"Sweetheart, you can't stay up all night," Mom said as she set a glass of milk on my table.

Shrugging, I reached for my t-shirt and started fumbling with it. Getting dressed sucked. It's not something I'd ever really thought about before, although Mom says it took me a while to understand about them. Obviously, it's not like Kryptonians were nudists. I think it was more it's not like I had to wear anything for a long time in space...and these are the weird thoughts that sound like I'm crazy if I think on them too hard.

I mean, I know it happened. I have the Fortress to prove it. It's just if I ever told someone, I'd be in Belle Reve so fast or in a straight jacket.

Still, maybe you've broken an arm before or sprained your wrist? Yeah, I didn't realize how much I even used my left hand until I couldn't. Still, even if Mom was here to help me "adjust," I needed to learn faster or figure it out on my own too. She had something important to do and taking care of me anymore wasn't supposed to be it. All this resolve was great until I was fumbling to get my head through the bottom of my tee-shirt with the right one already tangled up over my arm.

Something tore and I wanted to scream. I probably would have cursed but Mom was there and it seemed too weird to do that.

Mom took the ripped tee from me and helped me with a different shirt. I kept looking down at the quilt and not really making eye contact with her. Did I ever mention I blush a lot? Because I do. It really annoys me, not that I'm a good liar anyway. It's just I can rarely hide anything from my family and that's frustrating.

Sighing, Mom patted my shoulder once I was dressed. "You do know that men as large as you and your father breaks things even without the strength, right honey?"

Nodding, I leaned against the wall at the head of my bed. All the lights were on in my room. By now, I might have five days to go, but the dreams were wrecking me. I tried...I wanted Chloe to stay as long as she could. I couldn't give her normal or something safe like maybe the idea of Jimmy could have or some nice, regular guy would some day. Still, if I wasn't a zombie for her or nutty, at least I could give her normal hangouts. So, during the day, I enjoyed the fact that with my powers out I could actually get sugar rushes and caffeine highs.

Again, anything to stay awake.

At night, though, I wanted to keep from falling asleep. It wasn't just Chloiac or that weird vision of Chloe infected with the evil black eyes that haunted me. Oh no, my brain had turned to other things with the fever. I saw Dad a lot too.

Last night I dreamed about the little brother I never had, the baby Mom lost. I...it was going to be a surprise, you know? I never felt comfortable X-raying Mom anyway and I'm crap at anatomy. Dad knew, but Mom and I didn't.

I guess I still wouldn't if I hadn't cleaned out one of the closets and found a tiny Sharks jersey and a blue teddy bear Dad must have bought early.

I...sleep was my enemy. I'd read that humans can go for almost three days without it. I could work hard and give myself maybe a couple days away from them. It was just too much. When you'd made as many mistakes as I had, you had plenty for guilt to pick through.

Mom, apparently, wasn't for that plan. "Clark Jerome Kent, you drink this and you actually try and get sleep. Last night you were up until three."

"Well, I don't have anywhere I have to go and I can be bored on the couch at one as well as I can at eight a.m."

"You still have a raging fever and sleep's good for you."

"Not if every time you close your eyes you have a nightmare," I replied, handing her the milk. "I can't sleep. I just...I'm tired of dreaming. Don't make me."

Mom swallowed hard. She wasn't crying. Mom didn't do that much, but she sometimes had a wavery voice or her eyes would water, but not quite tear. The point is, I can still see her tells. I'm not an idiot and I know Mom sure isn't. Still, I don't think she really thought taking me home all the way through. I mean, I'm sure she knew I'd have "special needs," but I don't think killer interplanetary intrigue and evil, murdering spaceships was on her mind.

She'd seen me hurt more than most parents had with their kids, even if I was suppposed to be invulnerable.

"You'll feel better when the fever's over. None of that...what you see isn't real."

"What I did was."

She frowned and set the glass on the table again. As if I was going to drink anything that would make me more tired. "Your father?"

"Sometimes," I said, not sure if I should admit that. Mom and I should have talked more about what happened with Jor-El on the night of the election, how I messed up. I guess it was all inevitable once Dad got my powers and his heart was so stressed. No matter which person fate chose the second time, I think that damage had been done when I ran away to Metropolis. "I just...it's other things too."

I wasn't as smooth as I thought. When was I? I definitely must have glanced at her stomach for too long.

Mom's gentle smile wavered for just a minute and she put one hand over her abdomen. "You didn't kill the baby or your father."

"Jor-El did. Sure, right, whatever."

