This is Me
I'm back! Yay!! So I've made my decision...yay. Here we go! (I said 3 weeks. That's like, 21 days. I took 22 to make a final decision. Please don't hate me.)
"Mitchie, will you marry me?" It was 11:11.
Her eyes flew open and she turned to stare at him. Her jaw dropped slowly as he let the ring fall into her view. She bit her lip and stared into his eyes.
"Shane...I..."
"I don't know what to say." Mitchie breathed, her eyes darting quickly to the ring he offered and back to his eyes. He winced. "Shane...are you crazy?" She asked, folding his hand over the ring so she doesn't have to look at it any longer.
"No I'm not crazy." His tone is hurt, and she took a deep breath. "I don't understand. You accepted the promise ring this morning. Why can't you take this ring?" Shane's voice broke and he turned away from her.
"Because I'm 16. 16 year old girls don't get married. I'm young and I'm stupid. I took the ring this morning because I love you Shane. But I can't marry you. It's absurd." Mitchie explained, her voice shaking as well.
Shane didn't look at her. "Well, if you think our relationship is so absurd, then why did you say yes to being my girlfriend?" He asked bitterly, still not looking at her. Mitchie's eyes widened and her jaw dropped slowly.
"You're twisting my words. I didn't say our relationship was absurd, I said getting married was absurd!" She snapped, tears brimming up in her eyes. Shane didn't notice.
"Mitchie, if you don't want to be with me, then just say so." His voice was thick with emotion. As Mitchie cried, his heart wrenched.
"Shane! That's not what I mean. I want to be with you. I just don't want to get married!" She stated, reaching out for his hand, which he jerked away quickly.
"You had to know that's what I meant when I gave you the promise ring Mitchie." Shane's voice was cold and his body felt numb. He hadn't seen this part coming.
"I knew what you meant. But I didn't think you meant it seriously. I mean, I know you were serious, but I didn't know you serious enough to propose right now. I figured you meant what you said, but by the time it was reasonable for us to be married, you would have felt differently." Mitchie whispered, her heart breaking. Shane didn't look at her.
"My feelings for you will never change Mitchie. But if that's how you feel, then maybe we shouldn't be together." Shane muttered, and Mitchie closed her eyes.
"No." She murmured, horrified at what he was saying. "Please no! Shane, no, this isn't what I want, that's not how I feel!" He ignored her.
"Mitchie, if that's how you feel then I can accept it. Whatever. I don't even care anymore." Shane stated, and Mitchie bit back more tears as she stood.
"Okay." With that, she slid the silver band off her finger and laid it beside him, only to turn and walk out the door, shutting it softly. Once she heard the latch catch, she burst into tears. Walking unsteadily down the bus hallway, she knocked on Jason's door.
"Jason?" She called, opening the door carelessly. "Oh my God!" Mitchie shrieked. Jason and Peggy had been engaged in a rather fervent embrace, and only looked up at her shriek.
"Shit!" Peggy gasped, shoving Jason off of her. "Mitchie, you can't tell anyone, we don't want any of the shit you and Shane have." Mitchie burst into tears again, collapsing in their doorway.
"Of what we had. We just broke up." She moaned, burying her head in her hands. Peggy jumped off the bed, followed by Jason.
"What happened?" Jason asked, scooping her up and setting her down carefully on the bed. Peggy climbed up next to her, smoothing her hair out.
"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to." She soothed, glancing at Jason then at the door. "Go talk to him." She mouthed, and he nodded. Jason didn't understand much, but this much he understood. Shane had hurt Mitchie.
"He proposed to me. Like, he asked me to marry him. And I said I wasn't ready to marry him, getting married at 16 was absurd, and he twisted my words into all this fucked up shit and then the next thing I know, he says he doesn't care, and I gave him back the promise ring and walked out and oh fuck I want to die." Mitchie said in one breath, her eyes shut. Peggy blinked a few times.
"Wow. Mitchie, I think he's just upset that you aren't ready to marry him. He thought the promise ring was a proposal; and that what he just did was only confirming it. He didn't see it the way you did I'm guessing." Mitchie choked back a sob and opened her eyes.
