******...******
******...******
Severus wrapped his arms across his knees protectively and tightened his eyes.
The voice.
The melodic voice that had become his link to sanity had stopped addressing him. To his dismay upon one moment she had stopped speaking to him. Leaving him alone in this barren wasteland. He didn't want to open his eyes. Especially, since after the melodic voice, another voice much heavier and much more prominent had decided to address him. Why? He had no idea, but it was the only one apart from the soft female mumble that had penetrated his reality.
What that heavier voice had spoken though, had caused a thunder inside his eerily calm world. A thunder that was still echoing inside his brain. For he dared not open his eyes to look around him. After that thunder he was not alone anymore...
A shiver run down his spine and he leaned back to the tree trunk. That heavy voice had spoken about love and friendship. About sacrifice and salvation and about hope. It was all addressed to him. It has spoken two names. One was Narcissa which was faintly familiar to him and the second one was Draco. That name caused the thunder to crash upon his world. Several images had flashed before his eyes simultaneously. Classrooms, students, long hallways, danger and finally death. A single face formed inside the whirlpool of images. Blonde hair close to white, young, unspoiled, dressed in black. Hazel eyes speaking of danger. Wand at hand, looking straight at him with tears etching his cheeks. That face and that name, they went together.
That boy was Draco and his face stirred emotions long buried in his heart. That boy meant a lot to him somehow. Why?...he was still to know, but in order to find out he had to open his eyes first, didn't he?
He had closed them when he collapsed in front of the cypress; He collapsed after he run back from the road when the thunder shred his mind to pieces and when the images overlapped each other with ferocious speed in his confused mind; He had run towards that accursed road in a desperate attempt to get away from this place, but he had been wrong to choose that path out. The moment he stepped foot on it he knew that it was never going to be the same as it was before.
It was never going to be empty again...
From a great distance down that barren road a thick black shadow appeared. Forming in vague shapes far away from clear eyesight. He had frozen in place, unable to move. Apprehension gripping the sides of his lungs. He quirked his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes in an attempt to discern the shadowy shape.
At first it was making no sense, but in slow growing fear, he had realised that the dark form was moving up the road; Up the road and coming towards his reality and he had no way of evading it, so he retreated slowly. Fear gripped his heart as he stepped back the three quick steps he had taken down that road. His footfall raised the soft white feathers as he stepped into his reality. Away from the road. Counting his breaths to see the shadow disappearing.
But it didn't...
To his utter dismay it kept coming up the road. Moving slowly forward. Approaching him and as it did he started making out lines and forms. Human forms, walking next to each other...they were people walking...
He didn't remain still long enough to discern faces as he turned and run towards the forest.
why did I ever open my bloody eyes...why couldn't have I kept them closed forever? Why am I not dead?...
upon that thought he winced and shook his head. Why should he be dead? Was he supposed to be? Truth being told those two voices kept telling him to get better. Where the fuck was he? Why was he not alone anymore? He didn't want the company of that shadowy reality of formed bodies walking towards him. As anxious as he had been the last few days to find another soul inside this weird place, now that all these souls were coming towards him, he didn't want them. For some unknown reason he was certain that they were not walking up to him to have a nice chat. Maybe if he kept his eyes closed they'd go away...just maybe...
one can only hope right?...
'You'll be alright you'll see' the soft melodic voice broke into his terrifying mantra sending the chills to run down his spine.
fucking hell...he breathed in terror.
His eyes flew open. He wanted to look up and scold the voice for abandoning him in this hellish reality, but instead his glare fell at the base of another cypress. His heart missed several beats when he saw a young boy sitting quietly there. It wasn't the same face he had connected with the name Draco.
No, this boy was the complete opposite. Black long unkempt hair sticking dirty to the sides of his hollow cheeks. Large dark eyes filled with sadness. Clothes that looked unchanged for many many days and mismatched. His left sock was down to his ankle and his right shoe's bottom was unglued. The little boy looked a total mess, but he looked unbothered by Severus's observations. He was too preoccupied stirring the feathers in front of him with a large stick.
who are you? ...Severus watered his lips.
The melodic voice was still speaking to him unfazed by the changes inside his world. She had moved him out of his hiding place one more time. He turned his eyes slowly towards the road when the boy failed to answer his questioning mind and saw the people clearly advancing towards him. They were much closer and very clear now. Women and men, old and young. Faces that stirred memories in him. One of them struck out like a sore thumb. His white long beard and his equally white long hair only downplayed by his extravagant robes.
fucking hell...this has to stop somehow. I have to stop all this madness. I have to find a way to get away from this place, or else I am truly going to die...
An image of a silver doe flashed before him. The searing pain shredded his head. He winced, but this time he didn't close his eyes. He turned them slowly to the young boy that still sat next to him, stick at hand. Trying to will the memory away...
or call it closer...maybe that's the only way out of here...he thought.
He couldn't bring back the blessed oblivion. He couldn't very well lay down and close his eyes to what was happening around him anymore. He has seen too much already. That which he has seen had decided to approach him and it was walking to him via that desolate road. It was sitting next to him in the form of a sad boy.
It was heard through her voice, that did not stop pressuring him to face this reality. He didn't want to, but it was the only way to get the away from this place. He didn't want to be here in his colourless adobe were nothing moved for days on end. Were out of nowhere he was suddenly haunted by people who were looking at him, all with sadness in their eyes. Who were they?
who is this boy?...he looked at the young boy again.
'Who are you?' he asked.
The boy raised his large expressive eyes to Severus 'You' he said and then lowered his head and started stirring the feathers again.
Severus felt his back crawling at the answer. He decided to overlook what the boy said 'What are you doing here? Hasn't your father told you that it is dangerous to be around strangers?' he asked.
'My father doesn't tell me much about anything' the little boy said and flicked his shoulders. He didn't seem to be bothered too much about anything either.
'Where is your mother?' Severus insisted. Bypassing how ridiculous all this was. There he was sitting in a colourless forest, being approached slowly by people that raised the hair on the back of his neck, hearing the melodic voice still narrating her usual stories, and instead of doing something more practical, there he was discussing with a young boy that had popped out of nowhere.
as always your sense of priority is shaken...
'Coming up that road, but she is not well anyway' the boy said and pointed towards the desolate road without looking up.
Severus swallowed and looked at the road. The people were approaching. He suppressed the need to turn around again and run towards the forest. Away from this reality.
'What's wrong with her?' he asked.
'Father is beating her up' the boy said. Almost instantaneously another image flashed inside his mind. This time it was so clear and strong that it made him bolt upright and back away several steps holding his head.
The image of the same young boy crawling at the crease of a dirty wall. The shadow of two people. A man and woman arguing. The man striking down the woman, several times over. Severus didn't look at them though. He was looking intensely at the young boy's eyes that were wide with terror. Forlorn at what he was seeing and at the shocking realisation that the boy he was looking at, was him. He had once been that desperate ill looking boy. He groaned out loud as his back struck the bark of another cypress tree.
it's not as if there are any other trees in this bloody place...
