Disclaimer: I know nothing about house wives. I took most of these ideas from common/clichéd scenes of shows. Please don't hate me and sorry if I offended anyone.
---"Today is the day! A special event is being held in Tomobiki," Cam says. "Yes, today a special contest is being held in the town of Tomobiki," Carlos says. "I just said that," Cam replies. "No, you said there was an event," Carlos replies. "You ultimately said what I said," Carlos says. "Contest!" Andy calls. "Shut up…" Cam says. "As for the contest, the title is "Housewife Off" and the winner gets 5 million yen!" Carlos explains. "First, that's a lame name… second, that's a not-so-lame prize, which I want for myself. How much is that in US Dollars?" Cam asks. "About Fifty Thousand dollars, US. Cam, why don't you explain how this contest came to be?" Carlos asks. Cam shivers. "Nooooooooooooooo! It's too frightening an experience!" Cam hides in a corner. "Alright… that was… strange…" Carlos replies. "On with the show!" Andy calls. ---
Hen to hen o atsumete
motto hen ni shimashoo.
Hen na hen na uchuu wa
taihen da! da! da!
Suki na no wa anata hitori yo.
Itsudatte daite ii no ni.
Aa achikochi ni baramaite
watashi o nayamaseru wa.
Koi wa itsumo futari no mono.
Yume wa hitotsu Love me more.
Soo yo koi wa futari no mono.
Owari no nai Love me more.
~Ataru's Room-Cam~
"Darling, look at this!" Lum says, holding up a flyer in front of him. "What about it?" Ataru asks. "There's a contest coming up soon for wives to compete in," Lum explains. "And…" Ataru wonders. "Don't you think I should enter?" Lum asks. "Why would you enter?" Ataru asks. Lum stands up, angrily. "What's that supposed to mean? Dontcha think I'd do well in a contest like this?" Lum asks. Ataru thinks.
--- (Ataru) "I don't know if you guys have seen this yet, but Lum is a terrible cook. And that's putting it mildly. Her cooking is fatal to all who dare to eat it. That being said, her entering a contest like this would end is disaster," Ataru explains. ---
"You don't think I could win, do you?" Lum asks, angrily. "No, that's not it…" Ataru panics. "I'm sure you'd do great…" he adds, sweating. "Really? Yay! That makes me so happy! I'm gonna go fill out an application," Lum flies off.
--- (Ataru) "Hey, it's not like I have do anything," he says. ---
~Contest Arena-Carlos~
"Why did you have to drag me here?" Ataru asks, Lum tugging at his arm as she takes him to the Contest. "The audience votes on some of the challenges so I need you to vote for me," Lum explains. "You're entering the contest, too??" a familiar voice says. Lum turns around and sees Ran. "Ran, are you entering this contest?" Lum asks. "You! Acting like you didn't know. I know why you're here, you're trying to take the prize from me!" Ran angrily yells. "N-No, that's not it…" Lum sweats. "Don't worry, Ran-Chan, I'll vote for you," Ataru says. "Will you?" Ran asks, sweetly. "Darling!" Lum angers. "What's wrong, Lum? Afraid that I might beat you and get that prize money?" Ran asks. "Prize money?" Ataru asks.
--- (Ataru) "If Lum won… she would get Five Million… which means that I would get the money too… Hmm… this is quite a decision to make… I choose money," Ataru smiles. ---
Ataru goes back to Lum. "If you won the prize money, naturally you would share it with me, right?" Ataru asks. Lum thinks, startled. "Of course," she realizes. Ataru smiles. Ran gets angry again. "Just remember who you're messing with, sister," she says, before storming off. "Where's the nearest pay phone?" Ataru asks. "Why?" Lum asks. "Cause we know five guys who would die for the chance to cast a vote for you," Ataru laughs.
--- (Ataru) "Hehehe… with Megane and Mendou's forces alone, that prize money is as good as mine," Ataru laughs. "It is strange though… who would give five million yen to the winner of a Wife Contest?" Ataru wonders. ---
~Contest Opening-Carlos~
"Welcome everyone! I am Ryoga Hibiki! I'm not really sure how I stumbled into this place, heh heh, or what happened to the original announcer, but I'm here now and I'll do my best during this contest," Ryoga explains. "That being said, let's introduce our contestants… wow there's gotta be over fifty of them out here. I guess it would take too much time to go through their names… So how about we move to our first round: The Sewing Contest!" Ryoga announces. Ataru and the Storm Troopers are sitting in the audience. "Hee hee, yes! Sewing is one of the things Lum is fairly good at," Ataru smiles. "Is that so?" Megane asks. "I know from personal experience, since she's made me so many sweaters and stuff," Ataru replies. "It sucks that she's up against Ran-Chan. I hate to say this, but she is generally better at earth traditional chores than Miss Lum is…" Perm sighs. "Say… since when were you so interesting in helping Miss Lum like this?" Megane asks. "What? I am always nice, can't a man be nice to someone else?" Ataru asks. "You're in it for the prize money aren't you?!" Megane suspects. Megane and Ataru continue to quarrel.
