Chapter 12

Hermione finally got out of bed as the first of the sun's rays streamed through her window. She hadn't slept, instead tossing and turning in frustration, replaying the evening's events over and over in an endless loop inside her exhausted and frustrated brain.

It was all Lucius' fault. Hermione thought. If he hadn't been so heart wrenchingly open and honest last night, she wouldn't have found herself so attracted to him. Seeing him as an actual person, albeit with flaws, who had made mistakes and paid a hefty price for them... was still paying for them, had affected her more than she cared to admit.

Yeah, that and his gorgeous body... who are you kidding! Hermione groaned as she came to the crux of the problem.

No matter how she tried to justify or sugar coat it, the bottom line was...she had the hots for Lucius Malfoy... bad! Hermione had never felt like this in her life and it was disconcerting to say the least.

What a bloody mess! she thought, as she struggled to extricate herself from the tangled sheets. She made her way to the bathroom and turned the water as cold as she could stand it, the shock to her system finally accomplishing what a full night in bed had failed to do... clear her head.

What was she thinking? Hermione suddenly realized that she was making more of this than was really there. They had both had too much wine, and Lucius had been feeling vulnerable after baring his most private pain. He was probably just grateful that she had listened without criticizing or blaming him, and she had mistaken it for passion.

That was it. Hermione convinced herself, as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair, shivering as the icy rivulets ran down her back. He was just lonely and I practically threw myself at him, of course he would respond... I undoubtedly imagined the desire in his eyes, as we both know I'm not his type.

As soon as this thought made it's way to the forefront of her consciousness, Hermione felt a profound sadness fill her. Because deep down... she truly wished she was.

Hermione hoped that Lucius would be too embarrassed or uncomfortable to join her for breakfast, as she really wasn't ready to face him. It would be much better for both of them, if they could avoid each other from now on.

OK, that's the plan then... avoid him. Be polite, but keep your distance. You can do that... just pretend he's a casual acquaintance.

Having resolved her dilemma, albeit unsatisfactorily, she headed into the bedroom to get dressed.

**********

The smell of freshly brewed coffee hit Hermione's nose as soon as she reached the stairs, the scent like a siren's call to her sleep deprived nervous system. S.P.E.W aside, there was something to be said about employing a house elf, and Hermione secretly wondered if she could tempt Poppy away from Lucius...or at least get her to share some of her favorite recipes.

She poured herself a large mug of coffee and sat on a stool at the counter, still thinking about Poppy, as she savored the first potent sip.

Hermione smiled at the image of Ron's face if she suddenly came home with a house elf in tow... and stopped cold... Ron. She had not given Ron a single thought except in the abstract sense, all night, and she was consumed with sudden guilt.

Suddenly she knew that she had a lot of thinking to do, and her thoughts and feelings about Lucius could have no bearing on her decision regarding Ron.

Regardless of what had happened in the past week, Ron had been her husband for over sixteen years, and up until five years ago, they had been relatively good ones.

Was she willing to throw all that away? Was she capable of continuing as things were now? Hermione's relaxed mood evaporated as she pondered her choices, as they would affect her kids as well.

What had happened to them? Hermione had asked herself this question so many times in the last five years, but the only tangible answer she could ever come up with was... Harry.

Harry was the underlying cause of almost every major argument between she and Ron. He was the excuse for every broken promise or foul mood, and Ron's obsession over any perceived slight coupled with his jealousy and resentment of Harry's success and notoriety, had made him increasingly angry and bitter.

Unfortunately, over time, her understanding and tolerance had decreased as well, until with each mention of "Fucking Boy Wonder" she was barely able to contain her contempt or reign in her acerbic tongue. Until, like acid, the bitterness had begun to eat away at the foundation of their marriage, leaving behind a dilapidated structure that would collapse in a strong wind.

Hermione felt the first sting of tears as she contemplated telling Rose and Hugo that she and Ron might be getting a divorce, and knew they would take it very hard. Ron may not be a very good husband or friend, but he was an excellent father, and the loss of him in their daily lives would devastate them.

How can I do that to them? What kind of mother am I? Hermione thought in despair. Her parents had some friends she knew, who had stayed together for their children, and it was so obvious that they were miserable. Hermione had always wondered why they stayed together. Now she understood.

Could she endure that?... Yes... she knew she could endure that and more, if it made her children happy... couldn't she? Hermione resolved that she would force herself to endure it, at least until the kids were grown, and then she and Ron could quietly divorce.

What other option do I have? Hermione felt the tears flowing in earnest as she contemplated the repercussions of selfishly giving in to her desires, and the resulting destruction of her family, and knew she couldn't do that to them.

