Stay With Me
~Chapter 12 – Healing Broken Hearts~
~~~*~~~
Time is a strange thing.
It can pass in the blink of an eye, or take eternity to move forward. It gives life and takes life away, it makes the world spin and evolve, and it keeps going forever and ever.
It can strangle the breath right from your lungs.
I was having trouble breathing. The glass railing surrounding me on the hardwood balcony was radiating the sun's afternoon rays. The quiet sounds of ocean currents hung in the air like the scent of salt and white sand; bathing my resting place in a tranquil, melancholy status. But it's hard to appreciate glass architecture and the beauty of nature when your mind is as burdened as mine is.
It was such a surreal feeling, to know that this might be my very last day with Itachi. To know that tomorrow might be the last time I ever see Naruto. To know that the choice rests solely in my hands, and no matter what I choose, I will lose someone I love.
To know that I could love someone – other than Itachi – so deeply.
The sliding glass door was gently pulled open behind me, and the sound of quiet footsteps approached me, but I didn't turn around to greet my visitor. I remained standing against the railing, staring into the cobalt water. My face didn't betray the heavy beating of my heart inside my chest; the strangling feeling of anxiety and time moving too slowly was sucking the breath from my lungs.
"Sasuke,"
Itachi came and stood directly behind me, and I heard him release a dismal sigh before he glumly said,
"We need to talk."
XXX
"Nii-san?" Sasuke asked, curling up next to me in my single-sized bed. It was late and we were tired, but it wasn't unusual for us to sleep together.
"Yeah?" I asked, pulling him closer to me and feeding off his body warmth.
"Shisui-san is your best friend, right?"
I thought for a moment and then nodded, carefully replying, "Yeah, I guess he is."
"Does that mean you love him?"
I paused at the sudden query. Sasuke was talking strangely tonight…
"I love Shisui because he is my kin as well as my closest friend," I replied, silently requesting to let the subject go.
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
"Do you love me like that, too?" He all but whispered, his light pink lips barely moving as he spoke. I resisted the temptation to silence him by pressing my lips against his…
"I love you, but in a… different way," I whispered, rubbing my thumb gently across the material of his pyjama shirt.
"What kind of way?" He replied, shifting closer to me.
"I love you because you're my brother and my precious person," I said, giving in to the temptation and kissing him gently on his lips. He let out a small gasp as I detached my lips and began to kiss his cheek, along his jaw line, and slightly down his neck.
"That means I love you twice as much as everyone else."
I felt him shudder as I kissed down his neck, across his collarbone, gently pulling his nightshirt down to reveal more of his innocent, soft skin. Sasuke was breathing heavily, his tiny hands fisting my shirt as I rolled to slightly lie over top of him. His face was flushed in red shades and his eyes were shut. I leant up and kissed his lips slowly, kneading them against my own. Sasuke followed my lead and pressed his mouth against mine willingly, breaking apart for air in a reoccurring cycle.
"That means," he panted; burying his face into my neck and pulling me against him, so I couldn't kiss him anymore, "you'd never choose to be with Shisui-san over me?"
This was the question I desperately wanted to avoid, but I knew it would lead here sooner or later.
"Sasuke, I could never choose anyone over you, but…"
"But…?"
I sighed, rolling onto my back and dragging him with me, forcing him to lie across my torso.
"It's hard for people to choose between two people they love. Even if you love one more than the other, both of them still have a piece of your heart that they will take with them. It's letting go of that piece that is hard for people."
"What if you let go of all the pieces?"
I smiled, and stroked his cheek. "That's called a broken heart, Sasuke."
"Do they heal?"
I nodded, and leant down to kiss his cheek again. "Yes, but only one thing can heal a broken heart."
"What's that?"
I touched the tip of my nose to his, and sighed contently, closing my eyes and inviting the sweet sense of sleep.
"Time."
XXX
"What is it, Itachi?" I asked tiredly, still keeping my back turned to him. The sudden, awkward feeling of him wrapping his arms around my chest forced me to acknowledge his presence. I turned my head to pressed my cheek against his, as he rested his chin on my shoulder.
