Anemone
By: oONekomataOo
Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue.
Warnings: OOCness, Maaya-bashing, AU-ish, mild language, and flirty bats.
Neko: This chapter brought to you by a random urge to imagine Kuronue and Kurama in pinstripe suits. How does it fit into the much-neglected plot? Yeah…don't ask.
------Respose To Reviewers------
Neko: Ok, I know all you Story Alerters got the notice that I updated Anem, and were like "That freak actually got the next chapter up in less than three months?! WTF?!"
Kuro: Can you blame them?
Neko: (sweatdrops) ….No. Shut up. (shuffles random papers) Ooh! This is an interesting poll.
Kuro: What? Did the Iro-supporters decide to jump off a cliff?
Neko: No, apparently the readers think Youko's hotter than you. Sorry.
Kuro: What?! That can't be true! Right, Neko?!
Neko: (turns around, points to sky) Oh, look! A star!
Kuro: ……
Neko: And I promise I'll do my best not to disappear. It'll take more than a stranger pulling up in a limo and asking me to get in.
Kuro: Oh, really?
Neko: Sure. He'd have to be hot…and have candy. Lots of candy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I swear to god I could actually feel my braincells commit mass suicide during Badger's latest lecture of The Individual, The Economy, and The World That Will Inevitably Screw Everyone Over."
"You don't say…"
"Ugh…the only thing that got me through that fifty minutes was the knowledge that they'd be serving okonomiyaki for lunch today.
"It's good you have your priorities straight."
"I'm telling you, Kurama, the only thing I'm going to take from this semester is how to write an award-winning novel about boredom!"
Scholarly stuff has never been my thing. Not in Makai, not in the Ningenkai, and I'm pretty sure that when I die for real and go to Reikai, it won't be my thing there, either. Kurama knows this and knows this well….which is why he gets to hear about it every lunch period. The lucky guy!
The first week of school was already drawing to a close, but I wasn't about to drop this topic any time soon.
"And then while I'm trying to focus on the window behind Fish-head, he just gives me the stink-eye and gets Tachibana's permission to pull the blinds!"
While I know Red's heard a million other stories just like this one, he continued to listen and eat leftover kitsune udon—which I still joke is cannibalism, but learned not to gesture along with it. Last time I pretended to poke at my friend's fangs, a sword descended from the heavens and nearly landed between my eyes.
Oh, yeah. It was also on fire.
Tree-rat still claims that he misunderstood the gesture as an attack against Kurama. Bastard.
"Would you like to help out with a mission then?" offered the former Youko.
"A mission?" I asked, curious.
The tree growled its disapproval and Kurama looked up to give it a warning glance. I admit that I feel much safer having him here. Knowing that the fox can will the oak tree to bind the Tree-Rat with its own branches at the drop of a hat (or sword) is very comforting.
"If you have something to say, come down here and say it, Tree-Rat."
This landed me a warning glance from the redhead. I think it was intended to say 'Don't encourage him' but I took it more as 'Either of you start a fight and the custodian will be picking up pieces of you both off the side of the school walls.' Deciding that it would suck to die wearing something so…pink…I decided to play nice. For now, anyway.
"Koenma actually asked me to mention it to you to see if you were interested," Kurama continued.
"Koenma knows I'm here?! Shit, he's not gonna arrest me or anything is he?!" I asked in shock. "….He's not still pissed about that little insult at IHOP is he?"
"As long as you've covered your tracks since becoming 'Akatsuki Kuroji' you should be fine," the kitsune laughed.
"How'd he find me, though?"
"One thing you'll learn about Botan is that she loves to talk."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently the mission was to recover a potentially dangerous artifact from a youkai posing as a human living nearby. Makai goes suburbia, I love it. Kurama said he was told that other Reikai agents had asked about it, but the youkai resisted. In order to avoid causing a big tussle in the middle of human turf, Koenma assigned the Tantei to get it quietly. Your typical, run-of-the-mill recovery mission.
"And by 'recover' you mean 'steal,' right?"
"The report will say otherwise, but yes," grinned Kurama. "Interested?"
