I was still thinking about my hands as Yalran started taking me through my day at school. Try though I did, I couldn't think about anything else. Would they be better the next time I had control of them, I asked myself, down in the Yeerk Pool depths?

Had I seen this before, with anyone else? I saw many people during Yalran's trips to the Yeerk Pool, of course: desperate, screaming, crying people…but moving people, I realised. Even the other quiet ones like me seemed to be quiet out of choice; I'd never noticed them having problems moving around.

There were the broken hosts, of course: the few poor souls whose yeerks went beyond even the normal bounds of yeerk cruelty. They kept still in the cages - but they weren't me. I wasn't broken; Yalran would never want that.

((Beth, you're fine. Stop worrying,)) Yalran said.

We were sitting in a math class, having been out of the Yeerk Pool for over an hour. The teacher was at the whiteboard, droning on about some algebraic expression or other. Everyone else there was quietly jotting down notes - Yalran included.

((Can't you give me control?)) I said. ((Just for a few seconds? Just to see?))

((Beth, no, we are not talking about -))

((Please, Yalran!)) I said. ((For a few seconds! Not even a minute! I-))

((No.))

I shank away inside, shocked at the finality of her tone.

((You're an involuntary host,)) Yalran said. ((There would be no reason - no reason except sympathy - to give you control. Got it?))

There it was again, I thought. Host sympathy. The worst crime a yeerk could commit, in the minds of certain yeerks. That's what this came down to, I was sure - even if Yalran wasn't quite saying it outright.

((I'm voluntary to you,)) I said, so quietly and unobtrusively that I wasn't sure she'd even hear.

((What? And you're planning to not be?)) Yalran said ((Is that what you're saying?))

I thought of the screaming and crying people down in the Yeerk Pool's cages. I pictured my Mom and my Dad and my brother down there, screaming and crying right along with them.

((N-no! No!)) I said frantically. ((Of course not!))

((Didn't think so,)) Yalran said. ((So, like I said: no reason.))

Host sympathy, I thought again miserably. I gave up on asking Yalran for control after that. I didn't see the point in trying any further.

The class continued. Our teacher finished talking, and we all started working on example questions. I'm sure I could have answered them all without a problem, had Yalran never become a factor in my life. I didn't even try to pay attention this time; I was too busy stewing in the back of my mind.

I wondered what would happen the next time Yalran left my ear. Would I be back to normal by then, or would I be even worse? Would it just be my hands next time? Would there come a time when I couldn't even do the simplest thing without a yeerk to-

((You've got your hands,)) Yalran said.

((…Wha?))

((Your hands. Try moving them. Quickly,)) Yalran said.

I stopped stewing at that point, and took in my surrounding properly. Yalran had stopped working, and had both of my arms resting on my lap. She'd placed my hands under my desk, out of everyone's sight.

So I did try moving them. I bent and stretched my fingers, and moved my hands around at the wrists in every which way. They both seemed to be working exactly as they ought to.

((See?)) Yalran said. ((There's no problem. You're fine. Okay?))

I curled and straightened all ten of my fingers one last time, then gave her a little mental nod. ((Okay,)) I said.

She took back control after that. I wasn't surprised, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed.

((Thanks,)) I said weakly.

((Oh, no problem,)) Yalran said, as she went back to work. ((Keeps you from worrying, right?))

I tried actually listening to what the teacher was saying for a moment, but I soon realised it was a lost cause, and I quickly gave up.

((I didn't know you could do that,)) I said.

((Do what?)) she said.

((Give me control without giving all of it,)) I said. ((Giving me just…bits.))

((Well, I can,)) Yalran said, with a little mental shrug.

I wondered what exactly she was thinking then. I sensed her detecting that thought of mine, sensed her shutting me out, and then sensed nothing else

((Hey, Yalran?)) I said. ((Do you think you could, well, do that again some time?))

