kiss someone more in my life. I went up on tip toe and lightly kissed his cheek. With my arms still wrapped around his waist I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat. His hands were resting on my hips and when I squeezed his waist, his arms enveloped me again. I felt so small next to him, hell I was small next to him, but it was the most intimate hug I had ever had. Since we were both behaving it seemed that the hug was the only way to convey the emotion that was between us. I was struck with the realization that I didn't fear this, that it all just seemed inevitably perfect. I didn't even second guess that this was as real for Eric as it was for me. I could have stood there all night in his arms, but Tray came in and reminded me that I had a 6am wake up call for my appointment tomorrow. He told Eric he'd see him later before he left the room.
"I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow then." Eric said as he pulled away. I walked the last 10 feet to the door still hanging onto his waist. When I looked up at him to say goodbye he was already looking down at me. His hand moved to hold my face and we stood there staring at one another. It was like being a teenager afraid to be the first one to make a move for the first kiss. "God Sookie, it's so hard not to kiss you." I nodded my head in understanding. Eric was finally able to pull himself away. "You'll call me tomorrow, right?" I smiled and nodded my head yes. I was too afraid to speak. My brain had been screaming at me to tell him he could stay and I knew if I opened my mouth that's all that would come out. Once Eric was finally out the door I leaned up against it and breathed out a huge sigh of frustration. I had a feeling that I was about to be seriously frustrated for a long time. Which only led me to remember Eric eluding to the fact that it had been a long time since he had been with someone. At least I wasn't in this alone.
With the kitchen cleaned and the house put back together, Tray and headed to bed. He was taking me to my appointment in the morning so he needed to get to bed just as much as I did. I took a shower before bed so I didn't have to take one early the next morning. I was exhausted by the time I crawled into bed and fell asleep quickly.
The sun was shining incredibly bright and everything had a warm glow to it. I watched as butterflies and other flying insects buzzed around me. They were all glowing in the warm sunlight. The field I was standing in had grass and wild flowers that came up to my shoulder. I put my hands out and slowly turned in a circle feeling the top of the grass tickle my palms. I looked down to see that I was wearing an old blue sundress I had as a child. When I looked up I saw a blond head running ahead of me through the tall grass and I took off after them. I didn't know who it was I just knew I needed to catch them. I felt the warm air on my face as I ran. I felt so happy that it was bubbling up and out of me as I giggled uncontrollably out loud. When the person that I was chasing turned to me, their face was obscured by the sunlight, they waved at me to follow them and the chase began again. I heard their laughter and the sound warmed my heart. I had my hand out ready to touch the shoulder of the child I had been tying to catch when I was startled by a loud beeping sound. I looked around trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. I lost sight of the child I had been chasing and my heart broke. It made me angry at the stupid noise.
Beep… beep… beep… beep…
"Sookie, time to get up, shut off that god awful thing." Tray said from my doorway. As soon as he left I grabbed my journal from inside my nightstand drawer. I turned to a blank page and began writing down every detail of my dream that I could remember. At the bottom of the page I did my best to draw a picture of the boy that was running from me. It was just a sketched out silhouette, but when I looked at it, it flooded my head with the memory of my dream. Before I knew it Tray was back to let me know we needed to leave in 15 minutes.
I threw my journal back into the drawer and ran to my closet and pulled on a pair of black yoga pants and a tee shirt. I slid my feet into a pair of flip flops and hustled my butt into my bathroom to brush my hair and teeth. When I made it out to the kitchen Tray handed me a thick shake and when I made a face he just grumbled at me to shut up and drink it. I would have bitched him out if it wasn't for the fact that he wouldn't have to be up at, god what the hell time was it, I looked to the clock and it said it was only 5 in the morning, then looked to the window to see that it was still dark outside. Fuck me never mind, if Tray wanted to be pissy, he had the right to be.
"Thanks, ready when you are." I smiled at him. He grunted and headed for the garage grabbing the keys along the way. I have seen the sunrise from the road more times then I care to count. I hated it. It wasn't majestic at all, it irked me to no end that I was up before then sun.
My appointment when fine, well as far as I could tell anyway. They told me my scans came back fine, no sign of any chemical imbalance was seen. No bi-polar for me. While I was waiting for the results, I had a chance to really think about how much progress I had made these last two months. I was talking about my demons and making an effort to share my past with my present and my present with my past. I was no longer relying on alcohol to numb the pain from my past, but talking about it. It was irritating to find out that it was working. Dealing with it was working. I also kind of knew that I needed to get to the place where I wanted to get help, not just go because Tray wanted me to. I'm sure it would have worked to some degree, but the fact that it was me that wanted it, made the work I've done was for me, not Tray or anyone else. I couldn't help feeling proud of myself.
