Story of My Life
Chapter 12
Friends And Nothing More

Disclaimer: I, FayTheLioness, do not own Harry Potter.

It was dark in the room. The little moonlight that came in through the window made scary shadows and illuminated the parchment I was writing on.

Sirius, I'm sick of your games! You always have to play games and humiliate me, don't you? I'm sick of it! Why can't you just let me be? First you humiliate me, then you act as if you like me, then you ruin everything! And when you're done, you start all over again. Why do you do this?

I don't believe you want us to be something more than just friends. I know you don't want to be more than friends. Maybe you think you do, but you don't. You're nothing more than a sex addict, who screws around. That is who Sirius Black is, who you are; someone who can't make a commitment to one person. That's why I know you don't want to be something more than just friends with me. We can never be more than friends, and I would like for us to be friends again, but nothing more than that. Even as friends we aren't very close, so how could we ever be more than that? I can't trust you and I don't even know if it's possible. You lied to me, how am I supposed to trust you?

As I was done writing, the words vanished and I knew Sirius had got the message. I still liked him but I couldn't let him play with me like he wanted to, I just couldn't. I would get over him eventually, but in the mean time I was going to occupy myself with Bruce.

I laid down to sleep, but found myself incapable of it. Sirius' words drifted in my head; I like you…be my friend again, or possibly something more? How was I supposed to get some sleep when he had said that? Had I made the wrong decision? Should I just have thrown myself at him and screamed 'Yes, take me now' like the rest of Hogwarts female population? Damn it. Had I made a terrible mistake? I need to go see Madame Pomfrey!

Merlin I hate the hospital wing. I always end up here, no matter what I do. But it's scarier here now, the whole place is rather grim. Shivers crawl up my spine and I wrap my arms around myself.

"Ms. White!" I jump at the sudden noise. "Shush, don't be afraid. It's only me." Madame Pomfrey said.

I relaxed. "You startled me, Madame Pomfrey."

She smiled. "I think you've been up here too many times to not call me Poppy." She said looking me in the eyes.

A smile found its way on my lips. "Yes, I think you're right Madame…" She coughed and gave me mock stern look, making me correct my mistake. "Sorry, Poppy." I finished with a shy smile.

"Quite all right, Ms. White."

"You may call me Lyrae, if I am to call you Poppy." I informed her, with my smile still intact.

"So what may I do for you, Lyrae?" She asked, getting down to business.

"I…" I hesitated, not knowing if I should continue. "I can't sleep. Do you have something to give me for that?" I asked looking up at her with big, brown eyes, begging her to give me something.

Her face softened and she got an almost sad smile. "Yes I do." She went silent for a while, like she was contemplating on something. "Has this something to do with Sirius Black?" She asked, seriously.

I opened my mouth to answer, but closed it and furrowed my brow. How did she know?

"You can't sleep because of him?" She tried again. I was speechless. "You can't let a sleeping potion take you to sleep every night, Lyrae." When I didn't respond, she continued, "I'll give you something for tonight, but you have to resolve this 'Sirius' problem so you can sleep without taking a potion." I nodded and looked down at my feet. I heard her go to her office and when she came back she carried a vial of sleeping potion. She handed it to me. "You can't run away from this by taking a potion."

I took the vial and looked at her. "I know. It's just for tonight. I promise." I turned and walked out of the hospital wing. When I reached the doors I turned to face her. "Thank you." I closed the doors and began the long walk to the Ravenclaw common room.

It was dark and cold but I didn't care, I was to occupied thinking about Sirius. He is a nice guy, but he likes to play this game that I can't stand. I wish he really did like me, but I know better than that. He can't commit a relationship, he just has sex. I don't want a relationship based on that; sex. I know that is all he wants, and therefore it's best to not engage with him at all. I will only end up with a broken heart, and I don't want that.

As I was walking past the girl's lavatory, I saw the tall, dark guy that confuse me so; Sirius. I spun around and practically dived in to the girl's lavatory, praying he hadn't see me. I stood against the sink and lowered myself to the floor, staring at the door. I don't think he saw me.

The door opened. (Oh, damn. I spoke to soon).

"Lyrae, I saw you come in here." Sirius said as he peeked in to the room.

"Here." I sighed in defeat.

He walked over to where I sat and slid down next to me. He didn't say a thing. After a while he offered me the bottle of Fire Whiskey he was holding. I took a few sips of it and relaxed a bit more in the situation I was in. Alcohol always helps, no matter what!

"You want to talk?" Sirius asked, not looking at me. I shook my head, I really didn't want to say a word, not even a simple 'no.' "Oh come on, say something." Sirius said, exasperated.

I gave him a weak look and said, "What do you want me to say?" He just looked at me and didn't answer, so I continued, "That I like you? That I want us to be something more than friends? WHAT?" I shouted the last word. I became very annoyed and wanted to hit him.