"Clark, it's not 'whatever.' You were sixteen. You're a lot older now. Would you really expect a kid to have a clue how to stop something like that. One of Chloe's kids? Or what about Bart Allen, he's a bit younger than you?"

"Bart's so immature that he's about kindergarten," I joked. "I could have been smarter and I wasn't."

I cost you everything.

If I had any actual courage, I'd have said that, just finally cleared the air about why I worked so hard to avoid her. I honestly have no idea how she can look at me and not hate me. If she hadn't taken me home, I really think things would have been better. I know what the AI showed me two years ago, but the world just ended, nuclear war because of Brainiac and a different Kara. Until then, though, Kent Farm was better, happier. Dad and Mom were alive and happy and a normal kid.

Besides, who can even trust anything Jor-El makes.

I just wish I could...what's the point of having a time crystal if it only gives you one shot? Why wasn't there more than one? If I could just stop the ship or something. Just been better.

"You were young and Jor-El's awful and evil and abusive even now."

I shrugged and held up my stump. "It did save my life from blood poisoning so that's something. If I'm so defective now, God, it could have decided to 'put me out of my misery.' Honestly, with Jor-El? I never put anything past him."

"True, but I'm not sad the Fortress is out of our lives."

"Oh me neither, but I can't keep seeing old ghosts, Mom. I have worked really hard not to think about them. I mean, I think about Dad all the time. I can't live here and not think about him, but I try hard not to think about at why he died. This isn't helping that. It's also...I think too much about Chloe, I guess."

"Not Lana?"

I shrugged. "She's gone, and I guess it is weird I haven't dreamed about her once. I don't know. It's not even that she's literally poisonous to me. It's just the Lana I knew and liked has been gone a long time. Living on the farm was such an act when she was doing all this crazy lab crap behind my back and then she went and became some weird vigilante act. Uh, don't get me wrong, some things were nice to have back-"

"Ahem."

I blushed and sped through that part. "But I don't miss her after so long. All I thought about in the Zone was getting home to Chloe, just like last time, and, well, Metropolis in case something else attacks it. Then I do get home and she's talking about normal guys and...sleeping sucks. I can't keep closing my eyes and seeing her or Dad or you crying over the baby. I do everything wrong."

"Again, I think there's a planet saved a few times over that might argue with that."

"And Brainiac only fucks with-"

"Clark!"

I shrugged again and turned on my television. Cable might keep me up. Maybe there was a marathon of something loud enough to keep me from sleeping. "Don't let me fall asleep, okay?"

Mom shook her head and sat back in her chair. "I'll sit with you all night if it makes you better but, you're sick as a dog, and eventually you're going to crash out no matter how much Coke you drank."

"Well it was only eight..."

"No, Clark. You need rest to fight this fever off. If you run yourself down it might last longer and you can't possibly want that."

That did it. I grabbed the milk and drank it quick. "God no."

"Good," she said, patting my hand. "I'll be here all night. I promise." Hell, she surprised me by pulling out my old Elmer Fudd nightlight and plugging it in. "I've gotten you through nightmares before haven't I?"

"Always."

****

Mom passed out eventually. I'd managed to outlast her. Honestly, I wasn't sure I would. Everything felt like it was burning, even with the ice packs she brought and the fans she had on me. Besides, she probably had her share of late nights in Congress now. Still, I'd kept my attention focused intently on some SportsCenter stuff and looked over to find her asleep. Sighing, I stood up and spread the old afghan my grandma had knitted for my dad over her. Granted, it was a bit more like throwing it, but I made do, even managed to pull it up towards her chin with my right hand.

She murmured just a bit and curled up in the rocker.

Sitting back down, I flipped the channels until I hit MTV again and tried to concentrate on whatever reality crap was there. It was that or cucpake baking on the food channel. There wasn't much else at two a.m. to try and keep me distracted. At least The Real World was more interesting than an ab roller commercial. Besides me, Mom had started snoring softly and I was definitely going to crash out hard soon enough.

And dream.

That's when Chloe surprised me by walking into the room. She must be even more worked up and anxious than I was. Still in her jeans and sweatshirt, she tip toed quietly around Mom and sat down on the far side of the bed. Okay, not that far. I only had a double for what it was worth. But she was sitting next to me now.

"It's late," I hissed, turning off the TV. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

She shook her head. "I had some figures I had to go over first. A few medical tests some of my kids didn't do so well on."

"How?"

