Ch. 12 Grey Area

Remembrance

Kristin Rose stood in the shower of her and Lexicon's apartment, letting the warm water cascade around her. Entering the place she and Lexicon had once shared took a toll on the Angel, and now as she stood in the shower, images of her friend flooded her mind like a tsunami.

Lexicon hopped to greet her new roommate at the door with the biggest smile and an outstretched as Sachel entered the apartment with nothing but a medium-sized suitcase. "Hi, I'm Lexicon."

"Sachel," the Angel said, taking her hand.

"Sachel?" Lex said, "That's an…interesting name."

Sachel smirked, "And what about Lexicon? I must admit, I don't see what a dictionary has to do with plant life."

Lexicon smiled widely, "Touché, mademoiselle. It's a nickname from high school. I felt it was very…me."

Sachel cocked her eyebrow, "How do you get a nickname like that?"

"I guess you could say that's my little secret," Lex winked, "Now then, I was hoping I could take the bed closer to the door, but if you would rather have it then I guess…"

Sachel closed her eyes tightly, trying her best to shut the images out.

Monokrome stared questioningly at Gabriel, "What do you mean 'who she really is?' I know what I need to know about her."

Gabriel smiled, "An admirable notion. I'm pleased to hear that you truly do care for her. That is why I feel you of all people deserve to know the truth about her."

Monokrome considered it for a moment. A very short moment.

"If there's something I absolutely need to know about Sachel, I'm sure she'll tell me herself," he decided. He started for the door, but felt Gabriel's hand on his shoulder.

"You must understand," the Archangel said, "Sachel wants to tell you more than anything. However, I've seen her heart. No matter how much she might want to, she'll never be able to bring herself to tell you what she's done. The shame she would feel would be too great for her to handle. As much as we would all like to believe otherwise, this is the only way you could know."

Monokrome hesitated. He knew he shouldn't even be considering this, but he remembered the sheer agony Sachel had been through, and deep down he knew that this man was right when he said that Sachel would never be able to bring herself to tell him. She thought he didn't notice, but he saw her try, several times. The pain on her face was almost too much to bear.

"How do I know that what you're about to tell me will be the truth," he said quietly.

"There's nothing I can say that will absolutely prove that it is. However, I'm afraid that I'm going to ask you to trust me."

Monokrome paused for a minute. "Fine," he finally said. "Tell me who she is."

Kristin got out of the shower and dressed herself in jeans and a Superboy Hoodie. She needed to get out of the apartment. No matter how hard she tried, the memories of her fallen friend flooded her mind, and everywhere she looked meant a new memory, and every memory meant more pain.

Kristin headed for the door, but against her better judgment, she cast a glance into the kitchen where Lexicon had pulled her in for a surprise.

Sachel had hung her trench coat in her closet and had just finished packing away her gear when she heard her new roommate call her into the kitchen. Sachel entered the room only for Lexicon to suddenly wrap her arm over Sachel's and turn them both facing a camera held by a potted vine Lex was controlling.

"We are taking a picture together," Lexicon beamed.

Sachel was caught by such surprise, her response came in the form of a stammer.

"W-why?" she asked.

"Because we need to remember this stuff, Miss Sachel," Lexicon said to her flustered new roommate, "If we're going to be living together, we might as well start being friends now. Now smile."

Sachel was surprised, but after a minute, she allowed herself a small smile. Maybe this new life wouldn't be so bad after all.

Kristin looked back from the kitchen, trying to resist the memories, and with one final, regretful glance, she left the apartment.

Monokrome sat across from Gabriel in the conference room, waiting for him to begin. Gabriel looked like he was sorting out his thoughts, trying to figure out where to start.

"Sachel…" he started, "…is not a name she came up with to use as a superhero identity. It is her real name, from her days as an Archangel."

Monokrome cocked an eyebrow, "Sachel's an Angel? An actual, literal Angel?"

Gabriel nodded, "Yes. Much like the older pantheons, each of us was assigned an aspect of Earth and humanity's livelihood that we would work to guide and influence without directly interfering. Azrael is the Archangel of Death, Michael, the Archangel of War, and so on. Sachel was the Archangel of Justice."

