Chapter Twelve
Sins of the Past
Vancouver, Earth
While she had been a spacer all her life, Shepard accepted that it was good to feel the solidity of Earth beneath her feet once in a while, even if it was just the landing platform at Vancouver's space port. As she eagerly stepped down from the Normandy and planted her boots on the tarmac, the first thing she noticed was a group of Alliance personnel approaching rapidly. It was to be expected, the Normandy was still officially a Cerberus vessel, and her crew were all designated Cerberus operatives. Protocol dictated that they would all have to be detained and thoroughly debriefed before being allowed to rejoin the Alliance, or leave. Still, a small part of Shepard hoped for some recognition of what they had done. Not for herself, she had never been a glory seeker, but for her crew. Each had risked their lives to avert the Reaper invasion. As the Alliance group neared, Shepard recognised her old friend Anderson near the front, but most were officers she did not know.
"So, any thoughts on what you'll do first?" Miranda asked.
Walking at her side, the former Cerberus operative had donned civilian clothing. It was the same across the rest of the crew – all eager to ditch the trappings of that organisation. Most had only signed with Cerberus in the first place because of Shepard, and they were already discussing their return to duty with the Alliance.
"Other than go find your asari and apologise profusely of course," Miranda added with a knowing smile.
"I'm not running off to Liara straight away," Shepard said quietly. "You should know me better than that. Besides, Hackett warned me that there would be music to face over the Bahak mess. A thorough debriefing no doubt, possibly a strike on my permanent record."
"I do know you better than that!" she laughed. "And I know for a fact you can't go a month without sex."
"Hey, try two years!"
"You were dead," Miranda pointed out.
Shepard grinned. However as she looked back towards Anderson she found her grin faltering. She couldn't remember a time when she had seen the Admiral's face so serious. Even his grim visage was nothing compared to the business-like movements of the other assembled personnel. No one appeared the slightest bit pleased to see Commander Shepard bringing another Normandy home.
"Anderson," Shepard said warmly as he came within speaking distance.
"Shepard, I'm sorry, I tried to get them to wait."
Shepard frowned at Anderson in reply. However she watched as a stone-faced Alliance Colonel she didn't know shouldered past Anderson and interrupt any further conversation.
"Commander Shepard, I am here to inform you that you are under arrest-"
"Under arrest?" Shepard bristled. She ignored the Colonel and turned back to face Anderson. "What the hell? Admiral?"
Rather than help her further, the Admiral held up his hands to indicate it was nothing to do with him. All he could offer was a sympathetic, but thoroughly useless, expression.
"You are under arrest for suspected war crimes against the Batarian hegemony." The Colonel continued in a bland tone. "You are stripped of rank with immediate effect and confined to an Alliance detention facility."
"What the fuck!" another voice joined in.
Behind them, Joker was stumbling down the ramp, trying to increase the pace of his shuffling gait. His incensed tone was shared by several other members of the crew. Shepard glanced over her shoulder. Although she was heartened by the support she was being shown, she knew it would not benefit her case to resist or incite some sort of mini-riot on the docks.
"Stand down, Joker!" she growled, not wanting to see her fragile pilot rough handled in any way. "That goes for all of you!"
However Miranda had never been the sort of crewmember who instantly obeyed Shepard's commands. She shouldered her way into the Alliance personnel surrounded Shepard and jammed her finger into the chest of the Colonel who had made the initial arrest statement.
"Commander Shepard is an Alliance hero, you half-witted little rat. You should be congratulating her, not arresting her!"
"Miss Lawson, I would stand down immediately," Anderson chimed in quickly, dragging Miranda away from the Colonel. "Or you could be facing arrest alongside Shepard."
"Anderson's right, Miranda," Shepard said quietly. "None of this is going to help. Thank you though."
"This is wrong, Shepard, and you know it," Miranda continued through gritted teeth.
The ex-Cerberus Operative could barely contain her fierce anger. After a few more moments of staring down the Alliance Colonel, she spun on her heels and walked out of the crowd to keep herself from doing anything that would reflect badly on Shepard.
The Normandy's crew continued to mutter angrily as they watched their Commander hold out her hands in front of her in preparation for an unnecessary pair of hand cuffs.
"We'll get this sorted, Shepard," Anderson promised.
"I have every confidence in you, sir," Shepard replied.
