It'd been a long time since Dick had been outside, let alone on rooftops. Summer was winding down and school had started up, leaving him alone in the manor with Alfred and all the wonderful toys of the rich life. He really missed having Tim on hand all the time. The kid helped him not think about all the things swimming in his head.

Now he was alone with his thoughts at sunset, watching the cove from the roof. He liked to do that all the time when he was a kid, just to think. Alfred couldn't reach him there, there were no cameras or intercoms, and he'd be able to hear Bruce coming if he was ever looking for him. Hiding one night up there was fun back at the beginning. Drove the man nuts. Eventually they agreed it was his private place, somewhere he could think all he wanted. A sensor on the roof only confirmed he was there and that was it. There, he was alone.

He needed to be alone, really alone, to think. So much had changed in four years. Barry, dead. Wally, Flash. Clark, engaged to Lois. Roy, a DADDY! (that short visit really sent him reeling for a minute, but Lian was adorable! Who cared if her mom was a criminal? Roy was raising her) Donna, married! Garth, engaged. Barbara, crippled and now Oracle. And these were just people he knew before Slade.

Jason Todd, died as Robin. Tim Drake, current Robin.

So many changes. So many things he'd missed. He wished he could have been there at Donna's wedding. Been there for Lian's christening. Been there for Barry's funeral and to help Wally. Been there to help Barbara after she was shot.

To actually meet Jason and be a brother to him.

So many things he missed, but that was the one thing he wished most of all he could have done. Possibilities of what could have been kept swimming around his head, starting with the Teen Titans (old and new) and ending with how he could have made a difference in Gotham, particularly with Bruce and Jason. Wishes and dreams were overwhelming him consciously, but then what had actually occurred in his life struck from his subconscious.

The past four years for him were consumed with death, pain, and crime. Being a part of it instead of fighting and defending against it. Learning he was tricked into giving up all that time hurt him more than anything else. Slade stole his life! Nearly murdered him! Forced him to swear loyalty to him in exchange for people's lives, to brand himself a traitor to everything he believed in. Guilt and anguish ate at him every time he thought of it.

He'd tried to end it a few times back then but it never went far. The scars weren't pink anymore, but they were still there. He still wouldn't let Tim see them. He couldn't. He didn't want the kid to know just how broken he was then, not after helping him get this far already. He wanted to be the best big brother the kid could have. Just like he wanted to be the best son to those who raised him. He'd failed at one; he didn't want to fail the other.

Which was why he hid on the rooftop to think. Couldn't let Tim see how weak he still was. How dependent he was on people. Around the kid, he would hide it with smiles, jokes, and cuddles. Those actions also bugged the boy so it was a bit more enjoyable. But alone... He realized how much he missed his family as soon as Tim went back to school and Alfred busied himself with household chores. He knew hiding his dependency from Alfred was useless, but he didn't want to obligate the man either. The butler had other things to do.

So he hid there, thinking. Of the past, of what happened, of what he'd learned... Sometimes his thoughts drifted to nothingness, just watching the cove and the setting sun.

It was nearly gone over the horizon when he heard a roof tile being scuffed. Someone needed to practice residential rooftop stealth. Slade would have stripped him bare after a beating and stuffed him in a trunk for a few hours for that. Alerting your target to your presence was a big no-no among assassins and hunters. Bruce's 'repeating the exercise until it's perfect' method was much more preferable.

The kid wouldn't have lasted a week under Slade's training. Especially with that heavy breathing. "What time is it?"

"Nearly eight." Tim's breathless voice came closer, along with many more scuffed tiles. One cracked and a piece slid just past him. The kid sounded exasperated as he came up from behind him. "Have you been up here this whole time?!"

Dick shrugged. "Since two I think. George the gargoyle gives plenty of shade here. I forgot the days are longer in the summer and lost track of time."

"What are you doing up here?!" The boy came closer to him, coming up to his left side. Worry was in his voice. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Cabin fever," he admitted. "And I like high places. This is one of the highest places in the manor, and the least accessible. If I ever wanted to be alone for a while, this was my place. Bruce would just seal up the cave and Alfred would just put a bar over the kitchen door. Everyone needs a hole no one disturbs. Where's yours?"

"Probably my house if I ever feel like visiting it." Tim stood next to him now, and even though he couldn't see the kid's face, he had a pretty good idea how he was watching him worriedly. "Why'd you come up here?"

"Needed to think."

"Dick..." The young bird sighed heavily. "You've been thinking and dwelling on things for four months! I'd think you'd be sick of it by now. Seriously, why are you-"

"Cabin fever," he repeated. "And I really missed seeing the skyline."

"For six hours?"

"Time flies." Internally, he sighed. "And after you've lost track of it to a madman, it's easy to lose half a day."

"Bruce is downstairs with Alfred." That got Dick to stiffen a bit. Maybe he had been out there too long. "We've been looking for you everywhere around here and they're talking about searching Gotham next. You could have left a note or something."

"Roof had a sensor last I checked," he admitted. "Security was usually one of the first things Bruce checked in the past. He knows I like it up here."

