November 2014
The midterms exam for Professor Cullen's Computer Communication and Networks class was exceptionally hard, especially when I spent half of the term daydreaming about the professor. I think I would have failed this class if it weren't for our one-on-one tutorial sessions at the students' lounge or wherever the mention of coffee would take us. Still, I knew that whatever score I'd get form this exam would create a big impact on my class standing, so I hope to all hell that I would pass this test.
I've been sitting in this room for forty-five minutes, yet I've only been through half of the test. Sweat was already dripping down my back from the panic, my brows furrowed in concentration. I heard a sigh coming from my right but I didn't turn to look. Time is precious, and I wouldn't waste it just to check on Jake beside me. The students in front of me were noisily shuffling in their seats and it was distracting. I would have shushed them if I weren't so preoccupied with the items I still haven't answered.
I was bowed down in my seat, my nose practically touching the test paper when I noticed a shadow looming over my form. I looked up without conscious thought and met Professor Cullen's intense gaze. I tried to give him a small smile but I think it came out more as a grimace. His mouth quirked up slightly at the corners before he turned to walk back to the podium. On a normal day, I would have watched him make his way back to the front of the room, watching his ass the whole way. But today was an exception; I quickly turned back to the exam again instead of giving myself some aesthetical motivation. I poured my whole being into the test, and luckily, I was sure of some of my answers. I just hope that it would be enough to give me a passing grade.
Giving myself a small break, I looked up from my paper and immediately met Professor Cullen's eyes. He was leaning against his desk, his ankles crossed in front of him. His whole body was propped up to face in my direction, his fervent gaze locked on my face. I couldn't read the expression on his face, and I'm sure that my confusion was showing. He simply shrugged at me before averting his gaze, his attention focusing on the wall behind my head. I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to figure him out before I went back to my test. The other students around me were focusing on their papers. Well, as much as I could tell, anyway. So, I tried to keep up, my pen almost flying over the paper as I answered in rapid succession. After a few more minutes, the ringing of the bell broke the silence, garnering bursts of groans all throughout the room.
"Wrap it up, guys," Professor Cullen announced from his desk.
A few more sighs were emitted as Professor Cullen stood and started to gather the papers. I quickly scribbled my answers, taking advantage of the few seconds I have before Professor Cullen comes to our aisle as I was seated at the back. From the corner of my eye, I could see that Jake was also furiously writing, his fingers gripping the pen so tightly that I was afraid he'd snap it in half. I think he's still mad at me about the other day, but I didn't really mind, especially when he had stopped bugging me about my supposed feelings for Professor Cullen.
Said professor was already walking down our aisle, his hands full of wrinkled paper. I quietly handed him mine as he stood beside me, his hands outstretched for the others. I took surreptitious glances at him, taking notice of the grim expression on his face. I wonder, for the nth time, what's bothering him. The moment he stepped inside the classroom, his brows were furrowed into a deep frown. Obviously, whatever it was that was on his mind was something important if he's that preoccupied with it. His usually chipper mood was replaced by his quiet demeanor, making him look unapproachable. I don't think I saw him smile today, maybe apart from that glimpse of amusement playing at the corner of his lips earlier.
Professor Cullen was already making his way back to his podium, his steps quick and never faltering. I felt a pang of emptiness in my chest, my hand coming up to rub on the spot. I think it hurt more that he didn't even look at me, compared to the feeling of knowing that I totally tanked this exam. It was stupid to even entertain the idea, but it was the truth. I know that I could come back from a bad grade, but I don't think that the same thing could be applied when it comes to Professor Cullen. With the way that he's acting, it feels like somehow, this was the end.
"Are you ready to go?"
I turned to look at Jake, watching as he shoved his things inside his overstuffed backpack. Gone was the frown that was etched on his face earlier, his easy smile already plastered in its replacement. I couldn't even give him a smile in return; it felt like my face was frozen in cold indifference.
"Yeah," I nodded, turning to stand. I quickly gathered my stuff and put them in my bag, forgoing any semblance of order. I'll get to it when I have the time.
