Which is why Jenova came in the first place to Midgar: to crash into and destroy the abomination.Wait, since when were they in Midgar?

Cloud ran in at that moment. "If I'm Seph's clone, does that make you... MY MOM?!" His retarded sister ran in after him. "I am Clud! Duhahaha!!!" Artur decided to hook her up with Dingledorf. Ignoring Clud...

-Somewhere-

"Get lost." Myrrh snorted and turned away. "You're not Eph." Ephraim, who was nearby for some reason, looked up from making out with Tana.

"Uh... did someone say my name?"

Tana slapped him and made him kiss her again. Myrrh shook with anger before biting Tana's head off and roasting the rest of her like a marshmallow from Axel's room. "H-hi, my lil' drakey-poo!!" Ephraim said, shaking like a leaf. "You..." Myrrh returned to her human form, tears welling up in her eyes. "You cheated on me! You don't love me! WAAAAAAA!" She ran away crying.

-Weyard-

And Jenna had thought ahead. So she could hear Alex's screams over and over, she hired Innes to YouTube the moment after he got bored with the Zelda/Vaati chase. Unfortunately, Garet also wanted the feminine fashion items, and grabbed them before bolting... smack into an undead shampoo bottle. The undead shampoo bottle growled ferociously before devouring him whole and spitting him back out. "No braaaaiiinnnsss..." Garet screamed, wet himself, and hid behind Jenna. A random djinni did a tap dance. To move the story along, a portal opened to Grado... randomly.

-Grado is made of cheese-"Lucian...? Do you take some kind of medication?" Riane asked, slightly worried.

"No... But... I'm not a full Drake yet... I'm still part demon, so... being closed off from the demon realm..." He smiled weakly. "...Doesn't feel good. I didn't think it would hurt so much after just a day of not being there... I'll be okay, though, but I don't know for how long." With an effort, he climbed to his feet again. Eirika and Lyon, meanwhile, started to get in to bed when they realized someone was already in it. "What the hell?" Eirika screamed as Knoll poked his head out from under the covers. "I'm s-scared... can I sleep in here tonight?" The traumatized mage whimpered.

"Well, don't push yourself." Riane curled a supportive arm around him.The bed devoured Knoll before spitting him back out.

"Thank you... What the-" A portal churned into existence before them, and from it ran a guy with overly tall red hair, which made Axel jealous. Jenna once again roasted Garet, yawning. Garet then smacked into Riane, screaming "MY BUNS ARE BURNIN'!! ...Oh, hot girl!" He was promptly grabbed around the neck by a growling Lucian.

-Somewhere-

Jenova and Barney got into a mad awesome battle while Clud and Dingledorf performed the mating dance of the Retardius imbiceles, which looked a lot like the chicken dance.

-Wherever-

Ephraim jogged alongside Myrrh, an easy feat considering she was a midget. "No, she forced me too! You are the one I lo-" Ephraim ran smack into an oversized weasel of death.

-Grado-

"Nah, Lucian, I can take care of it." Riane pulled out a stolen pincushion, full of pins, and pulled them out, one by one, sticking them on Garet in uncomfortable places.Jenna growled. "Garet, I hate you...oooh! Hot boy!" She proceeded to stalk Axel. Alex yelled "GO RIANE! WITH THE PIN! JUST RUN AMOK! -POKING AROUND- What are those noises?!? THOSE ARE PUNCTURE WOUNDS RIANE, STOP!!! YOU'VE MADE A HORRIBLE ERROR!" Knoll recovered from his traumatized state and slapped Alex. Vaati decided his feathered ass made him look like a peacock. Axel tried to steal Lyon's hair. Rennac tried to steal Axel's hair. Jenna tried to steal ALL the cute guys. Fomortiis kidnapped Riane and Lucian and threw them in a cell in the demon realm. Dozla sang about ponies, which resulted in hordes of angry My Lil' Ponies falling from the sky. The scarecrow from the Zelda games did a nifty little jig...

"STOOOP!!" Lyon yelled unhappily. Everyone froze. "Is it just me, or did something serious sneak into that moment of extreme stupidity?"

Indeed, it had...

-The Demon Realm-

The Demon King smiled wickedly at his two captives from outside of the cell. "Nooo, you aren't ALLOWED to be seriously evil in this RP-Eeep!" The small mew who had been protesting, tied upside-down to the ceiling, shut up instantly as the demon glared at her. Riane rolled her eyes. "Gee, THAT was helpful. Not. Look, demon dude, let us out of here now, and maybe I'll spare your treasury in the inevitable event that we do get out." The mew squealed happily. "I KNOW it was!!" Fomortiis snorted. "Silence, dinner."

