Chapter Twelve

It's alright James, this will be easy. Just go up, knock on the door and whoever answers, just tell them that your parents went out of town and ask if it's ok to stay there for a while. Everything will be fine, all of our mom's are friends, so it shouldn't be a problem at all. James licked his lips and shifted from foot to foot as he gazed at the house in front of him. He brushed his bangs, which hung lump across his forehead due to the lack of Cuda products and frowned, still thinking. But then again, they'll probably call my mom and dad just to make sure. But you've lied yourself out of situations before, how hard can it be now?

James took three deep breaths, calming himself down, and then forced himself to shift his backpack up his back and slowly walk up the driveway. If he wanted to turn back, he was giving himself the chance, but he knew that he couldn't stand another night sleeping in the park. His back hurt depending on the way he twisted, he could feel a layer of dirt on his skin, and it was driving him insane that he couldn't use any of his Cuda products.

The only thing that helped keep him from going completely insane was being able to open the bottle and smell the familiar scent of the stuff. James tilted his head back and looked at the sky as he went. It was the same sky that he had stared at for the past few nights, but now it looked different, more inviting.

James felt his skin itch and looked down at the cut that he made on his arm the night before and felt a hint of guilt along with a feeling of a rush that went though this body. He thought back on it.

A mirror caught James' eye and he turned to it.

He gazed deeply into the mirror. Every little imperfection his father had ever pointed out screamed at him. Every little flaw revealed itself. A single crystal tear ran down James' cheek.

Why aren't I good enough?James furrowed his eyebrows together and watched his reflection do the same.

With a long earsplitting scream, James brought his fist up and smashed it into the mirror. He took a deep breath, looking at the shards still holding onto the frame. He took a moment to glance at his hand. It was covered in blood. He saw little twinkles of glass in the numerous gashes.

But, surprisingly, there was no pain, just numbness.

James then noticed a large piece of the broken mirror on the ground.

He bent down and picked it up, regarding his reflection with faint interest. There was a small spray of blood across his left cheek.

James studied the form of the shard then touched the point to his left index finger and cut the tip. The blood flowed freely down his finger, over his palm, and onto his wrist. He moved the point down his hand and to his wrist.

He pressed the point and watched the blood well up.

James smiled.

He moved the point to the edge of his arm and placed it gently onto the skin and pulled hard. The blood came immediately and ran in a river down his arm.

James grinned.

He made three more deep slashes across his arm.

He could feel his emotional pain melt away as his physical pain was also numbed.

And strangely enough, it felt good.

And it had felt good. James never figured himself to be a person that would end up cutting. In fact, he was the person that had greatly frowned upon it when he had first figured out what cutting was. But as soon as the glass dragged across his skin and he felt everything that he was worried about slide away, as if never happened in the first place, he didn't know what he felt about it anymore. Besides, it wasn't like he was a cutter or anything or that he had some sort of mental problem, he just did it one time and one time was enough.

"James!"

James jumped as he lowered his gaze all the way until he spotted Katie standing in the doorway. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice that he had reached the front door and that Katie had pulled the door open. Now she was grinning at him excitedly.

"Hey Katie," James gave an easy-going smile as he shifted his bag up his shoulder. "I was wondering if-"

"Come on, I have to show you something!" Katie grabbed onto James' hand and dragged him into the house, closing the door behind them before dragging him off to her room. "Seriously, I know that you and the other guys are going to like it."

"Does this have something to do with something that you can sell?" James asked with a chuckle as he allowed himself to get pulled.

"Maybe." James rolled his eyes and waited for her to show him whatever it was that she was so excited about. Katie let go of his arm as soon as she arrived at her room and hurried over to her closet, dragging out a large cardboard box. "Check this out," she dug into the box and pulled out two different objects. "BTR re-usable coffee mugs and sunglasses!" She waved the two around. "The coffee mugs are for the parents and the teenagers that actually like to drink the stuff, and the sunglasses are for everyone." She grinned. "I'm going to make a killing off of these."

"You really don't waste time when it comes to making money do you?" James laughed as he dropped his bag to the ground and crossed his arms over his chest as he scanned her room.

"Money is my life," Katie replied seriously. Her smile waned when she saw the cut on James' wrist. "Hey, what happened?" She asked, pointing. James looked at her with confusion and Katie walked over to him, still looking at his arm. "Right here, you cut your-"

"Oh," James pulled his arm back out of her reach and laughed humorlessly. "I was taking my morning run through the park, and I cut myself on a branch. It's nothing really. So have you seen-"

"Hey man," Kendall looked a little confused as he entered the room behind James, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What are you doing here?" He then shot a look towards Katie. "And in my little sister's room?"

