Lovein3parts12
T/N: Transcribed from his longhand. Any mistakes are mine. Thank you spell checker. NF
Part 3 - Love, marriage, birth, death, they got it all out of order.
When he hobbled into the kitchen and swept her up in a hug and swung her around, her first thought was 'he's lost his mind' followed by 'he's going to mess up his knee'.
"Chuck, please. Put me down. Your knee."
"Elizabeth Reynolds, Sarah Walker, by whatever other names you are known, marry me. Everything's fallen into place and not on our heads for a change. Beckman even agreed to allow me to base out of here."
"You mean you'll be living here, with us, full time? No bunker, no super-secret spy hole? Really?"
"Yep. Beckman was direct and to the point. As long as being here doesn't screw up my day to day activities she's OK with it."
"But what about missions and ops and refreshers and trips to places like where you were…I mean, you'd still be an active operative, right?"
"Yes, but things are slowing down, we're looking more at pinpointing Fulcrum agents and rounding them up. The Afghan thing was not one of our normal taskings. We're going to be searching for higher level Fulcrum agents and supporters."
"How much travel?"
Why was she asking all these questions? Was she looking for an out already? She'd said she wanted to get married just last night. Chuck was confused. What happened to the woman from last night?
"Chuck, how much travel?"
"I don't know. It shouldn't be excessive. I mostly review intel summaries and then we get tasked if something really important comes up. Why?"
She chewed on her lower lip. A sure sign of indecision or worry.
He put her down, rather abruptly. The joy of the moment was gone, replaced by concern for her indecision.
"Liz? Talk to me, honey. What's wrong? Last night you said you wanted to marry me and now when I've eliminated all the obstacles between us, got things as simple as they can possibly be, you seem…unsure?"
"Chuck, it's a big decision. And I have Charlie to consider."
"That's just plain lame, Elizabeth Reynolds. Surely you can come up with a better reason not to accept my proposal since you said it was what you wanted not 12 hours ago. I can be here. We can be a family. Charlie can have her daddy all the time. You can have me…"
"Chuck, it's a big decision. Give me some time and space. I need to…"
She won't look me in the eye. She won't look at me at all. So, here in the harsh light of day she can really see me, stripped of all the romantic filters. She sees me. And she can't stomach what she sees, doesn't want to be married to a disfigured man. She probably compared me to Ben Scott and I came in a weak 2nd.
"OK. Let me know when you've had enough time. I'll give you space."
He walked back to her bedroom, pulled out his bag and began stuffing his clothes into it, trying not to lose his temper with her. Mike said she was angry and jealous and insecure about her new role. He could understand that. But last night…shit.
He had loved Sarah Walker and Sarah Walker had loved him. He loved Elizabeth Reynolds, but maybe Elizabeth Reynolds didn't love Chuck Bartowski. Mike had said his Sarah was a 'fiction'. He remembered once that Sarah had said her personality in Burbank was a construct based on profilers' opinions of what kind of woman he would be interested in.
Maybe the whole damned thing was fiction. The only thing real in this whole damned Kabuki play was Charlie and while he knew she was Elizabeth's child now he was overcome with doubt about who her father was. It didn't matter. He loved his little girl. She was his in his heart and that's where it counted the most.
He walked back through the kitchen but Liz was gone. Rachel and Mike had taken Charlie for a ride to give them some privacy when he told Mike he was going to contact Beckman. He wouldn't even get to see her one last time.
"Casey, secure. I just spoke to the General, Chuck. Congratulations to you both!"
"How soon can I get a pick up, Major Casey?"
"What? Why?"
"Seems Sarah Walker loved me but Elizabeth Reynolds needs 'time and space' before making her decision. Please, John, I can't stay. I don't belong here. You should have seen the look on her face. She couldn't look at me after I asked her. She wouldn't even give me a reason. Last night she wanted nothing more and this morning…Please, Casey, get me a pickup. I'm giving her the space she needs. It's time for me to come home."
There was silence from the other end of the line and then, "I'll fly the bird myself. An hour, Chuck. Give me an hour."
Elizabeth contemplated the heavy body bag hanging before her and then slammed a series of punches and kicks into it, her frustration and anger showing in the sloppiness of her technique.
'I love him. Why can't I say 'Yes, I'll marry you'?' She slammed the bag another time. It's what I've wanted since Burbank. Why am I acting so stupid? What must he be thinking? What am I so damned afraid of?'