"D-dinner?! Don't you know how many c-calories are in a m-mew? I'll ruin your d-diet... which you need... b-badly..."

The demon ignored the blithering mew. "I decided it would take to long to wait for you to come crawling home, Formotiss. But kidnapping your little friend was an unexpected bonus." Lucian growled. The Demon King then turned towards Riane. "I've just sent your father a message. I told him to come here, alone, and to not struggle. If he fails to comply, it will go badly for you... So do you think he'll take the bait?"

-Somewhere-

"Screw you, Ephraim! I'm going back to that dorky Sindriss!"

Ephraim was quickly surrounded by a Super Stoat of Sadisticness, a Fat Ferret of Ferocity, an Enormous Ermine of Evilness, and a Wide Weasel of Wickedness. "G-gulp... are these friends of y-yours, M-Myrrh?" Sindriss cackled happily.

-The Demon Realm-

Riane's calm and sarcastic demeanor gave way to sweltering rage. "You...WHAT?! You...you...! RRRRGH! Just you wait and see. I'll slit your throat wide open for that!" The mew started singing "Ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, take one down, pass it-" Fomortiis smacked the unfortunate kitty-like creature over the head, then thrust a single claw through the cell and pinned Riane against the bars. Lucian snarled and threw himself forward, but the demon merely shoved him aside with his tail. "You're too weak to protect her, boy... Now tell me, girl, are you scared? Scared of what I'll do to you? And you'll never know of all the secret torments I put your father through..." The Demon King purred happily. A voice suddenly called out from behind him.

"Let her go, Fomortiis. I'm the one you want." The demon paused, then twisted around, smiling slowly. "Hello, Lyon..."

"Dad! No! Get away!" Riane cried desperately. Then she spared the mew a glance. "...Just for the record...never again." The mew sputtered indignantly. Lyon looked sadly at Riane, his face pale. "What do you want, demon?"

"You, of course."

"...You win. But you must promise you'll let them go, and that you won't hurt my family ever again."

"Yes, yes, I promise. Now, I'm going to cast a very nifty little spell I learned. It'll stop you from using magic or transforming. It'll also paralyze you, but leave you conscious... so that you'll feel everything. Try to resist, and your kid's toast."

"...I surrender. Don't hurt her."

The mew slapped Fomortiis with her tail.

"No, no, no, this is MY story, and I say you shain't harm pretty boy! Sparkly Light Bubbles, Level 1!" As intimidating as that attack was, the demon remained unphased, and cast aforementioned nasty spell. The mew screamed at this insubordination. Fomortiis waited a moment to be certain his victim was helpless, then lunged forward and grabbed him by the collar, murmuring in delight. Lyon smiled gently at the two shocked prisoners. "Riane, Lucian... watch out for Eirika and Leon for me, will you? And give everyone my love-"

"Enough talking, weakling... I've waited so long to hear you screaming in pain and misery once again." With that chilling remark, Fomortiis skipped happily down the hallway. The mew twisted around, waited until the demon was gone, then freed herself with a spell and unlocked the cell. "Alright, peeps, we gotta go save Lyon, or the fangirl's will have my hide. You're both shifters, so you can turn into something big and scary and kill, right?" Lucian, who hadn't had much practice in the shape changing scheme of things, turned into a cerberus puppy and bared his stubby fangs in an attempt to look violent. The mew booted him in the butt.

Fomortiis carelessly dropped his captive onto a table, and Lyon winced as he landed on the rough metal surface. The torture chamber was located on an outcropping in a cave, hundreds of feet above a sea of boiling magma, which gave the whole room a sluggish red glow. The demon played his claws along the mage's unprotected throat, making him flinch. "Now tell me, boy, what game should we play first? Should I slowly roast you alive, or should I disembowel you?" He said, grinning terribly. Lyon sighed weakly and closed his eyes. "Oh, they both sound so fun, I can't make up my mind, why don't you pick?" he croaked hoarsely. A random keese dropped from the ceiling, yelling "You were funnier as a hippie, demon!" Then started shrieking taunts as he wheeled around the cavern's roof. "Hippie Fomortiis, hippie Fomortiis, helps old ladies, nah nah nah..." The Demon King roared and pounded the ground with his fist. "SILENCE!! I WILL HAVE NO ONE INTERUPT MY INCREDIBLY EVIL ATMOSPHERE!!" Lyon laughed. "I think it's too late for that... rubber duckie boy. Ha!"