Pa Pa Pajama Jama Da!
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Tonogata Gomen Asobase
~Contest – Carlos~
"Alright!!! We've reached the final round of the competition!" Ryoga calls. "As you know, half the contestants were eliminated during the sewing round and the others moved on to putting their newly sewn clothes in the laundry. Unfortunately, one of washing machines seemed to malfunction so we had to cancel that round," Ryoga explains. "Yeah… because it was Lum's machine…" Ataru quietly says. Meanwhile, Ryoga went over the other rounds. "With only three contestants left; Miss Ran, Miss Michiko, and Miss Lum, we move on to the final competition: The Cooking Round!" Ryoga declares. Ataru and the others begin to panic.
--- (Ran) "Heh heh heh… HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Ran laughs. ---
"Now what? Lum's never going to win in a cooking contest!" Ataru says. "Let's calm down about this… All we need to do is vote for Lum's dish, right?" Perm asks. "This round is being judged by a taste tester, the audience doesn't vote," Chibi replies. The five swallow. "Miss Lum is going to be embarrassed in front of hundreds of people!" Megane panics. "We have to do something! Ack! They already started!" Perm calls.
The final three contestants have already begun creating their dishes. Lum watches Ran carefully.
--- (Lum) "Knowing Ran, I would have figured she'd try something… Sabotage, maybe stealing my recipe, something like that… but she looks like she's not even worried… I'm beginning to think she already ruined my dish somehow…" Lum explains. ---
"Contestants, time is up. Please set your dishes on the plate provided," Ryoga explains. Each dish is placed on a plate assigned with a letter; A to C, Lum's being plate C. The plates are then taken away to be tested by the taste judge. "We have to do something… we can switch the plates! Let's go, we have to switch the plates!" Megane yells. "Megane…... It's too late…" Perm replies.
~Later~
"The results are in… May I remind everyone that the winner of this round will be declared the winner of this entire contest?" Ryoga explains. Lum smiles innocently as Ran deviously grins, practically declaring her victory. "The winner is… Dish C! Miss Lum!" Ryoga declares. Ran falls off her seat. Ataru and the others sweat and slide forward in their seats. "That… defies all logic…" Ataru says. "She won… that's good, right?" Perm asks. "If her cooking was good, yeah. But if it's still as death bringing as ever then she'll never accept the truth…" Ataru replies. "But who could possible survive her normal cooking and also deem it the best?" Megane asks.
~Taste Judge's Room, during test – Andy~
Rei sits at a table, devouring the three dishes one at a time. Upon finishing the last dish, Rei expands into his cow form.
~Walking Home-Cam~
"So… you won…" Ataru says. "I'm so happy! I've never won a contest like this. I can't wait to make my special contest winning dish for you later," Lum smiles. "So, Five Million Yen, that's quite a lot of money," Ataru grins. He reaches to take the bundle of cash from Lum's hands, but she pulls away. Ataru continuously tries to take it from her. "Hey! You said you were going to share it!" Ataru yells. "I am. This money is going into a special wedding fund account," Lum explains. "What??" Ataru complains. "We'll use this money to pay for any couple expenses, like our wedding, our first house, ~" Lum continues to list things. Ataru's posture worsens. "Lum… No fair…" Ataru cries.
--- "Someone is going to have to explain to me what happened at the end of the contest," Carlos pleads. "Ah, newbie, if you've been here as long as I have you would understand it perfectly!" Cam stands proud. "I know what happened! Lum won the contest!!!" Andy calls. "He means why it happened, dummy…" Cam replies. "Anyways, Rei is an Oni too and Lum's cooking is basically Oni cooking so ANY Oni can eat it. It probably even helped her since it would be Rei's home planet food," Cam explains. "Ooooooh… So what's an Oni?" Carlos asks. "You... but I thought…" Cam stumbles, thinking Carlos already knew this much. "Are you guys gonna get ready? Next week is Ataru's birthday and you better get me some good footage," Zack orders. ---
Higure no machi wa usuku kirameki.
Donna otoko mo yasashiku mieru.
Suki na no wa anata hitori yo.
Kimagure na koi ja nai no yo.
Yosomi o suru no wa yamete yo!
Watashi ga dare yori ichiban...
Anata ni aeba "Besame te Quiero."
Yozora ni step "Ame Usted."
Sugu yoake ga kuru.
Ai ga kiete yuku
Sugu hitori ni naru.
Tada sore ga kowai yo.
It's not just my imagination...
Filling me with anticipation...
Come on, give in to the temptation...
'Cuz I'm the one you really need!
Hen to hen o atsumete
motto hen ni shimashoo.
Hen na hen na uchuu wa
Taihen… taihen… taihen…
DA! DA! DA!