WARNING: 'The Notebook' spoiler! The ending of the movie is revealed by the end of this chapter.

James Carstairs

Alec had had a busy few weeks. His editor had given him a deadline for his first draft, and he had worked day and night for weeks now trying to make it before deadline. He had been cranky and rude, and he felt sorry for Magnus because he was putting up with it. Of course Magnus had taken a few late nights at work, and he had even gone out a few times on weekends as a way of getting out of Alec's hair, so to speak. Alec hadn't worked on anything with such concentration since his last exam, and that seemed nothing compared to an entire book's draft.

He was now meeting his editor, who had insisted he brought in the manuscript rather than sent it to her. Alec hadn't argued, because he didn't think he could afford to argue against his editor's wish like that. But he was nervous that the woman wanted to change a lot of his story. He had talked to her before, of course, but he was more nervous now that he had something more substantial to offer her this time.

He introduced himself at the front desk and walked into Charlotte Branwell's office. Mrs. Branwell was a small woman. She looked almost like a child next to Alec, but that notion faded when he watched her a bit, while she talked about her plans for his book. She needed to read his draft, and then she explained the long process of revision afterwards, and so on. Once the meeting was done, Alec had noticed she gave off a powerful authority he hadn't expected in the small woman. It was also something he couldn't help but admire. He had googled her before he agreed to have her as an editor of course. And sure, Woolsey knew her, but Alec didn't know their relation to each other, and he still wasn't sure how much he actually trusted Woolsey's judgment. But he had been surprised by the woman's career. She began working for a magazine at a very young age and worked her way up in editing. Now she was one of the top editors in New York. Alec listened to her with great admiration and a small fear of saying something wrong or being stupid suddenly, but he kept his calm and they agreed on a few new deadlines. She would read the manuscript within a week, despite being busy with other manuscripts of more famous authors. Alec had a feeling she was only giving him this attention because of Woolsey's connection to her, but he couldn't be sure. He just knew he was grateful for her time.

On the way back to the apartment he felt a weight lifted off his shoulder, that he hadn't realized he'd been carrying for the past few weeks. Instead of going straight home, he went by a coffeeshop and bought coffee for Magnus and Camille, and went by the studio. He had been inside his own mind for too long and he needed to get out and talk to people.

…

Magnus looked up from one of his screens, when he smelled coffee. A sweet smile spread across his face when he noticed it was Alec. They were doing a shoot for Lanvin, and they had a few models in, but Magnus wasn't so busy that he didn't have time to go say hello to his boyfriend. He gave him a small kiss and took the paper cup Alec held out for him.

"Hey there," he whispered. "How was the meeting?"

"It was alright. She'll contact me in a week," he shrugged.

"I'm sure she'll love it."

"We'll see. She seems to know what she's doing though," Alec said.

"Are you staying? I'll find you a chair," Magnus offered and looked around for somewhere to place Alec. Alec knew he must have missed him, while he had been trapped inside his own fantasy, writing stories about demons and hunters and other magical creatures. He sure knew he was beginning to miss Magnus, but he shouldn't intrude on a photoshoot and he'd only come for a cup of coffee and a short chat. He caught Magnus' hand gently.

"It's okay. I'm pretty tired. I'll make dinner tonight?"

"Or we could order something?" Magnus tried to hide his horror. The last time Alec had tried to cook dinner something burned and set off the smoke detector, which they had a difficult time to shut off.

"I'll be careful, and I'll read an actual recipe this time," Alec promised.

"Okay," Magnus looked at him in a sweet way that Alec recognized as affection. "Don't burn down the building," he said and kissed Alec. Alec put down the paper cup he got for Camille on a table, and told Magnus, because she was in one of her usual fits about everything having to be perfect. She could be a pain in the ass, but Alec also knew that without her to keep everything on point Magnus would never get to land photoshoots with the likes of Lanvin.

…

Back home Alec fell asleep immediately, not having realized how tired he was, and he didn't wake until one hour before Magnus got off work. He probably wouldn't have woken up if it hadn't been for Chairman Meow crawling on top of Alec's head. It was a strange habit the small cat had acquired. Alec quickly found a recipe for lasagna. Lasagna should be easy to make, right? He followed the recipe's steps one by one, while occasionally consulting Chairman, who returned his questions with a curious expression. Once the lasagna was in the oven he went for a quick shower. He was still tired, and he was completely ready for a quiet night in the arms of his boyfriend watching an old movie. But when he came back out from the bathroom only wearing a towel around his waist, running to see if he had burned the lasagna, he noticed he wasn't alone anymore. Magnus had brought a guest home.