"I want you to say what you feel." Sirius said softly, looking at me.

I frowned. "You want to know what I feel?" I asked in disbelief. Sirius just nodded. "Well you'll never know!" I said in a whisper. I rose from the floor and walked out of the lavatory.

I heard Sirius follow me and sped up. "Lyrae, you can't run away from me." He exclaimed and grabbed my arm, turning me around to face him.

"I can, and I will." I answered him in a growl.

"Why?" He asked with a puzzled look.

"Why? Because…" I didn't know why myself, I just wanted to get away from him. "Just because." I finished a bit dumbly.

"You said we can at least be friends, right?" I sighed and nodded, he continued, "Then we're friends. Can't we talk?"

"Of course." I sighed, I didn't have an argument against that. "We're friends and we can talk, but that's all. We're just friends and we'll never be something more than that."

Sirius got a look of disappointment and, if I'm not mistaken, hurt. He ran his fingers through his black hair and said, "Fine." I couldn't hear any kind of emotion in his voice. I nodded and began to walk again, Sirius following.

We walked in silence and as we rounded the corner to the Ravenclaw common room. I walked in to Bruce and fell to the floor.

"Sorry." Bruce apologized offering his hand to help me up.

"No it was my fault, I didn't see where I was going." I answered and took his hand, and he helped me up.

I brushed the dust off me and looked at Sirius and Bruce. "Eh, I need to go now. Talk to you later." I began to walk when Bruce took my hand.

"Can I walk you to your room?" He asked, looking at me with his beautiful, brown eyes. We stared at each other.

"Ahem." Sirius coughed, trying to get our attention. "I'll walk her up to her room." He said, glaring at Bruce.

"Oh." Bruce said, looking disappointed. "I'll just get going then." He began to walk down the hall.

"Bruce." I said, walking towards him. "Sirius's just a friend." I looked up at him.

He turned around and grinned. "Good." Be bent down and whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed my cheek and left.

I touched my cheek where his lips had been and grinned widely, I started to like him more and more. He's so unlike Lucius and Sirius.

I walked up to the Ravenclaw common room and knocked on the door, said the password and sat down on the couch.

"What was that?" Sirius asked.

I jumped. Was he still here? "What?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"What are you doing with him?" He demanded in a high voice.

"It's none of your business." I snapped. I stood up, walked to the door and opened it. "Out!" I demanded, pointing out the door.

He rose from the couch and left. When he was out the door, he turned and said, "He's a bad guy."

"Good. I like bad boys!" I answered coldly and slammed the door shut in his face.

I went to my room and laid down on my bed, thinking; what am I doing?

Since I couldn't sleep, I downed the sleeping potion Poppy had given me. Instantly I felt my eyelids get heavier and my muscles relaxing. Finally I would get some sleep.

AN:

I'm so sorry for the long wait. I try to update once a week, but I've been really down and blue lately, so I haven't been in a mood to write and therefore not updated. Sorry! I know this chapter sucked a little, but as I said; I 've been down and blue lately. But I promise I'll write the 13th chapter better!

I want to promote my new story, 'Manipulations!' Check it out!

If you want to find some more about Bruce, just go to chapter 9. He's the one who let Lyrae in to the Gryffindor common room when she had to do that dare.

Snuffles-sweetie: Yes, she's quite confused. But things will lighten up, believe me! Malfoy's out off the picture, yes. But he still has some unfinished business to attend to.

musical: She is confused. Just keep on reading and things will get better.

fantasygirl26: I think she needs to be with Bruce for a while. But why, I won't tell.

Karvion: Hi! I'm really glad you decided to review my story, (I love those) and that you love my story. If you go to chapter 9, you'll find more about Bruce. When Lyrae had to kiss Sirius (you know that dare) a guy called Bruce opened the portrait. Everything you need to know about him, for now, is written in the 9th chapter.

Angel Lupin: Sorry I didn't update quickly. I hope the next chapter will be up within a week, but I just don't know. So sorry!

Love-Pink26: Glad you loved the previous chapter, I certainly did! I've gotten a taste of writing chapters with cliff hangers. Sorry.

It's always okay to dream, they may come true you know (wink, wink).

taliapony: No offencetaken. She's just confused, Sirius isn't an easy guy to figure out. She can be an ass when she's mad or confused, that's just who she is.

Lyra Waterflame: Sorry I didn't update soon. Hope you can forgive me?

EveyM: Glad you love it. I try to update soon, but I haven't been able to lately. Sorry!

kyat: I love to hear people say they love my story, it makes me feel good. I love SB/OC stories myself, so I decided to write one. So here we are, twelve chapter and sixty-one reviews later. Sorry you had to wait so long for the next chapter.

Keisha.cl: Lyrae's confused. She likes Sirius but she thinks he's only playing with her. I hope this chapter cleared a bit of your confusion. I'm glad you won't kill me, especially now when I updated so slowly.