Title: Eternally Missed
Category: TV Shows » Once Upon A Time
Author: Alwaysbringback-up
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T (for language)
Genre: Suspense/General

Love Makes Me

Pairing: SwanQueen

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the OUAT universe. All characters belong to the show's creators, Eddie and Adam. I promise that my writing is done purely for recreational purposes only. No ill harm is intended.

A/N: Here's the next chapter!

Henry's hand feels warm in hers as Emma walks down Main Street. Every so often, Emma catches Regina's glance over the top of Henry's head, as they walk along. Henry hasn't stopped talking since they left the mansion. It's clear that he's taken it upon himself to fill Emma in on everything that has happened in her absence, and Emma can't seem to stop smiling, as she realizes how comfortable this all feels. There is something just so domestic about this whole thing.

When they get to Granny's, Emma holds the door open for Henry and Regina. As soon as they clear the threshold Emma moves to follow, but something makes her hesitate. The last time she'd set foot in this place, Emma had felt only pain as things had seemingly imploded. She'd had her worst fears and insecurities come to a dramatic realization.

"Emma?" the feeling of Regina's soft hand in hers, jolts Emma out of whatever trance she's in. "Hey. You okay?" Regina's expression is so open and understanding Emma finds immense comfort in the brunette's chocolate eyes. The brunette seems to be able to sense her apprehension, because she says, "Listen, I know that your last memory of this place was…" Regina's voice trails off to nothing as the brunette, too, remembers the events of that fateful morning. "I know that I caused you a lot of misery, but I promise you that I'm going to make up for all of the pain I caused you." Emma swallows thickly, fighting back tears, at the brunette's promise. "How about we make this the first of many happy mornings to come."

"I'd like that," Emma smiles. This time, when Regina's hand tugs at hers, Emma follows the brunette inside and slips down into the booth next to Henry. Regina takes the seat across from them.

They only have enough time to order drinks before Mary Margaret and David are pushing into the Diner. Emma stands, walking over to give them both hugs at the door.

"Hey, Mom," Emma greets as she wraps her arm around the short brunette. "It's good to see you."

Emma lets out a laugh as Mary Margaret latches on and doesn't let go. "Mom," Emma pretends to sound affronted, but it doesn't work. The brunette just holds on.

"I was so worried about you," Snow says, as she rocks them back and forth.

"I'm alright, Mom," Emma says as she gives the older woman a squeeze. "Really, I'm fine."

"Snow," David teases. "You're going to have to let go. I want a hug too, you know?" Snow finally releases Emma with a sense of embarrassment. Regina notes how Snow's cheeks have flushed with a healthy shade of red.

"Hey, Dad," Emma greets as she wraps her arms around her father. "How're you?"

"I'm good," he tells her as he gives her a squeeze and then releases her. "We've missed you."

"I…I missed you guys too," Emma says honestly. Emma glances to Regina who is standing in the wings, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Snow," Regina nods in greeting, "Charming."

"Good morning, Regina," Snow greets with a smile. Regina can't hide the expression of surprise on her face when Snow suddenly pulls her into a crushing hug. The brunette tries to pull away, but Snow is having nothing of it. "Thank you," Emma hears her Mom whisper into Regina's ear as she hugs her tightly. "Thank you for bringing my baby home."

"Uh…" Regina stutters awkwardly as she pulls away, "Of…course."

"Should we all sit?" Emma suggests as she notices how Henry is beckoning them all over. Slowly they gravitate towards the table and all sit.

"So," Emma says awkwardly as they all wait for their drinks to arrive. When that still doesn't work Emma turns to her father. "How're things going at the Sheriff Station?"

"Uh…good," David says. "We've been a little shorthanded, but hopefully things will be better now that you're back."

"Oh," Emma says with a gasp of surprise. "I… You want me to come back?"

"Of course," he says as if it is obvious. "You were elected as Sheriff. I only saw myself as being a temporary replacement." Emma swallows over the lump in her throat at the notion. "Don't you want to come back?"

"Of course," Emma replies honestly. "But I'm not sure that I should."

"What does that mean?" Snow is the first to cut into the conversation.

"I think that if my leaving proved anything, it's that I don't deserve that responsibility," Emma says sadly, as she looks down into the table. "But I'd love to come back…even if it's only as a Deputy."

"I think that Emma returning to her position as Sheriff would be a wonderful idea," Regina cuts in. "In fact, I'll draw up the paperwork as soon as possible."

"Do you think that wise?" Emma asks numbly. "Because I hardly think now is a good time to put people's safety in my hands."