"Tell me what happened," He whispered, gently squeezing his arms tighter around me. I opened my eyes, and turned my head to stare back into the glistening water.
"They want me to go back with them." I answered, taking a sigh. "But they're giving me until dawn tomorrow to decide."
"And have you decided?"
I didn't answer him – suddenly my throat felt very tight and all the air in my lungs was vacuumed out.
He waited, patiently, not releasing his grip. But when I refused to reply to him, he sighed. "I see." He said, and he stepped away from me. The cooling breeze was a shock to my now bare back, and my shirt did little in shielding me from the icy feeling.
I shivered, clasping my hands together on the railing to warm my fingers. Itachi stood beside me, facing the opposite way, resting his back against the rail and crossing his arms across his chest.
"I guess this is it, then." He said, with a subtly bitter tone.
"What's it?" I asked, not looking his way.
He didn't answer, but his hand obstructed my view, as he gently grabbed my chin and turned me to face him. My heart began to race when I looked into his eyes; seemingly endless and deep with infinite wisdom.
"Sasuke," his voice cracked – almost unnoticeably – "You know I love you twice as much as everyone else, right?"
I nodded, reaching up to take his hand in mine, pulling it away from my chin and squeezing his fingers with my own.
"And you love me just as much, right?" His voice seemed heavier, almost sullen, and unlike the usual monotonic purr he spoke with. I nodded again.
"Then listen to me." He said, squeezing my hand in his, hesitating, sighing, and finally meeting my gaze.
"Sasuke… go back to Konoha."
XXX
"Time heals broken hearts?" he asked, resting his head against my chest.
"Yep."
"No matter how broken they are?"
"That's right," I smiled, stroking the back of his head, smothering his dark, spiky locks of hair. "even if they're shattered in pieces, there's no broken heart that time can't heal."
"Nii-san?"
"Yes, Sasuke?" I whispered, groggily, feeling the persistent realm of sleep trying to engulf me.
"Is it possible to give your whole heart to someone? Just as one big piece?"
"I guess so." I answered, cuddling further into my mattress.
"But does that mean you don't love anyone else?"
"That's right." I let my hand fall onto the soft blankets, halting my obsessive stroking of his hair. "And that means that that person means more to you than your own life."
He was quiet for a moment, and I hoped he had fallen asleep. But of course, Sasuke would never fall asleep in the middle of one of our talks.
"Do I mean more to you than your own life?" He whispered, so quietly, that it came out mixed with the silent sound of his breath. I opened my eyes and stared, quietly, at his peaceful face, as his breathing slowed and his eyes were shut. Just as I knew he was falling into oblivion, I smiled, and pulled him closer to me.
"You mean more to me than everything."
XXX
"Why?" I asked, not looking away from him, or the blank, void expression on his face. I felt my chest tighten and my throat constrict – the air was stolen from my entire body, suffocating my every cell and inviting comatose more every minute.
"It's what's best for you." He said, dropping my hands, letting them fall limply at my sides, hanging there as if they were soulless. "At first I was against it, but now I know that this is what's best."
"How can you say that?!" I shouted, abruptly shoving him in the chest. He stumbled back a few steps, but still no emotion crossed his features. "After everything we've been through! After everything we've done, you're willing to just… drop me off as soon as the chance arrives?! What if I don't want to go?! It's my choice!"
"Sasuke," he said, grabbing my shoulders not too gently, and I saw the flicker of frustration and—pain?—flash in his eyes. "Don't get upset. Just listen to me. I never intended to take you with me in the first place, but it was the only way to keep you safe. Now I understand that, even if you stay here, there's nowhere that Konoha can't find us. Kakashi won't keep this place's whereabouts secret from the Hokage."
"But you're here, Itachi! There's no way I'd be safer in Konoha! You could beat anyone that tried to come after us!"
"That's not true," he said, letting his eyes go slightly downcast, "and I won't risk turning this place into a battlefield. Besides, I have all the proof I need that you will be safe in Konoha."
