Chapter 11

Once on the train, Effie made the way to the dining car. There we were greeted by Haymitch, Katniss, and Peeta. Effie quickly explained what the tour would be like; filled with parties, speeches, and glamour celebrating me. I didn't want this, I thought. I didn't ask for this. I sat in there for a few minutes longer, staring blankly down at the table. Eventually, I couldn't sit in there any longer, and I made my way to the back of the train and stared out the huge window in the back. This became my new favorite spot over the next few weeks.

The first stop along the tour was District 11. Effie gave me cards to read the speech from, which I greatly appreciated. But once I stepped in front of that microphone, I was awakened to the unrest and rebellion in the district. It became a reoccurring theme throughout the tour, throughout the districts, throughout the people. They wouldn't listen to anything I read off those cards. They knew those weren't my thoughts; they wanted the truth of what I thought and was feeling. I wasn't prepared to share with them my feelings; I hardly knew what they were. But seeing the burning passion and desire they had really got me to examine myself.

With the tour came nightmares. Of course, I had been having nightmares since the games already. But these were more intense, more terrifying. Nightmares I would awake myself from literally shaking, unable to go back to sleep from afterwards.

The first night after my visit to District 11, I remember having a nightmare so intense, I began screaming in my sleep, continuing to scream some even after I woke up. I heard my bedroom door open, looking up and seeing that Katniss had walked in.

"Sorry Katniss," I said, still panting. "I just had a nightmare."

"It's ok, Avi," Katniss said crossing her arms. "I have them too." I nodded, finally catching my breath. I started to lie back down, but I couldn't bring myself to. I was too afraid to go back to sleep.

"Do you need me to stay with you?" Katniss asked. I looked back at her, and nodded slowly. She gave me a small smile and lay down next to me. She let me curl up next to her, as she wrapped an arm around me. Eventually, she gently guided my head to her chest, where I could hear her heartbeat. From that point, it didn't take me long to fall asleep.

The same routine happened several nights during the tour. I would wake up from a nightmare; Katniss would walk in and stay with me the rest of the night, her presence being enough to guide me back into the world of sleep. The nightmares didn't necessarily subside, and occasionally, I would have one even with her there. But I could sleep. And slowly, a true friendship started to form. Though Katniss was only a year older than me, she slowly started to fill the position Danielle had left behind. Katniss was becoming like a best friend and a sister to me. And suddenly, this tour, and even life itself, had become more bearable.

I realized that I needed to talk to Peeta. I needed to apologize to him for how I had treated him since the Games. I knew I needed him and his friendship to recover. But I found it hard to find the right words or the right time.

One day, the day before our visit to District 2, I had visited the back room again, gazing out the window in thought. I don't remember how long I had been in there when I heard the door open. Startled, I jumped and turned around to see Peeta walking towards me.

"Hey Peeta," I say, turning my head to look back out the window. I heard him sitting down on the couch a few feet away. I sighed. I knew I had to apologize now. I took a deep breath before saying, "Look, I'm sorry for how I've treated you since the Games."

"You don't have to apologize," Peeta said. I looked at him confused before he said, "I know you're hurting. The Games destroy people. It's just your way of dealing with things like this. I can't get mad at you for that."

I gave him a small smile. "Thank you, Peeta," I said. Shortly thereafter, Peeta stood up and walked over to hug me, to which I accepted. Everything would be ok. I felt like I could get through this tour, go home, and make it through life; with the help of my family and friends. But that was before I made my speech at District 2.

Districts 1 and 2 didn't have nearly the number of "radicals", as President Snow labels them, as the other districts. But they certainly had some. I was standing at my microphone, giving my speech when I heard a voice call out, "Aviana, you have to stop this!" I looked up and saw a young man standing on top of a box. I made eye contact with him and he continued, "You need to stop lying to yourself! Stop just reading those cards! You know you want change! You know you want a rebellion! You have two very powerful weapons behind you. All you have to do is use them! You can become a symbol, a Mockingjay, for this rebellion! You must stop lying to yourself and take action!" He pressed three fingers to his lips and raised them in the air. I saw peacekeepers making their way through the crowd towards him. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek before he said, "Remember Danielle. Let her memory fuel your fire of hatred towards our government. Remember your Mockingjay." Tears began streaming down my face now, as I watched the peacekeepers kill the young man, another team coming and dragging me and my team away.

But I took to heart what that young man said. He had lit a match and threw it on the embers of hate I had let burn out. But I was scared, and fear threatened to put out the small flame that had begun to burn in my heart. I knew what I wanted, but I knew what it could cost. I didn't know which way to turn.

I kept my routine for my last speech at District 1. I simply didn't know what else to do. But I had overheard talk from many places of the rebellion rising in District 12. I worried that home would become a warzone from what I had heard. But what I wasn't sure of was whether to try and hinder them, or join them.

To sum up the last day of our tour, there was a party at the Presidential Palace that I was required to attend. I remember the dress Cinna had put me in; it was similar to the dress I wore for my tribute interview. I looked like a mockingjay. But wearing that symbol didn't come without the fear. I don't remember most of the party actually; too lost in thought and fear to pay attention to much of anything.

But I do remember what happened at the end of the party. Haymitch had pulled Effie, Katniss, Peeta, and me aside and whispered, "We can't go back to that train."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I just got word from a friend of mine," Haymitch said. "He has some people sending a hovercraft just outside the Capitol borders. We need to start making our way there now."

"Why?" I asked. "What is going on?" But my pleas for answers were ignored as Haymitch and Peeta grabbed my hands and drug me through the Capitol, successfully making it to the waiting hovercraft. We barely had any time to climb in before we took off.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" I asked shortly after we strapped in.

Haymitch sighed. "We're heading to District 13," he began. "Before you ask, yes, it still exists. They rebuilt underground, and now are the rebellion headquarters."

"Why aren't we going back to District 12?" I asked.

Haymitch paused. He again sighed and said, "District 12 has been firebombed. Based on some information 13 gathered, there may be a remnant that got out before the bombing started. But 12 is gone, sweetheart. Anyone who was left behind is dead."

I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. It hadn't set in yet that, if my family wasn't among the remnant, or, for that matter, the remnant didn't exist, they would be dead. I just knew that my home was gone. I took a deep breath and asked, "What about Cinna?"

"The train was ambushed by peacekeepers," Haymitch said. "They would have been waiting for us, that's why we could not go back. But anyone on that train has either been taken into Capitol custody or," he paused before saying, "executed."

Tears began to fall. I looked over at Katniss in disbelief. Cinna? Dead? There's no way Haymitch was right. But I knew he was. I knew the Capitol had just killed one of my closest friends, and possibly my family. But that night, something snapped. Any fear I had about joining this rebellion and becoming its Mockingjay was gone, replaced by a hatred for the Capitol and a determination to see it fall. And there was nothing that was going to stop me now.

A/N: Well, the first story is officially over! I hope you guys enjoyed this story! Can't wait to get started on AS Mockingjay!