He froze.
There at the bottom of the stairs was none other than the thief of his thoughts…
He tried his best to ignore the fact that having green eyes stare up at him from the bottom of those stairs felt so familiar it hurt.
But he couldn't help it.
He never thought he would ever see that sight again.
And for the longest time, seeing it was all he longed for.
Haru had soon discovered those things were the hardest to get over.
It was in those small everyday moments that he felt Makoto's absence the most.
He never imagined accepting that someone was gone would be so hard, and for the most part it never felt real, it never felt real until he was confronted with the inescapable void.
Even as the years went by, he found himself feeling betrayed when he opened the front door and found nothing staring back at him.
And now…
Now it was a different sort of pang.
It wasn't the same set of eyes; he knew that, he had known that all along…
So why was there a part of him that refused to accept that?
What was Spartan even doing at his house?
Looking at him pleadingly… why?
He wanted to ask, he wanted to ask so many things and instead…
"How do you know where I live?"
He could see the other's eyes growing large, nervous…
He hadn't meant to accuse him, he regretted asking that question the second he realized how it hit the other.
He was just curious… but it was too late.
"I… I was heading for the pet store when I saw you leave with the dog" Spartan looked at the animal that was wagging his tail excitedly, eyes fixed on his savior.
"I wanted to talk to you so I went after you… I didn't mean to follow you home I swear, I just… I didn't know how to approach you and then you arrived and your driver was here… and just.." He looked so nervous and that looked wrong on him.
"I was going to turn around and leave but then I thought… if I had come this far… it just, it didn't feel right leaving just like that"
I see
"Come inside"
That sent the taller teen into a panic.
"No Haru, I just… I just wanted to talk to you there's no need, I'll make it brief"
Haru tasked. He didn't want to have whatever talk they were having in those god damn stairs, of all places.
He didn't give Spartan room to argue; he turned around and went inside, holding the door open impatiently.
The other looked around to his sides, he seemed highly uncomfortable, it was as if he was waiting for a cop to jump from the bushes and arrest him just for existing in such a fancy place… maybe he was.
But finally he cursed under his breath and followed Haru inside, even if reluctantly.
Haru lead them to the kitchen and didn't look back as he put some water to boil.
"Tea? Or coffee?" He asked nonchalantly.
"I'm fine you don't need to-"
"Tea or Coffe?" Haru shot him a glare and the other raised an eyebrow skeptically.
"You are incredibly stubborn"
He was, and he took pride in it.
Spartan sighed… "Tea is fine"
Haru hummed and proceeded to make them some tea and some snacks, not without telling Spartan to stop standing around and take a seat already.
"You have a very nice house…"
Haru had never really care for small talk or obligatory commentaries… but when Spartan was the one uttering it….
"Thanks" He laid everything on the table before finally joining.
And now… the dreaded moment.
"What did you want to talk with me?" Haru kept his eyes trained at the smoke coming out of his cup.
His heart picked a pace as he waited for the brutal answer.
"I… it wasn't really much of a talk, I just… I wanted to apologize for the other day… " His voice was quiet, hollow, hesitating. "You were so nice to me and I went and did that and I just… I feel very stupid; I could not have behaved worse"
When had he been nice to Spartan?
And why was he the one apologizing?
Haru was the one to run, and he was the one to not state his intentions… He never saw it as him being the damaged one.
Though now he thought about it… Spartan had only kissed him out of obligation, not only was the kiss wrong… but it was a lie.
Great Haru, you have managed to feel even worse about it.
"There's nothing to apologize about… " Haru finally looked up, and saw… his answer was not satisfactory at all to Spartan, he was frowning.
Haru sighed; he guessed he needed to elaborate more.
"You were wrong to assume I suppose, but it was a logical assumption from what you had to work with. If you're feeling bad about it, there's no need to" Haru shrugged and expected that to be enough. Expected Spartan would feel absolved.
"Regardless of that, even if I had assumed right, it was wrong to act without asking first, it was wrong… but… I just, I don't like owing things"
There… if Haru needed any further convincing the kiss had just been a currency to the other teen… he didn't anymore.
"I want to pay you… I know I don't have any money but I will try to gather some, it might take a while but I will"
What?
"I don't want you to, you don't have to, I only did it for the dog" Haru lied… and Spartan saw right through it.
"I don't know why you did it but I know it wasn't for the dog"
Haru looked away and decided the tea was growing cold. The conversation was exhausting.
And it was about to get worse.
"… why did you do it Haru?" yet again that dreadful question.
He closed his eyes.
He owed Spartan an explanation he knew he did.