As the hopelessness of her decision sank in, a well of despair rose within her, and the torrent of tears she had been holding back, came pouring out.

As her head sank down towards the counter top, she suddenly felt herself being pulled up into a tight hug, and she was incredibly thankful for the strong arms that were tenderly holding her. She stopped thinking about right and wrong and gratefully sank into his comforting embrace, needing his strength to anchor her as the turbulent storm of emotions wracked her body.

Lucius had spent a sleepless night trying to come to terms with his feelings for Hermione and his intense reaction to her. He was also trying to sort out his mixed emotions about Narcissa, especially in light of her recent betrayal. After all of her suffering at the hands of Voldemort... because of him... Lucius knew he would honor his obligations to Narcissa, even if his heart and body were pulling him in a different direction... he owed her, even after what she's done.

Lucius had, therefore, vowed to avoid Hermione, not only to resist the incredibly strong temptation to snog her senseless, but also to give him time to decide how best to resolve his own marital issues. He needed to be fair to Narcissa, especially after forty years of marriage, and didn't want to make any life altering decisions while enveloped in a cloud of lust.

His resolution lasted precisely three minutes. Upon entering the kitchen in search of coffee, he found Hermione sobbing uncontrollably, and his heart lurched in response. Not stopping to think, wanting only to ease her pain, he gathered her up in his arms and held her tightly, whispering soothing words into her hair as he gently rubbed her back.

After what felt like an eternity, Hermione felt her tears finally abating, and her body gave one final shudder before her breathing settled into a steadier rhythm. It had been so long since she had been held like this that she delayed breaking the connection for as long as possible. She felt surprisingly... safe... in Lucius' arms.

Finally, knowing if she stayed pressed against his body any longer, her shaky resolve would evaporate, she reluctantly pulled away. Giving Lucius a watery smile, she resumed her seat at the counter, unable to meet his eyes.

After refilling both coffee cups, Lucius sat a few stools down from her, hoping the distance would lessen his desire to pull her back into his arms.

"Thank you," Hermione met his eyes briefly before looking away, her fragile emotions no match for the heat in his eyes.

"Are you alright?" Lucius asked in concern. "Is this because of what happened last night? I am truly sorry if I hurt you in any way Hermione, believe me, that was not my intention."

Lucius looked so anxious, that her resolve almost melted, but she steeled herself with a large sip of her steaming coffee. Feeling she owed him some sort of explanation, not only because of what had just occurred, but also because he had been so painfully open with her last night, Hermione spoke in a slightly thick voice.

"No Lucius, you didn't do anything... well, you did, but not knowingly," Hermione said softy, refusing to look at him.

"I was trying to decide the fate of my marriage, and I just suddenly felt so overwhelmed... and then... you came in," she looked up briefly and offered him a small smile.

Lucius looked at Hermione and once again was awed by the goodness that emanated from her very being, and he wanted very much to absorb some of that into himself.

"If you want to talk I will listen, as you have been kind enough to do for me," said Lucius in a quiet voice. "I can tell you firsthand how liberating it is to bare your soul. It may not solve your problems, but cleaning out a festering infection is the first step towards healing."

Hermione smiled at his analogy, realizing how accurately the description fit the current state of her marriage. Maybe talking out her feelings would help solidify her resolve. She took a large sip of coffee and began, slowly and haltingly at first, but gaining momentum the more she talked.

She told him about the early years of her marriage, and how having Rose, and her subsequent decision to go back to work, was the first major hurdle they had encountered. She spoke of her successful career and how that had affected her marriage more and more as Ron's career stalled and then faltered. She told him of Ron's bitter jealousy and resentment of Harry that grew worse every year, and how his being passed over for promotion had finally brought things to a head five years ago.

She told him about how much Rose and Hugo adored Ron, and what a wonderful father he was, but that her loss of patience with Ron's increasingly childish behavior had started to subtly affect their relationship with the kids.

Hermione almost forgot Lucius as she expunged the proverbial wound that had festered more and more as the years progressed.

She talked unabashedly about her and Ron's almost nonexistent intimacy and her belief that he no longer found her attractive, due, she suspected, to her increased weight. Hermione could have sworn Lucius snorted into his coffee, but it only registered in her peripheral consciousness, so she ignored it and kept talking. Hermione found that once the dam was released, she was unable to stop the flood of her words, and barely stopping for breath, she continued her abbreviated life story.

She told him about her close relationship with Harry and the antagonistic one with his wife Ginny, her former friend. Hermione frowned unconsciously as she described the tenuous relationship with her judgemental and overly critical in-laws, and she told him about the events that precipitated her stay at St. Mungo's, and Ron's subsequent arrest. Finally she voiced her fears about what a divorce would do to her children, and in voice so quiet he had to strain to hear her, she told him of her decision to stay with Ron until the Rose and Hugo were out of Hogwarts.