By now, most of the other students were out of the room, scrambling off to celebrate the end of the midterms week. I could already hear some muffled screams from the hallway, some jock whooping as he made his way out of the campus. I took a quick glance around the room, taking note of those who were still lingering. It looks like I'm not the only one who wants to talk to Professor Cullen, although I highly doubt that they have the same agenda as me.
"You go ahead, Jake. I'll catch up with you later," I said over my shoulder, my eyes meeting Jake's dark ones before I quickly averted my gaze.
Professor Cullen didn't look up from his perch on the desk, his head bowed down as he scanned the papers in his hands. I took a deep sigh and walked slowly to the front, the heels of my shoes clicking loudly against the hardwood floors. From where I was standing, I could see Professor Cullen's shoulders tense as I approached. I almost turned around and headed back, but I stood my ground and held my head high.
"Professor Cullen?" I called out as I approached, my steps faltering as he looked up at me.
"Yes, Miss Swan?" he asked, a frown deeply etched on his face. "Was there a problem?"
"Oh, uhm, no," I mumbled, stopping in my tracks.
"Okay," he nodded quickly before turning back to the papers in his hands.
My eyebrows crinkled in confusion as I just stared at Professor Cullen. I don't know where this attitude came from, or what even caused it, and I'm not even sure if it has something to do with me or I was just the lucky person to get its brunt. I stood in front of him for a long while, my feet shuffling in place as I waited for him to look up. The other students have already left the room, even Jacob has deserted the room, although he was standing just outside the door, his form hovering. My mouth opened and closed a few times, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know where to begin. Professor Cullen's blasé reaction was unexpected; his terse treatment rendering me speechless.
I was contemplating to leave the room, to leave Professor Cullen in peace, when he released a deep sigh, his shoulders collapsing against the chair. He looked up at me with a quiet resolve on his face, the frown gone momentarily.
"Isabella, I'm sorry," he said lowly, "I'm just having some personal problems and I took it out on you."
"That's fine," I muttered under my breath, my feet moving unconsciously towards his desk.
"Still, I shouldn't have acted like that."
Looking closely at his face, I could now make out the dark circles under his eyes and the pallid tint of his face. Whatever it was that was bothering Professor Cullen seemed serious. I took another hesitant step until my knees were touching the wood of his desk, my knuckles brushing against the edge of the table.
"Coffee?" I asked, smiling at him a little.
Professor Cullen hesitated, and I felt my heart sinking to my stomach. In all the times one of us would ask for coffee, the other always obliges. Guess this time would be different.
"I don't," he took another deep breath, the papers fluttering slightly as the air brushed against them, "I don't know if I have the time for coffee. I'm sorry."
"That's fine," I reiterated, although there was less enthusiasm in my voice. "Guess we'll go another time."
Professor Cullen gave a brief smile but the spark didn't reach his eyes.
"You know what, maybe we could-"
"Bella!" Jake called, his head poking through the doorway. "Can you hurry up? We have to go meet the guys at the coffee shop in thirty minutes."
I turned to glare at Jake, my eyes turning into tiny slits. I smiled in satisfaction as he cowered back to the hallway.
"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I asked, turning to look back to Professor Cullen.
He had his eyes on the doorway, his lips thinning into a grim line. "I won't keep you any longer, it seems like you have plans."
"Jake can go meet his friends by himself," I mumbled, irritated that Jake has ruined another moment between Professor Cullen and me.
"Really, Isabella, if you have other plans, maybe we could have coffee some other time."
"No, really, now's a good time," I insisted, going as far as pressing my lower half against the desk.
"Okay," Professor Cullen smiled, "Just wait for a second, I'll just tidy up the desk."
"Okay," I nodded, turning to look quickly at the doorway. "I'll just…"
"Yeah, go ahead."
I quickly moved towards the door, my bag swinging from my shoulder. Jake looked over to me as soon as he heard me approaching, an easy smile gracing his face as I neared. As I stopped beside him, he swiftly put his arm around my shoulder as if it were a normal occurrence. I scrunched up my face and subtly shook off his heavy arm.
"Okay…" he trailed off, looking confused by my rejection. He placed a hand on my elbow and steered me to the hallway. "Let's go."