"Woolsey!" Alec exclaimed, suddenly very much aware of his nakedness. "I didn't know you were coming over?"

"Oh don't mind me," Woolsey smirked, looking up and down at Alec.

"Sorry, I should have warned you," Magnus apologized as Alec went to put on some clothes. He went back down and took out the lasagna, which had cooked perfectly by now.

"Good thing I made lasagna. I think there's enough for everyone," Alec said, being as nice as he could. He didn't like Woolsey's small surprise visits, they usually didn't go so well. The Chairman didn't seem impressed with him either, and Alec remembered that Magnus had told him Woolsey wasn't a cat person. The kitten stared at him for a moment with dissatisfaction, before he left for the bed behind the half-transparent walls.

The three of them sat down to eat, and Woolsey explained that he wanted to stop by and ask about the book. He had talked to Charlotte apparently.

"She seems very intrigued by your story," he said and sipped his glass of red wine.

"I just handed in the manuscript today?" Alec said.

"She's already halfway through it."

"She told me I should expect her to take a week?" Alec continued.

"Apparently she couldn't put it down," Woolsey smiled, and Alec let go a nervous laugh. This particular visit didn't seem all that uncomfortable thus far. "But give her a week anyway, she'll probably go back to reread it and put in notes," he added with a shrug.

Woolsey and Magnus began talking about Magnus' business, and Alec cleared the table when they were done eating. They all settled down on the couch, and the conversation was more casual for a moment. Alec noticed the two of them joked around like the old friends they were, but which he had never seen before. He had never seen the two be social together, it had always only been about Alec and his writing, but it was a nice change. Until Woolsey brought up a new topic, and Alec's prediction about the visit came true.

"I talked to Tessa yesterday," Woolsey began. Magnus froze, and Alec felt his muscles tense. Tessa was the woman Will Herondale and that other man loved. Magnus came back to his senses, before Woolsey went on and he seemed to be suddenly very interested in what might be at the bottom of his wineglass. "Jem is ill again."

Magnus put down his glass, and Alec watched him as he reacted to the news. It seemed to hit some sort of nerve. Woolsey turned to Alec to explain further.

"James has had leukemia once before," he turned back to Magnus, "it's getting worse."

"He got through it last time," Magnus said coldly, as if he was talking about some stranger he had no care for. But despite his words, Alec could tell from the darkness in his eyes that he did care. Alec had never heard much of James, he only knew that he was the third person in the threesome that had once excluded Magnus. "Why are you telling me this now?" Magnus wondered, and Alec could tell what he really meant was 'why are you telling me this here in front of Alec?'.

"I thought you should know, in case… I don't know Magnus, he's a good person. You might want to see him," Woolsey said, and got to his feet. His mission for this visit was completed and he was leaving. "Thank you for dinner, Alexander, it was simple and lovely," he nodded goodbye to Alec, who returned him with a soft smile. The man must have known he and Magnus now had a few things to talk about.

…

"Jem was always the grounded one of the group, back when I knew him. At first I just thought he was boring, but I realized he was the one who was able to pull Will back, when he strayed too far." Magnus was caressing the tiny cat in his lap, while talking about Jem Carstairs. The tiny creature purred under his touch.

"Do you want to go see him?" Alec wondered. He wasn't sure how to feel about the situation. Jem had never been the one who triggered jealousy in Alec, as Will always was. He still wasn't able to read how important this person was to Magnus.

"William will be there. And Tessa," Magnus said without answering his question. "I don't know what I want, Alec. I haven't spoken to him in nearly ten years. It would be odd."

"You could write him a letter?" Alec suggested.

"That's a good idea," Magnus smiled softly. It was a smile of sadness. "He doesn't deserve this. He's pure kindness." Now his smile turned into fondness, and Alec recognized it as nostalgia. "I was always jealous of him and Will, the way they could look at each other and share a private joke. His patience with Will is out of the ordinary. I sometimes asked Tessa if she ever got jalous of their connection, and she told me she didn't want one without the other, because they made each other better. She saw something I didn't. Or perhaps it was only that they love her back just as much as they love each other. I'm sure the three of them are still as one," Magnus said. Alec put his hand on Magnus'.

"You won't ever have to share me," he promised, and looked at the kitten in Magnus' lap. "Well, except maybe with him," he added. Magnus didn't even smile at that, and that made Alec nervous. He took a deep breath, and continued to offer his advice, because he just couldn't help himself. "I can help you with the letter if you want? Or I could go with you to visit him?"