"A couple don't have stable mutations. It's hard to tell where it's shifting to. The Shadow kid when he started therapy couldn't do that, not completely. Sometimes-"

"You wish the shower had never happened?" I asked, my throat tight. Even if I wasn't really congested anymore, it was getting harder to breather.

Those huge green eyes of hers looked back into mine. Chloe was a great liar. She'd saved my ass with a quick story more times than even I could count. Somehow, though, that didn't really work on me. I saw through her, saw sometimes even the things she was hiding from herself. Now she was staring back at me and worrying her bottom lip before she continued.

"I wish the rocks hadn't come or that Zod and Brainiac hadn't been psychopaths. That's different." She reached up and hugged me and I grabbed her back with one arm, feeling stupid and incomplete when I let my other one stay at my side. If she noticed that, she didn't say anything. Chloe pulled back and leaned against my wall. "I'm glad you're here. My life would have sucked without you."

"So you wouldn't have been on the FBI most wanted with terrorist charged, had stroke-like incidences, and an annullment by 21?"

"I wouldn't have saved the world, kicked a ton of ass, and had probably the best friend ever. I think that's worth it."

"I'll believe that later," I said.

She grinned back at me and her eyes seemed almost to twinkle mischieviously. "I can wait you out. You're worth it."

"Thanks, uh, I think. We can't talk too much. I think Mom might wake up eventually."

Chloe cast a glance toward mom who was curled up into a ball by now. She really was small. I forgot that sometimes. Mom and Chloe both had so much toughness and energy; it seemed they almost stood close to me. Or, okay, at least they could run over or cow me. I wished I could protect both of them better.

"She seems pretty out."

"Maybe, but-" I said and then I froze. Chloe was straddling over me, and I had no idea what was going on. I hadn't fallen asleep. I'd been watching everything and I hadn't conked out.

Had I?

"Uh, Chlo?" I asked and no, my voice did not break thanks for asking. I might have coughed a little though. "Chloe did you get into some Gatorade again?"

She grinned and as if that was an invitation, took off her sweatshirt. I looked away and was glad I didn't have my powers then or I might have fried her right there. It didn't mean she could continue like this. Sitting up as best I could, I grabbed at her shoulders. My right hand restrained her easily enough but I swallowed hard when my stump was left resting on her collar bone.

"Chloe, please. This is a terrible idea."

She nodded and slipped off my lap. Shoving her sweatshirt back on, she stared at me but was still pouting a little, her lip stuck out in a way that, okay, wasn't uninviting. I'd give her that. "Clark, I'll wait. I've done it for a long time. I said that right?"

"I can't."

Something changed then and her expression went from smiling and interested to a cutting frown that I hadn't seen on her since we'd argued over my stealing her records. "I was afraid of that too."

"Look, let's just slow this down-" I started, standing up and then falling to the floor. The same sensation was swallowing me up, that burning in my bones and skin, the dizziness and agony that came from my blood literally boiling. "Chloe?"

It came out as a croak, and I was lucky to manage that with the size of the Kryptonite she had pulled out of a box hidden in her sweatshirt's pocket.

"I told you to work with me here, Clark," she answered and, damn it, I hadn't realized I was dreaming.

God it burned. I just had to wake up. I just had to do anything. Chloe was pushing the rock closer to me, holding it against my chest and I felt my heart shudder and stop. Again, not any metaphor, I couldn't have that rock so close to me. It was killing me.

Chloe was killing me.

I closed my eyes and struggled, trying to push her off of me, my stump and right hand both digging into her shoulders. "Please stop."

"Clark?" Chloe called and her voice was sweet again, and I couldn't understand these sudden 180s. Chloe wasn't like that, not normally. Okay, she'd been able to channel her inner bitch hard in high school but she hadn't been that moody on me in about five years. "Clark!" she called and her fingers were under my chin. "You have to look up. What's going on?"

I looked back at her again and was beyond confused. She was still sitting next to me on the bed and Mom was now hovering over the other side of the bed, the aghan she'd been covered in forgotten on the floor. "Chloe? Where's the Kryptonite?"

She leaned closer to me and I scooted away from her so quickly (well for a human) that I almost fell of the other side and into my mom. "Clark, I don't understand. We were talking about my caseload and you just freaked out. You don't remember that?"

"I don't...No. That's not true. You came here and it was like on the Gatorade and your were crawling all over me and then when I didn't...when I couldn't" I was fumbling hard and I knew it. Mom was watching all of this and I had no idea how to explain it. It was awkward enough I'd apparently started hallucinating too. Worse that it was about sexual stuff with Chloe and now she knew.