"Actually," I shook his hand off my elbow, stopping his steps, "You go ahead and meet the guys. I have to stay behind."
"What for?" he frowned, turning to stand directly in front of me.
"I have to talk to Professor Cullen about something," I told him sternly as I crossed my arms across my chest.
"About what? Bella, we just took the midterms exam," Jake countered, mirroring my actions and crossed his arms in defiance.
"It's for extra credit," I lied, averting my gaze from him and probably giving myself away.
"That's bullshit," he snapped, "You don't need extra credit. I know that you're doing perfectly fine in this class."
"You know what?" I started, my voice raising, "It's none of your business, Jacob."
"Damn right it is," he said, taking a step closer to me. I pressed my back against the wall to create some distance between us.
"Just go to your friends, Jake," I relented, leaning against the wall as my shoulders deflated. "I don't want to have this conversation over and over."
"Fine," he muttered, his eyes still hard but he took a step back and I breathed a little easier.
I closed my eyes as Jake pressed a kiss against my forehead unexpectedly, my breathing shaky as I squeezed my eyelids tight. Soon, his breath wasn't hitting my face and I opened my eyes, catching a glimpse of his retreating form before he turned around the corner. I stood in the hallway for a few seconds, calming my nerves. I was afraid that Professor Cullen saw the interaction between Jake and I and think that there's something more going on. I know that Professor Cullen and I wasn't a possibility but, still, I didn't want him to think that I was dating someone else either. With trembling nerves, I turned around to head back to the room but I stopped cold in my tracks when I met Professor Cullen's unreadable gaze.
"Have you…" I started, my tongue twisting in my mouth as I tried to gather my thoughts. God, I hope he didn't see Jake's stupid display.
"Are you ready to go?" Professor Cullen asked, a bright smile on his face.
Confused, I frowned at him as I wondered where he got his change of demeanor came from. I was getting dizzy from his mood swings, and I intended to tell him that when he suddenly strolled past me and started to walk briskly towards the exit.
"Aren't we going to the lounge?" I called over to Professor Cullen, his form already a few feet ahead of me. I took bigger steps to catch up with him, my little legs stretching as far as they could go.
"I'm thinking this calls for an outing," Professor Cullen said over his shoulder, the corner of his mouth lifting into a smirk.
"What? Where?"
"You know, to that newly opened coffee shop at the end of the street," he said, his smirk now in full effect.
"Why? What's the occasion?" I prodded, staring up at him as we stood face to face within a few feet from the building's exit.
"Nothing," he shrugged nonchalantly, but I caught the look that passed across his face. It sobered up the shine in his eyes and dimmed his smirk.
I frowned up at him, trying to figure him out. His mood swings were giving me a whiplash, making it hard for me to keep up. I could never know what goes on in his mind, his actions always leaving me with more questions than answers. I dutifully trailed behind him as we walked to the coffee shop, with Professor Cullen was occasionally looking over his shoulder to check on me. I kept my head down most of the walk, but I would sometimes raise my head and take look around the buildings around me. As far as I could tell, we were still within the vicinity of the campus, given how we haven't been walking for a long time. Still, the buildings and windows were unfamiliar, although, if I crane my head just a little bit farther to the right, I could catch a glimpse of the campus' entrance.
Crossing a few more streets and turning two more corners, Professor Cullen stopped in front of a beautifully decorated coffee shop. He held the door open for me and as soon as the door opened, my senses were assaulted by the rich aroma of coffee. My eyes quickly scanned the area and a smile tugged involuntarily at my lips when I took notice of the lack of students. Most of the other patrons were dressed in business suits, their briefcases uniformly placed by their feet. Those who were dressed casually weren't staring at us, so I assumed that they did not recognize us, therefore, they weren't students from U-Dub. Professor Cullen gently led me to the counter, his right hand placed lightly on the small of my back.
"What do you want?" he asked, his green eyes trained on me.
I turned to look at the menu overhead, my eyes narrowing a little as I noticed the girl behind the counter blatantly ogling Edward. I surreptitiously glanced at him from the corner of my eye and saw that he didn't seem to notice the girl gaping at him. His eyes were trained on the menu, his face colored in stern concentration.