"I still think it would be weird to visit him after all those years," he replied.

"You could call him first? To see how he is?"

"Please stop offering your help. It's not nearly as charming as you probably think," Magnus said coldly. He had never talked to Alec like this before, and it did something to him deep within. It was like Magnus' sadness was suddenly contagious.

"I'm not trying to be charming. I don't like to see you upset."

"I'm not upset," Magnus said firmly.

"You're upset, because you don't know what to do. You probably know deep down you will feel guilty if you didn't contact him and he doesn't make it in the end," Alec said.

"Nobody makes it in the end! Stop trying to analyze me!" Magnus stood up now, and he definitely did not look upset anymore – he looked furious. Alec must have overstepped somewhere, and he realized that now. Frustrated with the situation Alec buried his head in his palms.

"I'm sorry," he said in a low voice, but he heard Magnus walk away. Alec looked up to see the frontdoor slam, and the kitten jumped behind the couch as a shocked reaction from the sudden noise. "Shit," Alec sighed and leaned back in the couch.

…

When Magnus had been gone for four hours, Alec began to get nervous. Maybe something had happened to him? Surely he wouldn't be so upset that he had left Alec for good and was now waiting for Alec to leave his apartment? No, something must have happened to him. An hour ago, Alec had tried to find Magnus at his studio, but no one was there, so he had gone back to the loft. Now Alec was calling up various people he knew in New York. First he had called Camille, who was useless. Then he had called Woolsey, who had said it was quite normal for Magnus to wander off for some time if he got upset, and told Alec not to worry too much yet. Then after some time's searching he finally found Catarina's number and called her to see if she was with Magnus, but she hadn't heard from him either. Alec walked around the apartment restlessly, not knowing what to do. Magnus had turned off his phone, he told himself. Magnus hadn't been mugged or attacked or something worse, he told himself. Even the kitten was beginning to look restless, as it walked around the loft not really settling for one place to lie down, but moving between several of his pillows.

It was early morning, when Magnus came back into the loft. Alec hadn't closed his eyes all night, and had been planted on the couch, staring at the TV worriedly. Magnus had had a couple of drinks, that much was clear from the unfocused look in his eyes. Alec felt both relieved and incredibly angry, at the sight of him by the frontdoor. In fact, he was so relieved and angry that he took a few determined steps towards his boyfriend and crushed his lips against Magnus' in a kiss so hard he could taste blood after a short moment. Magnus was so drunk, Alec realized now, that he didn't even have the strength to fight him off, so he took a step back on his own accord.

"Magnus…" Alec said in a low voice.

"I wrote a letter," he said and fumbled to find a piece of paper inside his jacket's pocket.

"You need to sleep," Alec said, and put his arm around Magnus to support him.

"I don't want to fight," Magnus said, eyes half-closed and his fingers playing with Alec's hair.

"I didn't mean to analyze you," Alec tried to apologize, but he wasn't very good at it in this case.

"You can't help yourself," Magnus looked at his feet, probably trying to determine where to place them next. He hadn't seemed this drunk before the kiss.

Alec led him up to the bed, where he helped him out of his clothes and placed him on the bed. He took the piece of paper, and placed it on the bedside table, where he would leave for Magnus to decide what to do with it tomorrow.

Not sure whether Magnus was really mad at him or not, Alec went down to sleep on the couch. Before he settled down he noticed Chairman Meow sat in the space between the couch and the bed, unsure of where to go, so Alec turned his back on the cat and lay down to sleep. He assumed the kitten had gone to lay next to Magnus, as he didn't see him again till later in the morning.

Alec got up after a few hours of sleep to make them both coffee, but he wasn't sure Magnus was going to get out of bed. He didn't know what to do, so he just put on his jacket and went to the park with his notebook after finishing his coffee. He wanted to give Magnus space. He didn't know why he was so upset about the whole situation, when he hadn't talked to James in so many years. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to get this sort of information about someone you were once close to.

He sat in the park for two hours, writing notes for his books, studying strangers' behavior as they walked in the park unaware of anything outside of their own personal bubble. Afterwards he went back to Magnus' place, and Magnus was up. He was sitting on the couch watching a black TV screen.

"You should really get some art instead, if you're not even going to turn it on," Alec tried to lighten the mood, and it seemed to work. Magnus suppressed a smile.