However, as she felt the cuffs close around her wrists, she felt a sinking feeling in her gut. This wasn't only for her immediate future as an Alliance officer, but something else that nagged at the back of her mind. Shepard found her gaze drifting skyward. She thought of Liara, and wondered when the hell she was going to have a chance to tell the asari how she felt.
STG base, Sur'kesh
Shepard absently wondered how many times she had stared out of the viewing portal of a shuttle, watching the surface details of a planet take shape beneath her. No doubt too many times to reliably count. Sur'Kesh was heavily forested, the STG base a stone edifice clinging to several hilltops. From this height Shepard thought it resembled ruins on Earth she remembered from a children's book. Exactly where they were, or which extinct civilisation had made them was lost to her, but the similarity triggered in her mind nevertheless. Beside her, Wrex was already clutching a Wraith shotgun in his oversized hands. Knowing his particular hatred for Salarians as well she did, Shepard suspected that he was preparing to dismount with all guns blazing. Shepard gave him a very pointed, cautionary look. Both the M-96 Mattock and the Phalanx pistol she carried as backup were securely holstered.
"Wrex," she growled. "These are friendlies."
"Bah! These are Salarians!" Wrex replied. "Only way to greet them properly is with the barrel of a shotgun!"
Shepard continued to glare at Wrex until he gave up and holstered his shotgun with a reluctant snort. He took to impatiently pacing the cabin of the shuttle instead. Unfortunately his bulk made the confines even more cramped, especially when sharing with a Turian and two humans. Shepard took a seat beside Vega and performed her customary examination of her weapons. The Phalanx was a heavy pistol she was unaccustomed to, but she had finally accepted that the Predator was about as useless as a wet rag in a fire fight. It's relatively fast rate of fire meant that the Phalanx had won out over the Carnifex. Shepard just couldn't bring herself to trust a weapon that gave her time to nap between bullets. Satisfied the pistol was in working order, she replaced it at her hip. She leant forward slightly so she could remove her assault rifle from its mount on her back.
"I would have gone with the armour-piercing mod myself," Vega pointed out from his seat on the bench beside her. "The Mattock punches straight through light cover with that little beauty enabled."
Shepard ejected her clip and waved it towards the marine. "Armour-piercing rounds."
"You letting this chump tell you what to do, Shepard?" Wrex was listening in on their conversation.
"Vega knows his weapons," Shepard backed up her arms master.
"Yeah well, I would've rather had someone else I can trust along for this one. I'm glad Garrus is here, but you could've brought Liara too. Never get tired of looking at that gorgeous face."
As Vega muttered something under his breath in reply, Shepard kept her own voice even and matter-of-fact. "Liara was knocked about pretty badly on Menae, she's off all missions for at least a couple of days, if not longer."
Shepard was yet to decide whether or not this was a good thing. On one hand, they needed some space in the wake of the tension between them boiling over. On the other, Shepard wanted the asari at her side. She told herself it was because she couldn't do without Liara's biotic talents, when in actual fact a part of her missed the sweet torture of having her around.
You're a sucker for punishment, she thought. Liara is far more likely to truss you up in a singularity than fight at your side at the moment. Perhaps it was what she deserved, she already felt as though she was dangling helplessly in the air being slowly drained of life.
"Commander!" Cortez's urgent shout broke through her random thoughts.
Shepard stood and made her way to the cockpit. The shuttle was now hovering in the air above the landing pad, not making any attempt to set down. "What is it?"
"The Salarians are denying us permission to land," her pilot replied.
Behind her, Wrex overheard the conversation. He uttered a growl and the shotgun almost miraculously reappeared in his hands. "There is no way the lizard-faces are reneging on this deal. Not if I've got anything to say about it!"
Before Shepard could do anything to stop him, Wrex forced an emergency release on the door locking mechanisms. He then did exactly what she had feared he would and threw his massive bulk down to the landing pad below, Wraith at the ready. Shepard ran to the doorway and saw a small group of STG personnel rushing from a nearby building, their own weapons at the ready.
Shit and balls! "Garrus, Vega, on me!" Shepard yelled over the whirring of the shuttle's engines.