"She wanted to show me the sunglasses and coffee mugs that she made." James replied.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "I swear, one day you're going to cut out my kidneys while I'm asleep and sell those online as well."

"I couldn't do that," Katie shook her head, smiling sweetly. "Your spleen maybe, but not your kidneys."

"Whatever," Kendall laughed in reply. "So what brings you by?" Kendall asked James as he walked out of Katie's room and headed towards the kitchen, his bare feet sinking into the carpet as he went. James shot Katie a wave before following his friend down the hallway. "And what's with the bag?"

"Well," James licked his lips nervously. Time to see if this lie is going to work. "My mom and Dad…see there's a cousin that died and they had to fly out to…Maine as soon as possible and since I didn't know him well, they told me to stay here in Minnesota." He licked his lips and rubbed his arm. "So I was hoping that it was cool to stay here."

"Why can't you stay at your own house?" Kendall asked, shooting a look over his shoulder as he went to the refrigerator and pulled it open before bending over to look inside. "Not that I don't mind having you here, of course."

"Of course." James replied quickly. "But you know mom, she hates it when anything is out of order at her house, and if I stayed at Carlos' I think that would be too much energy for his mom to handle, also since I'm scared of his dad. And Logan is so uptight he would drive me insane."

"That's true," Kendall mused as he pulled some sandwich bread and a armful of lunch meat and condiments out of the refrigerator. "Plus, my mom should be fine with it, considering she had been looking after us this whole time we've been in LA." He licked some mustard off of his tumb. "Which reminds me, we should be getting back to songwriting and stuff soon, or Gustavo is going to know that we've slacked off this whole time we've been home."

"I was thinking the same thing." James agreed quickly. "So, it's fine that I stay here for a bit?"

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. "But I think my mom is going to call your parents to make sure."

"Batteries to their phones are dead," James replied and searched his pockets for the number that he had written down. "So they said to call at this hotel number once they get their rooms set up." He handed it over to Kendall, who carelessly shoved it into his pocket.

"Can't they stay at a relative's house?"

"See, that's the thing, this uncle wasn't that well known with the family, so he didn't have anyone live with or near him. But when they got the call they knew they had to go."

"I thought you said it was a cousin."

"That's what I meant."

James hoped that what he was saying was believable. But the way that Kendall was staring at him, he really wanted to just burst out and tell the truth. My mother wants me to stay here, my father has been hitting me, and now he's kicked me out and I don't know how long I'm going to have to sleep in the park. But he knew that he couldn't do it without a bunch of problems or being so paranoid everything was going to fall out in the open.

"Like I said, mom just has to make sure." Kendall replied and James knew that with that, the whole thing had been dropped. "Now, there's a hockey game coming on, the Capitals vs. Red Wings and you know that I can't miss that."

"But we don't like either team." James commented as he grabbed a stool and sat at the counter. "I mean, we make fun of them all the time."

"That's the point." Kendall replied and the two burst out laughing. Kendall sobered up quickly when he noticed the expression on James' face. "What's eating you? You look like you have something to tell me?"

Yeah, I definitely do. James mentally cursed himself as he felt his body move on autopilot so he could shake his head. "Nah, not really."

"You sure?" Kendall pressed.

James knew that Kendall knew that something was up. He wasn't sure how, but Kendall always seemed to know if there was something bothering his buds, it must be because he had to be really perceptive of Katie, since she's the one he looks up to, as well as making sure that no one is messing with his friends and getting away with it. It scared him sometimes, how he was able to do that, but at other times it was a comfort.

Right now, he wasn't so sure what it was.

Tell him. His mind screamed at him. Tell him right now! Here's your chance to get help and to be able to stay safe for as long as you need it. Don't wimp out now, Kendall knows, more or less, what you're going through and you know that Logan and Carlos will help you in any way possible as well. Tell him. TELL HIM!

"It's nothing important," James finally replied, feeling his heart breaking in two as he choked out the words. "Really, I'll just tell you later."

"If you're sure."

"I am."

A/N: You guys probably hate me for making James not tell Kendall, but don't worry, it's gonna happen too. Maybe not in the way you would expect it, but it's going to happen soon. And like I said before, things are going to get worse before the yget better, so yeah.

Cheers,

Riley

PS- I have decided to do stories like this for Logan and Carlos as well. Logan's is going to be called 'Live and Learn' and I'm not sure about Carlos' yet, but I want it to still have the 'Live' aspect to it. I don't even know what problems to give them as well, but I'm sure it'll come to me eventually.