"Peggy, am I an awful person?" She asked, looking at her friend. Peggy shook her head.
"You're not an awful person Mitchie. You just got scared and did what you thought was best. Now it's time to see what Shane's going to do."
"Shane." Jason opened the door and blinked a few times. Was Shane Grey actually crying? "Shane, dude, I don't know what you did, but you fucked up big time." Jason stated, closing the door behind him and sitting down on the foot of the bed. "Shane." Jason yelled, punching him roughly in the face.
"FUCK! That hurt man! And it's not my fault." Shane snapped, burying his face in a pillow. Jason rolled his eyes. It was never Shane's fault, or so he'd have you to believe. At least, the Old Shane would have had you believe that.
"So it's someone else's fault that Mitchie is laying on my bed crying?" Jason asked wisely. Shane rolled his eyes.
"She didn't have to break up with me." Shane muttered. Jason blinked a few times. "Okay, so maybe I broke up with her. But still. Not my fault." He blinked again. "Fine! I screwed up. Just stop giving me that look!" Jason smiled triumphantly.
"Well. Now we know it's your fault. But what are you going to do about it?" Jason asked, very curious. Shane shrugged.
"Be miserable and sulk?" Shane suggested, flipping off the light and rolling back over. Jason groaned and left the room, only after hitting him again.
"No. You're going to get her back. And when you do, you're not going to be an asshole."
Peggy looked up as Jason came back into the room. "He admits he was wrong. But he's still in the sulking stage." Jason whispered, noting that Mitchie is asleep, curled against a pillow.
Peggy rolled her eyes. "Great. Well, she cried herself to sleep. Did you hit him?" She asked, grinning. She didn't really expect him to have done so.
Jason nodded proudly. "I think I might have given him a black eye. Or broken his nose." Peggy gasped.
"Jason! I wasn't serious! He's gonna be pissed." She scolded, pulling him down onto the bed beside her.
Jason shook his head and kissed her cheek. "Nope. He was kinda angry at first, but I think he realized he deserved it. Which he did."
Peggy sighed and hugged Jason. "Jason, you can't just hit him. I'm glad you did; don't get me wrong. But you can't just hit him." He shrugged.
"I feel okay. I'm gonna go sleep on the couch. Don't let Mitchie do anymore crying." Jason stated, leaving the room. Mitchie blinked a few times.
"Peggy? Tell me that was a nightmare." She breathed, and Peggy shook her head sadly. "Damn."
Shane wove his way through the other people on the tour bus to maneuver himself next to the food at dinner that night. As he shifted, his hip collided with Mitchie. "Sorry." He muttered, not meeting her eyes. She bit her lip to hold back tears.
Peggy and Heather glared at him, and took her by the arm back to Nate's room. "Honey, he is not worth it." Heather coached, taking Mitchie's hand. The brunette scoffed and let her tears fall.
"But he is. I love him so much and he's being...stupid." Mitchie's voice shook as she spoke. Peggy sighed.
"You deserve so much better. But you love him, and until you can 'un-love' him, you're never going to see what could be out there for you." She stated, looking Mitchie in the eye firmly. Mitchie bit her lip and nodded.
"I'll try." She promised, making a half attempt at a smile. Heather and Peggy smiled back at her before letting her out of the room. "I'm gonna go lay down. I have some thinking to do." Mitchie murmured, walking, out of habit, back towards what used to be the room she shared with Shane. Opening the door, she threw herself onto the bed, sighing. She needed to stop loving him.
As the night wore on and Mitchie thought, out in the main room Shane Grey drank himself into a stupor. Nate, Heather, Peggy and Jason were in their respective rooms, unaware of what was about to happen. Shane groaned and stood up, walking a bit unsteadily towards his bedroom door. It opened by itself and, with a lurch of the bus, Mitchie came flying through the doorway and into him. "Oh! I'm so sorry!" She cried, then looked up to see who she had collided with.