She lost track of time as she tried to work out her problem while putting her body through the wringer. She stopped when she heard the sound of a helicopter. 'I'll give you space', he'd said.
She ran through the house calling his name and out onto the verandah and then out to the fence. The Jet Ranger was in a ground effect hover preparing to lift off.
She ran toward the helicopter screaming for him to stop and not to leave her.
Casey saw his old partner climb over the fence and run toward the helicopter. He spoke to Chuck over the helmet intercom. "Chuck, it's Sarah, I mean Elizabeth. I'm going to set us back down. Talk to her, Chuck. Don't be an asshole and run away."
"I'm not running away, Major Casey, sir. I'm giving her what she asked for. I'm giving her space. Now, please get us airborne. This isn't helping matters. And it's killing me so get this fucking helicopter airborne, now!"
Chuck reached up and unplugged the intercom and made lifting motions with his hands. Even with the helmet's visor down, he could see the tear running down his partner's jaw line. 'This is bad,' thought Casey, 'very, very bad.'
Casey brought the chopper back down and landed and flipped switches going through the final checklist for engine shut down.
Chuck looked at him and Casey knew that the visored glare he was getting would be fatal if Chuck had anything to say about it.
Casey unbuckled his safety harness, took off his helmet and got out of the helicopter. He waved to his former partner and then moved to the rear of the helicopter to search for a nonexistent problem. Chuck swore and then started reinitializing the aircraft for engine start and flight.
He reached over and flipped the hatch lock on Casey's door. If he wanted to visit so damned badly, let him. Maybe he could find out what was going on in his ex-partner's head? He sure as hell didn't have a clue.
Sarah stood expectantly beside the copilot's door. He was making no move to leave the aircraft - in fact he was preparing for engine start and takeoff. He wouldn't even turn his head and look at her. She tried opening the door but it was locked and the rear doors were locked also. She walked around to the front of the aircraft and stood, tears streaming down her face and just looked at him. Waiting.
Chuck left his visor down. Damn Casey for a meddling old fool. He looked at Liz and motioned angrily for her to get out of the way but she just stood there, crying, as if it made any difference now.
Casey ran to the pilot's hatch but it was locked. Cursing a blue streak, he pounded on the Plexiglas cockpit but saw that Chuck was already well into the preflight checklist. He was surprised that he knew the list and concerned that the moron would actually try to fly. Flight Simulator was a game. He looked at Walker and saw the abject panic and fear on her face and in her eyes. She'd asked for space and he was giving it to her. And now she realized she'd been wrong but it was too late. The damage was done.
They were both so damned stubborn.
The turbine started to whine and then whir into startup and Casey was again surprised that his young partner seemed to be doing everything right. The rotor was initiated and the blades began to turn and Casey again pounded on the Plexiglas windscreen but was ignored. He rushed back and popped the electronics service port and pulled the 'six pack' of switch relays and fuses and the turbine whined and died as electrical power was cut off at the source.
He felt like just sitting in the cockpit until… crap. He was the one who had been rejected and he was the one who had the moral high ground. She wanted space; he tried to give it to her and failed. So what else was new?
Sighing, he took off the helmet and leaned his head back against the transmission bulkhead. No more. It was finished. What had started as a bright and shiny thing in Burbank had died in a pasture in Wyoming.
'Why is he just sitting there? Why won't he get out of the helicopter and at least let me explain myself?' In the back of her mind she had her answer. 'You asked for time and space. Time would take care of itself. He was giving you space, like everything else you've ever asked of him.'
Chuck popped the hatch cover and slipped out onto the ground, careful not to put too much weight on his bad leg. Shit. What a rat screw this turned out to be. He went back and opened the passenger door and retrieved his bag and cane.
"Chuck, I…"
He brushed past her and headed for the house. He heard the sound of the Jeep as it rounded the curve near the creek and then stopped when the driver saw the Jet Ranger in the pasture.
Rachel turned to her husband and glared at him. "If this in any way involves that ass Ben Scott, you're going to get the time you wanted to fix up the north line shack because you're going to be living there, Michael Reynolds."
Mike watched as Chuck carefully climbed the fence after first throwing his travel bag over it. From the altitude and distance traveled, he gauged the man's anger and shook his head. What had his daughter done now?