"What proof?! Where's your proof?! What could you possibly believe is strong enough to—"
"Uzumaki Naruto."
My breath hitched, my fists clenched, my eyes dried and I forced myself to blink, almost rapidly, to moisten them.
"What about him?" I asked, confused.
"Think about it, Sasuke. Think about how difficult it must've been for him to get here. Think about how long he must've searched, how hard he must've tried… He was willing to go all the way to get you back. Devotion like that is rare to find, even among comrades. If he was with you in Konoha… even I couldn't protect you so well."
"Why do you seem so eager to get rid of me?" I whispered, feeling saltwater rise in the corners of my eyes, threatening to form droplets and spill down my cheeks. The sun was setting over the now golden waters, darkening the world in contrast to the bright orange and pink sky.
"That's not it," he whispered back, resting his forehead against mine. He released a shuddering breath, almost as if he was fighting to hold back tears as well. "But it's for the best. You should be with your friends, in the village where you were born and grew up in… where you can live the life you've always wanted."
We both had our eyes closed; Itachi's hands were lightly clutching my forearms, and my hands were holding his wrists, our foreheads touching, as I let a few warm drops run down my face.
"If you really think it's what's best," I forced myself to say, through my cracking voice, "then I'll go."
Itachi pulled me flush against him, crushing my body against his, and burying his face in my hair. I clutched him, desperately, longingly, pressing my face into his neck and letting the tears silently fall.
And I knew, through some strange insight I had gained, that he was crying too.
XXX
"What do you mean, 'everything'?"
His voice seemed so far away, and I knew he was struggling to stay awake. Cicadas sang outside, the moon was hidden behind thick, black clouds, yet somehow everything outside the window seemed bright. I hugged him, relishing in the vivid scenery that only Konoha could portray.
"The world," I whispered, rubbing his back, "because a world without you is a world where my broken heart wouldn't heal."
"Not even with time?" he breathed.
"Not even with time."
"Why not?" but before he even finished, I knew he was asleep, beginning the nightly cycle of dreams and nightmares.
"Because it would be as if time was standing still."
I kissed his cheek gently, one last time, and let sleep envelope me too.
XXX
The early morning air was quite cold compared to Konoha. Which was strange, because this was a coastal town that's entire western side was surrounded by the warm ocean waters.
A light indigo shade stretched from far to the east and faded back into a navy black in the west. The decorative lanterns that lit the streets paved the way from our house to the front gates. As Itachi and I walked, painfully slow, we hadn't said a word.
The sleep last night was restless and sparse. Neither of us could rest knowing that it would be our last time sleeping in the same bed, or even within hundreds of miles of each other.
My backpack slung over my shoulders was much lighter than it had been at the beginning of this journey. Itachi had bought me a new one, as well as new clothes, with the money he had saved here. I no longer had heavy weapons or survival gear to carry, which my back was thankful for.
As the village gates became visible through the first light's mist, a greater sense of apprehension and dread settled on both of our shoulders. We still had yet to say even so much as a word, or make a sound, opting to just stare at the damp dirt road that was leading to the rest of our lives.
It was so absurd. I wanted to stay. Itachi wanted me to stay. Why were we separating? Why was I leaving his side? Why did he want me to?
"I love you twice as much as everyone else."
Naruto's bright orange suit was the first thing I caught eye of next to the gates. And in spite of myself, it eased my anxiety. When he watched Itachi and I emerge from the mist, and saw the unmistakable straps of my backpack hanging over my shoulders, his face broke into an overjoyed smile, and he began to wave his arms and shout excitedly, until Sakura silenced him with a swift punch to the back of the head.
"A world without you is a world where my broken heart wouldn't heal… because it would be as if time was standing still."
When at last we arrived at the gates, I couldn't overlook Naruto and Sakura's smiling faces. I'd never seen them look so elated. Kakashi seemed to be as laid back as always, but even he had a certain glimmer in his eyes that was foreign to me.