The large group of people had almost reached the end of the road. The boy had not moved an inch from his spot. He had stopped messing with the feathers though and was looking straight at him. Severus drew several deep breaths.
'What do they want? What do you want from me?' he asked breathless his fingers running around the hard surface of the tree bark. Getting ready to bolt towards anywhere. His head snapped towards the road. The group stopped exactly at the point where the feathers begun. Couldn't they proceed any further? His eyes passed from everyone. Old and young. Man and woman. Two people were in front of the others. One was a beautiful young woman in her mid thirties with reddish hair and blue eyes. The other one was the elderly man dressed in the colourful robes.
'They are part of you. They want to help you out. And so do I' the boy said. Severus's eyes snapped quickly towards the boy.
'I don't want your help. I want you to get out of here. To leave me alone' he hissed to the young boy almost doubling over with menace.
The boy raised his shoulders 'we can't. This is our adobe. You're the one that does not belong here' he said.
'I was here...since...forever...' Severus leaned his head back to the tree and opened his mouth. And then closed it again 'Right?' he asked finally.
'You don't belong here. You have to leave' the boy replied with the same dispassionate disposition. It was making Severus more nervous than he already was.
'How? Tell me how. That is what I want to do' he said and moved a step towards the boy.
The boy raised his branch and pointed behind Severus 'Then you have to look' he said.
Severus turned his head and saw the lake. His biggest fear was coming true. He had to go towards the black lake. He felt his hands numbing and sweat breaking all over his body 'I can't go there' he simply said.
no...
'Then you will be here forever...a part of us' the boy said and suddenly dropped the branch and stood up.
'I don't care. I am not going to the lake' Severus said looking at the boy with clear fear in his eyes. No one was going to make him do it. No one. The boy started walking towards him slowly.
Severus frowned and looked at his younger self advancing slowly towards him 'What are you doing?' he asked his voice barely a whisper.
'You have to look, there is who you are' the boy said and pointed towards the lake 'Here is whom you have been' he repeated touching his chest 'and you are not dead yet, you don't belong here'
Severus shook his head 'No, I won't. Don't come near me do you hear?' he said and raised his hand trying to stop the boy from coming closer, but the haunting figure of his old self kept advancing merciless to Severus's mind numbing fear.
'Stop it' he almost cried and started backing away from the boy, but the young man was still advancing. Making him back away slowly. Making his boots raise feathers all around him. Making him step upon the colourless flower patches. Making him go nearer the lake. To the exact place, he wanted to avoid.
'Look at the mirror' the young Severus cried with a voice that was barely human. It sounded like two voices in one. Severus groaned and turned around in order to flee. Towards anywhere but here and he fell face upon the same woman he had seen in the path. The woman with the reddish hair and blue eyes.
'Shit!' he hissed and tried to back away from her. She touched his arm and the touch froze his skin.
'Go to the lake' she whispered. Her breath equally frozen upon his face.
'NO!' he croaked and turned around again only to bump into the old man. He turned around in a growing panic. They were all around him. They had left the road and they had circled him. Faces, faces, solemn and sad and tear some all looking at him. Extending their hands to him. Wanting him to go to them. His panic grew, his mind fogged up and became confused with the images that accompanied those faces...memories...fleeting memories...
oh Merlin...
He groaned and dashed into the void not really knowing where he was fleeing to. His foot struck upon a colourless stone. He fell face down to the feathers. His hands keeping him inches from striking the stones along the shore of the lake. His hair slowly gathering water, becoming heavy and diving deep to the dark waters. Feathers falling all around the disturbed surface. He had landed inches from those ripples created by his disturbance and he mused upon them as they travelled towards the shore. Stroking the stones softly. He mused at them as they became still unable to make himself look away. Unable to push himself up. Those waters were drawing him inside their perfection. He saw them, stiller and stiller and behind them he saw a reflection as if through a dream.
His reflection...
And the pain that struck through his mind was hair raising. The scream that left his lungs took out all the air from them. Suddenly he knew who he was and who those people were.
I haven't been spared...
That was the last coherent thought he had before the scream turned into an abysmal growl and then into melting tears. Tears that grew stronger as he let himself roll freely at the edge of the lake. Tears that flowed freely as his fingers slipped into the water and felt it's frozen essence upon his skin... and there he remained.
Inside his cold frozen realisation. Shivering at the sheer shock he had succumbed and that melodic voice was still narrating to him, but he was not able to hear her anymore...because there was a sound that covered up everything else. The sound of his scream...
*******...******
'Thank you for coming with me' Hermione said and wrapped herself tightly around Marcus's arm. She took his hand in hers and caressed it gently.
'No problem' he replied with a sly smile. They were walking towards the infirmary. It was her shift and they had just returned from Hogsmeade. A lovely afternoon spent by drinking beer and eating their hearts out. On getting in touch with each other and forgetting reality.
Now that they were walking towards the infirmary she wasn't that sure that she wanted to go there at all. All she wanted was wrap herself around his arm and pull him outside where Spring was tickling her playful spirits, for adventure. Maybe a walk by the lake to observe the setting sun; a walk in the forest to smell the freshly blooming flowers and listen to the odd night cricket coming out too late. Or the occasional bird staying up a little later than usual. Anything really that had to do with nature.
Then simply sit under the stars and let your eyes get lost inside their magic. Inside their eternal map that went on forever up there in the skies. The fact that Marcus didn't like such excursions was not enough to dampen her spirits. She would have found a way around it. Today she was certain. Her mood was uplifted and she had almost forgotten Malfoy's visit to the infirmary yesterday and the emotional words she had heard.
'Oh, I would have loved a walk into the forest' she whispered it close to his ear.
He laughed lightly 'Hermione you know I hate nature. I am freaking allergic to it. Especially during the spring where everything is blooming'
'Magic could have remedied that for you easily enough' she replied.
'You know full well I don't like to use magic upon me without a valid reason' he said as they reached the infirmary doors.
'A walk into the forest is a valid reason' she replied caressing his hand.
'Not for me it isn't' the succinct answer. How in the name of Merlin was he able to throw her from hot to cold, she couldn't fathom. Here, they had an amazing Sunday afternoon together. So good in fact that she hated the fact that she had to return at the infirmary and within a few seconds he managed to get her prickled.
'Couldn't you have made an exception for me baby? oh come on' she purred to him as they passed the doors.
'Ah, no...not in this case' he smiled at her widely. He may have meant it playfully but the prickle got even worst.
She punched his shoulder only half playfully 'You bloody asshole' she murmured. He laughed and caressed her hand. She started to respond when she raised her eyes and saw Poppy and MInerva close to the bed of Professor Snape.
'What is going on now?' she asked more to herself than Marcus.
