There's a giant caterwauling in the background. I'm spread out on a lawn chair, dozing to my heart's content. Mayuri's among the pack of bidders, waving his scapel optimistically for the chance to take a slice off Grimmjow should he roll off the stage amidst his heated clash with Nnoitora.
The quinta Espada is so far proving to be a fierce competitor. He gnashes his teeth, splaying his arms to catch Grimmjow as the teal-haired male smashes into him.
Silver Eternity: "Nnoitora, of course you don't get an inch of kindness, you're a sexist uppity asshole who deserves nothing less than a kick in the balls! Especially for beating up Grimmjow!"
Grimmjow flashes Silver Eternity a sexy smile just as she shoots Nnoitora with a syringe gun full of sedatives. Simultaneously, Mangareader125 bashes him for his foul potty-mouth and throws a bar of soap into his mouth, which hits the mark dead-on.
Nnoitora's eyes roll up into the back of his head so that only his sclera are visible and he goes limp, crumpling on the stage like a ragdoll.
"Grimmjow, I add on to my previous offer- I will give you Nnoitora clones to tear apart, as many as you like, and enough power to trounce even Aizen in his butterfly mode or Starrk on a bad day! Further, if necessary, as your queen- mind you, again, NOT treating you like a slave or an animal- I would go out and bring you back virgins to deflower should you desire them. Or clone some, whichever you prefer."
A long grin splits Grimmjow's lips and he lifts his arms to thread his fingers together behind his head, flexing his biceps. All the fangirl's in the stadium drool. Nnoitora snores.
As for me, I caterpault out of my chair as soon as I hear Kaien's voice.
"Kevvy...you don't love me anymore to accept me in a bid?" Mangareader's Kaien plushy begins to tear up and I bawl. "I'm not downplaying you, Kaien! I LOVE YOU!"
Mangareader125: "Is he authentic enough for you? You made him cry!"
"OH MY GAWD! I DIDN'T MEAN IT, I SWEAR! KAIEN, BABY, I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU!" I wail, flailing around onstage.
"There, there, Kaien, it's okay..." Mangareaders pats the Kaien plushy on the back as I go crazy.
ZangetsuJakes proceeds to come forth and put up his offer for none other than Grimmjow—no surprise there. I fly behind stage sobbing my ass off as the proposal rises to vacation homes, a chef from a 6 star restaurant (whose specialties are filet mignon and T-bone steak), a special sushi chef and a shitload of pies of every variety...including one with "Spoon-head" as the main ingredient.
"THE FUCKITY FUCK?!" Nnoitora screeches, flying in a fit of rage from his cataleptic state.
"Nnoitora...I'll give you Tesla if you come with me, and respite from crazy hater-girls."
Grimmjow just begins laughing his off ass hysterically at the roundabout way in which Nnoitora has been insulted. "PUT IN A PIE AND THEN GIVEN RESPITE! HAHAHAHA!" Grimmjow bends over clutching his sides, heaving for breath. "MAN, YOU WON'T EVER GET A BREAK, WILL YA?"
Nnoitora snarls, pacing the platform like a savage animal. I come out behind the velvet curtains with a large box of tissues just as Grimmjow is pulled aside to discuss with Mangareader about the ultimate blackmailing trump card being presented.
twijazluver: "LMAO. I laughed so fucking hard. When is Nnoitora going to choose?"
"Probably never if people keep pissing him off," I say, voice muffled as I pluck a tissue from the box and hold it to my puffy red eyes. "Lately, I've learned something quite surprising. A lot of people hate Nnoitora. I can't fathom why. I actually like his character." A split-second later, TheMadamesOfInsanity pops up out of the audience to bid on Nnoitora.
"Okay, I bid an entire world of people ranging from different power levels, weak to strong, for you fight and kill, as well as the most delicious food you can get your hands on. I won't bother you at all, and I'll even make you a clone of Nelliel for you if you want to kill or make fun of her. I'll let you kill anyone who calls you 'Spoonie' as well! Please, please be mine."
Nnoitora shrugs almost acceptingly as my attendant rushes up on stage and hands me a piece of paper.
"Okay, peeps, I've got the results," I say, and look over at Grimmjow, who is nearly being swallowed up by the throng below the stage as he signs autographs and takes off his jacket, tossing it to Mangareader125.
"The winner for Grimmjow..." The crowd squeals "...is Silver Eternity!" I throw confetti around wildly and accidentally toss some into Nnoitora's mouth as he correctly spells out masseuse for Valentine Revenge.
"M-A-S-S-A-EAAAGH!" Nnoitora begins to flail around, fingers wrapped around his neck as he desparately attempted to regurgitate the confetti.
"I will try my best to also win Tesla so you have someone to beat up and order around besides the residents of Shrimpville," ValentineRevenge added. She also went on to say about his attractive masseuse, his freedom of movement in Shrimpville, and how he would be allowed to destroy whatever the hell he wanted...all while Nnoitora chocked to death.
As the color fled the Arrancar's complexion, Grimmjow went over to kick his corpse in the kidneys before rushing off to meet Silver Eternity. "I'M STARVING! AND THIRSTY! WHERE'S MY BEER?" he demanded, sauntering back-stage to assault or harass my assistants while he waited for Silver Eternity.
Meanwhile, Nnoitora just lay there on the floor, dead as a door-nail.
I could ressurect him, but he wouldn't be revived until next chapter, so this soliloquy is really pointless.
"Until next time, my beloved readers!" I declare, waving to my audience as I drag Nnoitora's corpse away to be revived.
To be continued...
In memorium of his recent passing, Choujirou Sasakibe is going on Auction next chappy. However, because he's not all that famous among fans, I'm going to speed up the process by adding another character on the bidder's block: Orihime Inoue.
So next chappy, CHOJIROU, NNOITORA, AND ORIHIME will be on Auction. Don't waste time and bid as soon as possible! Your fav character could be gone before you know it.
A solid FYI for all those who are bidding on Nnoitora: A lot of you insult him and then bid. What's up with that? It's not really helping your chances of winning him over, if you know what I mean...
He seems to be getting away from me these days and acting out on his own...which is weird. So I have no clue when he'll make a decision. It could take a while, so fans, please be patient. In the meantime, I've put up Chojirou and Orihime for Auction to keep this thing going.
Mangareader125: Your offer is spectacular, and I would like nothing more than to accept. Unfortunately, as wonderful as the Kaien plushy sounds, I could end up inadvertently pissing off someone who might actually like Mayuri, so I have to decline.
I know, I know, it sucks, but I have to give every Bleach character a chance, no matter how much of an filthy, abominable asshole they might be. Unless of course, there are more requests like yours to remove Mayuri from the betting table, then I would be more than happy to oblige. :)