I felt her get ready to say something - or perhaps, rather, I felt her want to say something. She ended up keeping that something to herself though, whatever it was going to be.

((It doesn't have to be my whole body or anything,)) I said. ((Just…little bits. Every now and then. You know?))

I could feel Yalran right there, leaning on my mind. Her thoughts were so close to me, and yet so very far away.

((Please?)) I said.

Yalran's silence stretched out just a moment longer.

((Well, for my cooperative, voluntary, willing host?)) she said, with a little mental smirk. ((And to keep you from bugging me? I suppose little control is fine. In private, at least. Sound fair?))

She continued to lean heavily on my thoughts, her internal smirk transforming into a lighter smile as I took those words in.

With hindsight, perhaps, I shouldn't have been so thankful to her. But after so many months with no control at all, even a little bit sounded like utter heaven.

((Oh, Yalran, thank you!)) I said. ((Thank you so much!))

((Yeah, yeah, sure,)) Yalran said. ((Just keep it to yourself, okay?))

I nodded mentally. ((I will,)) I said. ((I promise.))

That lunchtime, Yalran and I found ourselves standing outside Miss Andrews' classroom. The door to the room was closed, but we both knew Tellarin would be inside - and, in all likelihood, alone.

((Go on,)) I said. ((Knock.))

Yalran made me take one step closer, my arm raised and ready to rap on the door - but then she just stood frozen in place.

Tellarin almost always stuck to that classroom during the day, even when she wasn't teaching. That made it easy for students to find her, should they want to speak - and made it doubly easy for yeerks to speak to her without risking their cover.

((Come on, this'll be easy,)) I said. ((Just tell her you need to socialise to maintain your cover. That's all you need to do.))

Yalran nodded my head silently, then knocked hard on the door. ((Well, here goes,)) she said.

Seconds later, the door came open - with Tellarin 1476 right on the other side, smiling a sweet Miss Andrews smile.

'Oh, hello, Beth,' Tellarin said. 'Can I help you?'

'I'm having trouble with your homework, Miss,' Yalran said. 'Question three.'

Tellarin's host's face dropped at once. 'I'm alone. Come in,' she said.

Yalran had been speaking in code. There had indeed been homework from Miss Andrews' most recent class, but Yalran had yet to even to look at it.

Tellarin closed the door behind us as soon as we were inside. 'What is it?' she said.

'I plan to socialise with a potential host on Saturday, after I have fed,' Yalran said. She swallowed. 'I need leave from my regular duties that day.'

'Mmm. Well, that makes sense,' Tellarin said. 'But…who is this potential host? Are they going to Sharing meetings?'

'Her name is Helen Johnson,' Yalran said. 'She was my host's best friend. She came to the Gardens with us, and she plans to come tomorrow too. I think she could be voluntary, sub-visser.'

'Explain.'

'She has no real friends, other than my host,' Yalran said. 'She's very isolated, socially. She won't want to leave the Sharing, after a few meetings.'

'And yet you plan to met her outside of the Sharing. Why?'

'To maintain my cover, sub-visser,' Yalran said. 'My host and this human used to socialise often.'

'I see,' Tellarin said.

She went over to Miss Andrews' desk, over by the whiteboard. She sat down and rubbed at her host's forehead, as though deep in thought.

'Very well. Request granted,' Tellarin said. 'But…that host of yours. How would you describe her mood, right now?'

For a moment, Yalran worked my mouth without actually speaking. It was plain for anyone to see that the question had caught her off-guard.

'She's…cooperative, sub-visser,' Yalran said.

Tellarin regarded us levelly from her desk, a smile creeping into her stolen face. 'That is not what I asked, Yalran,' she said.

'I-I don't understand, sub-visser,' Yalran said.