Monokrome looked up, "Was?"

Gabriel bowed his head, "Five thousand years ago, Sachel and I initiated what was later known as the Holy Demon project. Back in those days, the security in Hell had many weaknesses, and it was not uncommon for demons to escape and cause misery amongst the humans. It soon became too much for us to handle, so Sachel and I decided to appoint an Earth-bound deputy to help track them down. Angels could not spend great amounts of time outside of Heaven, so we sought out a human."

"The plan was simple. All humans have light and dark in them. Our plan was to give a human the ability to harness both. The light would be able to help him or her combat the demons, while the darkness would allow him or her to track them unnoticed.

"The perfect candidate came in the form of a young man by the name of Nathan. He had faced many hardships over his life, yet his faith was unwavering. He had the perfect amount of light and darkness within him for what we needed, and when we approached him, he was more than happy to serve us."

Gabriel paused for a moment.

"What happened," Monokrome inquired.

"It was an inspiring success. Nathan was the most efficient soldier we could have ever asked for. He was quick, he was professional, and he was everything we could have ever asked for. Sachel and Nathan worked very closely together for many years, until eventually…"

Monokrome understood, "They fell in love."

Gabriel nodded, "It wasn't the first time humans and angels had intermingled. Many myths and legends were inspired by the children of such unions, known to some mythologies as 'demigods.' I had personally hoped it wouldn't happen between them, but I decided to leave them be. They had earned that much."

"What went wrong?" Monokrome asked.

Gabriel sighed, "Human nature. We had given Nathan enormous power, and as anyone with any sliver intelligence would tell you…"

"Power corrupts."

"Exactly," Gabriel agreed, "When he came to us, he was the most faithful and loyal human being we could ever hope for. However, over the years, the temptation of his darker abilities began to take their toll on him, and he soon became consumed by his inner darkness."

"Why didn't you monitor him?" Monokrome asked, "You can't tell me you didn't think that might happen."

"Angels have a certain ability," Gabriel answered, "that allows us to see the inner emotions of anyone we look at. I always believed that whenever Nathan would struggle with his temptations, we would be able to see it, and help should it ever became a threat. Somehow, Nathan managed to fool our sight."

"One night, Sachel and Nathan were alone in a remote village looking for a demon. When they found a place for the night, they got…passionate. During the process, Nathan's defenses slipped, and for the briefest of moments, Sachel was able to see that not only was Nathan's feelings for her gone, but he was also consumed by darkness. Sachel was horrified, and tried to get away from him, but Nathan had figured out what she had seen, and confronted her. Sachel tried to fight him, but he managed to defeat her and escape, leaving her for dead. We managed to get to her before it was too late, but Nathan was gone."

Monokrome bowed his head, "So that's what happened to her. I always knew she was in pain, but I never imagined it would be anything like that."

"It wasn't," Gabriel stated grimly, causing Monokrome to look up. "There's more. Much more."

Kristin walked into the Hall of Heroes, and up to Lexicon's memorial hologram. The lights had gone out so the only light in the room came from the visages of fallen heroes. Kristin walked down the row of holograms, reading the names one by one as she went down. Robin, Jason Todd. Blue Beetle, Theodore Kord. Superboy, Kon-El. The Question, Vic Sage.

Kristin stopped in front of Lexicon's hologram, and looked into her face. She almost laughed at how well they had captured the carefree joy that radiated from her. Kristin wiped away a tear. She looked down at the name on the plate, and when she read the name, could hardly contain what was a mix between a laugh and a sob.

Lexicon

Alexis Conner

Kristin couldn't help but smile. Alexis Conner. Lexicon.

"It's a nickname from high school. I felt it was very…me."

Kristin's knees buckled and she knelt before the plaque, conceding to the rush of tears that she had held back for so long.

Monokrome stared at the Archangel.

"What do you mean there's more?" he asked. In truth, he had already expected there would be, but had really hoped that the story would end there due to the fear of what would come next.

Gabriel's eyes sank to the table, remorse filling the glowing pools of light.

"The betrayal Sachel felt was unbearable. The rage and pain that had consumed her could be seen a mile away, and soon…well…it is well known how fine the line is between Justice and Revenge."

