A/N: Only one more chapter to go after this! Can you imagine that? I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as the previous ones! Please leave me a review to let me know whether you loved or hated it and why. To all those who have been following, reviewing and reading: you guys are the best!

Disclaimer: Even after all this time, I own nothing.

Chapter twelve

Hey! Don't listen to a word I say.
Hey! The screams all sound the same.
Hey! Though the truth may vary this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.

A dark kitchen wasn't the most suitable place to discuss another one of Arthur's recurring nightmares. Nor was the timing ideal. There were only a few hours left of the night; the both of them should use them to rest. Merlin had an early shift in the hospital and Arthur needed to work as well.

But Arthur had woken up panting in their bed, and Merlin had immediately been up as well. He'd succeeded in calming Arthur down a little, but because the other man hadn't been able to fall back sleep they'd ended up coming downstairs for a cup of chamomile tea. Of course there had also been the prospect of talking about whatever it was that had woken Arthur up, which the blond had been keen to do.

And that was why Merlin was blowing on his tea gently while he waited for Arthur to start speaking. There was no point in pushing him, and Merlin wouldn't feel comfortable doing that at any rate. He'd grown a lot less curious over the years, having found that not wanting to know things was a very effective way of getting hurt less frequently. Of course the only exception to that rule was Arthur.

"Do you remember the time I killed the unicorn? Anhora punished me for it, and I was such a dollop head I didn't even realise until it was almost too late. I only know the man's name because you mentioned it in my dream, by the way. Anyway, when I figured it out you refused to let me go to the maze myself. You went with me because you were convinced I might need your help," Arthur said, not looking at Merlin.

Merlin lifted his cup to drink from the still too hit liquid in order to buy himself some time. So that was the memory that was plaguing Arthur tonight. It was odd that he should be so affected by it, as he'd come out of the entire situation unharmed, as had Merlin. Or perhaps, it wasn't at all odd for a reason Merlin hadn't quite seen yet. There were worse memories to be dealing with for sure, despite this not being the easiest out of the entire bunch either.

"I do remember it, quite vividly I might add. I can quite honestly say you never scared me as badly as you did back then despite for the day you actually died. I could have strangled you if I hadn't been so happy you were still alive," Merlin said, his voice sounding harsher than he'd intended.

Arthur hopped up onto the kitchen cabinet he'd been leaning against until then, his legs dangling rhythmically. It reminded Merlin of the way Arthur had dangled his feet whenever he was waiting for Merlin to tend to his horse, sitting on the wooden fencing to watch his servant and later boyfriend.

"I've been dreaming about that day a lot as of late. But there's a few things I don't understand, images that don't quite make sense to me. The emotions are too mixed up to sort through as well. The strongest one seems to be fear, fear for you. And that doesn't make sense because you never drank from the goblet," Arthur said.

It made sense that Arthur was struggling to piece the flashes of what had happened together, it was what any sane person would do. And the emotions he was trying to sort through would have been hard to disentangle for anyone, let alone someone who wasn't even a year into accepting he was a mythical King come back to life. Merlin was proud Arthur was dealing with it all so well.

"What's the image you see right before you get scared? Are we entering the maze? Are you talking to Anhora? Start at the moment the fear sets in and we'll move from there. I'm sure we'll manage to figure it out somehow," Merlin soothed, stepping in between Arthur's legs to be closer to the man.

Arthur spoke without hesitation, which Merlin was glad about. It meant that at least the start of the conversation would be easy. Gradually moving into more difficult territory was always better; it was less frustrating than tumbling over your words from the start.

"We're sitting at that table. Both of us are staring at the goblets, fully aware one of them contains poison and we can each only drink from one goblet. Anhora is standing by, waiting for us to decide which goblet will be your and which one will be mine. His gaze feels… heavy, for lack of better word," Arthur said.

Merlin knew exactly what Arthur meant. The weight of Anhora's gaze had been almost physical, like the white-haired man was doing his best to immobilise them and make them think this through even further. The thought had been disturbing, as it had seemed he had preference as to who should drink the poison and it had nothing to do with wanting to see that Arthur's heart was pure.

"And you're scared for me at that point? Don't you think that might be because you were afraid the poison was in my goblet? You always valued your subjects' lives higher than your own, that just the king you were. And I was your subject and your manservant. It makes sense if you think about it," Merlin said, refraining from pinching the bridge of his nose in something close to despair, albeit barely.

