A/N: Yo! Here's what I've been working really hard on the last few weeks. A couple revisions and the time was an unfortunate mishap. With my days kind of being really crunched together it's hard to fit writing in. I hope you guys like this update. Tell me what you think of it and what you want to happen and what you think is going to happen when you notice something I added at the end. Thank you for all the love and support. I'm also planning a new Snowbarry fic, the first chapter is almost finished, I'm gonna post it as soon as I proof it. Hope you guys will check it out! Snowbarry Talk will come back. There's 3 episodes (including the crossover) to put together so hopefully soon enough we will find a moment to talk about the last them and post it on podbean for you guys. If you need the podcast link to listen to us, click on my name and go to my bio, you'll see it at the end. Thank you! If you celebrate it, Happy Thanksgiving! Chapter 13 will come, I promise you snowbarries! :)

Barry

Thursday came around sooner than I thought. I was feeling sick the last couple of days so I stayed home to get better. This sucks, I hate it when I have to. Normally I let it pass through my system and somehow get healed the more I ran. Funny, I always thought I was a fast healer, guess I'm just over thinking it. My mind always had a hankering for the impossible, miracles if you will. You'd think I was already some kind of super human.

Though I don't know if people at school cared all that much about that; I know the coach would be on my ass if I missed a practice, as if everything rides on winning competitions. Some things are more important than being in good health I guess. On that note, I'm starting to think track is something I happen to just do, it's not my passion. Hell, I don't think anyone at school really has a clue what their passion is.

I think I do. Least that's what I've been playing around with. After I had some time to think after what happened—er—almost happened between Caitlin and me that night; I found myself repeating a pattern nonstop. Also I can't stop replaying those looks she was giving me. The things she told me about...I think she was referring to me but I didn't believe her, I don't think of myself in that way; which led me to what I was doing right now. I didn't know I had any more ideas until my pen found the steno pad the words were pouring from the ink.

I'm not like a prodigy but I always found lyrics came naturally to me. It's the music that never quite came as easily. There are people that have it down like it was second nature. But me, I was afraid of it, I didn't think I had what it took to fully complete an idea. Until now...

Caitlin Snow had inspired me to really try at something I've been scared of. It started after she left. I went through my closet and reached for what I felt I needed. I had the means to buy a new guitar but my dad came through recently to help me out. Before I would only just look at it and rarely play it. When I picked it up to riff I felt like everything I played sounded the same. Then came the myriad of excuses. Cords are jammed, my pic gets stuck inside the sound hole and I have to dump it out just to start over again, strings were too loose, then they were strung too tight, I had a long enough list that I memorized eventually. So I put it away, I don't know, a piece of me was taken away too.

If I had focused on sports and trying to attain passable grades I can live with it. I don't know if that was the best plan. It didn't feel plausible; to say goodbye, just because I was afraid and it was too damn hard to continue.

In my mind, for a while, giving up was best. I still wrote lyrics but I felt like there was no passion behind them. I had no purpose, nothing mused me when I put my pen to paper. I guess this is what hardcore writer's block really entailed. I felt like there was a hole inside and I was just filling it with other things just to sustain myself. Waiting for that one thing to make it take off.

I'm 17 years old; I don't want to live like this. Maybe Caitlin is right, maybe I'm more than just Barry Allen, "hot" newcomer that can date anyone and be anyone's friend. I guess I didn't seriously think about how short my time really was and all the hype. I only came to this school in September. Looking back at it puts things into too much perspective. I don't know how I felt about that.

A feeling in the pit of my stomach gnawed at me suddenly. A knock made me conceal it away as I heard my dad's voice behind the door.

"Yeah dad?" I asked as the door opened ajar, his face peeking through.

"Hey slugger." He said, opening the door further open. "How are you feeling this morning?"

I nodded, "Better, thanks. Good enough for school. It's good to see you around dad. I know you work often, thanks for checking on me."

"Of course my boy. I know recently I haven't been attentive and work has been nothing but chaotic for the past month but I haven't forgotten about you." My dad smiled, and I believed him.

I always forgave my dad for not taking more of an interest in my life, especially sports. I put it behind me every time he couldn't make it to a race; even I wasn't the best athlete he always made me feel like I was.