She then leapt from the craft in the hope that she would be fast enough to stop Wrex dishing out his own landing authorisation in the form of shotgun pellets. Her boots hit the ground just in time to add her voice to Wrex's angry shouts. However her own voice sounded frustratingly close to anger as she yelled at both Wrex and the Salarians to stand down. With the combined noise of the shuttle and the frayed tempers, she could feel the situation quickly slipping away out of her grasp. Finally there was a breakthrough in the form of a familiar figure emerging from a doorway ahead. Mordin Solus burst through the ranks of Salarian STG and stood directly in the path of Wrex's shotgun.
"Apologies, transfer only just came through. Rest of STG slow to react to order. Armed Krogan leaping from shuttle not best form of greeting, Shepard," Mordin's clipped voice was reassuring with its familiarity.
"Sorry about that, Mordin," Shepard said, reaching out tentatively to lower the barrel of the Wraith in Wrex's hands. The Krogan grunted but let it drop. "It's great to see you. I take it you know why we're here?"
"Of course, come to collect Krogan female," Mordin replied.
"Female?" Wrex growled.
"Yes, only one female has survived, rest perished due to weakened immune systems, lasting effects of Maelon's work. Follow me, Shepard, Krogan must stay here however."
Although Wrex was not the slightest bit pleased about Mordin's order, he nevertheless agreed. The STG team stood down and allowed the odd group to pass through their midst with Mordin leading the way. Each Salarian watched the Krogan with a wary eye. He made a sudden abrupt move forward, accompanied by a mock war cry and several almost leapt out of their skins. With a glare warning Wrex to behave in her absence, Shepard followed Mordin. When they were a safe enough distance away, Mordin leaned in close to Shepard.
"About time you came, transfer long overdue, expected Krogan to demand female's release earlier."
Shepard raised her eyebrows. "You were the one feeding the information to the Krogan?"
Mordin nodded succinctly. "Yes, had change of conscience regarding genophage. Female is best hope for Krogan. Follow me, I will introduce you."
Mordin led them to their destination on the lower levels of the STG base. Behind glass, the female Krogan was encased in a sterile pod. Shepard immediately felt sorry for her, caged like an animal and separated from her people. Without waiting for directions, she approached the glass and lifted her hand. She could the female regarding her through wary eyes. For all she had been through, her gaze remained alert and strong.
"My name is Commander Shepard of the Alliance vessel Normandy," she said in a clear voice. "I have come to escort you back to your people."
The Krogan was silent for almost a minute. When she eventually replied her voice betrayed no emotion. "And what is in this for you, Shepard of the Normandy?"
"You are the last and best hope for the Krogan people. I want to oversee the exchange, make sure you return home safely," Shepard replied. There was no sense in going into the details surrounding the war effort. The only thing that mattered was this individual and what she meant to her people. "You can trust me to do this."
"We will see, Commander. We will see," she replied.
"Krogan female has suffered much, slow to trust, Shepard," Mordin explained. "Need to move pod into quarantine elevator to get to landing pad. Will meet you there."
Shepard replied with a curt nod. While Mordin oversaw the loading of the pod into the elevator, she, Garrus and Vega made their way to the landing pad on the roof. While Shepard had no reason to suspect that anything was about to go wrong, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle in warning. Her watchful gaze scanned their surroundings. As they walked, the Salarians around them threw the group odd looks, but continued in their duties.
They were tracking the progress of the elevator upwards when, for some reason, Shepard found herself pausing on a terraced balcony that overlooked the lush greenery below. The view was stunning, but it wasn't enough to hold her attention. She glanced back over her shoulder. From within the glass confines of the elevator, Mordin gave a quick wave as though he thought she needed confirmation that everything was fine. Shepard's fingers twitched as she felt the desire to hold a weapon. Garrus and Vega continued onwards, pausing only when they reached a set of stairs to find their Commander was not with them.
"Shepard?" Garrus called back.
Something told her that everything was not fine. It wasn't much to go on, just an odd smell in the air and the distant sounds of shuttle craft. Neither clue hinted at approaching trouble, at least not without further evidence. However Shepard's instincts had already kicked in. When she heard the whine of an incoming missile, a warning was on her lips only a split second later.
"Hit the deck!"
Her body was thrown downwards with a combination of her own momentum and the projectile that tore into the structure. Shepard slid forward and her back slammed hard into a planter box. Above her, chunks of masonry tore free and crumbled downwards. Several smashed around her, all missing and showering her only with a thick layer of dust. She gasped instinctively and her lungs drew in a gulp of the stuff. It coated the inside of her mouth and felt like glass sliding down her throat. A few hacking coughs cleared the worst of it and she dragged herself into a sitting position.