Why hadn't Arthur been able to figure that out on his own? He wasn't stupid, and there was nothing wrong with his ability to think rationally. So why on earth were they discussing this at what was probably the most ungodly hour if the night while they should both be sleeping peacefully for a few more hours? He loved Arthur, but the man could be as infuriating as ever this time around.

"No, it's not that. I've been thinking about it, and I realised that that was how it looked to you back then. But the truth is a little more complicated. I was already in love with you by then. I wasn't just afraid of losing my manservant or even my friend. I was afraid of losing the one who'd stolen my heart," Arthur said, all the while shaking his head to emphasise the negotiation he'd just used.

Merlin gasped, his hand coming up to cover his mouth and his heart stopping in his chest. He and Arthur hadn't gotten together until a year after that. He never known the King loved him already when all of that had happened. If he had, he wouldn't have hesitated to tell Arthur his feelings were returned. Instead, he'd waited twelve more months until Arthur had cornered and kissed him to admit that.

"Why didn't you say anything? I thought I was the only one who felt that way until you showed me otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I loved every day we had together. I just don't understand why you waited. You weren't insecure when you kissed me that first time," Merlin gently pointed out, his hand landing on Arthur's thigh.

"I wanted to, but when I woke up you looked so angry and lost that I figured that even though you were grateful for my not dying, you felt nothing but friendship. It wasn't until I fell ill and you held my hand and wiped my brow every time I threw up that I realised you were in love with me as well," Arthur admitted, blushing a little.

Merlin could easily understand that. He had been very careful to hide the true extent of his feelings for Arthur because Uther would have had his head for it and because Arthur always looked at the women at the court; he hadn't thought he stood a chance. And Arthur hadn't done anything to convince him of the contrary.

"I was angry because Anhora had dared risk the life of someone I loved more than life itself. I looked lost because it took you hours to wake up, and even as you were regaining consciousness the potion Anhora had used was preventing you from breathing properly. We actually thought you might die despite that not having been Anhora's wish. It had absolutely nothing to do with me not being in love with you yet," Merlin said, his voice soft and trembling a little. His entire body was shivering too.

Arthur began to rub his arms, making Merlin feel warmer again. He was grateful for it, as the touch helped to ground him as well. He shifted his hands to Arthur's knees in order to gain some more physical support. His head was spinning a little, making him feel like he was about to fall.

"Gosh, I feel like a total idiot. Or a dollop head or a prat or whatever you used to call me. I was always ready to try to get someone's attention, I never feared being rejected. But every time I was close to telling you how I felt, I told myself everything was different with you. You were my friend and I couldn't lose you. I now realise I wouldn't have lost you even if you weren't interested in me in that way. We were too close already to let that happen," Arthur said, the regret audible in his voice.

Merlin pushed forward, hugging Arthur tightly. This was also a big part of the reason Arthur found it difficult to sleep and the nightmare kept coming back. Arthur was feeling guilty about not being brave enough to admit he was in love with Merlin sooner. Merlin hoped he had the right tools to make him feel less guilty. If not, it might take Arthur months to shake the feeling.

"Arthur, we changed so much in the year between you realising you loved me and the moment our relationship actually began. We both learnt so much in those months, experienced things that changed us. Gaius nearly died, Nimueh started causing trouble, we faced an afanc together… We weren't the same people we'd been when we met or even when we fell in love. If we'd began our relationship any sooner, it probably wouldn't have lasted. Being forced to behave as master and servant whenever anyone was around would have made it difficult to accept we were more than that in private. You having to lie to your father would have caused arguments between us we probably wouldn't have been able to deal with at that time. We were stronger when we finally got together and that's why we worked," Merlin smiled at him.

It was the truth. Merlin had seen even more instances where Arthur's clemency and kindness had shone through, he'd seen the man stand up to his father enough times to realise they were as different as they could have been and he'd finally accepted their love was as pure as the love between a man and a woman, it was just a little different. If he hadn't known and experienced all that, he would have been too scared to accept Arthur's kiss or the fact their relationship could happen if they wanted it to.

Arthur's face lit up at his words and the blond hopped of the counter. Merlin grinned at his antics, propping the man up securely. It wasn't often that Arthur did things like that, as he didn't think Merlin's lanky frame hid enough muscle to let him. However, Merlin enjoyed those moments greatly. They were indications Arthur was beginning to trust his physical and mental strength even more.

It didn't last long, though, because Arthur slid down onto his own two feet after a few seconds. The blond immediately didn't let go of Merlin, however, pressing a kiss to Merlin's lips as soon as they were flush together. Merlin linked his hands behind Arthur's neck to further the contact, even if it wasn't really possible anymore. There was absolutely no space between them anymore already.