"Of course," I smiled, tightening the cord on my amulet a little. I wanted to make sure I had it around next lunch period, so I could pray to the gods of prettiness not to let flaming swords streak out of the sky and poke me in the eye every time I offended obnoxious, twitchy little Tree-Rats.
On our way back to the school, I noticed my friend looked a little down all of the sudden. Strange, he was fine just a minute ago. Could he be having second thoughts about thieving? ….Is that even possible?
"Ok, I know you're Youko and all, so I have a question—Why hasn't Walmart gone mysteriously bankrupt yet?" I asked with a grin. "You haven't gotten rusty, have you?"
"Well…" Kurama started, holding up something small in his hand. "I did just steal your wallet in the time it took you to ask such a ridiculous question."
I reached for the missing wallet in my pocket.
"Ooh…You still got it."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kuama had told me to meet him at his locker after school and we'd go to the target's house right away. He also said he had the disguises, but left the aliases up to me. I love aliases. Even more so, now that I've come to the human world and discovered the joys of video games. I had been missing out those last few years I spent in the Makai. The birth of Nintendo had been a beautiful thing.
According to my partner in crime, the target appeared to be a middle-aged woman living alone in a middle-class area of housing. She lived amongst the humans, but it was just for disguise purposes. The target probably couldn't even tell you the name of the prime minister, much less the name of an RPG character.
Our aliases are so going to be Sabin Figaro and Locke Cole.
I got there as soon as I could.
"Sabin Figaro and Locke Cole?"
"Yeah, I figured we could be insurance agents for Returners Car Insurance."
"Okay," replied the fox nonchalantly as he reached for something in the bottom of his locker.
Of course he was fine with it. The names didn't sound remotely Japanese or convincing even, but as long as he gets to be the thief, he doesn't bat an eyelash.
"Here," he said, tossing me a bag. "Put that on when we get closer to the house."
"What's in it?" I asked poking through it.
"Suits, sunglasses, briefcases…anything I thought we'd need for disguises."
"Where'd you score the stash?"
"Armani was having…a sale."
"Right," I said, looking at him sarcastically. "A sale."
"Everything was 90 percent off," he shrugged with a grin.
"And the other 10 percent?"
"I had to pay for the plane ticket to Italy."
"What the hell were you doing in freaking Italy?!"
"Youko wanted to see The Last Supper."
"Wasn't that stolen recently?"
"Life's funny that way."
"Life's funny that national treasures go missing during your stays in foreign countries? I bet the black market loves that."
"It went to a good cause," he said defensively.
"What? Your pocketbook?" I asked sarcastically.
"Only half. The rest went to a children's hospital fund."
I rolled my eyes.
"How very Robin Hood-like of you."
"That's what Maid Marian said," grinned the fox with a gleam of gold in his eyes.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
After clearing the landmines of fangirls and freaks from Meiou, we stopped at a small convenience store to change into our thievin' outfits. Kurama had the right idea. Forget black turtlenecks and hats, if we really need to rob people all we need are business suits and ties. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the lady took one look at us in all our pinstriped Armani glory and just gave us the artifact we were after.
I took off the designer shades and winked at the young clerk.
"If I told you I had the key to your heart would you give it to me?"
She very nearly fainted in sheer bliss. Her older co-worker walked over to see what was going on. This lady's hair was dyed and piled up into hundreds of tight curls and waves that stayed in place by no less then two bottles of industrial strength hair spray. Her make-up was so thick, that she looked like she'd be right at home on a kabuki stage. If we were in America, her name would be Gladys.
"What's going o-o-on-omygoodness…" she stammered, mirroring her co-worker's reaction.
We were good to go.
I paid for my pastry snack and left for the target's house with Kurama. It was just like he described, boring house in the boring middle of a boring suburban area. Even the lawn was pretty sparse—no bloody knives, severed arms, cultish symbols, dead bodies, nothing. Lack of originality doesn't even apply here. It was just hard to believe a demon lived in the two-story house I was looking at from across the street.
"If I couldn't pick up her youki, I'd think we had the wrong place," I complained.
"What's important is that we get the artifact back," Kurama reminded me.
"Yeah, yeah…"
We crossed the street, rung the doorbell, and put on our best salesmen smiles.
