A/N: It's dinner time! The music blasting on my play list was mix of good ole Frank Sinatra, Benny Goodman, The Kinks, Betty Everett, Jefferson Starship, and Percy Sledge. Yeah, that's a lot of people...but man, they're all so good!

I don't own Mai HiME/ Mai Otome

Chapter 12

The admission of Natsuki's father was something that hung in a delicate balance. Shizuru didn't have time to muse about the way his eyes seemed stern and powerful, or the way Natsuki looked away at his admission, muttering shyly at his forthcoming honesty. As soon as the signs had been there, they washed away, fleeting at best. Her breath was caught between them, a father looking after his only daughter. Some might have found it touching and heartfelt, but Shizuru sensed it was less out of pride. Instead, it seemed laced with pretentiousness, more out of guilt than anything. She would never understand it, and the two of them seemed very pent up about the subject. He was a man of his honor, taking in and raising Natsuki, as he intended he would...the rest of it would likely remain unknown to anyone else.

So, it made sense that even now, he would not entirely abandon her.

Shizuru wished it would be the same for her own family. She prayed for the chance to find and latch onto a tiny speckle of hope. If there were any, they were to be found in his words. His unwavering sense of fathering his child, who was not exactly small enough to hide behind him anymore. Still, if there had been trace of encouragement at all, Shizuru knew he hadn't meant for it to be detectable. "I understand that it will not be easy." Shizuru told him then, trying to form herself into a pillar of strength. "I do not expect that they will approve." She didn't want to worry Natsuki. "I'm even more unsure that we could be a family after this, it may all just be fruitless anyway."

"Knowing that, you'll still go through with this dinner?" James shook his head. "A Fujino indeed." He sighed deeply.

"I shall." Shizuru nodded carefully. "Simply put, it is the only thing I can do." It was that fire in her eyes. "If I will only be allowed a family by blood right, I do not want such a right." It sparkled with so many things as she turned to face him. "I will not have chains tying me down." James saw it, and knew exactly what burned there. "I will not dream for what I can easily achieve...I will reach out for it instead."

He knew not how, or even why it seemed to be set alight so easily. "If that is your desire, and what it must be, I understand." Still, it was the light in her eyes, a desperation morphing into determination. "If you are as foolhardy as to believe that a man could never make you happy, you are indeed a lunatic." Even so, he couldn't hold back his laugh. "Still, it is those types of minds that pave the way to greatness." Waves of amusement shook him, and his companions seemed to have missed the joke. "If you truly believe what you say, you belong with a person such as Natsuki." He could accept that, an answer gifted to him by fact and not rebellion. "I won't dispute the matter further, Shizuru, if you are entirely sure of this insanity." He felt felt like a sinner now, amusing the mockery of a relationship as he was about to do.

…

His words had not been a comfort, but, they had been a welcoming breath of air.

For the first time, in a long time, that faint hope seemed brighter. It was with such a thing nestled in the pit of her heart that she sat at the dinning table, uneasy, as she awaited a hammer to fall. A verdict to be cast down upon her was imminent. She could see the disapproval, shame that was not usually aimed at her. She wouldn't fault them, she promised that to herself. Still, when the pleasantries died and no laughter or idle banter befell the table, it was Shizuru's mother who sighed the deepest. It was a tense meal, and the flavor of Mai's wonderful cooking could not help to quell the low boil.

"You look well." Her voice was terse, strained by what she knew. "I suppose I should be grateful." Trying to be kind failed her. "Still, all that I can feel seems to be the greatest sense of unease." She could see Natsuki's protective gaze, and she was not unknowing of where Natsuki's hand was currently, even if obscured by the tablecloth. "I have no idea what to say about this, it is no joyous occasion that brings me here." Still, as bothered as she was by the knowledge, she was even further provoked by both men in the room, who'd yet to comment on situation. "You should come home, Shizuru. It is as Natsuki says, this place is not meant for you."

"The flat upstairs?" Shizuru asked, looking to Natsuki for a hint of what might be coming. "You're right, it is rather dark up there." She found nothing but a stern glare in emerald eyes, fierce, but quiet...protective and yearning. She could feel Natsuki's fingers drawing circles thigh, a reminder that no matter what, they would be together. With the encouragement, she felt just a little safer. She turned back to her mother. "There are no shops nearby, and to make matters worse, we have very rude people who come to picket every day." She kept the ire out of her voice. She was tired of a lot of things, hiding being one of them. "It would be nice to belong in a place that was more accepting, but, I fear that won't happen, not in my lifetime."