'What?' he responded.
'Come on, come on' she said and suddenly she was walking in front of him having released his hand. She heard his fast footsteps behind her.
'Good evening, what is going on?' she inquired and without waiting for an answer her eyes fell quickly on the monitor. Her heart picked up speed and fear clenched her insides. All other thoughts about visits to forests and nice weather were totally eliminated by the pressing need to see if he was alright. The monitor read 115 heart rate and 16 over 10 blood pressure. Everything was elevated.
why?...oh hell...not again, please Merlin...
'don't worry dearest' Poppy said and touched her hand 'Good evening Marcus' she said and looked behind Hermione. She waved Poppy off her pleasantries and squeezed her arm.
'What is going on?' she asked pressingly 'why is his heart rate so elevated?'
'We don't know' Poppy said
'How can we not know?' she frowned.
'The Mediwizards from St. Mungo's came in, first thing this morning. This started yesterday shortly after you left him. They checked on his vital signs and on his body. Found nothing out of the ordinary. If anything else, his body is responding very well to the treatment. There is no visible sign as to why his vital signs are so elevated, but there might be another reason for it' Poppy said.
'What?' she asked not wanting to hear anything that might suggest that his condition was getting worse.
'He is waking up' Minerva intervened.
Hermione felt her smile widening, but Poppy raised her hand to stop her '...albeit that he seems rather agitated Hermione. Something is making him very nervous for some reason. Why? I don't know. All I know is that he has to wake up soon, for I don't know how long his tired heart will be able to sustain the hectic pace of 120 bpm. You understand...' she said solemnly. Hermione felt her neck squeezing tight. Of course she understood. But what could be done?
'Can't we help in some manner?' she asked.
'No, if he is indeed about to wake up, it is his battle to fight. Nothing we can do. Everything clinically possible is being already done' Poppy said.
'Maybe if we placed him in stasis?' Marcus said. She had forgotten about him. He had moved next to her.
'Not possible. Might stall the process of waking' Poppy shook her head sadly.
'Stasis in his heart pace?' he asked again.
'Controlled heart rate. Yes, that could work but St. Mungo was adamant that we do not disturb his heart anymore. They don't want to place pace machines on him again. He is getting better. That is taking a step back' Minerva replied heavily.
'So all we can do is wait then?' Hermione asked playing nervously with her hands.
'Yes, I am afraid so' Poppy replied.
'Are you ready for your shift dear? There is nothing else we can do I assure you' Minerva told her and rubbed her back.
'Yes of course' she replied raising her brows. Her eyes fell to his chest that rose and fell quickly as his breathing was highly elevated also.
'Then come on Poppy I have a few things to discuss with you at your office' Minerva said. The women said their goodbyes and soon enough only Hermione and Marcus stood above the bed of Professor Snape.
'I see you continue your muggle adoration in here also' Marcus said. She turned and looked. He was holding her book in his hands and was looking at it critically.
'You know I love English literature' she replied absent minded. Her eyes returned to Professor Snape and stayed upon his face.
'Muggle literature' he corrected.
'Marcus for heaven's sake not now' she replied and came near the bed trying to fix the covers.
More in order to get rid of the notion that Marcus was judging once again her choice of muggle arts. They have had this conversation many times and nothing good ever came out of it. She always tried to explain to him that wizards no matter how impressive they were, lacked in arts and technology to muggles. It was a fair equation really. What muggles lacked in magic they had to create in other ways. Through books and music and mechanics. On that front they were unsurpassed, but Marcus couldn't comprehend that.
Having being born a pureblood wizard he had never come into close contact with muggles and their arts so he couldn't really understand. He was not like Mr. Weasley who admired them, studied them and tried to adapt their technologies for the magical community. He was just avoiding anything muggle. Without ever thinking that the woman that stood by his side had been raised by muggles and therefore loved their little ways. That also meant muggle literature and muggle music. This situation never found common ground between them and always ended up in brawls. This was the last place where Hermione wanted to have a brawl with him.
'Fine, but you know that wizards have a lovely collection of literature also' he replied.
still at it are you...?...she looked briefly into the closed eyes of Snape and wondered if she should be doing this in front of him.
'Yes, concerning crushed plants, spells, history of Hexerei and anything having to do with this world. Never daring to travel to worlds unknown' she replied.
'We own magic...we create their unknown' he replied placing the book down with force.
'You are too short sighted for me to inject substance into you. Never mind Marcus. Just don't bother my literature and stop discussing this here. Do you think this is the best place to be having such a conversation for heaven's sake?' she asked feeling totally exasperated.
'I will bypass the fact that you just insulted me and that you've also ruined a perfectly good afternoon...' he paused and looked at her pointedly. Then he raised his hand towards the bed 'And what? do you think he minds?' he asked finally.
'That is inappropriate, maybe he does. You can't know that' she said feeling defensive all of a sudden.
'You are into that silliness again, aren't you? We discussed this. The man is in a coma. He can't hear anything and you are getting too involved with this situation. I don't think it is doing any good to you' he replied stiffly.
She gathered herself and pushed back the tears that came quickly 'Marcus please leave me alone. This is not the time, really. I need to finish my shift. We will discuss tomorrow. Ok?' she asked trying to sound pleasant. She didn't feel like it and she was sure it didn't sound as amiable as she intended it.
He nodded and came close to her 'Fine tomorrow then. Don't stay up too late' he said forcing a smirk onto his lips.
'No' she shook her head and felt his lips touching the side of her mouth. She moved her head further away and the kiss landed half on the mouth and half on the cheek. She was not in the mood to mouth kiss him now. She rubbed his arm 'Go, get some rest' she said.
'See you later' he said and winked at her. He waved goodbye and let the curtain drop behind him.
When she finally alone she released a breath she didn't know she had been holding.
She looked at Snape again. His head reposing upon the pillow. His black hair around his shoulders. His eyes closed and almost free of the dark heavy circles. She raised her hand and softly touched his brow. Slowly she caressed his hair without any inhibitions whatsoever. Suddenly she was so glad she was there with him. She couldn't well remember why she had been negative about coming here tonight, because now that she was here she felt a wave of peace sliding softly upon her mind and that was exactly what she needed.
She sat down without removing her hand from his brow. Her other hand came down and clasped his own, taking care not to touch the IV.
'Uhm ...Good evening Professor...i am so...uhm...sorry you had to hear this' she said apologetically. Still caressing his hair back. Feeling the softness under her fingers. It was soothing to her own soul. She thought she was doing it more for her own benefit than his.
His hand was still buried into the lake. Since when? Since forever...he couldn't well remember the time that had passed. For time in here was relative. Everything in here was relative. He kept his eyes closed but drew a deep breath when he heard the melodic voice once more. Once more penetrating his darkness. Which now was terrifying and heavy with the knowledge of who he was.
'Hi there...' he replied inside his mind. Knowing the voice couldn't very well hear him.