'Cooperation can take many forms,' Tellarin said. 'Some hosts cooperate because they're too frightened not to. But others…well,' she said. 'Tell me: were you to drop control, right now, what would happen? What would I see? '

Yalran wasn't smiling at all. Externally, she was keeping my expression passive, staring just slightly ahead of where Tellarin sat. Internally…well, passive was certainly not the word.

((Um, Beth? Help?)) Yalran said.

((Tell her the truth,)) I said. But not the whole truth, I didn't need to add, since I could feel her scanning my every thought.

'She's…calm, right now,' she said. 'If I dropped control, she'd…do nothing of note, sub-visser,' she said, reading it off of my thoughts as I thought them. 'She'd just move around a bit, while she could. That's all.'

'You mean she wouldn't even try to rebel, when given the chance? No shouting out, or anything like that?'

'No, sub-visser,' Yalran said. 'She doesn't see the point.'

'I see,' Tellarin said. 'In that case, Yalran, this is an order: drop your control. Now.'

And so Yalran did just that; she didn't need telling twice.

I wobbled where I stood, and leaned on a desk to steady myself; the suddenness of Yalran's departure had taken me by surprise. And then, I stood myself upright, my arms swinging a little by my sides. I tried my hands once each; they were fine.

'Mmm,' Tellarin went.

I jumped a little, and turned in the direction of her voice.

'You're calm, for an involuntary,' Tellarin said. 'Very calm.'

I just stared at her without speaking. I'm not sureether she actually expected me to reply. She regarded me steadily with unblinking eyes, her head resting atop interlocked fingers. I returned her gaze, my heart beginning to thump as I did, and saw her forehand slowly crease into a frown.

'Calm indeed, all things considered,' Tellarin said. 'Well, that's enough. Come back, Yalran.'

Yalran reasserted herself immediately, straightening my body as she did. I'd been slouching a great deal, though I hadn't noticed.

'It would seem you've gotten lucky, Yalran,' Tellarin said. 'Her cooperation must seem a real blessing to you, after her past behaviour.

'It is, sub-visser. Very much.'

'Can you explain why she's so cooperative, all of a sudden?'

'She…she's finding it better than rebelling, sub-visser. It means not being punished, after all.'

'Well, makes sense,' Tellarin said. 'And this afternoon you intend to spend with her friend? What does she think of that.'

'Well, she's…' Yalran began.

'Looking forward to it?' Tellarin offered.

'Well, yes yes, sub-visser. A lot,' Yalran said.

Tellarin gave a brief nod of her head. 'Mmm, yes. Like a said, a blessing,' she said. She paused for a moment, her mouth becoming a hard straight line. 'But also a curse, if you are not careful,' she said. 'I trust you will be?'

'I…I don't understand, sub-visser,' Yalran said.

'What I mean, Yalran, is that a host like that can easily make a yeerk start to… well, sympathise. You see?'

Yalran's posture went utterly rigid. 'I…well, yes, sub-visser.'

'But you won't, will you?'

'N-no, sub-visser, of course.' Yalran said, relaxing my body a little.

'I know you won't,' Tellarin said. 'Because you will be careful. Won't you?'

Yalran nodded my head. 'Yes, I will, sub-visser,' she said, relaxing more.

'Her continued cooperation must never come at the expense of your duties, no matter how tempting it may be,' Tellarin said. 'Remember that, and you have nothing to fear. Understood?'

'Yes, sub-visser,' Yalran said, with a faint nod. 'Absolutely.'

'Very good,' Tellarin said. She looked my right in the eye then, her own eyes burning with a sudden intensity. 'A well-behaved host does not make you a sympathiser, Yalran,' Tellarin said. 'So next time, do not hesitate in answering me. Am I clear?'

'Y-yes, sub-visser. Of course.'

'Good,' Tellarin said. 'As I said, your request is granted. Now go. And close the door behind you.'

Yalran did exactly as instructed, and then said nothing to me as she made her way outside to eat. My stomach grumbled slightly as she walked.

((Well, that went well,)) I said. ((I think.))