"What are you getting?" I asked him, stepping closer to his side. I couldn't very well slide an arm around his waist or anything, so I did the next best thing.
He pursed his lips, his brows furrowing before he turned to look back at me. "I love the Mezzo Mezzo here, you?"
I perused the menu once again, my eyes moving all over the board before I looked back at Professor Cullen. "I think I'll get the same, I haven't been here so I really don't know anything about what they serve."
"Okay," nodding, he stepped closer to the counter, his eyes moving over my face before facing the cashier.
"Good afternoon," the girl, whose name was Kate per her nametag, greeted the professor. "What can I get for you?"
I hid a scowl at her implication, bubbles of jealousy rising to the surface. I scooted closer to Professor Cullen, my face almost pressing against his back.
"We'll have two of the 16 ounces of the Mezzo Mezzo," he said, turning to look at the pastry shelf beside the counter, "And two slices of the marionberry pie?"
I nodded my agreement to his question, smiling a little for emphasis. Professor Cullen grinned before finishing his order. Kate, the girl at the counter, was giving me an incredulous look and a raised eyebrow. The cluttered wall to my right caught my attention, so I took a step closer to inspect them. The wall was covered in various knickknacks, although most were of movie posters ranging from the '70s to the early '90s. Most of the other patrons were seated at the back of the coffee shop, the tables beside the huge windows unoccupied. Still, I looked around, trying to find an empty table away from the huge windows; I was still feeling a bit paranoid of the other students who might chance upon seeing us.
I noticed a flight of stairs tucked into the corner of the coffee shop, so I turned toward Kate to ask if the second floor has more tables available for customers. She reluctantly said yes, her eyes moving towards the empty table directly in front of the counter.
Nice try, I thought to myself. I wouldn't give the chance to ogle Professor Cullen as we consume our coffee.
I tapped Professor Cullen on the shoulder, trying to get his attention. "I'm going to get us a table upstairs, okay?"
"Yeah, sure," he nodded, facing me fully. "I'll be right over."
I gave Kate one last smirk before I headed towards the second floor. The currency wall décor caught my eye as I turned but I didn't approach it. I think I'll do it the next time Professor Cullen invited me for coffee. I took the stairs one careful step at a time, knowing that my clumsiness was just hovering over the corner. It wouldn't do me any good if I fall and break my neck. Stepping on the second floor, I immediately noticed the patio opening, littered with empty tables and booths. I placed my bag on a table nearest to the patio, my eyes looking around the paintings hanging on the wall. The décor was eccentric yet oddly comforting; the splashes of colors on the canvasses bringing life to the beige walls of the shop.
With my eyes still trained on our table, I stepped into the patio and the rare Seattle sunshine immediately basking my skin in its warm glow. I turned my face towards the sky and closed my eyes, inhaling the crisp air and reveling the quiet reprieve. I stretched my arms above my head, feeling the muscles in my torso give as I pushed and pushed until I could no longer do any more. A tapping on the glass broke my concentration and when I turned, I saw Professor Cullen peering at me from the inside. I gave him a sheepish grin as I walked towards the table, noticing the two mugs of steaming coffee paired with two slices of marionberry pie.
As I neared, I could smell the delicious aroma of the coffee and pie, my stomach rumbling as I realized that I haven't taken my lunch yet. Professor Cullen pulled a chair for me and I thanked him with a small smile. Once I was settled, he walked over to the other side and took a seat across from me. He quietly handed me my mug and my pie, diving into his once he saw me taking a sip of my coffee. We ate in silence for a while, stealing glances at each other and hiding smiles behind the huge coffee mugs.
After we were done eating, we talked about nonsensical stuff. Professor Cullen asked me how I think I fared in the midterm exams, what my plans were for the upcoming Christmas break, and other normal stuff that wouldn't have raised an eyebrow if a passerby would have heard us. Regardless of how much I wanted to do the same, I held my tongue let him take the lead. I didn't know if he would have minded if I asked him the same things.
"Mr. Black mentioned earlier a date," Professor Cullen said after a beat of silence, his eyes looking straight at me.
I quirked an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to finish whatever it was that he wanted to say but when it became obvious that he wanted me to fill in the blanks, my frown deepened as I thought of what he wanted me to say.