'He just doesn't know when to stop you know. I mean Mark. That was Mark, by the way. My fiancee' she said feeling uneasy about how to describe her man to Professor Snape. The man I am living with sounded too informal for her old Professor. She opted for something more appropriate even though she wasn't wearing Marcus's ring yet.
He knew the people were around him still. Remaining close by. Observing him. He could feel their breaths upon the back of his neck, but he couldn't cry anymore. He had cried breathless for how long only Merlin knew. He had cried for everything. For his childhood, for the years in Hogwarts, for his initiation to hell with the Death Eaters, for his silly request to the sorting hat to be placed in Slytherin when the hat had whispered Gryffindor into his ear at first, for Lilly and for what he had told her back then. For his lost chance with his only love. For his father beating his mother. For his mother's failed tries to take care of him when she couldn't even take care of herself. For his nightmarish years next to Voldemort and for his betrayal to Lilly. Finally for all those years were he tried to fix what he had once done. And dying in the process...or at least hoping to die in the process. Which never happened. He was still alive and locked inside some remote place in his mind were his own ghosts had taken form.
'Please help me...' he murmured knowing that she couldn't hear him. The unknown woman who was talking to him about her own troubles was unable to really help him get out of this hell. He stretched his ears to hear her. To bypass the silent bodies around him and find her sound. The sound that breathed life into this reality. Into his reality.
'He just doesn't like muggle literature you see. He doesn't like anything muggle. Degrades them all them time' she said and leaned back to her chair taking her book. She had no idea why she felt the need to explain herself to her old Professor and the knowledge that he was probably not hearing her was making it even more awkward.
'Whilst you do. You love your literature...read me something. I need to get away from this place if only for a moment' ...he moved his fingers inside the icy waters. He could barely feel them. So numb they were.
'They told me that you were waking up. Are you Professor?' she asked looking at him thoughtfully.
'I don't know, I am trapped in here. Trapped forever'
'Try to come out here with us Professor, please. You are a strong man. You have done so much in your life for others. Do this for yourself' she said and clasped his hand again. Feeling the tears escaping her eyes and this time she was unwilling to stop them.
'I don't know how...'
'You have to find a way to come back to us...I am so sorry. I usually retain my self control, but today. That bloody Mark, is the one that reduced me to this and probably hormones also' she said and laughed at her own joke whilst drying out some tears.
'Are you crying? ...' he paused . The side of his face closer to water had become frozen and it was getting worst by the minute. He listened carefully. Sobs...these were sobs. She was crying. That woman was crying. His heart broke at that moment. For whatever reason he felt her pain deep inside his broken heart. Hadn't he been crying himself? Right there? Locked inside his own world?...She cannot hear me. No one can hear me. No one but my own ghosts and I don't want to talk to them. I want to talk to her...her who is out there. Crying herself for her own reasons. 'Don't cry...if you can't handle it I will loose it also. You are my line to sanity...don't you see...?'
'Oh Gods I am so sorry Professor...I ...I don't know what came over me and why in the name of heaven it came over me, in front of you. I know you never liked me...' she tried to control the tears in her eyes. Why was she crying? because of what Marcus told her or because she was anxious about the man in front of her? She wasn't sure.
'I knew you?' ...on that thought alone he gambled opening his eyes. What did he expect to see though was a mystery to him. Had he expected that woman to be there for him. Standing in front of him so he'd recognise her? She told him he never liked her. That was illusive. He had never truly liked anyone after Lily. Or before her for that matter. How could that frame down who that woman was? ...he drew a deep breath...did it really matter who she was? She was there for him. Always since he first opened his eyes inside this hellish world. He tried to bypass the fact that her voice had been the one that made him open his eyes in the first place. No matter how angry he felt on that remembrance he knew it had been imperative to happen, so he could get back. But do I want to get back?...he breathed in deeply. The smell of the cypress was...void as always. Inside this grey madness he didn't want to linger no more. He had to move on and if that meant to return to the world of the living then so be it. He was not ready to be subjected to this kind of hell. No...
'Gods, if only you could hear me...what might you have thought of me?' she murmured more to herself than to him. She dried the tears from her eyes and pulled back her hair to a tight ponytail. Her cheeks were burning up and the last thing she wanted was to get more heated by her bloody hair. She placed her hand over her mouth and observed him closely. No movement whatsoever. No signs that he was listening to her. Then why should she continued doing this? Why did she feel the need so strong to communicate with a man in a coma...'What might have you thought of me'...she murmured again dejected and closed her eyes.
'That you are my safety line...I hear you. I always heard you and you are my sanity don't you see?'
'I keep coming here with these muggle books reading to you stories you probably don't even like right?' she asked picking up her book and looking at it.
'read to me...please'
'And you are probably thinking of a way to get rid of me. If only you would just wake up and tell me to fuck off...I'd do it. Happily, I swear. Just wake up' the last words were barely whispered close to him.
He felt her soft voice caressing his mind 'I don't know how lady...i don't know how...' ...he thought dejected. His heart sinking to the abyss. He didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to face those ghouls around him. Didn't want to see that alternative reality inside his mind anymore. Didn't want to see the feathers. Didn't want to feel them either. That is why he was not moving. In order not to stir them. Then maybe he could pretend he was not there anymore. He was somewhere more beautiful. Maybe up there inside the real world. Next to the woman he was hearing inside his mind. Looking at her face also. Trying to connect that voice to a face. He needed to do that. But he couldn't ...
'What the hell am I doing, please tell me that?' she murmured softly and touched the side of his bed.
'...you are the only one talking to me...i am alone in here and scared...very scared...'
'One moment enjoying Marcus and his company and dreaming of going to the lake to enjoy the sunset...'
'I haven't enjoyed a sunset since I can remember myself...'
'...and the next I am brooding over you, about my personal issues which are a mere zero compared to your problems...'
'I Just want to hear you talk...I just want their silence broken and you are doing it. You are breaking their silence...I don't care what you tell me'
'...mumbling you to insanity most probably...'
'...to sanity...to safety...'
'...and you are probably praying for me to stop...'
'...praying for you to never stop...'
'...how can I ever help you by just talking to you can you answer me that?...'
'...you are keeping my mind in one piece. If you stop it will scatter to a million particles inside this void don't you see?...'
'...if I could only help you practically in some manner I swear i'd do it...'
'...i know...'
'...but I can't. I am up here and you are in there...'
'...trapped...'
'...trapped and no one can help you. Only you can...'
'...i want to...but the way out eludes me still...'
'...i wonder how it feels like were you are right now...'
'...desolate...frightening...'
'...it must feel lonely...'
'...and very lonely when you are not speaking...'
'...Professor if I just touch your hand like this...' she reached up and clasped his hand softly '...can you feel it?...' she asked.