Chloe blushed and stood up, all while holding up her hands. She even took off her sweatshirt and instead of the thin tank top I'd imagined, she was just wearing a red turtle neck. "Clark, I don't have anything. There's no meteor rock."

"Mom, Chlo, I saw it!" And I was yelling and not sure who I was convincing. Even I was realizing what I'd seen couldn't be possible. She hadn't had time to stash in back in a lead case. But I felt fine.

It hadn't ever been there, just all in my head.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Chlo. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Chloe rolled her eyes. "You didn't. You just scared us. It was the weirdest thing. You zoned out and then started pushing at me and screaming. I thought there really was Kryptonite around with how pained you looked but your veins were normal."

"God, Jor-El goes all out when he punishes. Dara was right."

Mom frowned but didn't question me about that. Instead she collected up my ice packs. "You're flushed and," she added touching my forehead. "Just like I thought, another spike. I'll get the fresh ones and be right back. Chloe, watch him."

I think her tone implied, "If you even could."

Right, Mom and Chloe weren't back to getting along yet. No, that's not what I meant. Mom was mad at Chloe, and Chloe was trying so hard to please again. One thing at a time, and I had to get past these nightmares first. No, scratch that. No my mind was going to play with me any time it felt like.

Kryptonite optional.

Chloe sat down in the rocker once Mom was gone and shook her head. "I'm sorry I didn't figure it out sooner or snap you out faster."

"Sometimes even you can't save me." I'd said it as a joke but she ended up staring far too long at my stump before either of us said anything. I spoke first. "Four days, right? I can only go so insane in ninety-six more hours, you know. I don't have my powers but maybe you and Mom should restrain me somehow? I'm pretty big and I could hurt both of you if I thrash too much."

"I'm not setting up some kind of cuffs like in a mental ward. That's..."

Like your mom or you with Gretchen.

"I'm asking you to get some, in case. I'm a big guy. Even if I can't shred steel...I did a lot to hurt Lana and Lex and even my mom on the silver K. I need some peace of mind."

She smiled but it didn't meet her eyes. Chloe was too good at taking care of me sometimes, had her own look of pity reserved just for me that I was growing to hate. "I'll get them but I'm not attaching them to anything until I'm sure it's necessary."

"Fine," I said, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder with my hand. "I never mean to scare you or Mom."

"Scared for. It's completely different," she noted. "Four more days of this Hell and we're done. Now, who the Hell is Dara and what did she know about Jor-El that a fever helps prove?"

"You heard that huh?"

"Oh you bet we both did. Did you make felon friends in The Zone?"

"Look, Chlo," I started and then I groaned again and grabbed my wrist, pulling my left arm close to me. "God, that hurts."

Chloe was up instantly, standing in front of me and putting both hands on the side of my face. "Clark, stay with me. Don't start hallucinating about Kryptonite again."

I shook my head. "No I only see you in front of me, no meteor rocks. I just, ugh!" I shouted pulling my arm as tightly to me as I could as if that would stop the burning and cramps from eating into my hand.

The hand that wasn't there.

"It's cramping so bad, Chlo."

She blinked and looked down at my stump and then nodded. "Close your eyes."

"What if I pass out?"

"You think you will with cramps?"

Another wracked through my left arm and it felt like my fingers were curling in on each other, but they couldn't because they were fucking gone. "Christ, no."

"Then," she said, grabbing my right hand in hers. "Close your eyes and take a deep breath. I need you to imagine your, um, your old hand. You need to think about your fingers, about unfurling them."

My eyelids were slammed shut. Her idea didn't make much sense but the pain, while not Kryptonite bad, was intense enough that I was wiling to try anything. "Okay."

In, out.

If I were normal for me, I'd be focusing on her heartbeat or Mom's to center me, keep my pacing going. Now I just focused on her breath, the rhythm we both fell into. Doing as she ordered, I imagined my old hand and the fingers releasing from a fist. After a long time and so much pain, the cramps finally stopped.

I opened my eyes and squeezed her hand back. "Thanks. Where did you even learn that?"

"Google," she said. "Hello, have you met me?"

"Maybe," I said, smiling just a little before falling back onto my pillows. Dreams or not, hallucinations or not, I was just too tired to carry on. Just four days left. I would manage it. I had no choice. "Thank you. My hero."

"Right, that won't get you out of explaining Dara some time, Clark. But get rest. Martha and I will be right here, promise."

And I fell to sleep knowing that she'd keep that, just like she almost always did.