"What the fuck?" Shepard said dumbly as she picked herself up from the debris. Only a few metres away, a Salarian was lying motionless, his huge eyes staring lifelessly towards her.
"It's fucking Cerberus!" Vega's urgent shout drew her gaze away from the dead Salarian and instead to the elevator holding its precious cargo. Mordin was picking himself up from the floor while the Krogan female appeared unharmed in her pod. They were dangerously exposed however, and Shepard instantly knew that, for whatever reason, Cerberus was targeting the precious female.
Shepard's fingers were momentarily uncooperative as they fumbled for the rifle on her back. Her accompanying movements were sluggish in general as she scrambled towards the elevator with bullets now starting to whizz around her.
"Mordin, get to the top, we'll cover you!"
"Must maintain pod integrity, Shepard," Mordin replied over the comm. "Cannot sustain damage for long."
"You won't, I promise," Shepard replied.
Her head cleared as the initial shock quickly subsided. Shepard took stock of the situation. Garrus and Vega were already shooting at targets, trying to keep Cerberus away from the pod. As Mordin quickly keyed in the commands to keep the elevator moving upwards, Shepard gave him a sharp nod and ran to join her squadmates.
"We've got to get our arses to that landing pad!" she called out to Garrus as she slammed into cover beside him. "It needs to be secure before we can get the female the hell out of here!"
"Agreed," Garrus replied, the Mantis barking powerfully in his hands. He was already reloading with a smooth motion.
A quick hand signal sent Vega running towards the stairs, covering their approach. Shepard followed, mowing down two oncoming troopers with several shots from her semi-automatic rifle. The bullets slammed into the men, just as several more dropped down from above on static lines. Her hand went to the webbing belt at her hip and felt for the frag grenade there. She tossed it into their midst. A dull thud followed a second later as it went off, sending its deadly contents tearing through armour and into flesh. Garrus covered their rear as they reached the stairs. Shepard heard his sniper rifle firing in quick succession three more times before he joined them.
"We move fast, people!" Shepard ordered her squad. "If I see you stopping to so much as scratch your balls I will drop a concussive shot onto your arse!"
Her heart hammered in her chest as she sprinted, pausing only momentarily to send another frag grenade and half a clip from her Mattock in the direction of an oncoming Cerberus squad. The Centurion in the lead dropped almost instantly and the rest scattered beneath the withering fire. As the smoke cleared, two more shapes emerged. Heavily armoured troopers, crouching behind reinforced steel shields advanced slowly. Vega reacted quickly, emptying his Mattock at the closet. The armour-piercing rounds tore through the shield, their effectiveness was lessened but they did they brought the trooper down. As Vega changed his clip, Shepard let off a concussive shot. The powerful ammunition slammed into the second Guardian's shield and knocked the trooper off balance. With his guard down, she fired off two shots. The first missed, hitting his chest, but the second drilled straight through his forehead.
A part of her expected to only see a burnt-out shell of the elevator when they reached the roof. However it was there, Mordin once again waving as though he was on a Sunday jaunt as opposed to the midst of a fire fight. Several more hand signals in quick succession sent Garrus and Vega into positions on either side of the elevator. They could cover the Salarian scientist and his precious cargo from attack on almost all sides – except above.
"Shepard! Eyes up"
In the midst of the noise and confusion, it took a shout from Garrus to draw Shepard's attention skywards. She saw only a huge pair of metal feet in the moments before the Cerberus Atlas slammed down in the midst of the rooftop courtyard. The shock reverberated across the surface, shaking Shepard's seemingly solid footing and knocking her off balance. As she scrambled backwards, the tank-like mech set down between her and the elevator. With cruel precision, its arm drilled downwards directly towards her. Shepard was forced to throw herself to one side or be crushed beneath its claw. The arm instead slammed into the roof beneath her, opening up a crack. As the mech stepped backwards, the tiles gave way beneath Shepard and she went crashing downwards through the roof.