When I met up with Tray in the lobby he was holding out a very large cup of hot coffee for me. I smiled like a kid in Toys R Us with my very own black Amex card. Ahhhh, coffee the drug choice of millions of Americans. And it was soooooo good. Tray drove me to my follow up appointment with Claudine. Poor guy had to listen to me wax poetic about my love for coffee all the way there. I think he was relieved when we finally made it there and was able to get the hell away from me. I think not having coffee for the last two months caused me to react a little more intensely to the caffeine. I'm sure Tray was regretting his decision to buy my the largest size they had. I made it up to Claudine's office and she just laughed when she say the large cup still in my hand.
"So I am assuming that everything went well then."
"Yep, they said everything looked good. Tray got me this." And I jerked my hand up to show her the empty cup I was still holding. "I think he's regretting it now that I'm acting like an 8 year old that's on sugar hi and hidden their Rittalin from their parent." I laughed and she laughed right along with me.
"Well I'm glad to hear that everything went well. How do you feel about it all?"
"Well I had suspected that that would happen. Since I've been coming here, I seem to be coping better. When I was waiting for the results I started to think about how much work I've done in the last couple of months and you know what? I was real proud of myself. I know that things won't always go smoothly and I am a little worried how I will handle the next time something less then pleasant happens, but for the most part I'm just enjoying life. Oh, last night/ this morning, I dreamed. It was a real dream not a dream that morphed into a nightmare. It made me so happy that I wrote it down in my journal so I'd remember it." Claudine smiled as I buzzed about my morning.
"That's wonderful Sookie. I am so proud of you and it's wonderful that you are proud of yourself too." We talked a few minutes more about my results and how I was feeling and I decided I wanted to bring up Eric.
"So Eric is pretty wonderful." I say to her and watch to see her reaction.
"Yes, he is a wonderful person." She agreed. She waited for me to say something more and when I didn't she prompted me. "Sookie, I know you wanna say something more."
"I do. It's just that I was hoping to get your opinion of whether or not you think it would be okay if we started seeing each other." She didn't seemed surprised by my statement at all. It had to be obvious, she was there last night, observing us.
"Sookie, I want to be real honest with you here." I nodded my head and she continued. "I watched the two of you together last night and I saw that there was something between the two of you already. You and Eric are building a relationship, but I hope that it remains a friendship for the time being. You have made huge strides dealing with your past, but there is still work to be done. Important work. I worry that if you start a relationship that you'll pull the spotlight off of yourself and start focusing on your relationship instead.
Now that being said, I'm not the boss of you. I can offer you my advice and it's up to you whether you decide to follow it or not. I will be here for you no matter what you choose to do. I don't feel that you having a relationship with Eric would hurt your progress, it just might delay things from moving forward. My real concern would be that delaying that progress would have a negative affect on your relationship. You both deserve to be in a healthy relationship."
"Maybe we should just go back to me not being allowed." She laughed. "I'll definitely think about everything you said. So in the interest of moving forward, what should I word on between now and my next appointment?"
"You're doing so good Sookie there's no need to rush things along. Things need to happen because you're ready for it, not just because you forced yourself into it." I nodded my head in understanding. "Now that being said, have you made any progress on reading your journal entries?" I shook my head no. "It's wonderful to hear that you added a happy dream to them. Did you want to talk about it?" I didn't really see the point so I told her it wasn't necessary. "What about some of the other entries, did you want to talk about any of those?"
"Mmmm, not yet. But the idea doesn't frighten me so much anymore. The idea of talking about it just seems like a pain in the ass right now. I wanna be happy and enjoy all the good stuff from today. But I think I will soon." And I really meant it. I felt great and the only reason for my not wanting to talk about my big bad book of ugly was the desire to ride the high from my morning. And I knew that was okay. We talked a bit more and then it was time to go. Tray drove us to IHOP, so we could eat brunch and grab another cup of coffee. Yay, coffee. I ate my food in half the time it took Tray to eat his. I was excited to get home and call Eric. I'm sure Tray had figured it out and it was quite possible that he was taking his time to torment me. Of course I couldn't ask him to move it along or he'd just take longer and possibly order more food. So I waited as patiently as I could.
Whew that took forever to get out. I have lots of excuses about where I've been and what's been going on, but they're just excuses that add up to RL. So I hope you like the new chapter. It's obviously unbeta'd and I'm sure I'll read it later and cringe at every misspelling or missing word, but I just wanted to get this out there.
So part of real life includes reading the newest book. I think it's definitely one of my favorites, but I now have some serious fears. All I can say is thank god for FF.
Please review! And thanks again to those of you that do it so regularly- you're all marvelous.