'...no...' ...he almost felt tears coming to his eyes. The only thing he could feel was the cold water on his fingertips. Numbing them void of sensation.
'...try to show me that you can hear me. Move some part of your body. You have done it for Pomona. Do it for me also...' she said and squeezed his hand. The need to see some reaction from him becoming imperative.
'...Pomona...Pomona Sprout? Where the hell am i?!...' that thought pushed his eyes open and he shot upright. The ghosts had disappeared. No one was around him anymore. No Lily and Albus, no Black, Lupin or Tonks, or his own self as a young boy. All the dead had gone back where they belonged. The erased road had gone completely black and so had the forest around him. Leaving only shadows of the trees, feathers and flowerbeds. He turned and looked at the lake next to him. It was coal black. His skin crawled. What the hell?...Then came the realisation of the name again. Pomona Sprout... Hogwarts. He was in bleeding Hogwarts probably lying in some infirmary bed struggling for life. The instinctive reaction was very strong inside his mind. His hands twitched closed. His fists tight. His knuckles white.
'...oh fucking hell...you can hear me can't you?...' Hermione felt her jaw dropping open and shivers passing in cold ripples from her whole body. The hand she had been holding twitched under her own. It was minimal and if she hadn't been holding it, she might have missed it altogether. But as it were she felt it under her palm. Her heart filled with controlled happiness as the shivers continued up and down her spine. He could hear her. He had responded to her. Momentarily muted by his response she tried to gather her thoughts and plan on the next course of action. Her eyes looked at the monitor. 125 and 16 over 11. Stable and as always elevated.
'...oh I heard what you said alright...'
'...do it for me again. Move your hand. Show me you can hear me...' she leaned closer to him. Without thinking she raised her hand and caressed his forehead again.
'...I need to find a way out of here...and then a way out of Hogwarts...' ...he looked about him searchingly. The place was unchanged as always, but why had it gone dark. He could barely see himself. Only dark grey lines were visible all around him. All mingled together. No line clear enough for him to see. His skin crawled again. He raised his arms and rubbed his shoulders. He looked down the road.
'...please show me you can hear me...you did it once...' she pressed his hand but spoke softly.
'... I think I have more serious issues to consider right now my lady...' ...he frowned deeply and stood on his feet. There was something wrong. He could feel it. Even though the ghosts were gone there was still something out there. Back then he had felt the place void. Now it wasn't...and what was there with him made his blood freeze inside his veins. He felt it in the change of the air all around him. It had gone from void and neutral to dark and seething with menace. It came oozing at his feet and up his ankles from all over the forest bed. He shuddered hard.
'...oh please come on. Just give me a sign that you can hear me...' she insisted even though the first drops of disappointment were already upon her. Maybe it was a twitching of the nerves. Maybe he didn't do it on purpose and maybe she looked like a bloody idiot holding his hand like that and begging him to look at her or move on her.
'...I can hear you, oh yes, but I don't think I am the only one able to do that...' ...he looked around him slowly. He could discern nothing inside this almost total blackness. His eyes moved slowly towards the road. The pace of the forest around him seemingly had changed. It had slowed down somehow. As if preparing for the storm. He took a step back and felt the feathers lifting all around him. He heard his breath coming in sort puffs. He could even hear his heart beating upon his ear drums. Steadily quick, but nothing else. The forest was quiet. A different kind of quiet from what it used to be all these days. Heavier, somehow more solid. As if you could cut that silence with a knife. ...what the hell is going on?...he looked around him again. His eyes forever returning to the road.
...oh, hell, ok. I know I am an idiot. I probably imagined it all right? ...' she drew a deep breath and smiled to him. As if he could see her 'Might as well read you some more, right?' she asked.
'...oh I am in it deep...'...oh Merlin...He felt the hair on the back of his neck raising in the slow realisation of what this feeling of darkness truly was. He knew it. He had lived in it for fifteen fucking years. It was embedded in his skin. He thought it was gone, but there it was again. In the most improbable place of all earth. Inside his mind...'...oh...no...no'...he shook his head in denial keeping his eyes glued to were he thought the road was. Knowing that there was something walking up and towards him...
Hermione looked up dazed. Completely withdrawn as she was from her narration of the book him that she didn't even hear Poppy approaching her. The old Mediwitch was looking at her with a smile upon her face.
'You are reading to him?' she asked amused.
Hermione closed her book quickly and placed it at the side table 'Well, I love reading and I just thought that maybe if he could hear, he might appreciate some ...uhm...amusement?' she asked with a small smile of her own.
Poppy waved her off 'It's ok, I just found it rather...sweet that's all' she said.
'Well don't tell him that, he will probably fry us both if he ever finds out' she said raising her brows.
'Couldn't agree more on that one, now it's time for me to take over and you are expected in the great hall for dinner. Anything unusual?' Poppy asked coming round to check on his IV's.
Hermione stood up and stretched feeling her muscles complaining and her back cracking slightly. Her head felt rather woozy also from reading so much and her mouth was in no better shape either. Some water would be good for her and some food her stomach reminded her 'Nothing really, well I think that at one point he moved his hand, but I cannot swear' she said. Poppy raised her head on that one. Hermione flicked her shoulders 'He did it only once and it might have been one of those twitches he does every now and again. I didn't want to alarm you without reason' she added.
Poppy nodded as she returned to her job 'It's ok dear I will keep an eye on him. You go get some rest'
Hermione smiled and gathered her things. She gave him a last look and smiled to him without really intending to 'Good night, Professor' she said.
Poppy raised her head and smiled to her. She retreated quickly towards the Great Hall, her mouth watering at the prospect of food, but her heart tightening at the prospect of seeing Marcus. She really was mad at him still...wasn't she?...
******...******
Severus didn't know how long he had stood still, trying to hear something apart from that woman's voice narrating her book to him. Not few times had he wished for her to stop. A rare occasion since her voice was an island of hope for him, but this time he needed the silence. So he could discern who was walking towards him. He did hear things on occasion. From what he heard and from what he felt all around him there was only one conclusion and it was more terrifying than all the ghouls that had came up that road yesterday. It was the mother of all terrors. His boggart, that was living inside his mind. It was approaching him slowly, propelling him towards madness. He eyed the lake quickly. Maybe a dive inside those black menacing freezing waters was not such a bad idea after all. It was surely better than to stay here and wait for what was coming up to him. He breathed deeply and heard his breath coming out way too loud for his tastes. He didn't want to disturb the air around him, nor draw any attention to him. He stilled his breath, his body and his heart. He even tried to quiet his soul.
...that is when he heard it...and the terror swarm inside his veins. Drenching him in cold sweat. A low pitched shrilling cry that drew and drew and drew inside the forest. Coming from the road and opening up like a terrifying star, around him. Bouncing off the tree barks and coming back in shrieking repetitions.
Shazam...one two Riddle comes for you... nine ten...you'll never sleep again...