Her shields flickered desperately as she hit the pile of debris beneath her. They died altogether as a falling chunk of masonry caught her a glancing blow as it fell. Only a desperate roll saved her from a following piece taking off her head. Above her, the second of continuous shooting raged. In her fuzz, she could not distinguish between weapons except to hear the Atlas' mini-gun erupt at intervals. The unmistakeable sound of two missiles in quick succession then followed. Shepard fervently hoped the fragile elevator could withstand a few hits. The Mattock she had been holding was nowhere to be seen, no doubt buried somewhere beneath the rubble. Shepard fumbled for the Phalanx at her side, but before her fingers closed around it a dark shape loomed up out of the smoke in front of her. For a moment Shepard thought she'd been transplanted back to another time, another place – the Shadow Broker's ship.
The yahg in front of her however was not the Shadow Broker. It was wild and untamed, but just as furious. Before Shepard could react, a claw darted out and caught her across an unshielded gauntlet. Metal tore like butter as the claws drove close to her skin. She rolled and drew her pistol in one movement. Before Shepard was even fully back on her feet, she was firing in the yahg's direction. The creature roared in pain, but the bullets barely appeared to penetrate its thick hide. Should have gone for armour piercing, Shepard reflected. While it circled around her, Shepard studied the space in which she found herself, seeking any help she could from her environment. Unfortunately there was little to be had. She'd fallen into a corridor with the creature squarely between herself and the stairs ahead.
"Nice Shadow Broker," Shepard whispered to herself, clutching the Phalanx in a white-knuckled grip.
The yahg responded with an angry snarl. Its beady eyes focused on her as it advanced. Shepard finally caught sight of a pipe to its right. Without thinking further, she lifted her pistol and fired two shots into it. The first cracked the casing and sent gas hissing out, the second ignited the gas. The resulting explosion erupted outwards, engulfing the unprotected yahg and slamming Shepard hard up against the wall behind her.
Burnt and bleeding, the wounded yahg took a long, hard look at its prey. As Shepard remained motionless beneath its scrutiny, she saw a noticeable shift in its stance. The pain translated into a hesitance and, eventually, several steps backwards. All it took was Shepard to step forward and level her pistol towards it. As though deciding that freedom was a more worthwhile pursuit, it threw itself over the balcony with a departing roar of pain.
With the flames from the exposed gas leak dying down, Shepard was able to reach the stairs and return to the roof. She felt somewhat naked returning to the battle with no shields and armed only with a pistol, but upon reaching the scene, both these factors were made redundant. The battle had finished without her help. The Atlas was still standing in the midst of the terrace, but instead of pumping out missiles and trying to skewer foes with its arm, it was a blackened, smoking husk. Most of its upper torso was missing, gouged out by some of its own medicine – probably a Cobra missile launcher. Her assumptions were confirmed a few moments later when she saw Wrex, the launcher carried jauntily in one hand. When he saw Shepard, the Krogan leader raised it towards her in greeting.
"Shepard! What the fuck were you doing while I was single-handedly saving the day?"
"Petting the zoo animals," Shepard replied, holding up her arm to show him her battle scars. "How's our new addition?"
"I'm fine," another voice chimed in. The Krogan female walked towards them both, released from her pod. "Thanks to you, Commander Shepard."
"Hey!" Wrex protested. "Shepard was nowhere to be seen when I brought that mech down. I'm the one that you should be thanking."
"Shut up, Wrex," the feisty female replied, tossing her fellow Krogan a contemptuous stare. "No are you going to help me into the shuttle or are you further going to ruin my opinion of you?"
Wrex muttered several things under his breath, but Shepard watched how quickly he went to assist his new companion into the waiting shuttle. She turned and saw the rest of her squad approaching, Mordin included.
"Sorry we couldn't get to you, Commander," Vega apologised with a grin. "We sort of had our hands full up here. Looks like you had fun though?"
"Yeah," Shepard growled sarcastically. "Yahg are really just seriously misunderstood. Fun my arse – get out of my sight you mother fucking arsehole, before I tear you a new one."
Less than half an hour later, with the Krogan female safely aboard the Normandy and installed in a sterile environment, Shepard could almost forget the difficulty they had in extracting her from the all-encompassing grasp of Cerberus. While the Illusive Man's exact goal was unknown, Shepard knew the bastard well enough to know that there was a strategic reason behind his strike. Following Cerberus's appearance at the Mars facility and their desperate attempt to seize the Prothean data, Shepard had begun to suspect that his ultimate goal was to divide the races. This would effectively curb resistance to the Reapers and aid in their eventual victory. Exactly why the Illusive Man would want the Reapers to win was unclear to Shepard. She had long since realised that he was an unstable megalomaniac, but this strategy was completely at odds with Cerberus's agenda of human superiority.