"Something bothering you son?"

I shook my head. Even though my dad hadn't been around it felt like the sun is shining on me when he is. I guess that's why I forgave his absences. Seeing him at all meant something to me. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

"I don't know..."

"Well, whatever it is, you know you can talk to me about it. I'm here to listen."

I cleared my throat, never have I been so nervous before, maybe the moment before Caitlin opened her door to let me in that night came close.

"There's someone I—"

"Is this someone at school? A girl?"

I winced, was I being too obvious? "Kind of. I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, we're like we've never hung out together. She's not like other girls at school. It's bothering me."

My dad raised his eyebrow and smiled slightly. "You don't think I've been where you are? Son, this girl, if she is special to you then let her know this in some way. Let her know how you feel. Do you know how to do that?"

I shook my head, drawing a blank. Why did I have to learn things the hard way?

"Find ways to be around her. Is there a way you can take her somewhere? Just the two of you?"

"We kinda, we work together on this thing. A project thing. But I want...more time. I feel like the only times we hang out is when we work together. Do I sound crazy? I know I'm young, but I feel like she's so incredibly—I feel like I have to do something about it."

Dad stood up and padded my shoulder. "I have faith you'll make the right decision. Don't second guess yourself. Perhaps she's struggling with the same things you are."

"I don't know that for sure."

"Find out. We can talk more about this when I get home tonight. Have a good day at school slugger. Good to have you healthy again."

I smiled and called my dad before he turned to head out. "Yeah?"

"What if, what if she doesn't feel the same? What do I do then?"

"Barry, if this girl doesn't see what an amazing person you are, then it's truly her loss. You have a big heart, that's what matters most. Be honest with her, you can't go wrong. I'll be here when you need me. OK?"

I nodded, taking a huge breath finally relaxing my tense muscles. As I watched dad give me a wave while walking out I spun around in my desk chair.

I guess he was right. There nothing to be scared of, maybe this is all in my head. I stopped spinning and pushed my body out the chair. I wasn't going to get anything done this way. I don't think Caitlin would…I mean, why me? Why would she pick me?

Trying not to fret over it I made myself get ready for the day. My mind was still stuck on all this; I think my dad was just trying to make me feel better. He meant well, whatever, I can't predict these things. I swear...I thought she may feel as I do. Especially on the night I came over.

I looked at my phone numerous times, thinking, prodding, and trying to decide whether I should say this over the phone or in person.

As I gathered my items for a full day of school I contemplated coming straight to Caitlin. I know it would seem out of character for me but this is eating me up, I can't help myself.

Just then as I slid into the front seat of my car a strange feeling came over me while I turned the ignition; what if Caitlin was feeling the same way but she is just as scared as I am to say anything? Like my dad said, what are the chances of that happening? The doubtful side wanted to know. That possibility crossed my mind a lot but I never had seriously considered it to be plausible until now. It couldn't just be me. There was something pulling us together that night.

I feel like it's my mission to find out what it is and what could we do about it? If she indeed felt the same, then...OK getting ahead of myself here. But on the off chance that she does and told me, it could change things between us.

I hope it does. I smiled slightly while pulling out of my driveway and onto the road heading to school. Yeah I wasn't %100 but it didn't matter. Knowing what I know and feeling what I think I may be feeling, it could shake things up for me. I just need to make sure of a few things before I approach her.

Whatever happened with Ronnie, I want to make her understand that we are not the same person. Yeah he's my friend—using that term loosely—but it still doesn't mean him and are function alike. I have to make sure no guys are around her. It has to be a free pasture sighting. No loose wolves to deal with. I don't know if I could handle competition. I mean, who cares right? I was gone for two days, Cisco doesn't count really, but it would be cool if he wasn't around to be "protector guy friend." I must say though, it's interesting he gave me a shot. I'm still floored.

It was a short ride as usual but with all the thoughts in my head it felt like a much longer one. Now, it's finally first period but I have to find Caitlin before I head to class. There's no way I'll have time, I guess I'm going to have to barrel through all these classes until lunch comes around. It can't come soon enough!