"I trust you," Regina tells her. "Trust me. Going back to work will be good for you. It'll help take your mind off of things."

"What if I screw up again?" Emma asks softly.

"Emma," Emma's eyes dart up from the table as she feels the warmth of Regina's hand on hers. "You won't. But maybe it would be a good time to explain to your parents why you really left Storybrooke."

"Right," Emma swallows thickly. "Okay." Emma lets out a quick breath as she gathers her courage, "Mom, Dad, I…I really hope you know how much I love you, but…umm…one of the reasons I took off… Well, it was because I was started to feel really overwhelmed by all of the responsibility. Ever since I came back after New York, it… it just felt like everyone was looking at me to fix everything, you know? Hell, even you two were acting like I was supposed to fix it all, and I just reached a point where I felt like I didn't have any more that I could possibly give. It was going to break me."

"Oh, Emma, I'm so sorry," Snow says softly. "I think I speak for your father and I when I say that we never meant for you to feel that way."

"I know you didn't," Emma manages a weak smile. "But maybe for the sake of avoiding feelings like this in the future we can…all work together… you know, as a team or something."

"Of course," David nods. "But let us hope that we don't have to worry about anything in the near future."

"About that," Regina is the first to speak up. "There's something that we need to talk about…." Regina ignores the way that Emma keeps shaking her head, in a vigorous manner, as if that will be enough to stop Regina and ward off what she is about to say. "I can tell that your daughter does not wish for me to tell you this, but you need to know… I was not able to fix her."

"What?" Henry's expression is suddenly somber.

"Mom?" he looks torn between acceptance and disbelief, "Is this true?"

"Yes," Emma nods. She tries to swallow over the sudden lump in her throat, but is failing miserably.

"But you said that you were going to be okay," Henry says with a hurt expression on her face.

"No, Henry," Emma shakes her head, "I said that I was okay. And I am…"

"But what about the poison?" Henry questions.

"It wasn't poison," Regina says, before Snow or Charming can manage a word in edgewise.

"What do you mean is wasn't poison," Snow finally manages to question. "If it wasn't poison what was it?"

"Metal forged by the shadow," Regina answers. "It was forged in Thakan'dar."

"No," Snow gasps. "Don't tell me that it touched her blood."

"But it did," Regina says evenly.

"Whoa," David says as he raises a hand, "Can we all slow down a minute, please? I…I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Emma's heart has been touched by the shadow," Snow tells him, between hot tears.

"No, but we…" David seems to catch himself before he says too much. For a moment, he almost tells everyone at the table about how they removed Emma's potential for darkness, and put it into another.

"Actually," Regina clears her throat. "I think I managed to pull Emma's heart from her body before the shadow could touch it…but we're not sure that it matters."

"What does that mean?" Henry asks. "Is Mom dying?"

"There is more than one way for a person to die, kiddo," Emma tells him sadly. "In this case, I've merely misplaced my soul."

"You don't have a soul?" he repeats. "But you can't live without a soul… Does that make you evil?"

"Look," Emma says harshly. "I…I don't know, okay? And believe me when I say that I wish I did."

"Emma," Snow manages to sniffle in between her tears.

"Look, I…I really don't want to talk about this now, okay?" Emma says shortly. "Regina and I are going to try and figure everything out. And I assure you…all of you…that as soon as the two of us figure out what is going on, that you'll be the first to know."

"I'm going to help, Henry," Regina promises. "We will get your mother her soul back." Henry nods. "And until then, I think it would be a good idea if Emma were come and stay with us so that I can keep an eye on her."

"I think that's a wonderful idea!" Snow says as Emma opens her mouth to protest. "Don't you, David?"

"Uh… Yeah," he nods. "That is…if you're sure you're okay with it."

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't okay with it," Regina replies. "Emma can stay in the guest room."

"Cool!" Henry smiles, his happiness returning. "We can be a family."

Emma feels her temper burn hotly. They're doing it again, planning her future as if she has no say in what her life is to be.

"Umm…excuse me," Emma says angrily. "Do any of you even care about what I have to say on the matter?"

"Emma…"

"Don't," Emma says with clenched fists. "God, I'm sick of never having any say in my own life! All I want, for once, is to be able to decide things for myself!" Emma says as she slides out of the booth and stands.

"Look," Regina says as she tries to calm down the blonde. "I just thought you'd need someone to look after you."