"Dick-"

"Ya know," the young man started before the kid started a tirade, "I've been thinking about everything you've told me, everything everyone's told me. A lot's happened, a lot I'd have nothing to do with if I stayed. I'm really beginning to see things a little clearer. My life would have been a lot different if things hadn't gone south for me, but few others. I don't even know if I could have prevented Jason's death, or even you becoming part of this life."

"Come again?" Tim blinked at him owlishly, clearly not understanding.

"There are just a few things I don't get," he continued, ignoring the interruption. Dick looked over to Tim for a moment, bringing up some detail that bothered him. "You were three when we first met right? How can you remember it so clearly?"

"Huh?"

"I can't remember being three, and I can barely remember you from that day." It really was a head scratcher. "Other than Zucco and their deaths, I can't remember a lot about it period. How come you do?"

The kid watched him for a moment, then took out his phone, sighing as he sat down next to him. He must have learned fast the guy wasn't going to move for a while and started texting Bruce. "I've got a good memory. A really good memory. I wish that was my only answer or that being traumatized by it was the other one, but it isn't."

The acrobat watched him finish a message to Bruce as he collected his thoughts and spoke again. A slightly sad look crossed his face. "My parents... they weren't really around much while I was growing up. Work, you know. They were always off doing some kind of meeting or at an archeological dig or big charity. I went to all day preschool and kindergarten until I went to Britewood, and Mrs. Mac, our house keeper, watched me when they were away.

"I remember that day really well because it was one of the few days in my life we were all together." An endearing smile came to his face as he remembered, looking off to the coast. "We didn't have many of those. The entire day, it was just the three of us. No work, no elite social event, just the three of us having fun together. I was so happy that day for that reason alone. I remember holding both their hands walking in, getting a balloon animal, Mom freaking out at a clown while Dad laughed... I think I took its nose. We played a few games, went on a ride or two, took a few photos, and then we ran into your family. Up until your parents' deaths, it was a perfect day."

Dick watched the kid as he talked, somehow recognizing the story. Bruce had something similar with his parents and the day they died. It had been a perfect day. Difference; the Waynes were there more often with Bruce than the Drakes were for Tim. Martha Wayne helped charities from home, as Alfred told him once, all so she could be there for her son. And his dad, Thomas, stayed close as a surgeon instead of abroad as a business man for much the same reason. In comparison to the Waynes, and the Graysons, who were always there for him due to the nature of their career, the Drakes seemed quite neglectful of their young son.

Mulling over this thought, he realized Tim had a very lonely childhood. If a memory linked with a tragedy that shaped his future was so vividly remembered because of it, the kid really needed to make some new memories. How could the Drakes leave Timmy alone like that? No wonder the kid said all those things before. Bruce was a much better father than this kid's. He needed Robin in order to have a childhood, and that was saying a lot.

'If his dad ever wakes up from his coma I'm giving him a piece of my mind.' Was it a bad thing he was wishing the man never did? Maybe Bruce would take him in permanently then, even adopt him. Kid would be much better off.

Tim shifted a bit where he was, smiling sadly. "Guess I won't be having any days like that again, will I? Even if Dad wakes up, his nerves are going to be a mess. The doctors say he may be paralyzed for life or for a couple years, but they won't be able to tell until he wakes up. But even then..."

He rested his chin on his knees, now looking at the horizon as well. He seemed so lonely... Now Dick was feeling bad, wishing his father wouldn't wake up. Tim loved his parents, flaws and neglect included. His dad may get a second chance with him, but his mother never would. He nearly lost both of them and it shook the kid to the core. Both of them understood how different life was without their parents.

After sitting in silence for a while, just looking at the horizon, Dick started to whistle. He wasn't the best singer in the world, but he was a fair whistler. A song had come to mind, and he hoped whistling it would help both of them lighten the mood. After a verse, Tim started to sing it softly.

"They paved paradise, and put in a parking lot. Took all the trees and put them in a tree museum. Now people pay a dollar and a half to see them. Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone. Paved paradise, and put it a parking lot."

The young man smirked to himself. Tim had a good voice. He decided to join in, even though he didn't know half the words. "Something something, put away the ADTs... Don't need no box or the apples, leave me the birds and the bees, please!"

That got the boy to choke. "Those aren't the words!"

"It's hard to understand what he's saying at that point!"

"Then look it up." Tim started to pass his phone over to him to use the internet but Dick pouted childishly at it, refusing.

"No. I'm crazy. Don't it always seem to go, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." He grinned at the frustrated boy, who was no longer thinking about his parents now. Success. "They paved paradise and put in a parking lot."

"Wish they put in a burger joint." Tim's stomach growled, loudly. His face took on a pleading look. "Can we please go inside and get dinner now? I've got patrol in an hour, where I'll be running into real crazies."

"I am a real crazy." He pushed himself to his feet and offered a hand to his younger counterpart. "I used to run around rooftops in a leotard and pixie boots with a big guy in a bat costume, kicking clowns and killing plants." That won him a quick laugh as Tim accepted the help up. "Come on, I'll show you the easy way down. And try to step where the shingles meet; more support and much quieter."

"Kay." The two of them started their short trek back into the building, pushing aside dreary thoughts as best they could. Dick felt his successor had quite a few good points. He had been thinking too much. The problem was there was so much to think about. He had accepted a lot of what had happened was out of his hands, but he wasn't about to forgive himself just yet.

He just didn't know when or how.