"Hello, Elizabeth. Nice to see you, I guess. I see some things never change, do they? Still torturing the boy with come/go, yes/no signals. Y'know, I almost didn't pull the 'six-pack' except for the fact that I couldn't come up with a good enough reason for the Accident Investigation Board for Ethan to be flying the Ranger alone. Watching my ass, even now."
He walked past her, not caring in the least if she was following. His responsibility was his current partner, not his old one.
"Casey, please. That's not fair. You don't know the half of it. You have no idea…"
He turned on her, his face a mask of anger. "I know everything, Walker. Everything. I know about your little trysts in Burbank and y'know what? I didn't care. He's good people and… and I've listened to all his brainstorming about what possible scenarios there were, how to approach each, what to do if this or that happens…I have a better idea of what's going on in the kid's head, Walker, than you do, obviously."
"It's Reynolds, now, Major, Elizabeth Reynolds." She was getting angry.
"Yeah, and that's the major part of the problem according to him. Sarah loved Chuck unconditionally but Elizabeth doesn't. Elizabeth has reservations. Elizabeth has a baby to consider."
"Yes, damn it, that's right. Elizabeth has a baby!"
He stared at her for just a moment before looking away and shaking his head. "And so does Chuck, Elizabeth, but you seem to have conveniently forgotten the other half of her parentage. Selfish, insecure, and afraid. That's you, Elizabeth. He knows all that but doesn't care. He's tried to craft a life that will appeal to you, that will make you happy and you tell him you need more time and space?
"I'm afraid. He's needy on a level I can't fill. He'll be out there and I'll be here and he'll meet someone who can fill those needs and be a real life partner to him and then what happens to me?"
"He's not the 'needy' one in this little production of yours. You are. All he wants is for you three to be together and happy."
She looked down at her feet, not knowing what to say.
"When we picked him up for the Afghan mission y'know what he told me? That he had the perfect life now, a woman who loved him and wanted to marry him, and a beautiful daughter who thankfully looked nothing like him. Wonder what he'd say now?"
"Casey, I do love him. I just don't know if I can mar.."
"Stop. Do not finish that sentence. I have to face him and he's gotten really good at reading me. Now, I'm going to check on him. I'll give him some time to think this through and then, if he still wants to leave, I'll take him. You better make something happen here or JAG lawyers will be negotiating visitation rights for Chuck."
"He's got other offers, y'know? There are women on our base who have done everything short of handing him their panties with their phone number written on them to get his attention. Not everyone thinks he's a living gargoyle. He's blown them all off – for now."
All the anger and frustration with her inability to commit to him and their situation bubbled to the front and she spun Casey around and slapped him as hard as she could.
"He is not a gargoyle or a nightmare or a... I can't look at him, John, without remembering how he came to be this way. I feel guilty because he was protecting me and Bryce. The guilt is eating me up. He's sensitive about his scars. I'm sensitive about them. He's not some monster…"
He rubbed his face and smiled a small smile. "I was wondering where Sarah Walker was hiding. Show some of that spunkiness to your boyfriend or kiss him goodbye. And decide whether it's guilt or love you're feeling. And then for God's sake TELL HIM! He has the right to know. He'll understand guilt a lot easier than a lie."
Casey figured a small lie in a good cause was forgivable. There were quite a few women at the base who'd tried to get Chuck into their bed but there was only one woman who'd shown an unhealthy interest in Chuck and he had, indeed, blown off Carina Hansen.
Sarah followed Chuck into the house while Casey walked up the road to the idling Jeep and introduced himself to the Reynolds.
"Actually, I don't want to be collateral damage when those two fire breathers get into it. I'm Chuck's partner. The fairer member of our team decided to sit this one out. So, anyone taking bets on the outcome?"
"Elizabeth will kick his ass if he doesn't come around to her way of thinking" said Mike Reynolds smugly.
"Her way of thinking? You mean jerking him around, telling him last night that she wants to marry him but today, when he's cleared all the obstacles, she isn't 'sure' and wants time and space? She's in for a surprise. He's not the geek she knew in Burbank, and he's pissed off beyond belief at her. Now, introduce me to my honorary niece."
They sat at the kitchen table across from one another, neither saying a word as Liz tore a hole in her mother's tablecloth with her thumbnail. Finally, unable to handle the silence any longer, she started talking in a quiet and subdued voice.
APR