He placed his arms around his shoulders to protect himself from the knowledge that what was walking up to him was there in order to kill him again. Not his body this time. Riddle was there. To kill his soul this time.
finish the job dear old boy right?...
Tom bloody Riddle was there in the forest with him and he felt that sick motherfucker inside his veins. His darkness was so thick it covered the whole forest and it was saturated with evil. It was overwhelming his senses with it's cimmerian totality. His eyes snapped quickly towards the lake one more time. Another side of clouded darkness.
He drew a ragged breath and was suddenly very mindful that he was alone. Totally. The woman's voice had stopped talking to him and he had barely noticed. The shrill cry kept on and on and on. Making his ears hurt. He winced and backed away a few steps.
where am I going to go...it's not like I have a choice is it?...Voldemort is here...
Another step back and then he froze as the shrieking stopped...it suddenly stopped. Letting an after burn of fear in it's trail. The balance felt thin. The scales were tilting this way or that on equal basis. Severus tried to breathe as silently as possible. Still trying not to be heard. He raised his hands and rubbed his arms. Feeling the fingertips grazing upon his shirt. Senses all too alive, for a place so void of sensations.
'Ssseverusss...' the snaky voice crawled upon the forest covering it with it's sickness. He drew a sharp breath and his eyes widened. Waves of total terror passing from his body. He felt unable to move.
'You are dead...' he said his voice stretching abnormally within the void.
'Am i? sss..ssssss..' the snake hissing made his skin explode in pain. His hand flew instinctively upon his neck. On the snake bite that almost killed him. That was still killing him inside his own mind. As if once had not been enough. His fingers wrapped protectively upon the large scar that was embedded there for life. He withdrew his lips baring his teeth in menace. Upon feeling the scar that caused him such prolonged pain he felt the terror slowly subsiding inside him. He felt it been slowly replaced by anger. Fed by the adrenaline that was pumping through his veins. Adrenaline that was endlessly feeding from his old wound. He felt the growl forming into his chest.
'You are dead. You and your beast. You are sneaking within dreams, because you cannot do anymore than that...you are weak' he hissed with menace. Fear battling with his anger. Not one feeling gaining the upper hand with him. Throwing him from cold to hot and then to cold again.
'Am i?...ssss...sss...but yet I am still here with you and that scares the life out of you, my friend' Voldemort said his clear voice much closer to Severus. The hissing of the snake coming from the ground.
'You killed me once...you cannot kill me again' he warned straightening but still keeping his hand protectively upon his neck.
'And see where this brings us friend. You have no choice Sssseverusss, my precious pet. You can only stay with me here inside your eternal nightmare. There is no way out of this...ssss...ssss' the hissing coming closer and closer. Within the darkness Severus could have sworn that he saw several feathers being lifted from the ground. Something was moving down there. His eyed the lake quickly. There was a way out of there. It was through that lake and the fear of the black frozen waters was minimal compared to what he was facing right there in front of him.
'I am not going to do this again, Tom. Never again. I told you goodbye seven years ago. When you decided to rid me off my services, which you valued so much by ordering that beast to kill me. You didn't even honour me with a duel. I would have loved that...' he smiled albeit the circumstances '...I swear to you, I would have loved that, but you took me by surprise sending Nagini out to me...you filthy, bloodsucker' he spat with hatred.
The hissing voice seemed amused 'Oh pet; A duel with you? No no no no...I wouldn't have gambled that. I was too close to victory to challenge you in a field that I knew how good you were. Don't take me for a fool, Sssseverusss...'
'You were nothing more than that whilst alive...why should you be whilst dead?' he murmured more to himself than Tom.
'Yet you BOWED at ME!' the voice cried suddenly. Making him wince.
'...Or so you thought. You were never as good a Legilimens as you wanted to believe, either. You didn't have a heart and that was what made you dangerous. That and the fact that you had gathered many powerful wizards around you with a soft spot for the dark arts. Now go away, Riddle. You are nothing more than a shadow inside a tired mind and nothing more, but even as that I don't wish for your company. I want nothing to do with you. As I never did after you killed Lily' he said solemnly lowering his hand from his neck. Feeling slightly vulnerable towards the darkness that enveloped him. The darkness that contained Tom.
'Yes, poor old Severus. Yet, you had a heart. My only Death Eater to be able to conjure a patronus. How beautiful and innocent your patronus was, pet. So you gathered all that bravery and you made it a shield for them. For all of them. Oh, but I seem to recall that no one came to check if you were alive or not. They left you to rot after Nagini bit you. Ah...does it feel good to have sacrificed yourself for them? Does your ...bravery taste good?' Tom tormented. Severus closed his eyes trying to control his feelings. So easily stirred by so few words. No, no one ever appreciated what he did, but he never did it for them. He did it for Lily.
who never appreciated it either. She only wanted to keep her son safe. Nothing more...
And that part pained him deeply. That wound cut in too deep for him 'At least I had something to give back to the world. I had strength in that knowledge Tom. You didn't' he replied solemnly.
'But are you...strong enough to claim your freedom from MY hell? You never were. I am still your worst memory. I can still have power over you inside your mind. Now who fooled who then, pet?' Tom asked and the voice was heard from his side.
His head snapped to that direction 'Fuck off' he spat and that is when he felt something moving about his leg and he knew what it was. His logic backed away so quickly it made him dizzy and his gut instincts took over immediately. He span around quick and dived into the cold water without a second thought.
Hell's pits...
The frozen water shocked his body out of balance and he felt his lungs constricting and his limbs convulsing unwillingly. His head felt woozy and completely unfocused, but at least he was away from him. Away from Tom...He just wanted out. And how did that lake made out even remotely possible? He opened his eyes trying to battle losing his senses to the frozen environment. His heart was already palpitating and he was feeling at the edge of hypothermia. He knew the symptoms. Soon he'd lose all sense of danger and then he'd want to sleep without even logically considering that he was underwater. After that came the loss of senses and then drowning. Most probably the worst kind of death if you had any feeling. But that would be long gone before death even approached. Darkness all around him. He looked up. A pale darkness above him. The water rippling upon the surface. Bubbles escaping from his nose and floating towards the top, letting those up there know that he was still alive down here.
hell, not for long...
And that is when he felt it. Something touching his hand. He turned his head so quickly in panic that he lost half his saved breath in a hectic escape of bubbles. He heard the groan muffled from the waters and saw with growing terror a skeletal hand barely passing from his. Merely scraping him.
I am not alone down here either...
He turned around him quickly losing more breath. And everywhere...fucking everywhere...were corpses...
...the water was swarming with dead decaying bodies. Everywhere he looked there was a confused mass of torn clothes, pale bones and empty eyes looking at him. Scraping him, touching him and making him panic beyond recognition, but they were not just dead bodies were they? No, he knew better and that was the most terrifying thought of all.
These are the men and women I have failed to help...