"I—." The rest of her words died in her throat. Shane ducked down and captured her mouth with his, pressing her up against the wall. As he broke the embrace, he slid through the door, shutting it smoothly. Mitchie gasped and touched her lips gingerly, unsure of what had really just happened. "Damn." She cursed under her breath. This not loving him thing wasn't going very well.
For the first time in 3 months, Mitchie Torres was happy. She was at an after-concert party, laughing and having fun. She had met a guy in one of the cities that they had shot through. She didn't really remember which one; but he had shown up at every concert since. She didn't love him and she wasn't even sure she liked him as more than a friend. But he was willing and showered her with attention; which to be honest wasn't resented.
"Shit, what's his name?" She thought frantically. Oh. Right! "Jonah, can you come help me find something...in the bus?" He smiled at her, and nodded. Mitchie didn't have a plan at the moment, but she figured she might as well 'reward' Jonah for his constant friendship. Of course, he didn't know about her and Shane, but he was one of her new friends she had made on the road. And he liked her, so what could be wrong about this?
Shane picked up his head. The bus door was opening and he could see Mitchie climbing the steps, followed by a definitely male head. "Whatever." He muttered, burying his face into the couch. Mitchie tiptoed past Shane and back into her old room. Jonah grinned. He was finally getting what he wanted. Shutting the door behind him, he followed her over to the bed.
"What's up Mitchie?" He asked coolly, looking into her eyes. She shrugged and pulled her legs up to her chest.
"I just wanted to talk I guess. Away from the pounding music and booze." She laughed and leaned back on one of the many pillows. Jonah nodded, still watching her. Taking a quiet breath, he leaned forward, pressing his lips onto hers. Mitchie's eyes widened and she struggled to break away from the kiss. "Jonah, stop it!" She shrieked, shoving him off of her. He laughed coldly, running a hand down her cheek.
"Like this isn't what you asked me up here for?" He scoffed, his hands resting at her hips, pressing her down. She struggled against him, her eyes flashing.
"Jonah, get off me. Now." She snapped, hitting his arm. He laughed and kissed her again intrusively. "Stop it!" She cried. This had been a really bad idea, she thought. "Jonah, please, stop!" Mitchie shrieked as he fumbled with her jeans. Taking a deep breath, she did the only thing she could think of. "SHANE!" She screamed piercingly, kicking Jonah sharply between the legs. The door opened quickly, and before Mitchie could blink, Jonah was on the ground.
"Don't. You. Ever. Fucking. Touch. Her." Shane hissed, accentuating his words by shoving Jonah into the ground harder. Mitchie scrambled off the bed and ran back to the party. Grabbing the first security guard she could find, she dragged him back to the bus, trying to explain through her tears. As they arrived at the bus, she stood awkwardly by Shane.
"Thank you." She whispered, not meeting his eyes. Shane winced. She couldn't even look at him. He hadn't realized how much he had hurt her until this moment. He shrugged.
"You would have done the same for me." He muttered, not thinking about what he was saying. Mitchie giggled softly, blushing.
"You mean tackle a potential male rapist?" She asked, her face still flushed. Shane laughed and shook his head.
"I don't know. Just...don't be so stupid next time, okay?" He hugged her awkwardly before going back down to the couch. Mitchie groaned. She had just ruined everything.
Hours later, she fell into bed, asleep before her head hit the pillow. The lights were still on, her book still sitting next to her lamp, waiting patiently to be read. Shane quietly opened the door, pushing it open just enough to slide through. She was sound asleep; she always was. She was a heavy sleeper. He thanked God for that. Pulling up a chair to the foot of the bed, he sat down.
"Mitchie. So since I'm too scared to talk to you in person, I'm going to talk to you now. I wanted to just kinda...talk about today. I don't know what you were thinking; letting that guy in here. Anyone could see he was obsessed with you. I hated that guy Mitchie. I really did. And when I heard you scream my name, that was the scariest sound in the world to me. I was so angry at him; I could have killed him." Shane took a deep breath, clenching his fists.