"You don't know me, you don't want to know me and all you wanted was to get rid of me… I was just an annoyance to you so why? Why help me then?"
Such straight forwardness… such harsh words.
It was unfair, now he felt guilty.
Was that what Spartan thought he felt?
"I… I can't give you the explanation you want I'm sorry… "
He had expected the other to complain but instead he got an apology yet again.
It angered him.
"I didn't mean to pry, you don't have to tell me… I just… I guess that's it. Thank you for the tea… I'll find a way to pay you somehow" He hadn't even touched the beverage.
"Will you find that way at the tunnels?" Haru's eyes grew large as he realized what he was saying.
Fuck… where did that come from?
What got a hold of him, to ask just an intrusive question? Especially after he himself refused to offer any answers.
Spartan was completely taken aback, he had begun to rise and fell back to his seat.
"I… No. I don't really work there"
Haru couldn't help feeling a wave of relief washing over him.
He couldn't deny the thought of Spartan, having to submit himself to such a nightmare had been part of the reason that kept him up all these nights… along with his hormones of course, the kiss and the self hatred.
Look at that… His indiscrete question paid off.
"I should though" The other said but seemed to regret it immediately for it was his turn to looked surprised at his own words.
Haru's relief crashed to the ground and shattered like a vase.
He frowned.
"Why would you say that?" He knew he was pushing his limits. Spartan didn't owe him any information about himself, especially after Haru had already declined the offer once.
"My friend does, and that's how I get food on my plate… it's not fair only he has to" The boy seemed pained by his admission, Haru opened his mouth to say something but what was he supposed to answer to that?
Spartan wasn't finished though.
"I… I actually tried the other day, it was the first time I ever did, but I ended up in a fight with the guy before anything happened… I broke his nose" He grimaced but let out a sigh after the confession.
Spartan finally took the mug in his hands; finally relaxing… maybe he needed to talk about it, maybe Haru's intrusion wasn't so out of order.
And he had to admit, he felt some wicked satisfaction at knowing Spartan had fought back, that he made the bastard pay.
He had been so busy mixing Spartan with Makoto in his head lately that he forgot Spartan was not a small kid; he was stronger than Haru was, and toughen up from growing up in the streets.
He could defend himself better than Makoto never could.
He didn't need Haru to save him. It made him feel rather embarrassed for ever feeling he did.
Even then, it didn't mean Spartan couldn't be broken down…
Haru couldn't help himself, he had to ask…
"Why can't you find another job" He knew it was easy for him to talk, he never looked for a job, he never lacked any money. Never went hungry for any reason other than laziness or stubbornness.
He expected the other to point it out but instead he got a chuckle.
He didn't expect that at all.
"I'm not exactly good at anything, I've tried but no one wants to hire someone like me" He shrugged. "I don't like any of the things I do to get money Haru, but I still do them, so I'm not going to pretend I do no wrong. Maybe there's another way, I just don't know it"
They grew silent. But it wasn't the awkward silence it had been up until that moment.
And then… Haru got an idea despite himself.
"What about dog sitting?"
Spartan raised an eyebrow, confused.
"I know nothing about dogs, I've never had a pet and I… I won't even be able to take care of it the way you would so… why don't you?"
His heart was racing, a voice inside him was telling him to shut his mouth, to stop getting involved, to stop this pathetic attempt, it sounded a lot like Rin.
But somehow… he was sure of this, he knew it was the right thing to do somehow, he knew if he didn't he'd never be free.
Spartan's mouth dropped opened, but it was too late, Haru saw the light return to his eyes and he knew he could win this, even if the other put some resistance.
"Haru… that's… I don't understand" the other let a frustrated sigh. "I would ask why you want to help me so much but I know you won't answer me"
Haru bit his lip.
"I'm the one who needs help, so it's not me helping you, it's just a job, If you don't want it I'd have to hire someone else" Haru shrugged "…but I think it's best if you do it"
He looked to the side and tried his best not to blush, there was nothing embarrassing about what he had said, but somehow… he couldn't help thinking the other would see right through them.
Spartan had his eyes fixed on his and he seemed to be at least considering the offer.
"Would you… maybe one day… be able to tell me the real reason?"
Haru closed his eyes, it was fair enough.
"I'll try" that was the best he could offer.
"Ok then… boss"
Spartan said so with a coy smile and Haru started regretting it already. How was he going to separate the two boys in his head when green eyes smiled at him like that.
But he had to try, he'd already gotten involved with Spartan even if for the wrong reasons, it was too late to back out of it.
He just needed to learn to see Spartan for who he was and not who he looked like.
"Don't call me that"
And then maybe they could both be free.
"Ok… Haru it is then"
Maybe…