"…You are my most precious person…"
"Man, you look tired!" Naruto grinned, playfully punching my shoulder. I resisted the urge to groan as his fist gently collided with one of my still bruised muscles.
"Naruto, quiet down! Do you have any idea what time it is?" Sakura barked, in a reprimanding voice that rivalled Naruto's in volume.
First thing in the morning and they're already driving me nuts, I thought. The strange, Déjà Vu feeling was comforting in a familiar way. But it didn't last long, as I sensed Itachi was about to turn and say goodbye.
Forever.
"This is it, Sasuke." Itachi said, resting a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to face him. The others became instantly silent, and all the joy turned to a gruelling tension. "Be careful. And stay out of trouble, okay?"
The most painful and difficult moment of my life was forcing my voice not to crack under Itachi's mourning gaze, or to not betray my emotions by holding back all the tears that threatened to fall. Resisting the urge to breakdown and beg to stay with him, to cling to him like my very life source, or to collapse into his lap and cry until all the moisture in my body dried; was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
"I will." I replied, shutting away all my emotions and urges, and for a moment, Itachi almost looked disappointed.
"Good," He nodded, patting my head for the fraction of a second. He turned to Kakashi, "Take good care of him." He said. Kakashi kept his gaze and nodded, "You don't need to worry. I won't let anything happen to him."
"You have my thanks." Itachi replied.
There was a brief moment of silence, as I felt Itachi's hand slip from the top of my head, and those feelings of anguish and dread swelled back inside me.
"Well," Kakashi said, adjusting the straps of his backpack, "We better get going."
"Yes," Itachi nodded, taking a step back, "I wish you all a safe journey."
"Thanks," Kakashi remarked, turning on his heel to face the path ahead of us. "Let's go."
Naruto and Sakura followed suit, and I found myself frozen and unable to take the first step. If I took the first step, and walked away from Itachi, there wouldn't be a turning back. I wouldn't see him ever again. It would be goodbye… forever.
Naruto turned around, noticing my dilemma, and shot me one of his signature, reassuring smiles. "Come on, Sasuke!"
And I began to walk, slowly, but surely, away from Itachi and out the gates of my new home. Naruto's grin widened and he turned back around, trotting after Sakura. I took step after step, gaining speed and distance with each one, until I had walked almost fifteen feet. There I halted and felt frozen again. I couldn't turn around. If I looked at him I'd never be able to leave.
But I couldn't leave, not like this, not without really saying goodbye.
In an instant I turned on my heel, pivoting to face Itachi again, but I didn't let my eyes see his face. Instead I sprinted, as fast as I could, and slammed right into his chest. Somehow he was expecting it, and the moment my body collided with his, his arms were embracing me to the point of suffocation. Our eyes screwed shut, and we buried our faces in each other's necks, digging our nails into each other's backs desperately.
"I love you," he whispered in my ear, his warm breath sprayed against my neck. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," I said through a sobbing voice, but still a whisper, careful not to let the others hear me. "I love you. I don't want to go. I don't want to go…"
"You have to go." He whispered, tightening his grip. "You have to go, Sasuke."
"I know," I said, stifling my voice against his chest. "But I don't want to go. I want to stay with you!"
"You can't. You can't…" his hands began to pull me away from his chest, but I wouldn't look at him. "You have to go."
Tears were streaming down my cheeks, but I wouldn't dry them, not if they could prove to Itachi that I wanted to stay.
His hands touched my face, as his fingers traced my cheeks and wiped away the evidence of tears. We didn't move or speak, or even look at each other, until my face was completely dry.
"Go," he whispered.
I shut my eyes, closed my heart, and spun around, chasing after Naruto and Sakura as fast as my legs would carry me—
—carry me away from Itachi.
And when at last my legs carried me back to their side, I could almost hear the faint sound of his voice whispering goodbye, though I knew he never said it.
~~~*~~~
Author's Note: Okay, I lied. This is not the last chapter!!!! This chapter was just getting too long, so I cut it off here. Do not fear; it won't end this way. Next chapter is almost done. :D