Success, what a boring day to come back. Caitlin and I hadn't crossed paths yet. Her and I only have that one class together, the one class I really wanted more time in. Forty-five minutes is too short. I need all day. I need the entire week. I just want more. I have so much I want to say and I feel like my window to say it is getting shorter and shorter.

Ronnie and I crossed paths right before we left the other direction. I was in mood to deal with him right now. This is going to be a hell of a long day. I just have one more class period until my freedom call to lunch. Not that I'm expecting Caitlin to be there, waiting for me. It would make it easier.

I finally managed to sulk through the end of English and packed up my stuff as soon as the teacher gave us the green light. Thank god it was quiz day, we were told to leave as soon as we finished. I made it through the classroom and was determined to find Caitlin's locker.

My attention was taken away when my phone buzzed. I had a second thought to ignore it but it could be from Caitlin so I check it to make sure if I was right.

Hey man, we should talk ok?
Ronnie Raymond

Did I really want to do this? For some reason I feel like he's going to give me some bull shit story and I had enough integrity to avoid it. Why am I thinking he's jealous of all the time I've spent with Caitlin? Something happened between them and I knew it was him who caused it. He had no right to flag me down. Not when it's obvious he was to blame for what Caitlin went through.

I made it a point to ignore the message and continue on to scavenge for Caitlin's locker. I know I've seen her around it once or twice so I've got a slight idea where it might be. It took a few minutes before I had to backtrack and search another building for the locker.

How embarrassing would it be if when I found it, she wasn't there and I ended up pacing around like some stalker? I don't want to come off like this, not to her. Ronnie might be holding that torch but that is not the way I am. I don't know, sort of losing hope.

"Hey man." I turned to the voice and it was Cisco tapping on my shoulder.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Hey, what's up? Have you seen Caitlin anywhere?"

"Yeah, she was—uh, she's coming. Why? Did she tell you about Ronnie yet?" Cisco asked me, he looked eager to get that bit of information.

I shook my head. "No, I don't wanna bring him up at all. I feel like the past should stay in the past. I'm curious to know but I can't press her about it. I'm afraid she's going to close off."

Cisco rolled his eyes. "Caitlin can be frosty. Not like ice queen but more like projectiles out of nowhere. You don't want that bro."

I nodded as we walked down the hall and I asked him where her locker was. He told me where as we can walk there and I agreed to follow him.

"I don't think she'll suspect anything is up if I'm there. We made up yesterday."

"You and Caitlin? Oh yeah, you said she was upset about something. Is everything OK between you guys?"

Cisco smirked. "I brought up the fact that I know for sure Dante has ties to a known Latino gang and she smiled. I threatened, properly this time to go after Ronnie if he tried to get fresh again. I don't think I would have held back if I saw that."

I smiled. "Maybe it would have worth it to get suspended for a day."

"Wow…" Cisco stopped walking and I stopped with him. His face was serious. "I guess I didn't realize how you felt."

My jaw dropped slightly and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. "Yeah...neither did I."

"Are you going to tell her?"

I gulped. Was I supposed to have an answer? Isn't that why I came to school today? Suddenly I grew scared of something...hearing how real it is made everything seem final. Dad told me to be strong, go after what I want. I do know what that is I'm just not sure if it's the perfect time to tell her.

"I don't know...maybe, maybe not. I mean, I thought things could be done slower, just so I'm not setting myself for something I can't get out of easily. We have to work together. I'm afraid it'll change things— change everything. Is this even making sense?"

Cisco started walking again and I continued with him. "I see what you're saying. I've known Cait better than anyone here, but sometimes she can be unpredictable. What if it changes everything for the better?"

I thought for a second before answering. "There's only one way to tell. I don't even know if she sees me that way. We're just friends, that I can handle, I don't know if she has eyes for someone else, that's what has me worried. Do you know if she has?"

"No, she hasn't mentioned anyone to me. I haven't seen her look at anyone at all. I've only seen her interactions with you. Check her body language. Cait is a big tell when it comes to that stuff. You might have some insight on how she feels."

Cisco and I stopped in front of a bank of lockers which I assumed one of them had to be Caitlin's. I hope if she saw me here she doesn't get the impression that I'm stalking her best friend to get answers. Cisco is a great guy. I could see why she trusted him, why they always hang out together. I could see the loyalty, it's really cool; it's something that kind of lacked in my world. I used to pin Ronnie to the best friend category, now I'm not so sure where his loyalty lies.

