As he ran outside Paul really expected to see Stephanie dead on the grass or hanging from the tree at the bottom of the garden or something equally dreadful but that was not what he saw. Actually he could not see his wife at all but he could see Nikki running across the grass. Running after her he saw that as she reached the end of the garden she crouched down. He felt nausea taking hold of him as he wondered if his wife lay there dead. As he got closer he heard Nikki saying, "Steph? Talk to me. Where are the girls?"

Paul thanked God as he realised that she was not dead. Relief washed over him and as he had nearly reached them he finally saw Stephanie. She was dressed only in a t-shirt and jeans despite the freezing cold November weather and she was sitting with her legs tucked under her chin and her arms wrapped around them. "No, no, no, no, no!" He yelled, getting louder each time as he knew what the sight meant.

"Steph! Where are the girls?" Nikki demanded again, more forcefully this time. "Talk to me!"

Paul crouched down next to Stephanie but she did not seem to register his presence or at least she gave no indication of doing so. "Steph, please where are the girls?" Touching her arm to try to make her respond he felt how cold she was. "Jesus Nikki, she's freezing. She must have been out here for hours." He realised that this was not a time to try to talk, he had to get his wife warm and do it fast. He scooped her up in his arms and started towards the house.

"Leave me!" Stephanie cried out. "I want to stay there. Put me down! Get off me!"

"You're freezing, you'll get pneumonia. I've got to get you in the house. Tell me where the girls are?"

"Put me down." Stephanie wailed, "That's my special place. I want to go back."

Paul carried her in through the back door and Nikki closed it behind her after following them inside. "Nikki go put the heating on and get some blankets," Paul ordered. "She's freezing."

"I don't know where your heating is or how to work it and I don't know where your blankets are. Put Steph on the couch and I'll talk to her. You go put the heating on and get blankets and make some coffee. Think, where could the kids be?"

Finally Paul's mind began to fight it's way through the panic and he was able to think logically. "Maybe Marissa has them."

"So call her then! Come on Paul switch on for me will you?"

Paul set Stephanie down on the couch and Nikki sat down beside her and wrapped her up tightly in a hug. As she made contact and realised how cold Stephanie was she gasped and barked at Paul who was still staring at Stephanie, "Will you fucking move!"

This at last got Paul into action and he ran and turned the heating up to maximum, then ran upstairs to get blankets. He grabbed a bunch and ran back downstairs as quickly as he could. After charging back into the living room he practically threw them at Nikki who began wrapping them around Stephanie.

Paul went into the kitchen and started the kettle boiling to make hot coffee. He needed to call Marissa. When he took out his phone and saw that he had fourteen missed calls. "What the fuck?" Then he realised that his phone was on silent. Why the hell was it on silent? All of the missed calls were from Marissa. Surely that meant she had the girls with her? He called and waited for an answer. "Come on!" He growled impatiently.

"Paul?" Marissa asked anxiously. "What's going on? I've been calling you and..."

"Marissa just tell me the girls are with you? Are they with you?"

"Yes Paul they're with me..." She continued but Paul did not hear any of it as he collapsed onto a chair at the kitchen in relief. After a moment his mind tuned back in and realised that Marissa was still talking, "Paul? Hello? What's going on over there?"

"Sorry, I'm here."

"Answer me," Marissa demanded. "What's going on? I brought the kids home and Steph's car was there but we couldn't get her to open the door. Why don't I have a key to your place damn it? Are you home now?"

"Yes I'm home." Paul could tell that Marissa was trying to calm down as she spoke more quietly, "The girls are worried sick Paul, I am too. Where's Steph?"

"We found her in the garden," he mumbled.

There was a pause as Marissa made sure no one could hear her. "What do you mean found her?" Marissa asked, the horror obvious in her voice.

Paul realised how he had accidentally made it sound. "Not like that. She's alive but she's sick. Look I need to go, okay? Please keep the girls at your place. Tell them... something."

"Oh god Paul..." Marissa began but Paul cut her off, "Please just take care of my girls." He hung up and made the coffee that Nikki had asked for as quickly as he could. He hurried into the living room with it as soon as it was ready, not bothering with milk or sugar. "Steph? Are you okay?"

Nikki had wrapped the blankets around Stephanie and she was holding her tightly with Stephanie's head resting on her chest and shoulder. "She hasn't said anything yet Paul but she's warming up. Get that coffee over here."

Paul handed it to her. "This is my fault," he mumbled.

"Shut up. This isn't the time. Talk to her." He sat down on the little bit of space left on the couch next to his wife's curled up body and spoke to her gently, "Steph? What happened? Talk to me please. Or talk to Nikki."