"It wasn't a date," I told him, a frown still marring my face, "He just wanted me to meet his stupid friends."
"Oh," realization dawned on his face, the lines on his forehead loosening as he relaxed his jaw. "I'm sorry, Isabella, if this has been a repetitive question for you."
"It's fine," I reassured him, wanting so badly to slide my hand on top of his, "It's better than Jake's persistent asking for dates."
I smiled at him indulgently but he didn't return it. Instead, his eyes grew a bit darker and his expression became morose.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Professor Cullen said, a small smile blooming on the corner of his mouth. "It's just— "
Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by my ringing phone. I smiled at him apologetically as I took it out, the screen flashing my dad's name. I denied the call as I wasn't too worried about the situation. I knew that he was calling to let me know that he's nearing Seattle. He's coming up for his birthday weekend, lugging up my mom and our family dog with him in his cruiser. I looked up to see the resolved look on Professor Cullen's face.
"Sorry about that," I told him, straightening in my seat as I watched him glance at his watch.
"Actually," he gulped, looking out to the patio before redirecting his eyes on me, "Are you ready to go? I have some things I have to finish at the campus."
"Oh," I mumbled, deflating a little. "Yeah, sure."
We quietly stood from the table, respectively reaching for our bags. We silently walked down the flight of stairs and came through the exit, the space between us bathed in awkward silence. I was just about to say my goodbyes to Professor Cullen when he suddenly l grabbed my hand in his. In all the months that we've gone out for coffee, this was the first time he has initiated contact. Sparks were shooting up from where he was touching me, raising goosebumps on my arms.
Exhaling deeply, Professor Cullen clenched his eyes shut before opening them again and looking at me intently. "Good bye, Isabella."
"Yeah, bye," I mumbled under my breath, shock still coursing through my body. "I'll see you next Monday."
At this, Professor Cullen released my hand and I almost propelled forward from the sudden release. He nodded at me once, his face solemn, before turning to the direction of the campus. I stood at the entrance of Café Allegro for a while, my mind blank as I watched his form walk away. My skin was still tingling from his touch and my cheeks were burning. After a while, I shook my head to clear my mind and walked to the direction of my dorm. Once I have calmed my mind, the smile on my face couldn't be deterred.
The weekend flew by before my eyes, my parents taking most of my time and attention as we celebrated my dad's birthday. My mom kept on bugging me about boys while my dad shook his head in the corner, his mustache twitching. On Sunday, I watched as my parents drove away in my dad's cruiser, my mom's head hanging out of the window until they turned around the corner. I went to bed fairly early that night, eager to see Professor Cullen first thing in the morning.
I woke up early the next day, my body almost vibrating in excitement as I took a shower and dressed for the day. The smile on my face couldn't be contained, almost scaring my roommate as she pointed out that it was starting to get creepy. I ignored her teasing and went straight to the campus after breakfast. I probably looked like an idiot as I skipped my way to class, the ringing of the bell overhead adding to my excitement. I didn't know what mood Professor Cullen was in this morning or if he would even acknowledge our small contact last Friday. I figured that it wouldn't have mattered anyway since he always seemed to snap out of his funk after class.
I was just passing through the door when I stopped dead in my tracks. I retreated slowly and looked at the schedule posted beside the door, checking to see if I was in the right room. I was, but it definitely wasn't Professor Cullen standing behind the podium. I eyed the woman warily, wondering if she was lost or if Professor Cullen was sick and needed a substitute. I took my seat at the back of the room; Jake was already there, the smile on his face creating a numb feeling in my gut.
"Where's Professor Cullen?" I asked, my frown deepening as the woman took out her things from her bag. "Who's she?"
"Professor Cullen's gone," Jake said, the grin on his face getting wider. "Resigned from his spot and flew back to wherever he came from or something. She's Professor Denali, his replacement."
"Gone?" my voice was wavering and it felt like I was going to be sick.
"Gone," Jake confirmed, nodding at me.
Fuck.
Gone. He's gone.
AN: This is the last of the 2014 chapters.
So, do we want to strangle Professor Cullen or what?
Thanks for reading!