Concerns about Cerberus were pushed aside for the time being. The Normandy's immediate focus was on the Krogan. Even though Shepard was more concerned with securing Krogan support for the war effort, the significance of what Mordin was about to do was not lost on her. If successful, her actions would be instrumental in bringing about a cure for the genophage – a disease that had run rampant for well over a millennia. It was a daunting realisation and a role Shepard had never envisioned herself playing. So much was riding on the Salarian who now walked at her side.
"Need time to perfect a cure from Eve, Shepard," Mordin said as she led him towards the Normandy's new tech labs, his clipped voice working even faster than normal in his haste.
"Eve? That seems appropriate," Shepard commented. While she had never been one to pay attention to religious stories from any race, it was one of the most recognisable from the old Earth bible. "I'll leave you to it. Thank you, Mordin, without your efforts we wouldn't even have a shot at getting the Krogan on side. Humanity is once again in your debt."
"Praise unnecessary, would have done it anyway," Mordin shrugged. "Will let you know when cure is ready."
A reply was also unnecessary; Mordin had already turned his back on Shepard and was hurrying away in the direction of the tech labs. Shepard was left standing alone. Her arm throbbed with a dull ache. Instinctively, she glanced down and studied the deep slashes in her gauntlet made by the angry yahg on Sur'Kesh. Shepard sighed as it offered her a reminder of something she had been avoiding since returning from Menae. She had an apology to make, no doubt a task that would be just as difficult as rescuing Eve and the potential for dismemberment even greater.
SSV Normandy SR-2
With Mordin cloistered in one of the tech labs working on the cure for the genophage, Shepard ordered the Normandy back to the Citadel for a brief respite for the crew and resupply for the ship. There were countless assignments throughout the galaxy to which she could divert their efforts, but she knew that she was on the verge of coming apart. Even twelve hours would mean a world of difference - the chance to get more than four hours sleep in a row and visit Ash at Huerta Memorial. A part of Shepard tried to say that this was a selfish weakness on her part, but she stubbornly pushed that thought aside. As much as she did not like to admit it, a large part of the Normandy's effectiveness depended on her Commander. With Shepard taking steps to rectify her physical exhaustion, she also made a tentative one towards mending the 'asari factor.' This had nothing to do with making another attempt at swaying the asari Councillor, but rather someone else who was just as important to Shepard's own war effort.
Showered and changed into a crisp uniform, Shepard paused momentarily outside the door to Liara's office. The fact that it had once been Miranda's office was an irony she didn't need to consider at that point in time. Her relationship with the XO had been a relief she needed at that stage in her life, but that was the past, and she desperately hoped that this was her future. She drew in a breath and knocked in the old-fashioned manner.
"Who is it?" a soft voice sounded over the comm.
Liara's response came almost immediately, but Shepard knew her well enough to detect a slight impatience in her voice. No doubt she had been buried in her information feeds, probing for new insights that could assist the Normandy and the wider war effort.
"It's Shepard."
That was all she needed to say – simple and effective. Liara would either let her in, or tell her to fuck off. As it eventuated, Liara knew the precise amount of time to leave her waiting - long enough to cause sweaty palms, but not to drive her to storm away from the door. Almost a minute passed before the door opened. Shepard paused on the threshold before stepping inside. Liara was standing in front of her information feeds concentrating on one in particular. It was easily recognisable as a map of the Athena Nebula where Thessia, the asari homeworld, was located. As Shepard edged closer, she saw that the Reapers course across the galaxy had almost brought them to the asari doorstep.
"They are fools," Liara offered in a monotone. "They blindly look to the defence of their own borders whilst ignoring the rest of the galaxy. All their preparation will count for nothing because the asari military lacks any real defensive capability. They need allies if they are to protect our home."
Shepard was genuinely saddened by Liara's words and knew firsthand that asari stubbornness kept them from seeing the real point of her argument. It was only as part of a joint galactic task force that the races could hope to even hold off the Reapers long enough for the Crucible to be completed.
"We'll find a way to get the asari on side. With Krogan and Turian forces on Thessia, the line will hold," Shepard said in a fierce voice. "I promise."