"You could have a happiness of a woman, Shizuru." Her father, though careful with his words, seemed less withdrawn, and not quite as bothered as Shizuru thought he would be. "If only you'd come home."

"What happiness would that be, Father?" She asked him, trying to see how opposed he was.

"Well, I suppose the happiness any woman might have." He shrugged, to him it was obvious. "There are things only a man can give."

"I see what you'd like for me to have." She sipped her water. "Marriage, children, waiting for a man to come home every night only to serve his every demand." She shook her head, she wanted no part of it. "Going to church every Sunday, only to hear how I'll burn for my sins?" Nothing, it was old and maddening. "You'd like for me to relinquish the things I desire, and for what? This preconceived notion of yours that all women can only be happy with a man?" Any more slander would consume her. "If I may be so bold, just what in the hell is there to be happy about?"

The table was quiet, her admission heartfelt, and it was with a sigh that Tadao looked to his wife, unsure of what kind of reply to gift. "Many things my daughter, many things." His wife felt as empty as he did, a blankness he couldn't seem to overcome slipped over his features, and he sighed. "I'd like to think that such a future would befit any young woman." He put down his knife and fork, he was no longer hungry, though he hadn't felt in the mood to eat before, either. "I also would like to believe that you'd come home. If for no other reason, you are my child." It the natural order, or so he liked to think, but it didn't help clear his mind. "Even if you do love a woman, running off as you have is an unfounded, not to mention immoral, thing to do."

"If I were you, I wouldn't dare to start that discussion with me at the table." Natsuki finally said, she'd had enough. "This world is filled with ideals that cause pain for others." She couldn't bear to hear it, couldn't watch this play out in the way it was currently. "There is nothing I can do, nor anything I can say, that make this any easier for anyone." Still as she said this, she stood from the table, going over to the liquor cabinet. "The fact remains simple, I am a woman...and I'm in love with a woman." She poured three glasses of the finest brandy she had. "I wonder what it would have been like, if such a difficult thing hadn't loomed over our heads."

With care, she gave Tadao one glass, her father the other glass, and she kept the third for herself as she sat back down. "I now shall pose a question, and I require your answer." With that, she took a knowing sip of the amber liquid. "Why am I not suitable?" The question lingered in the air. "It is not only due to my gender, is it?"

"You make it sound trivial, Natsuki." Tadao shook his head with grief. "It's not quite that simple."

"How would you know this?" Natsuki asked him. "Have you ever loved another man?"

"I would never even think of it!" Tadao rose his voice. "The notion in and of itself is completely out of the question."

"Then, how would you know?" Natsuki asked him.

"What?" Tadao growled.

"How can you proclaim to understand the intricacies of a life that you have not lived?" Natsuki pushed the question upon him hard, sipping her brandy again. "How could you, a man of high standing, of good breeding and background, become like the bigots that run amok in the streets?" She wasn't surprised, but she let her disappointment show clear across her face. "If all you can do is hold up a crucifix, or present to me passages in a little black book, I'll question just what sort of man you are." Then she turned to look at Shizuru, mentally pleading forgiveness for her outburst, but she was not quite done. "A man of sound reasoning has more than faith, doesn't he?"

Tadao knew what Natsuki was asking, but as much as he tried, he could gift no answer. "You've proven I'm a man of faith, Natsuki." He told her as he draining his drink, quite rudely, but he had no joviality left in him. "That is no crime, and it hurts no one."

"Horse shit!" Natsuki flew from her chair in rage. "It hurts your daughter!" She roared, her hands slamming onto the table.

"Natsuki, stop." Shizuru sighed. "I knew it would come to this."

"Shizuru..." Slowly, Natsuki sat back down.

The woman bit her lower lip, not liking the feeling of truth that over came her. "I understood fully, getting involved with you would case a rift between my happy home and my desires. It was a risk I took willingly." She closed her crimson eyes steadying herself, but even so, she couldn't keep the bitterness off her face. "Natsuki warned me to stay away." Shizuru told them. "She kept me at a distance for a while, and even now, she honors promises that I would never keep." Her face fixed itself into a scowl, and she couldn't force her mask back on, no matter how hard she tried. "There are very few men who would let me warm their bed without implications...and yet, those are things Natsuki has gone without, because even now she sees fit to amuse you." Her voice slipped into an angry murmur. "Why, I'll never understand."