"But the real reason I came in here, I guess, is that when I saw that guy on top of you; I realized I want to be with you. I don't care anymore if you don't want to marry me. I want to be able to hold you and kiss you and love you. I want to be yours Mitchie. I don't want to have to worry about you getting involved with other guys like tonight. I want to always be there to protect and love you. Mitchie...I love you so so much." Shane stated, before rising and flipping the chair back to where it should be. He paused, glancing at the bed.
She is a heavy sleeper; Shane thought, and made his decision. He'd set an alarm for 30 minutes before she woke up and sneak out of her room. Smiling, he crawled into bed beside her, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her close. Shane loved how she fit into his arms. Closing his eyes, he didn't notice Mitchie's eyes were wide open and her face; an expression of shock.
Shane groaned, silencing his alarm. Mitchie was asleep and he crawled out of bed, sliding through the door and back onto his couch. 30 minutes later, Mitchie walked past him and turned on the stove. "Good morning Shane." She said coolly, and he blinked.
"Good morning." He replied, smiling. "Mitchie?" he asked tentatively. She turned to glance at him. "Are you okay? After last night?" He asked, and she bit her lip, sitting down across from him. Shaking her head, tears spilled over slowly. "Oh shit. I'm sorry." Standing, he moved to kneel in front of her. "I'm sorry." Shane breathed, holding his breath as he made his next move. Gently, he wiped away her tears with his thumb. Mitchie stiffened under his touch. Slowly, she relaxed. Shane smiled up at her awkwardly.
"It's been a while." She muttered, not meeting his gaze. Shane cocked an eyebrow, peering at her face intently.
"What do you mean?" He had a feeling this was going to be one of those heart to heart talks that he always said too much in.
"It's been a while since you've touched me." Mitchie whispered, still not looking him in the eye. Shane grinned; he couldn't exactly help it. "Oh shut up. I didn't mean it like that." She snapped, trying not to laugh. Shane rolled his eyes.
"The damage has been done Mitchie." He muttered, still grinning. "You didn't happen to be awake last night, did you?" He asked suddenly. She shifted nervously.
"Uh, yeah about that. I...uhm...well yeah." She admitted, finally looking him in the eye, only to see him cringe.
"How much did you hear?" He questioned, for the first time feeling nervous. She blushed, glancing down.
"Everything. And...was it just my imagination or did you get in bed with me?" Mitchie asked, playing with her fingers nervously. Shane paused before cupping her chin to bring her eyes up to meet his.
"Uh. Yeah. Sorry about that. You just looked so fragile; I wanted to be close to you. I know you tend to get nightmares. I wanted to be the first one you could run to for protection I guess." Shane admitted. Mitchie's breath caught in her throat.
"Shane?" Her eyes were shimmering and she could feel her heart rate become unusually fast. He smiled at her.
"Yes?" Shane thought he knew what she was about to ask, but he didn't want to assume anything. Mitchie shifted closer to him.
"Can we start again? Like, not all the way to the beginning, but...to how we were after the funeral?" Mitchie's voice was small and she looked worried. Shane kissed the top of her head, smirking.
"You mean you want to go practically have sex?" He asked, and she shook her head, smiling slightly. "Oh. You mean to how close we were. How...happy isn't the right word. Maybe blissful? How blissful we were." Shane understood. She nodded, hugging him tightly.
"Yes please." At her words, Shane scooped her up and walked towards the back of the bus. Mitchie snuggled against him, arms wrapped around his neck.
"We've got three months of talking to do." Shane declared as he deposited her on their bed. Mitchie nodded and crawled up to him. "Mitchie Torres, I love you." He stated, kissing her softly on the lips. "Tell me what you've been thinking for the past three months I've been out of your life."
Thoughts? I'm going to go hide from all of you guys that wanted her to say yes. See you later! I have band camp next week, but until then, updates should be fairly...constant(ish).
Much Love,
EatSleepBreatheJonas
Oh. For those of you who expressed sympathy, I went on a long road trip like thing. I stopped at both Kyle and Greg's place of death. Not the boat obviously, but the harbor they were out of. I'm still very much grieving. But at the same time I'm at peace with myself.