This is kinda only here because I realise I haven't posted anything in a while. I should've done a April Fools one... Shame I missed that. Maybe next year.
It's not a funny one either. It's only here to remind people I'm here. Hello there :)
Artemis stared in horror at the numbers. He had known it would be difficult. He had known the accounts would drop. But this...
Artemis double checked the figures. How was a nine year old supposed to run an empire? Even if he was a genius.
He sighed and closed down the window, opening another on his computer. Somehow he had to write a program that took money from someone else's bank and placed it in the Fowl's without leaving a trace...
"Arty, dear? Are you still awake?" His mother called from outside his room.
"I shall turn in presently, Mother. I just have a few... ah issues to wrap up first," he answered.
She opened his door, giving him just enough time to open an especially short-keyed window containing a children's computer game.
"Oh Arty, issues? You may play on games all night if you wish," she said, kissing the top of his head.
"It's so nice to see you acting like an ordinary young boy," her voice broke towards the end of the sentence, tears forming fast in her eyes. She squeezed his shoulders for support. "Goodnight, Arty."
"Goodnight, Mother."
She left the room with a swish of nightgown and click of a well oiled lock. The young genius sighed in relief, closing the ridiculous car game he had been losing so spectacularly at. A few weeks ago his mother would easily have detected this fact and realised he was tricking her. Now though she didn't seem to notice much at all. She had been sleeping in for longer. Going to bed earlier. Spending more and more time locked away. Only speaking to Artemis himself and occasionally the maid that served her.
Talking of which.
Artemis opened up the spreadsheet of workers. He had already lain off all of the gardeners, since his mother didn't venture outdoors any more, they had been the first to go. Next he unemployed over half of the maids and cooks he deemed unnecessary for the workings of the manor and unnoticeable enough for his mother, after all, she didn't need any more stress. He disliked deceiving her so, but it was better for her health if she was kept in the dark about the financial troubles they were suffering.
He toyed around with the numbers, deciding to dismiss a further half of the cooks and most of the maids. After all, as long as he kept the three main women that served his mother, he could make do with one of them, and Butler of course, and she would hopefully remain unaware. His train of thought continued to the next natural station. Security. How many could he sack and without sacrificing the manor's protection? He cut out most of the names under the heading, narrowing it down to just the head of security, CCTV specialist and his personal bodyguard.
Of course, it was easy, from an outsider's point of view, who he should remove from his list of employees and their wages.
No, thought the boy. I couldn't...
Butler's pay may have been higher, but he had been with Artemis longer. Was more reliable. Trustworthy. Artemis tried to put his personal views aside. The head of security was a man who was not taking being employed by a pre-decade-aged boy very well. In fact he only listened to Artemis' orders because of Butler. Did he need his bodyguard more than he needed the manor's security chief? Was that selfish on his behalf?
He moved onto the next name. The camera specialist had made a program from scratch for Fowl Manor's personal close circuit television security. But he was a small, weedy man. He wouldn't be much help in the event of a break in, even if his cameras picked it up first. Besides, it would not take long for him to work out how to use the system himself.
Artemis docked the man's pay off his equations. He now had just two chefs, three maids, the head of security and Butler's wages to pay. That should be enough.
Next he checked the bills... and had to start all over again.
Pulling up a plan of the manor he cordoned off several portions he judged rarely inhabited and used a complicated program he had devised himself to project an estimate of the next month's cost of electricity and water if none of those areas were used. That was better. He shut down his computer and collapsed gratefully into bed.
"Good morning, sir," Butler said, placing Artemis' Full English and orange juice on the breakfast bar he was sat at.
"Hmm..." Artemis replied, folding the sheets of paper he had been re-reading in half and sliding them across the surface to his manservant.
"Today's tasks, sir?"
"Yes. I need these employees to be informed of their immediate release..." he indicated the list of names neatly typed onto the crisp surface. "And these areas of the manor closed off. We need to cut down on our energy usage. The invoice for last month's electricity was simply extortionate; we do not even visit the south wing of the building more than once a year, yet its electricity usage alone took up an eighth of the cost!" A slight exaggeration perhaps but he needed to convey his point.
Butler nodded, deciding not to mention that the electricity was used to fuel a precautionary light sequence, one of the deterring security measure he himself checked whether the rooms they protected were used or not.
"Oh and Butler?" he questioned as the manservant turned to leave.
"Yes sir?"
"Why are you serving my breakfast this morning?"
"It's the cooks' day off, sir," the bodyguard explained.
"Both of them?"
"Yes, sir."
"They couldn't take their breaks on different days, I suppose?"
"Apparently not, sir. But don't let it concern you; I was taught Cordon Bleu cooking as part of my training."
"Of course," his charge said as he tucked into his usual Sunday morning meal, finishing his mouthful before adding. "I wasn't alarmed, simply curious, that's all. You may leave now."
"Yes sir." Butler exited with the unenviable task of informing several members of staff that they were no longer required.
The next week past in a rush of complaint letters from ex-staff and money demands. Pretty soon Artemis found himself in the same position; sat at his desk pouring through wages and incomes. His mother's mental health had deteriorated further too. So far in fact, that he had been forced to call in a specialist. Post traumatic stress. Depression. Nothing to be done but rest and recuperation but if you just sign here we could offer some medicine that could speed up the recovery process... Pills and more bills swirled around his head. Expensive pills. He had even out their funds somehow.