Stephanie did not react or say anything. "She has been taking her meds, right?" Nikki asked Paul.

"Uh... I don't know."

Nikki looked at him accusingly. "You don't know if she's taking her meds?"

"I just... trusted her to do it. I mean, I think she is."

"Well how many should she have left?"

"I don't know."

"For fuck's sake," Nikki hissed. "When did she last get some?"

"Uh... it's been some time. I guess she shouldn't have too many left."

"Okay, go find them and see how many she has." Paul hurried out of the room again cursing himself for his failure to do his job as a husband and help his wife. It had occurred to Nikki straight away that Stephanie might be off her meds and yet he had never even considered it. Quickly he found Stephanie's meds and there were way more pills left in the plastic bottle than there should have been. He closed his eyes and sighed as he realised that for some time Stephanie had not been taking her medication. "Damn it Steph, why?" He headed back downstairs and showed the bottle to Nikki. "She's not been taking them. For some time too by the look of it."

Nikki closed her eyes and rested her head on top of Stephanie's, "What were you thinking Steph?"

Paul noticed that Nikki had put the coffee on the floor presumably as Stephanie would not drink it. He picked it up and sat next to her again and tried to get her to drink it, or even to get any kind of reaction from her. "Steph drink this please. You're really cold and we need to get you warm." Stephanie did not do anything so he put the cup to her lips and started to tip it gently towards her.

"Paul..." Nikki cautioned.

"We need to get this into her." Paul insisted and was delighted when he saw Stephanie begin to drink some of the coffee. He poured it in little mouthfuls for her that she could manage easily. She drank roughly two thirds of the cup before she stopped swallowing and he spilled a small amount onto her chin and also onto the blanket. "Well done honey," he said gently as he wiped the liquid from her chin. "Now can you tell us what happened?"

Again there was no response. Nikki tried an approach that Paul would not have thought of, he would have thought that Stephanie would think that he was patronising or insulting her somehow. She spoke very softly and almost sounded to him like she was talking to a child, "Steph you're safe here. This is your special place now. Nothing can happen to you here, I'll take care of you."

Stephanie finally spoke in a very quiet and distant voice, "This isn't my special place."

Paul had no clue what anyone was talking about by this point but at least Stephanie had said something and that was obviously progress. "Okay," Nikki continued in her very soothing, comforting voice. "So tell me why that place is special? Why do you feel safe at the end of the garden?"

"The last time I saw my mom," Stephanie blurted out, starting to cry.

Now Paul remembered it. One afternoon in the summer the whole family had been in the garden and the weather had been ridiculously hot. Stephanie and Linda had sat talking in the shade of the tree at the bottom of the garden. He remembered Linda standing up when Vince announced that it was time for them to leave and she had kissed Stephanie and said, "I'll see you next week." There had been no next week for Linda. Paul also realised that before Stephanie had been on her meds he had seen her sitting there and he had not made the connection. Again he told himself that he was a useless husband and should have put two and two together. As he was thinking this through Nikki had said, "You don't need to sit there for your mom to be close to you. I'm sure she watches you all the time. She doesn't want to see you like this Steph, does she?"

"I don't want to be like this. I don't want to live any more," Stephanie mumbled, her words cutting into Paul like a knife.

"Don't say that sweetheart," Nikki comforted, "Don't say that ever. What about the girls?"

"Right, the girls," Stephanie mumbled, then Nikki added, "And Paul."

Stephanie did not say anything in response to that and Paul felt another dagger stab into his heart, "What about me Steph?"

Nikki's eyes and facial expression screamed at him to shut up so he did and Nikki continued, "Steph can you tell me why you're not taking your meds?"

After a moment she provided a mumbled answer, "Didn't need them. John died."

"You do need them sweetheart." Nikki stroked Stephanie's hair with one hand, "You need to always take them. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes."

"And when I'm not here Paul needs you take them for him. Can you do that?"

"Yes."

"You're not alone Steph, when you feel like this you can talk to me or you can talk to Paul."

"Paul doesn't understand, he doesn't help me."

The sadness in his wife's voice was almost unbearable for Paul. He had been trying his best for her and this was the result. It was devastating and he felt like such a failure. "I try my best!"

Nikki glared at him and silently mouthed the words, "Go away." As he left the room Paul realised that Stephanie was actually right, he did not understand and he had not helped her at all. If Nikki had not been there tonight he would have had no idea how to get through to her. Had he lost his wife? Did she need to go back to therapy? He sat at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands in despair.