By the time she finished, she felt both emotionally and physically drained, yet remarkably lighter, as if a huge weight had been lifted. She looked at the clock on the wall and was startled to realize that she had been talking for almost two hours straight and Lucius hadn't interrupted once, although she had felt his eyes boring into her during her entire recitation.

The silence that followed her emotional outpouring, was filled with Lucius' unspoken questions. She could feel them hovering in the air, wanting to be articulated, but she was too emotionally fragile at the moment to acknowledge them.

Lucius finally stood and offered her his hand, his face schooled into a neutral expression. Hermione looked at him for a minute, unsure what he expected of her, but deciding to trust him, she took his hand and followed him from the room.

He led her out to the patio where Poppy had laid out a lovely breakfast, and she suddenly realized how ravenous she was. She smiled her thanks as Lucius pulled out a chair for her, and she started to fill her plate.

Hermione tried to concentrate on the beautiful morning and the delicious food, but she found her eyes drawn to Lucius despite her repeated attempts to focus her attention elsewhere. She knew that if she stayed in this house alone with him much longer, she would be playing with fire.

Hermione found herself watching him eat, transfixed by this simple act. Just looking at the way his lips wrapped around the fork as he took a bite of pineapple, his tongue darting out to capture the juice that was threatening to drip onto the table, was so incredibly erotic, and she found herself suddenly wishing she could transfigure herself into a peach.

You decided you were not going to do this... SO STOP IT!! Hermione silently chastised herself, as she reluctantly dragged her eyes back to her own food, suddenly finding she had no appetite.

Lucius was also struggling to control his emotions, which seemed to be moving in fifteen different directions at once. First and foremost was his concern for Hermione, she had been treated horribly by that... that... worthless prick she called her husband. Lucius understood her desire to make her marriage work for the children's sake, but he hated that she was selling out her own needs for those of her family, especially as they didn't appreciate her.

Lucius knew that this woman evoked strong feelings of protectiveness in him, along with a myriad of other confusing emotions that he had never felt before, but he also knew that exploring those feelings was dangerous for both of them right now. They both had marriages that were falling apart, yet they were both determined to do the right thing... whatever that was.

Lucius sighed and looked over at Hermione as she tried unsuccessfully to appear interested in her food. A wave of desire washed over him as she nibbled on her bottom lip pensively, and it took all of his willpower not to reach over and capture that lip between his own teeth and suck on it's sweet fullness. Bloody Hell! Is she trying to drive me crazy? Lucius thought as he unobtrusively tried to adjust his growing erection into a more comfortable position.

"Lucius...," Hermione spoke quickly, determined to break the silence, and get her mind on anything other than him licking up her juices.

"Hermione...," Lucius spoke at the same time, desperate to get her to stop chewing on the damned lip so he could think straight.

They both laughed nervously and Lucius indicated that Hermione should go first, and she suddenly realized that she had no idea what to say to him... except...

I want to be a peach, so you can eat me! Besides sounding incredibly trite and cliche, she knew it probably wouldn't go over well.

Just keep it simple... make some inane comment about the weather or some other superfluous observation, just... don't... think... about... sex!

Hermione took a deep breath to bolster her courage and said, "So... do you like peaches?"

Oh, way to go Hermione... do you like peaches?? Why not just rip off your clothes and offer him dessert while your at it? She groaned inwardly at her lack of control.

Lucius looked confused as there weren't any peaches anywhere to be seen, so he wasn't sure what had prompted the question, but then his other head suddenly took over and an image of her spread eagle on the table while he ate her like a peach fired his imagination until, once again, he had to adjust himself.

"Hermione...," Lucius began in desperation, only to be interrupted by the appearance of Harry Potter, and Lucius had never been more relived to see him.

"Harry!" Hermione called out, sounding almost as relieved as Lucius felt. She stood up to hug him, but stopped at his words, his green eyes troubled as they met Lucius' cool gaze.

"We found Narcissa," Harry said quietly, and suddenly Hermione knew she wouldn't like what Harry was about to say.

**********

A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long to get out. I requested a Beta, but after two days, with no response, I decided to put this out anyway. I've gone this far without one. Please excuse any mistakes. I honestly reread each chapter at least 4 times, but you know... forest for the tree's and all that!

Even though Hermione obviously wants to get together with Lucius, and who can blame her, she has too much integrity to do that to Ron while they are still married, regardless of how Ron treats her. It is not an easy decision for her, but it's the only one she will be able to live with.

Having said that...there will be some major changes for both of them coming up! Happy reading!