Well, those two chefs could go if Butler could cook for him. Artemis had thoroughly enjoyed all the meals his manservant had cooked him last Sunday. And he could survive without another two maids if he kept the most hardworking. And the head of the security... Artemis was sure Butler could cope with defending the manor now that the family's darker ventures had come to an end. The acquaintances and enemies they had once had, had turned away from the crippled business partner once the Fowl Star had gone down. And Father...
No. Don't think about Father.
He typed furiously for a moment, distracting his thoughts, but still the figures were out.
And there was another problem to consider. He was piling more and more responsibility onto his bodyguard without any correlation in the man's wages.
Hopefully the man would stay regardless. He'd have to. Artemis was banking on it.
But why would anyone want to stay in the unstable employment of a failing, pathetic, ran-by-a-child... he kicked over the wastepaper basket in a fit of childish pique. The clatter resonated through the floorboards to his bodyguard's ears.
"Artemis? Are you alright?" the deep, familiar voice asked from outside his door.
"Yes Butler I'm perfectly fine!" he snapped a little harshly.
"May I come in?"
"If you insist so," Artemis huffed, the childish side of him appearing in his frustration.
"Sir? I've been wondering..." Butler continued, entering the room almost as cautiously as he would if it had contained a live bomb.
"Have you?" the question was spat with such contempt that Butler nearly left it at that. But it was his job to protect his charge from anything. Including himself. He continued less tentatively.
"Yes sir. Is there anything bothering you? Anything that I could help with?"
"No." Artemis said defiantly.
"You're sure, sir?"
"No." Artemis said in a softer tone. "No Butler I'm not sure. Nothing adds up anymore."
"Care to elaborate, young master?" Butler asked, pleased to be getting somewhere.
"I'm going to have to get rid of that security chief man and leave us with just one maid... even then, even with half the manor closed we just don't have the funds to support ourselves and..." the last confession took the most out of him. "And I don't know what to do," he whispered.
Butler surveyed the screen for a few minuets.
"I have a suggestion, sir."
"Well go on. It can't be worse than what I've come up with."
"Dock my pay, sir."
"What?" Artemis thought he had misheard.
"Deduct some money off my wages, sir. I have enough savings to be going on with and my accommodation and meals here are practically free. So..."
"Butler I couldn't. I'm giving you more jobs, not less. I should be giving you a bonus."
"With respect, sir. I'm thankful I still have a job. Many of the ex-employees are rather... should we say jealous?... of my position."
"You're sure?"
"Yes sir," Butler said sincerely. Jealous was putting it politely. Seething? Vengeful? A little closer to the mark.
"By how much?" Artemis asked, clicking on the section of spreadsheet with Butler's wage. Butler leaned over to the keyboard and jabbed a few number keys. Artemis was taken aback.
"You're certain? That's..."
"Plenty enough for me to live on, sir," Butler said seriously. "I have another suggestion that might help."
"Yes?" Artemis said, intrigued. He just needed another thousand or so pounds and they'd be set.
"Get rid of the final maid, sir."
"But that would mean you would have to..."
"I'm quite capable, sir. And Juliet could help, for free for now of course as she is underage. So long as she was allowed to live here. And while we're on that subject, you may as well close the staff's quarters now there's only the two of us down there. If we could use two of the guest rooms instead?"
"Of course you can but... are you sure?" Artemis couldn't hide the amazement in his voice.
"Definitely, sir," Butler confirmed.
"Then I think... I think we're sorted," Artemis double checked the figures. "Yes. Slightly above in fact... I could boost your pay by..."
"Don't. Keep it how it is for now until everything settles out a bit," Butler said firmly.
Artemis opened his mouth. And closed it again.
"Goodnight sir," his bodyguard said, laying a hand on his young charge's shoulder for the briefest of moments before leaving the room.
Artemis sat back in his swivel chair and stared at the screen in amazement. How the man could be so selfless he didn't know. Could he have been so unselfish? Was it his duty or his nature that made him do such a thing? Deciding to fathom the workings of his bodyguard's mind another time he changed into his nightclothes and got into bed. For the first time in a week he slept deeply, without money worries invading his dreams.
Butler sighed, stretching out his muscles. Life was about to get a bit tougher.
Tougher, he snorted mentally. As though the luxury of Fowl Manor was anything near tough.
Still, no more full nights sleep for this bodyguard. Smirking slightly at the prospect of deposing the head of security, who held a serious grudge against both of the Butlers currently working for the Fowls. Although 'currently' was perhaps the incorrect term now. Butler clenched his fists, 'manning-up' as Juliet would call it, knowing what the source of his grief would say if he could see him acting so soft.
He rolled over, checking his alarm was set. He'd likely wake up naturally anyway but it was always better to be prepared.
He'd tell his sister about this in the morning. Not that it would make much difference, she was used to helping him out anyway and eventually she'd end up getting paid for it if she was lucky.
Butler stretched again. Enough worrying for now. Time for sleep.
Things would be OK in the end, or at least he hoped so.
He was banking on it.
Yes, this does just kind of end. But it was just one of those things hanging around in the background that I picked up, dusted off and flung on here.
Anyhoo.
While I'm here with a chance to say something to anyone who's bothered to read this far, I'm gonna do a bit of a *shameless advertising alert*.
You guys should read Beckett Simpleton's "Alexander the Great". It's the first part of the few times re-write, and you should read it. And when you've done that, please give it a review and let her know what you think. Beck deserves it for all the hard work :)
Anyhoodles, tarrah till next time and yeah I know, who knows when that'll be, eh? :P
Wolfy
ooo
O