"Have you even thought about how insane this all is?" Emma hisses. "We don't even know what the effects of lacking a soul are? I could be dangerous. Hell, I could hurt you. Do you mean to tell me that you're willing to take such a risk? And what about, Henry, huh? Do you really want a time bomb sleeping in the same house as our son?"

"Emma…"

"NO!" Emma shouts. "I hurt Henry once, and I promised myself that I would never risk it happening again. Ever!" Emma's breathing heavily as she looks at everyone sitting at the table. "I'm right! You know I'm right." Emma takes a shuddering breath. "God, you guys can go back to planning my entire life if you want, but I'm out of here."

"Emma!" Emma ignores the way that her name chases her out of the diner.

Emma feels like she's on autopilot as she walks into the small corner grocery store in downtown Storybrooke. She plucks a basket from near the door and walks through aisle after aisle. She'd originally intended to pick up food, as her cupboards and fridge were completely bare after months of being away, but she found as she wove her way through the aisles that absolutely nothing enticed her. So far, the only things she'd picked up were coffee and orange juice.

Eventually, Emma finds herself walking down the supplement aisle. She picks up a large bottle of vitamins, and freezes in front of the energy supplements. Before long, she's loaded several cases of 5-hour energy into her basket, filling it completely full. She unquestionably hates the taste of 5-hour energy, no matter the flavor, but she figures that if anything can keep her from slipping into the nightmares that plague her every time she closes her eyes for more than a minute, it's 5-hour energy.

"Wow," she hears a voice from behind her speak as she loads the last case into her basket, "I don't think that the 5-hour energy company executives ever need to worry about going out of business with you around. You must be buying out the entire 5-hour energy section of the store." Sheepishly, Emma slips one of the cases back onto the shelf. "You must really want to stay awake."

Emma turns, unable to stop the smile from turning her lips up at the corners. "Hey, Rubes." Emma laughs softly at the brunette suddenly gives Emma a half embrace, wrapping the arm not carrying her basket around Emma in a warm embrace.

"Hey, Ems," Ruby greets, "It's so good to see you! I was starting to think you might not be coming back."

"Oh! Of course I was always coming back," Emma felt her face flush with heat, "The truth is, I…uh…didn't really plan on being gone for quite so long. But I'm back now, and I won't be going anywhere in the foreseeable future."

"Glad to hear it," Ruby says honestly. "So…what's up with all of the 5-hour energy?"

"Oh," Emma clears her throat nervously, "It's umm… It's for stakeouts, you know? When you're out there by yourself, you gotta find ways to stay awake. And since I'm gonna be going back to work at the Sheriff's office soon, I figured I oughta stock up."

"Oh, right," Ruby shrugs indifferently. "So… Will we see you at Granny's anytime soon?"

"Of course," Emma reassures her. "In fact, I'll probably be in for breakfast with Regina and the kid on Monday, in order to celebrate me going back to work."

"Cool," Ruby says with another quick hug, "Look, I've gotta get these ingredients to Granny, but I'll see you then." Emma nods. "We should hang out sometime soon, and do some catching up. You've missed out on a lot lately."

"I'd like that," Emma smiles, "Take care, Ruby."

"You too, Ems," Ruby says as she takes off down the aisle.

By the time Emma gets home from the store, she feels her eyes beginning to droop. She's been up for so long that her eyes are starting to sting. With a sense of panic, Emma pulls one of the cases of 5-hour energy out of the grocery bag, depositing it onto the kitchen counter, and rushes over to slide a knife out of her knife block. She walks back to the case sitting on top of her counter, and quickly plunges the knife down into the plastic, and slices the packaging open. She pulls out two bottles from its confines, wrestling with the plastic around the cap, while cursing under her breath. She knows that she can't afford to go to sleep, because if she does, she knows that she's going to wind up going to that place. Emma finds herself nearly hyperventilating just thinking about it.

Finally, Emma gets the cap open and tips the foul tasting concoction into her mouth, wincing at the awful taste. She repeats this several times. Then she promptly takes the orange juice out of the grocery bag, and opens the carton. She grabs a glass out of the cupboard, but quickly realizes that she's going to have to wash all of her dishes. Everything is covered in a fine sheen of dust.

Screw it, Emma thinks, as she starts drinking it straight from the carton.

But nothing can quite get rid of the nauseating taste of the energy drink.

She just prays that it's enough to keep her awake until Regina comes up with a solution.

A/N: I know that's sort of a weird place to stop, but if I hadn't ended it there, this chapter would have been like 15,000 words. I'll update soon, I promise.

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Thanks for reading as always!