As the realisation sunk in, the scream arose from his chest and it exploded in a mass of muffled noises and bubbles as he shot up to the surface. Needing air like a madman. Needing to get out of there. Not wanting to go back to Tom, but wanting to stay alive also...desperately trying to draw a breath of life into his body. He shot up from the water a confused ball of hair and limbs. An open mouth that drew in the final drowning breath and he opened his eyes wanting to crawl to the shore, but what happened next threw him completely off balance one more time.
Rough surface...
For he found himself entangled inside what seemed like a blanket and what felt like tubes and a pillow. He pushed and pulled and groaned and gasped for air all the time confused as to what was happening. He couldn't understand how he went from being underwater to being completely dry. He pushed on the blanket and shot out of what felt like a bed.
When his legs hit the cold floor he felt them buckling mercilessly under his weight and he crashed with force upon the cold stones. Hot pain shot from his right hand made him gasp for air again as he cursed behind his teeth. He looked down to see that his hand had tubes sticking out of it. He reposed it upon the bed so that the pain subsided quickly. He looked around him trying to calm down his frantic breathing.
Trying to establish where exactly he was. He looked under his legs. There was indeed a stone floor. He looked in front of him at the metallic structures of several hospital beds. Someone had placed an IV on him. His eyes followed the tubes to see the IV stand bearing two bags. One of orange colour and the other transparent. The second one probably IV water to nourish his body with liquids.
He looked behind him at what seemed like a rather large window that stood upon a heavy wooden ledge ornamented with various representations. It was partly covered by a maroon curtain and the sky behind it was dark grey.
Oh no...
His eyes fell to the window ledge and the ornaments upon it. Ornaments that he knew only too well. And the sudden realisation crashed upon him like a ton of bricks.
Hogwarts...flee you fool...flee...
All temporary logical thought seized the moment he realised were he was. Lying down upon the cold floor of the Hogwarts infirmary. He had managed to escape the hellish nightmare inside his own mind to wake up to an even worst scenario. Then he suddenly wished to return to his garden of life. The garden of the void. Of the ghosts of his past. Of Tom Riddle and his pet and of the lake filled with the bodies of the people he had forsaken. The people he had wronged. It seemed less terrifying than this reality, right here, in the real bloody world. There was only one way out of this and that was to flee, as quickly as possible. He didn't even want to consider what was the condition of his heart and neither did he care right now. It felt alright and he was going to use it to escape. He pulled on the tubes with force, making his arm scream in pain.
'Fucking things' he cursed and pulled them quickly out. The pain shot up to his elbow, but he barely noticed. He placed his now free hand upon the bed and tried to get up. His legs felt weak and numb. As if he had been lying on that bed for a very long time. Immobile.
how long have I been here...?
No, no time to consider than now. He needed to get out. He pushed with all his strength and his legs obeyed. The held him upright as he straightened and tried his first step. Which resulted in catastrophe for he collapsed one more time.
No you are NOT...get UP NOW!...he commanded, but it took him several tries before his legs got used to the idea of walking with all that weight on them again. In the end he managed to draw the curtain and peak out of it carefully. Not even minding that his hand was spraying blood all over the floor. Not even feeling it. His mind was focusing on a way out. It was hell bent on it and so was his will. That was enough to surpass any other obstacle. He looked around the hospital. Some beds were occupied, but everyone seemed to be peacefully asleep. He needed to be as silent as possible and as quick as possible also. His eyes caught the main offices and sure enough he saw the well known and not very much appreciated figure of Poppy. She looked like she was discussing with her fireplace. Giving him a chance to slide as quickly as his buckling knees allowed him towards the door. Trying to keep into the shadows he managed it. He paused by the main entrance to hear Poppy from the office.
'Yes it's my shift with him. I need to go back I'll talk to you later'
He swore behind his teeth and quickly, but silently opened the door and walked to the hallway closing it softly behind him. His eyes fell to a large mirror upon the wall by his side. He caught a glimpse of himself and shivered. He was dressed in white pyjama tops and bottoms. Barefoot. His hair very long covering his shoulders and he was so thin he barely recognised himself.
oh dear Merlin ...look at me...
The thought of Poppy seeing that he was not in his bed and raising the alarm set his feeble legs into an impossibly quick pace as he stormed out to the hallways. Not minding so much if anybody saw him. Now that he was out of the infirmary he didn't opt for care, because the alarm was going to be raised soon. He opted for speed. He needed to reach the doors as soon as possible and get out of here before they either found him, or his body failed him.
He run down the corridor. His hand still bleeding. Looking behind his back. His waving hair obstructing his view. Wondering what day it was, what hour it was, what chances of students or Professors seeing him running all over the castle like the living dead. He trotted fast his breath speeding up, but his heart steady and free of pain. Whatever they had been doing in that infirmary had taken care of that problem for him. If only temporarily. He didn't mind. His heart could do all the collapsing it wanted when he got out of here. Inside this place it was simply not allowed to do so.
He felt tired, tired to the bone of having to run. He run in the real world to escape people, and he run inside his dreams to escape himself. He just needed to stop for a moment and enjoy...
the moon...
He stopped abruptly and his hand kept him upright holding upon the railing of the staircase. The ghost of Nearly Headless Nick turned around to him, carelessly, but upon seeing him it floated above him mute for many seconds.
'Oh my! Snape?!' he cried and pointed at him. At the same moment Severus felt the wards being triggered. From Poppy and the ghost at the same time. They were silent to his ears, but bright as the sun upon his magic. He felt the sounding of the alarm ring inside his body.
'Get the fuck out of the way' he hissed and darted through the ghost momentarily feeling cold.
After that he remembered little, but he felt clearly the gathering of his magical power. Slowly coming to him from the walls of the castle and through the floor as he summoned it. Freely without the use of the wand. Pure, clear blunt force. Which he intended to use and very soon, without any remorse whatsoever. If they tried to stop him he was going to blow this joint up to the air.
As his legs run weakly towards the main exit, he felt the power pooling at his feet. Following him and even though his body was enfeebled the force he felt inside was mighty. As mighty as it had always been and that gave him strength of heart. As he turned quickly down the main hallways that passed before the Great Hall's door and down the staircase to the exit he almost fell head on to Filch. The Caretaker of Hogwarts.
couldn't have gone more unnoticed...he thought idly.
'Professor!' the squib called as Severus pushed him roughly out of the way 'You mustn't be out of bed. You are not well. Headmistress!' the next call was not upon him, but upon the Head of the school and it was done with a fucking Sonorous.
Knowing full well that his only way out of here was going to be through brute force he pushed more. Calling on all the reserves of his magic. It was burning upon his feet. Waiting to be released. He felt weak and dangerous at the same moment. Scared and trapped, which were very very dangerous combinations for him. As he neared the staircase he saw the doors of the dining room opening up and the hall was stormed by people. He stopped midway and held his body up again by leaning upon the railings. He felt slightly out of breath and wondered if his luck with his heart was at it's ending. His hair covered most of his face, but one blazing eye pierced at the people in front of him. Oh, yes, he could recognise many of them.