"I can't very well drag you back home." Tadao told her, highly displeased. "Still, I would like nothing more."

"If you did, I wouldn't blame you." Shizuru told him. "However, I would never forgive you for that, either." She'd come to her conclusion, but to say it was harder than she thought it would be. "If you can not accept me as I am, then you are free to disown me, I would willing disappear if you wished." The hope in her eyes begged otherwise. "If I am to continue to be your daughter, if we are to remain a family, Natsuki's presence would need to remain apart of that as well."

"She could always remain a friend." Tadao told her.

"My lover." Shizuru shot back. "It is not up for debate. I'm stating my position, and you may choose either side of the offer that you wish."

"I'll need...some time." He muttered to himself. "Suzume." He called to his wife as he went to collect her jacket from the coat rack. He helped her to put it on before he looked to his child, wondering where on earth this rebellion was coming from. "Shizuru, this is not something I'll take sitting down merely because of a whim. I truly think that if given the time, you'll see your error, and eventually come home. When you do, your old room will be waiting."

The footfalls echoed, and Natsuki shook her head. James had cleared his plate, and sighed when he realized that Natsuki had been hoping for some other reaction. The entire time, he'd sat quietly, and accepted all that he'd seen, so as he tapped his napkin to his lips, he put a hand of comfort on her shoulder. "Some people require time, Natsuki."

"Yeah..." Defeated, Natsuki could only nod. "I know."

…

There was not much to do since the festivities seemed dull. Natsuki couldn't shoo away the melancholy that seemed to drip into her speech at every turn. Her mind was vividly reliving the dinner that had gone so wrong. She retraced her steps, and even went back to the conversations she'd had with Shizuru's parents. She had tried so hard to find some reason why they would react so badly. Surely, there were easy answers, but, they were not enough for her. Shaking the hands and chatting mindlessly was a distraction she needed, but it also was also aggravating.

She wanted nothing more than to go comfort the woman who could not bring herself to smile. She loved Shizuru dearly, and the pained look in crimson eyes had only made Natsuki angry, at both the world, and herself. Her rage was well hidden, because Shizuru hated violence...still, Natsuki wasn't as calm as she appeared, and anyone who knew her could see the barely contained restlessness that lingered in emerald eyes. Chie was trying to help settle Natsuki's addled nerves, but it wasn't an easy task. Finally just when music from the band began to play, Natsuki could take no more, cursing quietly.

"You should be upstairs." Chie was worried. "No one would fault you for that." She hated watching Natsuki put on a brave face for those around her. "Where's Shizuru?"

"Resting, it's been a long night." Natsuki said swiftly as she was handed yet another card from some corporation owner. As soon as he walked away, the pleasantries brief, Natsuki raised her eyebrow. "Who's he?"

"He distributes antiques." Chie told Natsuki, pushing her glasses up her brow. "The first time he's attended one of our parties, though."

"So I see." Normally, she would feel a sense of joy wash over her. All she could feel tonight was a sense of emptiness, and regret. She wanted to be with the woman who was just as emotionally drained. "Looking to build connections?"

"That is the nature of why we throw these parties." Chie mumbled quietly. "If you aren't feeling well, you shouldn't be down here."

"No, I shouldn't." Natsuki agreed as she looked at her pocket watch. "Still, I can not abandon my work." She smiled, that was one thing to feel contented by, even if she couldn't be overjoyed. "We've come a long way, Che, and I intend to make this party the best one yet. I can't do that hiding away in my troubles." It was true that she had no wish to partake, but even so, she knew better than to ascend into her apartment right now. "Shizuru can't either, and she knows that. If she is to stay by my side, I can't coddle her forever." That was the weight of love. "She would blame herself if I went up to be with her...she'd think herself to be a burden."

"So, you'll let her burden you by worrying over her, where she can't see it happen...so that she doesn't believe she is a burden?" Chie shook her head, confused and a bit annoyed. "I'll never understand the two of you."

"Nor will I." Natsuki agreed in a low tone, looking for a distraction. "Ah, Haruka's parents! Let's go greet them."

…

It wasn't in his nature to meddle.