"Hello?" greeted the female youkai, opening the door. Instantly she was entranced by the handsome youkai on her doorstep. "M-M-May I help you?"
"Good afternoon Miss, my name is Sabin Figaro and this is my associate, Locke Cole," I beamed. "We're representatives from Returners Insurance Agency, at your service."
"Our company covers everything from automobile to homeowner's insurance," my red-haired accomplice added, without skipping a beat. "We've been in the business for over 60 years and enjoy the highest ratings in the industry for financial strength and claims-paying ability."
"Would you like to hear how we could change your life today?" I grinned.
The flustered woman wasted no time in throwing the door open and inviting us in for tea and cookies. Are we good or what?
"Whether you own your home outright or still have 29 years left on your mortgage, your home is one of your most important financial investments," I rambled on, suddenly grateful for taking so many business classes.
The homeowner in question, Shoko Yamada (who'd given us no less than her name, occupation, favorite pastimes, and measurements) bobbed her head happily and sipped her tea.
"We can get you a homeowner's rate quote today and help you set up an affordable policy to help you protect your home and possessions," Kurama continued our impromptu spiel.
"It goes against our personal policy to let such a beautiful young lady such as yourself live in this dangerous world unprotected from whatever life may throw your way," I said dramatically, crooked smile in place.
I think she melted into a pile of fangirlish goo on the spot.
After a few minutes of Insurance BS, I excused myself to 'use the bathroom.' Not the smoothest trick in the book, but it's not like Ms. Yamada thought we were here for any other purpose than to talk about insurance policies.
I immediately started looking around for the item after a quick security check. Despite the mission, I felt very relaxed and knew I had all the time in the world to find the little trinket, since Kurama was talking. If there's one thing that youko can do (besides stealing) it's charming the ladies.
I seriously doubt the lady even knew what the hell an umbrella insurance policy was or whether she was protected or not, but as long as she could keep words coming out of Kurama's mouth she could care less.
Entering what must serve as her office area, I found the artifact easily. The crazy pen-shaped thing inside a small glass case matched Koenma's written description exactly. The lock keeping it inside was so weak, I wanted to cry. If I had something of any importance to Reikai, I'd have that thing behind bars.
I safely tucked the object into my pocket and returned to the living room. Kurama was saying something about policy coverages and Ms. Yamada was on the edge of her seat. This woman clearly didn't get out enough.
"Well, I'd like to thank you for your time, Ms. Yamada, but we really should be going," I said to cue Kurama.
"W-Wait! Can't I at least get a business card or something?" our 'client' practically begged.
"Of course," Kurama smiled, pulling one out of his briefcase. "I have one right here."
As she turned to face him, the crafty little kitsune blew the pollen off a Dreaming Plant in her direction. She instantly fell asleep on her couch and would wake up thinking we were nothing but a dream, if she even remembered us at all.
I showed the artifact to Kurama to get his confirmation, and with the nod, we were back to the entrance of the house in less than a minute.
"Something wrong?" he asked, picking up on my saddened expression.
"I just feel guilty, I guess…"
"What do you mean?"
"Here we were posing as insurance salesmen and I forgot to tell her something important…"
"That being…?" Kurama asked with raised eyebrows.
"That in fifteen minutes or less, she could save fifteen percent or more on her car insurance by switching to—"
"—Let's go," he sweatdropped as we walked out to her front steps. "And here I thought you hated lizards."
"Hey, he's a gecko, Iro's the devil," I corrected, shutting the door behind us. "There's a huge difference."
Once outside, Kurama stopped to 'talk to a tree' and report the successful mission. The scene would look comical if I didn't know that the fire-rat was in it.
"Why didn't the spikey-haired brat want to come along?" I asked no one in particular.
"Because I didn't want to look like as big a fool as you in those human clothes," the 'tree' snarled back at me.
And with that the little jerk took off. I didn't see this of course, but I could feel his youki getting farther and farther away.
"Does he always play stalker on missions like this?"
Kurama just laughed.
"No, he usually avoids recon or recovery missions. Maybe he thought there was something he could do to help out on this one?"