"I have no idea why I reacted the way I did. It's difficult to explain what goes on inside your head," Magnus shrugged. "It brought back memories."

"You know you can talk to me. I told you about Hodge," Alec sat down next to his boyfriend.

"That's different though. You didn't have an intimate relationship with Hodge, did you?"

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"I want you to read the letter. I want to send it to him. I want him to know that someone is thinking of him. I know he has his… family, but I want him to know," Magnus said and handed Alec the letter.

Dear Jem,

Woolsey told me about your condition. I'm truly sorry to hear it is getting worse. You are the kindest person I have ever met and you of all people deserve it the least.

I know it has been a long time since we last spoke, but please know that there was never a time when I didn't enjoy your company. Remember the time we had to save Will from getting in trouble with de Quincey's gang? I was glad you were with us, or I might not have gotten Will out of there alive. You were able to carry Will out, while I smooth talked de Quincey's bodyguards. You could carry a lot then, I will always think of you as the young man who could carry the world on his shoulders and never let it get to his head.

I hope Tessa and Will take good care of you, as well as you do of them. I know you're in good hands.

Sincerest,

Magnus

Alec took a deep breath once he'd finished reading the letter. Magnus was looking at him expectantly.

"It's beautiful, Magnus," he said and gave it back to Magnus. "You should send it to him. It's always nice to hear that someone is thinking about you."

Magnus nodded silently.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened with de Quincey?" Alec wondered. He thought the name sounded familiar, and he wasn't sure where he had heard it before. Magnus had probably told him a story once.

"De Quincey was a terrible human being. Remember I told you about Woolsey's brother getting in trouble? De Quincey's gang killed him. Well, Will didn't like him very much either, but unfortunately we were invited to one of his parties, and one simply does not turn down an invitation from de Quincey or he might send someone to chop your head off. I only exaggerate for emphasis. Anyway, we went to his party, and Will accepted some of de Quincey's drugs. Will was always terrible when on drugs, and Jem and I hated it. Luckily, we hadn't brought Tessa this specific evening. It went horribly wrong and Will was so high he began to talk in a very badly behaved manner to de Quincey. Long story shot, when de Quincey walked away I began to sweet talk his monkey, it didn't work of course, but it distracted him long enough for Jem to have time to pull Will over his shoulder and walk out of the party, before any more harm could be done," Magnus explained.

"It doesn't really seem like the experience to be sentimental about?" Alec wondered. It seemed to him like a horrible time.

"It wasn't. But Jem kept his cool the entire time. He always kept his cool. He is the most chill person you will ever meet. He even agreed to share his fiancé for crying out loud!" Magnus seemed to be in a better mood now. Alec watched him as he came to realize the same thing. "It's really incredible what it does to you… being in love I mean. I don't think I would think back on that time in my life with the same fondness if I didn't have something much better now."

"Why are we always doing this?" Alec whispered. They hadn't exactly been together for long enough to even have an 'always'. "Why do we keep getting upset and then just brush it off like a silly mistake?"

Magnus put his hand on both of Alec's.

"I realized something last night, when I was out. I'm not upset about what you think," he began. Alec didn't know what to think, so it was rather difficult to imagine what Magnus might assume. "I got upset because… life is short. It's usually much shorter for the kinder people."

"Or life just wants to test the kinder people, because life knows they can handle it?" Alec offered.

"Perhaps," Magnus smiled, and looked at the letter in his hand. "I'll send it tomorrow. It's getting late."

"Because you slept all day," Alec teased.

"Movie?"

"Sure. But we're not going to watch The No…"

"Notebook? Yes, let's watch it," Magnus said with a smirk, and Alec sighed.

By the end of the movie Magnus turned to look at Alec again. Alec hadn't really watched the movie before. Magnus was the only one who had ever made him watch it, and usually Alec did everything in his power to distract Magnus while watching it. It was a rather good movie, despite the obnoxiously romantic plot. Alec especially liked how much the two main characters were always bickering, it seemed oddly familiar.

"Mortality is such a bitch sometimes, and other times it is perfectly planned out for the two people in love," Magnus said. Alec leaned in to kiss Magnus' shoulder, waiting for him to say more on the matter. He enjoyed it very much when Magnus got philosophical. "Earlier today I was worried that… I worried that something similar might happen to you and take you away from me. It's silly how much power you have over me after such a short time. But it shouldn't take away my dream of having a ridiculously romantic ending like Noah and Allie," he said, about the two main characters who died in each others' arms of old age.

"I love you too," Alec whispered.