Minerva, Pomona, Filius, Hagrid, Hooch were few of the people he recognised. Other faces registered, but he was too much in a hurry to sit around trying to see who they were. His hand tightened its grip upon the railing. His magic boiled near his feet, pushing to be released.
Minerva was the one that moved quickly towards him. All the others remaining behind. Most of them in clear sock.
apparently I was not expected...he almost laughed at his own thoughts fighting to keep his magic at bay.
'Severus please. What are you doing out of bed? You are not well...' she started saying.
'Don't come closer!' he warned and raised his hand towards her. His magic was oozing from his fingers. Deep purple and sparkling with the pressure of being controlled without a wand. Which was very difficult for a healthy wizard. More so for a wizard as ill and weakened as he was.
Minerva's eyes fell to his power and she paused not knowing what to do. She turned towards the rest of the Professors. One woman moved. He looked at her briefly. Her face was familiar but he couldn't make the appropriate connections. He turned towards Minerva.
'I said, don't move' he said again. The woman stopped a little behind Minerva. Both of them at a loss for action. He turned his head towards the main entrance. Locked as always. He was certain there were various wards upon it as well and that is when he felt the world shutting down for a blink of a second.
The sharp pain through his chest. The familiar signalling that he was on his way to another heart attack. He closed his eyes briefly and tightened his teeth.
'Severus you are not well. Please let's just be reasonable here. We don't mean any harm. We only want to help you. Please let us help you...' Minerva took a few steps closer and extending her hand.
He snapped his head towards her 'Don't you dare take another step!' he commanded. His baritone voice echoing upon the hallways. The purple power dripping through his fingers. Pooling at his legs. Gathered and tightened upon a bow like a magical arrow. Ready to be shot through the crowd. For better or for worse. Minerva must have read some part of his thoughts for she stopped again.
His lips twitched as the pain on his chest intensified. She was right. The bloody witch was right. He was not well and he needed to get the hell out of here. He looked behind her. The path was blocked by them all. Standing there gaping at him. He couldn't very well push through them could he and he didn't want any more victims from his power. He didn't want it directed to anyone living, better the castle itself. He looked towards the door again. Blocked magically and mechanically.
'I cannot allow you to leave in your condition Severus and you know this. No one is going to let you pass' she said and pointed behind her 'Please let's just talk about it' she said and offered him her hand.
He raised his head and his hair fell away from his face. He pierced her with his black eyes and raised his brow 'I have nothing to talk about with you, woman. With any of you' he said heavily.
He drew a deep breath which echoed in a dull pain this time. His heart was still giving him the chance to leave and he was going to use it. He placed his hand on the railing and pushed with strength. He flew above them and with that old knowhow of flying without a broom he landed three stories down lightly upon his feet. He straightened and walked quickly towards the door. It needed a small amount of try from him, but as he lifted his arms his force gathered to his hands. He opened them and the doors broke open with a loud eruption. Crashing upon their hinges. Wards melting to the ground useless. He flew out of the door and into the garden.
Fresh air...run...run away...
He pushed his body to the limits and using the rest of his magical resources he managed to make quite a run away from the main entrance. Trying to get away from the school. Trying to reach the main road and maybe find a way to hide into the forbidden forest. Find a way to get lost once again. Air whipped around him, whizzing about his ears. Rain fell upon his brow. His heart was giving him mild pains, but was still holding on as he run past the old willow tree and down the main road. He could see the gates from far away. He could reach them. There was nothing between him and the gates. He could get away and they were going to leave him alone.
Yes, they were, because he was tired of running. Just tired. He wanted to stop looking behind his back...he turned his head behind him. His wet hair sticking to his face, blocking his eyesight. He thought he saw no one behind him.
I deserve to stop running...I deserve to die alone and peaceful somewhere...
He breathed quickly through his mouth. His throat getting dry. His feet feeling cold as they plucked into the muddy waters. His pyjamas getting heavy around him. Lightning broke through the rainy darkness. He blinked panting and he placed his hand upon his chest. The pain in his heart numb, but still there.
No...he was going to make it this time. He was not going to collapse anywhere close to this school. Not again.
...A loud crash broke his momentum...
...The thunder crashed close to him. Upon somewhere within the Hogwarts vicinity most probably. The sound was deafening and the ground moved under his feet. He groaned and felt the old known sharp pain coursing through his chest and to his back. Making his lungs constrict. Making it difficult for him to breath.
again...
He stopped and placed his hand upon his chest. The water falling to his eyes, sliding down his cheeks and his chin. He drew few constricted breaths before feeling the world closing down and collapsing helplessly upon his knees. He panted and held his body upright by his hands. The mud felt cold and clammy under his palms. He could hear the rain falling all around him and the distant thunders echoing into the night. He could feel wet, cold and in pain. He could feel his body giving up.
His power unable to sustain him much longer had subsided back to the ground, from where it came when he had summoned it. Alone and unassisted he was even unable to keep his body upright with his arms. He felt them buckling and feeling repeated defeat he leaned on his elbows and lowered his head above the mud trying to find his breath. Trying to calm the pain in his heart. His body had failed him and he had been near the exit, but no closer to freedom than he had been before falling senseless out there for the first time.
The closer he had been to any kind of freedom was inside his mind when the pet of Tom came near his foot. Were it would have been able to strike him again and kill him on the spot. He had avoided that by falling into the lake, which caused him to wake up to the real world. To being trapped again inside a feeble and useless body that was unable to do anything for him.
way to go Severus...
He shook his head and felt like laughing like a maniac, but he couldn't. He had not breath left. That is when a soft melodic voice spoke next to him.
'Everything is going to be alright. Please Professor...' she spoke to him pleadingly.
He shivered hard for he knew that voice very well. He remembered it as clearly as when he first heard it inside his mind. Waking him up from his limbo. It was the woman that had been talking to him when he was asleep. Right there inside his pain and his inability to breathe, Inside his desperation to flee and inside his body's uselessness to obey him, another need arose. More pressing than all the rest. The need to see the face that belonged to that melodic voice. The need to recognise the woman. He turned his tired head to her direction. His eyes got covered with his wet hair. He saw her face inches from his. Her hand was upon his arm, but he didn't feel it. He only saw her eyes. Her brown eyes and her wet hair that sticking upon her cheeks. She was the woman that stood behind Minerva back there. He knew her didn't he?...
I can't...remember...
He winced and closed his eyes feeling the pain shearing his chest. A soft groan came from his lips and he opened his eyes again. He concentrated on the woman that narrated to him stories... 'It's you...' he barely managed to breathe out to her. He saw her face confused for a moment and then nothing. For darkness came once more upon him.
******...*******
******...*********