Monokrome found himself asking the question, but fear gripped him as he considered the answer.

"What happened?"

"She went looking for him, of course. At first, she found nothing. Nathan had managed to escape, but Sachel would not be denied. After evading her wrath for two weeks, she finally tracked him down to the twin cities…"

No… thought Monokrome.

"…known as Sodom and Gomorrah."

If Monokrome had not already been sitting, his knees would have given away beneath him. As it was, he barely registered himself slump back into the chair as his whole body went numb.

"You…you don't mean…"

Gabriel nodded, "In her quest to find Nathan and make him pay for what he had done, she burned both cities to the ground."

With great difficulty, Kristin managed to gather herself enough to pick herself up off of the floor. She needed to get away from here. Hadn't she left the apartment to make an attempt to avoid these memories? She made her way to the teleporter, only to stop in the frame of the door to the room.

Lexicon stumbled out of the teleporter while her roommate stepped out gracefully. Lexicon turned to face Sachel, the biggest smile plastered to her face.

"That was AWESOME!" the brunette exclaimed, "Let's do it again!"

Sachel smiled, "I doubt the higher-ups would be happy if you spent your first day in the League playing with their very expensive equipment."

Lexicon looked disappointed but perked up almost immediately.

"That's ok," she said, "We have to leave this space voyage somehow. I think I'm going to be visiting this place a lot."

Sachel smiled and shook her head at her roommate.

Kristin smiled and stepped into the teleporter, and was beamed down to the planet below.

Monokrome sat slumped in the chair. This wasn't the first time he had heard this said about Sachel, he had heard Beelzebub accuse her of destroying Sodom and Gomorrah in the nightclub, but to hear it here, as truth, Monokrome could hardly bear it. How could the Sachel he knew be capable of these things? He tried so hard not to believe what Gabriel was telling him, but despite himself, he could not help but trust the Archangel.

After a moment's pause, Monokrome asked, "Nathan. Did she ever find him?"

Gabriel nodded.

"And?"

Gabriel sighed, "She murdered him on the spot."

Monokrome groaned and stood up, his face in one hand.

"I know this is hard to hear," Gabriel said, "But after all you've been through, I felt you of all people deserved to know the truth."

Monokrome nodded, "I just…I can't believe the Sachel I know would be capable of this."

"You are correct. The Sachel you know is not the same angel who committed those atrocities all those years ago. We had no choice but to banish her to Earth for what she did, and ever since then, she has reformed in ways we could only dreamed of, and we were more than willing to give her a chance to redeem herself."

Monokrome requested that Gabriel explain himself, and Gabriel told Monokrome of the Angel's plans to test Sachel's restraint.

A spark of anger blazed in the Grey Warrior's eyes, "Angel, you better not be implying what I think you are."

"No. Lord, no," Gabriel said quickly, realizing what that must have sounded like to the hero. "We are in no way responsible for Lexicon's death. Our test would have been far different. No, Lexicon's death was the act of others, and one we deeply regret."

Monokrome nodded, "What does this have to do with Beelzebub?"

"We're not sure," Gabriel shook his head. "We have yet to determine how he has learned of Sachel's past, or why he is so intent on using it against her, but his actions are having a profound effect on her. I have seen her heart, Monokrome, the pain she feels for her friend's death is unsettlingly close to what it was like after Nathan's betrayal."

Monokrome said nothing for a minute. When he spoke, his tone was soft and quiet.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Talk to her," Gabriel said, "Past or no, Sachel needs somebody to comfort her. If left on her own, only God knows what this loss could do to her."

"I thought you wanted to test her," Monokrome said, resentment dripping from his voice.

"I still care about her, Richard Grare," Gabriel stated with a hard voice. When Monokrome didn't answer, Gabriel enveloped himself in light, transforming back into Specter Levitas. He made his way to the door, but before he left, he turned back to Monokrome.

"I know Sachel wasn't the only one who was hurt by Lexicon's loss," he said. "Perhaps she also isn't the only one who needs somebody."

