As we tumbled through the surreal tunnel, I heard some thuds below me. Not long after, I fell on my ass as the portal closed behind me. But not before depositing a very large object on top of me. Whatever it was covered my face so I couldn't see, but I heard Kyle's shocked and disgusted voice.

"Cartman! What the hell are you doing here?"

I pushed him off of me and we both stood up.

"Did you assholes really think I would let you do exciting shit without me? That and you owe me for using my copyrighted name on your truck!"

"What do you think this is?" I yelled at him furiously. "You think this is some fucking game you're being left out of? Well it's not! This is serious shit, fat ass! We can't carry your immature pussy ass around! And you know what else?—"

"Uh, Kenny?" Butters interrupted, "Could you maybe quiet down? I don't think those guys like you yelling."

He was pointing towards two enormous monsters that looked like giant crabs, but with way more legs than a normal crab and some tentacles spurting out of their backs. The creatures let out a simultaneous roar from their hideous maws filled with giant fangs.

"Jesus!" Stan yelped as one shot a type of goop at him. He dodged it, but it dissolved the rock it hit instead.

"Holy shit!" Cartman screamed, "Where the hell did you take us, Kenny?"

Ignoring Eric, I took the sub-machinegun off of my back that I had taken from the truck before going to the cult's house. Butters, Stan, Kyle and Wendy followed suit. I handed my Luger to Eric and Kyle gave his Tommy gun to the cult member while he took the Desert Eagle.

"Alright everyone," I ordered, "Fire at their faces, their shells will protect the rest of their bodies. Ready? Fire!"

We unleashed all of our guns on the crab things at once. They screeched and began to back away, but they obviously weren't seriously injured. Once they realized that the pain wouldn't get any worse, they began to get closer again.

"Damn it!" Stan yelped as one of them grabbed him with its tentacle. But with a hit from his shotgun, it released him.

"It's not working," I shouted, "Conserve your ammo! Aim for their eyes and only shoot when you think you can hit!"

Not too long afterwards, Butters fired his twice. After each shot, each of the smaller crab's eyes exploded. It shrieked and ran off. Then he aimed at the other crab.

But before he could shoot, it raised its claw in front of its face, preventing us from shooting it.

"Shit!" Kyle yelled, "It's learning!"

"Fall back!" I yelled.

We ran away from the creature while it launched its tentacles at us. We found cover behind some large rocks so that we could shoot at it.

As I went to jump behind the rocks with the others, a tentacle grabbed me by the ankle and I dropped my gun.

The creature raised me up to its ugly face and shrieked. I quickly grabbed my hunting knife, but another tentacle swiped it out of my hand.

"Kenny!" Kyle yelled and took aim at the monster's unguarded eyes. But again, the monster outsmarted us and swung me in front of its face. They couldn't shoot with me in the way.

Or could they?

"Stan! Get your rocket launcher ready!" I yelled quickly. "Kyle! Shoot me!"

"What? No way!"

"Just do it! When I disappear, it'll be off guard! Then shoot the rocket at its face!"

"I can't!" he pleaded.

"Alright then, Cartman, shoot me!"

"Jesus, Kenny!"

"Just do it, lard ass!"

"Hey! Don't call me fat!"

"What's the matter, fat ass? Can't shoot me past your rolls?"

"Fuck you, Kenny!" he screamed and fired the Luger right between my eyes.

Thanks to Cartman's perfect shot, I was able to resurrect almost immediately. I appeared behind the group and shouted, "Now, Stan!"

The LAW made a whooshing sound along with a quick bang as it fired the rocket. It traveled straight and flew right into the mouth of the creature.

With a huge "bang", the creature's head blew up in a fireball of guts and shell bits.

"Good job, tubby," I patted Eric on the back.

"Christ!" he jumped and swung at me, but I dodged easily. "How the hell are you alive?"

"Let's just say you couldn't kill me if you tried. Now explain to us how you got here."

So, while I gathered my weapons, Cartman told us how he had taken his mom's car and followed us all the way to Carson City. He had hid in the woods while we interrogated the cult. Then when we ran into the woods, he followed us into the portal.

After having him agree to help us with no complaints (which I achieved by shoving him against a rock wall and holding my recovered hunting knife to his throat when he refused), I filled him in on what the cult had told us.

After settling things with Eric, I turned to the cult member.

"And what's your name?"

"Jack Bowing," he answered. "I just came to the cult to study the Necronomicon. I major in mythology in college. I really don't worship Cthulhu."

"Alright, I guess we can trust you. You did help with those crab things. And since you can read the Necronomicon, you'll have to be our interpreter. Now look through and see if you can find out how to control those portals."

After an hour of deciphering and searching, we found that I could control the portals much the same as my resurrections. By picturing the dimension I wanted to be in before entering, I could teleport there. If I didn't pick a dimension, one was chosen randomly.

"Fantastic," I replied sarcastically, "Well let's go. 'That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die'." Then, picturing South Park, I opened a portal which we all entered.

As we traveled through the tunnel of light and dark, I was suddenly grabbed by a giant hand. The others yelled out for me, but I was dragged out of the portal. And on the other side, I was face to face with none other than Cthulhu.