Avan will come to my house today, I feel kind of nervous but it's okay. I have to clean the house and yeah... that.

My dad is in NY, so Avan just will meet my mom, thanks God.

-doorbell ringing- Oh damn, he is here. I opened the door.

*Good morning* I smiled.

*God morning* He smiled too and came closer to kiss me

Mom: Good morning, guys. (I laughed, Avan was laughing too, he looked calm.)

*Good Morning, ma'am*

*Good morning, mom* I said while i was laughing yet.

Mom: Calm down, Sam.

*I'm sorry, mom. Is just... you are fantastic*

Mom: Sure...

*Oh I'm sorry, Mom, he is Avan, Avan he is my mom*

Mom: So nice to meet you, Avan

*Nice to meet you too* He smiled

Mom: Well guys, I have to go. Was a pleasure. (She kissed me in the neck and whispered 'he is handsome')

*Mom!*She laughed

Mom: See you later. (opened the door) Nice hair, Avan, by the way! (and closed the door)

*Thanks you!*

*Oh God...* Avan laughed.

*She is adorable, Sam*

*Yeah, she is*

*Is a beautigul house*

*Um... It's okay* He came closer to kiss me but...

*I think...*

*Are you serious? we are backing to the same?*

*We are not dating, Avan*

*Because you don't want...*

*Maybe*

*You are so complicated*

*I am?*

*Yeah, I barely understand you*

*That's a bad thing?*

*I don't know, but everyday I like you even more so I guess not* I wanted to smiled but he looked so angry

*Sometimes I feel like you think Im just playing...*

*I do*

*I don't, Avan. Not with you*

*And what's going on your mind?*

*I ask myself the same everyday (He just looked at me and smiled) Sometimes I feel like I scare you...*

*You don't scare me, Sam. Scare me how I feel when I'm with you*

*Is a bad feeling?*

*I don't know, but is stronger than me*

*I feel the same, i think*

*And you are scared?*

*A lot*

*But we don't have why, you don't have why, I will take care of you*

*Avan, listen...*

*No Sam, I'm tired, I don't want to play games anymore. I know you want me to ''try'', but I don't know how and It doesnt mean I dont like you because honestly Im in love with you, Im fucking in love with you, I cant get you out of my mind. I cant, I tried, seriously I tried, but I cant. And now I'm swallowing my pride and begging you. I have been never this desesperate for someone in my life, I even...

(Avan talked and talked. I don't really remember what he said, I just looked at him and he looked angry. Made me feel so bad. I felt numb and literally, I was to pass out)

Are you even listen to me? (I felt so bad and I couldn't even talk) Sam, are you okay? (My heart was racing so faster, and I was breathing more and more faster) Sam!* I think he yelled, i was so confused.

*Go away!*

*Calm down*

*Go away!*

*Sam, look at me, just look at me (I looked at him) calm down, Im here, its fine, everything is okay, Im here*

*Avan...* I whispered.

*Sh... Its okay* He hugged me. The last think I remember is that he carried me and I fell sleep, I guess.

I woke up. Avan is not here anymore, was a dream, maybe. I listened a noise, I think is from the living room... I looked it, but nothing. I went to the kitchen.

*Good afternoon* Avan smiled. Is wasnt a dream, ovbiously. Thanks God.

*You still here...*

*Yeah... Im hungry*

*Cooking pasta?*

*He laughed *Salad fruit*

We went to my room to eat the salad fruit. Because he thinks my room is more calm to me, he thinks im a kid. We sitted down in my bed.

*Thanks* I smiled.

*Its okay, I love salad fruit*

*For take care of me*

*Oh... Its ok, i was worried for you*

*You don't have to be worried for me*

*I feel... I feel like I have to protect you*

*I don't know why I acted like that... I dont know what happened*

*It happened to me too when I was kid*

*Is bad?*

*Well, is a crisis, a nervous one. It happen when you are afraid or because of depresion*

*It never happened to me since I was 8, my sister was so sick and she could die, I was totally scared*

*I feel like it was my fault, I was yelling at you and I shouldnt act like that. Im sorry so much*

*It wasn't your fault*

When fe finished eating the salad. I left the dish in a desk next to my bed, We layed in my bed. We cuddled.

*You are so beautiful* He whispered to me. He was just whispering a lot of things to me and I was just melting inside. Then again, I felt so bad.

*You okay?* He asked.

*I used to be strong but you made me weak* I whispered.

He looked at me *I'll protect you, I don't will go anywhere, anywhere*

I looked at him and I kissed him, deeper and deeper.

*I would love to be your girlfriend*

He looked at me so serious *But?*

*But nothing* I smiled. He smiled too.

He looked happy, I was too. We kissed agin.

*What time it is?* I asked.

*7:58, why?*

*Because of my mom, she don't will like see you laying in my bed with me*

*Tha make sense for me* I laughed

We heard how someone parked a car.

*My mom!*

*Fuck!*

I laughed. We made the bed and turned on the tv. We sitted down on the floor. My mom opened the door.

Mom: Hi Sa... guys. Avan you still here*

*Goodnight* Avan smiled.

*Yeah, we have been watching tv*

Mom: Watching nickelodeon kids?

I looked at the tv, why Avan? why you turned the tv on Nickelodeon kids...

*Is a good channel actually...*

He laughed *Is late, I have to go*

I accompanied him to the door. He came closer to me to kiss me...

Mom: Good night, Avan.

I laughed *Good night, ma'am, was a pleasure.*

He kissed me in the check *See you tomorrow* He whispered. I closed the door.

Mom: So, waht's going on there?

*Nothing*

Mom: Samantha, I have been looking you those days, I never in my life saw you this happy since you were kid. I have been worried for you, you always... so powerful, too strong to be too young. All the time is like anybody is enough for you and is like that. You never showed feeling and now you almost look... weak*

*I love him, mom. I really do*

*Love is a strong word*

*I know*

*See...*

*Mom, I don't want to talk about this now, Im tired*

*I see. Take care, love is not a game* She kissed me in the check.

*Goodnight*

*Goodnight*

*I love you*

*I love you too*

I went to my room, laying in my bed. Avan was here just some minutes ago. I can barely remember it, was like I was alucinating all this time... and now, im dating with him.

What I did? I dont want a relationship. His presence makes me feel horrible, our relationship will destroy me. Everything is so faster and Im scared, I cant do this,

I dont know what im doing. I hate him, I need him, I love him.