Silence was her only response before Liara commenced a flurry of rapid typing on her console. Shepard was left standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Despite this, she did not allow herself the option of walking out – not this time. Instead she folded her arms across her chest and found a space amidst all the consoles and vid-screens to lean. She was pleased to see that Liara appeared to be moving freely despite the injuries received on Menae.
Liara sighed impatiently when it became clear that Shepard was not leaving. "Are you here for something else other than to offer hollow consolations?"
Shepard ignored the barb. "Just checking up on my crewmember. How are you, Liara?"
"You should be able to answer that question yourself seeing as you are so adept at diagnosing battlefield trauma," was the cold reply.
How can I break through that level of hostility? Shepard thought. The comments were so un-like the Liara that she knew, that it was impossible to come up with a response that wouldn't lead to a further deterioration of their friendship. Liara had never been prone to anger quickly, her temper was almost non-existent. It saddened Shepard to wonder whether it was her own volatile nature that was rubbing off on the asari. How many times did I unnecessarily lose my temper?
"That's not fair-" Shepard began in a level tone.
"No, it is not!"
Shepard was suddenly cut off and faced with a pair of fiercely burning blue eyes levelled in her direction. Liara finally turned her back on the information feeds and devoted her full attention to her visitor. The head wound Liara had sustained on Menae was already no more than a raw, ragged line across her beautiful forehead.
"Nothing is fair," Liara continued, punctuating her words with a stern finger in Shepard's direction. "It is not fair that my lover turned her back on me because she could not face the thought that the relationship might develop into something more than casual sex. Or that she is not adult enough to have a conversation about it without falling back on excuses. Nor is it fair that the Reapers have invaded the galaxy and are in the process of destroying your home and eventually mine so as to make all other concerns seem petty in comparison. It is not fair that our lives are finite...regardless of our intended lifespan."
Pausing to take a breath, Liara once again turned her back on Shepard. However she did not return to her console, instead she lowered her head and closed her eyes in an effort to shut all of it out. Behind her, with just the slight shuffling of her feet, she heard Shepard shift her weight uncomfortably. A part of her was waiting for the Commander to run once again rather than face her accusations. Yet she desperately wanted her to stay. The friction between them could not continue without tearing them both apart.
"I'm here now," was the quiet, simple reply as Shepard maintained her veneer of calm. Beneath it however, she bristled at Liara's insinuations that the bad blood between them was entirely her fault.
Liara picked up on the restraint in Shepard's voice. When it counted, the soldier was undeniably stunted with her conversation. She liked to think of herself as woman of action as opposed to words. Liara often felt this restraint, as well as her lack of affection, was deliberate as opposed to the result of any introversion on Shepard's part. She could express herself when it suited her. However Liara had to admit to herself that displaying such hostility on her part wasn't conducive to a decent conversation. Both here, and on Menae, she had behaved poorly. Yet as she opened her eyes and turned to face Shepard down once more, she found herself believing that it was nothing the Commander didn't deserve.
"I'm listening," Shepard continued to fill the silence.
Liara exhaled impatiently. "I do not want you to listen to what I have to say. I want you to talk to me...like you could obviously talk to Miranda Lawson."
"You did see us on the Presidium," Shepard said quietly, even though a part of her had known all along. "I thought..."
"What? That you were discreet? Please, if you were brazen enough to meet in a public place you should be able to deal with the consequences of being seen."
"Liara, it was a meeting between..." Shepard paused and swallowed. "...friends, Miranda and I-"
"Please do not lie to me," Liara interrupted quietly.
Shepard ran a hand through her hair, tucking it behind her ear and out of her eyes. "What happened between Miranda and I lasted only the weeks before I went through the Omega-4 relay. You and I were over...it was just sex..."
As Shepard's voice trailed off, Liara felt her vision closing in on her. At the same time, her legs felt weak. She sank down into a nearby chair and stared blankly ahead at the bulkhead in front of her. For some reason, she felt like crying. The admission felt like a stab in the gut, even though she knew she had no right to feel that way.
"Goddess...there was really something between you," she said in a breathless whisper.
"You didn't know?" Shepard asked incredulously, realising that Liara had just drawn the truth out of her. "I thought...from the way you said...Liara, I thought you already knew! You're the fucking Shadow Broker..."
"You think I would use my resources to pry into your personal life?" Liara asked incredulously.