Kristin didn't get back to her apartment in Metropolis until late, when she could avoid it no longer. She walked into her apartment and immediately went for the kitchen. She walked towards the table, pulling out the bottle of whiskey she had just bought. She sat down at the table and took a long drink from the bottle. The liquid tasted disgusting, but Kristin prayed that maybe if she drank enough, she would be able to block the memories from flooding her mind. Kristin put the bottle down and buried her face in her arm.

She had been on this Earth for five thousand years. She had made friends come, seen them go, and seen them die. She had watched countless people she cared about grow old and die over time as she was left untouched. She had fought in many wars over the centuries, and had seen men and women die around her time and time again. So what was it about this one that made her feel like this? What made Lexicon so special that her death hit her so hard? Didn't she always know that this day would come? Didn't she know the moment she laid eyes on the Mage of Nature that she would eventually see her die? Why didn't she know better by now? When would she learn to stop caring so goddamn much!?

Kristin took another long drink from the bottle. Please let this end, she pleaded.

She sat their for a long time, and would have sat there all night, had there not been a knock at the door.

Richard stood outside the door of Sachel and Lexicon's apartment, a mixture of regret and sadness growing in his stomach. Slowly and hesitantly raising his hand, he knocked on the door. After a small moment, the door opened with Sachel on the other side, and Richard felt himself feeling crushed at the state his friend was in.

Sachel was a mess. Her hair was unkempt, her clothes were wrinkled, and dark circles had begun to form under her eyes.

"Richard?" she said.

Richard looked at her questioning eyes, debating what to say. Finally, he muttered, "Gabriel came to see me."

Sachel's eyes widened at the sound of her old Master's name. Did he…?

Richard dropped his gaze. "He told me everything," he said quietly.

Sachel knew she should have felt angry at Gabriel telling Richard without telling her, but in truth, she felt relieved. She had always wanted to tell Richard herself, it felt unfair him caring about her so much without knowing what she had done, but every time she tried she couldn't bring herself to tell him who she was.

Sachel nodded and stepped back into her apartment. Richard came in after her, closing the door behind him. Sachel leaned on a desk, her hands hanging to her side.

"So…" she said weakly, looking at him with glazed eyes, "Now you know what I am."

"An angel?" Richard said.

Sachel shook her head. "A monster," she said, her voice cracking.

Richard walked over to her and grabbed her shoulders, looking into her eyes.

"You are NOT a monster," he said assertively, "People change. I've known people can become totally different people in only a year, you've had five thousand. You are not the same person who did those horrible things all those years ago."

Sachel met his eyes, her gaze distant, "How do you know?"

"Because I know you."

Sachel said nothing. Richard sighed and straightened up, and it was then that he noticed the bottle in her hand.

"You've been drinking," he said.

Sachel looked at the empty bottle in her hand, as if only now remembering that it was there.

"'Been trying to," she said flatly, "but it turns out, Angels bodies work a little bit different than humans." She tossed the bottle to the ground, and it rolled away. "I can't get drunk," she said.

Richard looked into her eyes, sadness finally breaking through in his own. Sachel met his gaze, and when he spoke, it was in a low, quiet voice.

"I miss her too."

Sachel's composure broke, and tears rolled down her face as a sob escaped her lips. Richard wrapped his arms around her as she leaned into him, her held back emotions pouring out of her like a flood.

Richard took her and sat them down on the bed as he held her close to him. A single tear escaped Richard's eye, and he closed his eyes as it rolled down his cheek.

Sachel raised her head and looked him in the eyes. He opened his eyes and met hers. Slowly, but tenderly, their faces moved closer to each other. Their lips met, and Sachel felt herself surrendering to him. In that moment, when their lips touched and lightning flashed, everything else melted away. The only thing that existed in that moment was their desire and their need for each other. If Sachel could form a thought, she would be berating herself for not resisting the feelings she had for Richard, but there was no thought here, no logic, no reason. Tonight, there was only Sachel and Monokrome; Kristin Rose, and Richard Grare. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered. This night belonged to them.

Sachel laid in bed, watching Richard's chest rise and fall with every breath as he slept beside her. Sachel tried to sleep, but her mind refused to slow down. She sat up, still looking at the man she cared for, and buried her face in her hands.

What am I doing?