Often, he thought his child was little more than a troublemaker. He was often the first to scold her, or belittle her ideals. He did it because he worried, and Natsuki was nothing if not questionable. She drew unwanted attention and slender, and she loved it, or so it seemed. Otherwise, she would keep her head down and keep quiet. Instead, she was as rambunctious as ever. She tried to fight every morsel of truth, and set fire to every bit of logic as if it were a tank of gas. The reaction was just as explosive, it always had been, and that fact wasn't one that would change.

Regardless, Natsuki was his to fret over...and worry he did.

Greatly, trouble by the events during dinner, he could only stay a short while longer, watching the swirling of anger in emerald and devastation in crimson. Both women were young, and he couldn't deny that at the moment he resented Tadao, even just a little bit. He could never imagine being so cold to any blood, especially not Shizuru who was only willing to be the dutiful daughter, as she should be. Shizuru was not to be faulted for anything, and still, she was not so easily forgiven either. It was a thorny situation, and James knew it.

So, although he hated to put his nose where it didn't belong, he would dare it this time.

He knocked heavily on the door, awaiting a reply that came with his friend's dour mood. "James, come in." Tadao lacked his jolly smile, but that was to be expected. "Misery loves company, and you are indeed the best companion." He wasted no time shooing his wife to get refreshments while he took a seat, offering his guest a fine cigar. "You were awful quiet tonight my friend, though I understand why perfectly." He offered a light, and sat back to enjoy is own...or drown in the smoke, whatever would come first.

"Do you now?" A noncommittal shrug was all James could offer. "I apologize for Natsuki's brashness. She has many things to learn. I fear she never will."

"It is not your fault." Tadao shook his head. "I wish it was, so that I could blame someone." A weak smile lacked confidence. "Shizuru is not strong like Natsuki, but she is not a demure woman either." Tadao had always known that, even if he hated to think in such a way. "Even from a young age, I knew she was different...still, to be such a person...to love a person the same as her." He couldn't fathom it...and he doubted he ever could. "I'm unable to allow it."

"I think it would be best to start believing otherwise." James told him. "While it's true, they are partaking of foolish actions, I also believe you can only guide a person so much. Shizuru is at the age that she will need to discover on her own how best to live her...besides, we're fathers. What would we truly know about a woman's heart?"

"We knew enough, did we not?" Tadao asked, bothered by his good friend's words. "I am a married man, and a father, because I understood enough."

"Mind you, Shizuru is not her mother." James replied in kind. "Natsuki is also unlike her mother, within that she desires something different." He had no answer that could appease everyone, so he merely saw fit to amuse himself. "I was bothered at first, I'll admit, I think it is unhealthy." In the end, he knew Natsuki, he couldn't control her less than desirable actions. "What we say won't matter. Natsuki will do as she promised, protecting Shizuru and perhaps even loving her as well...though I have no idea how that could even occur...I believe it somehow has...if that stays the case, will you always have the luxury to remain so disapproving?"

"What luxury?" Tadao asked, his words as empty as the air. "It isn't as if I like keeping my thumb over my daughter." In fact, he was quite unsure how to go about it. "You're used to Natsuki's total lack of common decency." He frowned deeply. "Shizuru has never given me such a problem."

"Perhaps it's time you throw in the towel." James was unsure, and he always would be. Still, he knew well just what those girls were capable of. "Perhaps one day, Shizuru will return home...then one day she will want to marry a man. However, there is also such a chance that she will not. If she remains with Natsuki, could you really live without Shizuru in your life?"

"Spoken from experience, James?" There was little humor in Tadao's self loathing smile.

"I denied a lot of things, and pointedly ignored others." James nodded with a heavy heart. "There were even more circumstances that even now, I can't possibly agree with." Still as he took one last draw of his dying cigar, he couldn't help but feel as if the battle was already lost. "Regardless, I will not deny that our world is blinded by many things. Natsuki has always been able to pick out and identify those little discrepancies, especially the ones that most others sweep under the rug. For that alone, I have no reason to try to stop this...even if I believe deeply it will only end in heartache."

Several glasses of the drink later, a few finger sandwiches, and not nearly enough time to absorb the matter with the intensity that Tadao wished he could, he said farewell to his good friend, bidding him a safe travel that night. There was no true answer, and that's what boggled him. Still, as he looked over at his phone, watching for no short amount of time, he finally picked it up, waiting for the operator to patch him through.