"Well...yes, but that's not the point..." Shepard stopped herself short and stared at the devastated expression on Liara's face. She felt as though she had just admitted to being unfaithful, even though she had been well within her rights to fuck Miranda. Hell, why was Liara even caring? It had been sex between two, single adults. Fuck, I haven't done anything wrong, Shepard thought with a sick feeling. Does she expect me to remain celibate for the rest of my life?
"I don't know what to say. What you saw on the Presidium was a meeting between friends. I care about Miranda, but she and I no longer involved beyond that. She was there for me at a difficult time."
"And she is not here for you now?" Liara pointed out unhelpfully. "Were you just done with her?"
"Miranda knew exactly what she was getting into. She used me just as I used her!" Shepard fired back. The calm vanished abruptly. It felt as though her scars were on fire with her anger. "What do you want me to say to you? Do you want me to apologise for having sex with someone? To feel guilty for fucking someone else and enjoying it? I'm not like you, Liara. I'm completely at ease with satisfying my sexual needs and I'm not ashamed of it."
Liara found the strength to rise from her chair. She paced away from Shepard, towards the living area of her quarters. "And you think I am?" she asked, still unable to face Shepard.
"Yes!" Shepard almost yelled in exasperation.
She drew in a breath and tried to reign herself in. However all she could hear was her heart thumping in her chest. It annoyed her that Liara couldn't look at her face and admit that she was right. She was also angry at herself for letting the conversation once again descend into accusations, regardless of how much truth they contained. The asari simply stood by her bed, head once again bowed in contemplation – no doubt wishing that she could be alone.
"You are a complete arse, Shepard," Liara said suddenly.
"Tell me something I don't know," Shepard shot back.
"Fine, you are a childish, emotionally stunted arse who believes that just because someone does not throw themselves at every available sexual partner that they are ashamed of who they are," was her equally biting reply. "I do not use sex to justify my existence; I use it to express my love."
Liara's tone softened towards the end of her outburst as she watched the expression on Shepard's face change. The detached hostility drained away to be replaced by a look that hovered between devastation and guilt. As the silence descended over both of them, she studied the Commander sympathetically. While she was the one carrying the physical wounds, Shepard carried wounds of her own. It was a fact that Shepard would never admit to possessing any sort of beauty, but Liara's breath was taken away each time she saw her. It subsequently became easy for that intense passion to transform into anger, especially when she could not have what she wanted.
It was saddening to see the dark circles that ringed Shepard's eyes, the hollowness of her cheeks and the scars further encroaching across her skin as her body rejected the Cerberus implants. With deliberate steps, Liara retraced her path across the floor until she was once again standing next to Shepard. This time however, she closed the distance between them to the point where she could search Shepard's eyes. The vibrant blue that she loved was slowly being consumed by bright orange light. As Shepard stared back, she felt her gaze burn with unspoken pain.
My poor, tortured Evan, she thought tenderly. The words did not cross her lips, but they did translate into action. With a slow, deliberate movement, Liara lifted her hand to Shepard's cheek. She laid it over the scars there and brushed her thumb across a patch of smooth skin.
"I do not care that you slept with Miranda Lawson," Liara eventually admitted – she let her hand fall gently. "Or anyone else for that matter...perhaps a certain young Communications Specialist-"
How the fuck does she know about, Traynor? Shepard asked herself as Liara spoke. I didn't even know about her! All I did was look at her arse...once!
"-who cannot stop staring at you. Shepard, you should be free to pursue whomever you want free of all this futile anger. I think you should be able to move on." Liara swallowed as she continued. It is my fault she cannot move on, but is it fair of me to admit this to her? "Just because I cannot..." Liara found herself needing to swallow again and found a lump in her throat. Tears would no doubt follow. She suddenly felt the need to take a step backwards. "I...t-think I need to be alone. Thank you for taking the time to stop by."
Shepard nodded uncertainly. She turned away almost immediately to give Liara her space. However she had briefly seen the play of emotions across Liara's face and knew it had been difficult for her to express that simple sentiment. A part of Shepard wanted to stay, she wanted to grin stupidly with the potential of that admission, but knew better than to rush the healing process. The only thing she could do was make one last parting statement of her own as she walked out of Liara's quarters.
"I don't want to," Shepard said over her shoulder.
"You don't want to what?" Liara asked quietly, her voice already hoarse with emotion.
"Move on." Shepard slapped her palm against the door and waited for it to open. As she stepped out she turned to look over her shoulder. "I've never stopped loving you, Liara."