"I don't think burning that lady's house down would have helped much."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was a sucessful mission. Well, okay, it wasn't really much of a "mission" to a pair of theives that spent their time stealing treasures from demon lords, dragons, and deathwishers, but hey, it beat writing my English paper. I looked over at Kurama to ask him more about the weird pen thingy, but he looked lost in thought again.
"You okay?"
"Eh?" he responded. "Yeah…just thinking."
"I know that look," I chided him, drooping my arm on his shoulder. "That's your Overthinking It Face."
"…My what?"
"You really wanna keep that pen thing and use it to destroy Meiou, right?"
He laughed.
"However, if you get to use the weird pen thing, I get to use the weird pen thing too."
"And what would you use it on, then?"
"Friday Fish Fry."
I had meant it to be a joke, but Kurama took it a little more personally.
"I'm sorry about Kaito attacking you the other day, Kuronue."
As nice as it was to hear someone call me by my real name, I resisted the urge to smile and bust a move. "It's fine, but why are you apologizing?"
"Kaito hasn't had any real experience with youkai before and grew up thinking I was just as human as everyone else," the kitsune explained. "He's only heard stories about how brutal they are, so suddenly when I wasn't the only demon on campus he felt threatened and became very...cautious."
'Cautious' was one word for it, 'psychotic' was another.
"Hey, I said it's fine, Red!" I tried to reassure him. "Not like it's your fault anyway."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was about six or so when I finally got back home. I forced Kurama to go to a celebratory Ramen Victory Meal at the first stand we passed, and then he had to head off to Reikai to give Koenma his lame pen protector back.
I got to keep the suit.
"I'm home, not hungry, and going to my room!" I called out as soon as I opened the front door. No point in sneaking in with all three residents home.
"Kuroji-chan!" I could hear Hazuki shout from the kitchen as she got closer. "Where have you been? You didn't call or any—oh, my god."
She saw the suit.
"Where in the name of all that's magical did you land yourself an Armani suit?!"
"Um…a friend gave it to me?"
"Which one?" she asked in disblief. "The prince or the oil tycoon?"
"The movie star," I answered sarcastically. "Kurama had to attend a formal contract signing and let me come with."
By this time Hana had now entered the room to see what the ruckus was about.
"You're friends with a movie star?! Like, does he know Nokuru-sama?!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, they have lunch together every Thursday," I rolled my eyes. "You can't really believe I— Eh?"
I just then notice Hazuki and Hana huddled in a corner whispering frantically and giggling, clear signs they've already entered the land of Celebrity Worship/Stalkage.
Oh, shit.
"Dumbass," Hiro sneered, head poked out of the kitchen doorway.
"Who asked you?" I snarled, kicking off my shoes and heading towards the stairs.
It was already too late to save Mom or Hana.
Won't Kurama be surprised the first time he comes to visit and is asked to sign autographs?
-----------------------------------------END: Chap. 12
::A/N::
Neko: Yeek. Ended up pretty choppy, but that's what happens when you write stuff based off of fangirlish desires and about negative 7 hours of sleep. Mmm…pinstripes…
I'll try to squeeze a better Kuro vs. Hiei battle in somewhere soon. Those are fun to write! Next chappie I'll actually be (gasp!) returning to the plot and filling in a few loopholes!
Translation Corner------------------------
I tend to include foreign words in my fics, so you can see definitions here. If you see something that's wrong or that you want to add on, let me know so I can fix it. (To shorten this, most of the character names that appeared and were defined in previous chapters, were left out.)
Koumori (Jap.) "Bat"
Kitsune (Jap.) "Fox"
Kitsune udon (Jap.) A type of Japanese noodle dish. Very yummy. Not made with actual fox meat, calm down.
Youkai (Jap.) "Demon"
Youki (Jap.) "Demon Energy"
Makai (Jap.) "Demon World"
Ningen (Jap.) "Human"
Ningenkai (Jap.) "Human World"
Reikai (Jap.) "Spirit World"
Armani (It.) Clothing company named after some Italian guy. All you really need to know is 'Sexy Pinstripe Suits.'
Sabin Figaro & Locke Cole (Jap.) If you recognize these names, congratulations, you are awesome. If not, do yourself a favor and play Final Fantasy VI. Kuro-muu was almost Setzer, but I fought the urge lol.