I didn't realize I was staring at Caitlin's locker until Cisco pushed my shoulder with a childish smile.

"You got it bad dude. I didn't think it was like this. Honestly I thought she might have been a conquest for you. No offense, the company you keep didn't pass through my douche radar."

"None taken." I sighed, leaning against the locker next to hers. "I could see why you'd think that. Is there some way to prove that to her?"

Cisco nodded behind me. "Find out for yourself." I turned around and was met with Caitlin's sweet smile and soft eyes.

I barely noticed anything else. I tried not be so obvious and smiled back, my nervous were attached embarrassingly.

Her lips curved into a full smile and I couldn't help but stare. "Hi, Barry. Cisco, what's going on here?"

"Uh nothing I—"

"We were just—"

"Talking." We both said looking at each other, trying to not act like weirdos.

Caitlin laughed curtly while looking in between us and passed by me to get to her locker. "O-K." She put some books inside and got some out as I looked on.

Cisco was trying to make eye contact with me and I missed it the first time. My eyes asked "what" and he nodded to Caitlin oblivious to our little mimed conversation.

I narrowed my eyes and bit my lip while shaking my head. "I can't" I mouthed to him and followed with "not now."

Cisco threw up his arms and cleared his throat. "So Cait, yeah, Barry's got something he wants to say to you. I'll meet up with you back in Science. Later guys."

I watched Caitlin's confused face as Cisco backed up the other direction, leaving us alone like he promised.

Never in my life how I felt like I should hide somewhere. This moment was—I was just not ready. Oh god, she's looking at me.

"We usually meet up for lunch, wonder what's going on with him?" Caitlin asked staring where Cisco had gone to.

"I don't know..." I spoke, trailing off on purpose. I had nothing to add.

"Hmm," she turned around to face me, god she looks amazing today. "So what's going on with you? You weren't in class the last couple days. Were you OK?"

She noticed, a smile spread over my face. "Yeah, it was nothing though. I'm fine now. Lots of rest."

Caitlin nodded and pulled something from her locker which she stuffed inside her bag. "That's good." She shut her locker. "What are you doing for lunch?"

My eyes bugged out but I caught myself before I looked really shocked. "Uhh, nothing." I checked my phone. "We have some time left."

"We?" Caitlin raised her eyebrow.

"I mean, students, we, us, like all of us, like, that go to school. You know?" I laughed, not doing a good job at hiding my blush.

"Oh…well you wanna go eat together? Just us?" She asked, smirking and I couldn't help but think she's mocking me.

"What about Cisco? Don't you wanna go eat with your friends?"

"I do." She smiled sweetly. I just now got it.

I gestured in the lamest way. "Oh, you mean, oh sorry I didn't know. Umm, sure, yeah, let's go."

Wow, I thought I wasn't going to make it out of there alive. Thank god for her actually wanting to be around me. This is a good sign, finally some good things might happen. We started walking together when a voice I vaguely recognized pulled me out of my reverie.

"Hey, Caitlin, hey!"

We turned around and was met with—

"Hey, oh Jason, thank you! Oh wow, thanks for bringing it back." Caitlin said taking her cell phone from his grasp.

"No problem, oh and it's Jay." He smiled; all his straight, pearly white teeth showed as was hers and all I could do was watch it like a car wreck.

They shared a look and I couldn't help but glare at the exchange.

He nodded to me, as if he didn't notice me standing there, "Barry, hey. I haven't seen you at the meet the last few days."

I nodded back almost sarcastically. "Yeah well I'm back, Jay."

Caitlin snapped her fingers and I hardly paid attention. "Yeah I forgot, because I didn't have a partner in Science, Jay offered to sub for you. Thanks a lot."

"No worries," he said and I hated his voice already. "Barry, see you at the meet. Good to you have you back man."

I swallowed a lump in my throat and bit back words I really wanted to say to this guy. I let go of the fist I was making and eased up.

"Thanks, it's good to be back." My tone inside was seething but what came out was calm as I put on an actor's smile while watching Jay and Caitlin grin at each other.

What am I thinking the last couple of days I've been replaced?