"We should back to bed. We'll all have loads of people depending on us tomorrow, we can't afford to make mistakes. It wouldn't go over well if you mixed up the patients medication or I forgot to feed one of the children or something of the likes. Will you let me carry you upstairs?" Arthur question, the hopeful look in his eyes not lost on Merlin.

Arthur loved to do that, he even tried to keep Merlin up late enough so the raven-haired man would fall asleep on the couch and he would have an excuse for it. Not that Arthur needed one; Merlin was happy to let his lover carry him wherever and whenever he wanted to. And he was sure that Arthur would let him do the same in a little while.

"You know I always say yes when you ask me that. You shouldn't bother anymore," Merlin grinned, lifting his hands. The invitation was as clear as his words had been, and Arthur didn't hesitate any longer.

Merlin rested his head on Arthur shoulder as soon as he felt his feet leave the ground. He burrowed in even further when Arthur settled him just right in his arms, pressing his lips to the blond man's jawline as they climbed the stairs like that. Arthur tightened his arms around him when he did that, showing Merlin his appreciation for the gesture.

Merlin magically made the door swing shut when they entered the bedroom, not wanting Arthur to let go of him until there really was no choice. But still he was deposited on the bed all too soon.

Fortunately, Arthur slid in beside him straight away. He plastered himself to the blond immediately, his head ending up on Arthur's chest. He liked listening to the man's heart beat, and Arthur hardly ever slept on his back. In fact, he only did that if Merlin curled up with him like that before they fell asleep. It was adorable beyond belief.

When Arthur's hand came up to card through his hair, Merlin closed his eyes. The days had become slightly less adventurous as of late as Arthur had learnt how to face and deal with the things that brought up memories of Camelot and his friends from those days in broad daylight. But the nights were still rather eventful, which meant they both had to make do with fewer hours of sleep than before. But Merlin wouldn't have Arthur sleep in the guestroom for that reason; he liked having him close too much to do that.

"I really hope the nightmares and dreams will stop soon. There should be a way to deal with all of this at more appropriate hours," Arthur grumbled lightly from behind him. Merlin knew it was because he was angry at himself for having this happen so often, so he didn't even open his eyes as he replied.

"They will stop when it's time for them to. There's nothing for it, it's just the way it is. My magic won't help, I told you that already. None of my books deal with anything like this, you're a one of a kind case. And if I had a way to make this easier on you, then I would do it. You deserve to get reacquainted with your past without the nasty side effects. But that's just the way it is," Merlin gently reminded his, at the same time nuzzling closer to Arthur as he prepared to fall asleep.

Arthur sighed but didn't speak, telling Merlin he was too tired to continue this conversation for much longer as well. Arthur had had even less sleep as of late than Merlin, since the nightmares hadn't always been violent enough to make Arthur wriggle the way he'd done tonight and the dreams never affected Arthur in this way.

"I know. Let's just sleep for now, okay? We can talk some more about this later. Preferably when we're bored out of our minds and don't have anything else to do. Which won't be happening anytime soon, as we've both got crazy schedules this week and my parents want us over this weekend. I don't think we'll have much time to ourselves for the next ten days," Arthur groaned, although Merlin could see the smile the mention of his parents had brought to his face even through his half-closed eyelids before they fluttered completely closed again.

As Merlin had thought, Arthur was the one to fall victim to sleep first. His breathing evened out quickly, and his hand tumbled from Merlin's hair. Merlin was glad for that, because Arthur might have pulled his hair in his sleep else, and that would have been painful. And he wouldn't have had the heart to risk waking the man up to remove the hand himself.

Despite the fatigue he was feeling, it took Merlin a little longer to fall asleep. He kept replaying as many of his own memories as possible in order to find out at which other times Artur had been close to telling him he was in love with him. There were more than a few that seemed likely, but he might be seeing things that hadn't been there because of the conversation they'd just had.

Therefore, he pushed all of his recollections of his time in Camelot to the back of his mind. It wouldn't do to start dreaming himself, Arthur would think it was all his fault. And even if that was partially true, Merlin didn't want that to happen. It would only prove to be yet another obstacle on their path.

Merlin instead focused on the soft, steady beating of Arthur's heart beneath his ear. The rhythm of it was soothing, allowing him to relax completely. His breathing also grew to match Arthur's, their chests rising and falling at the same time.

Merlin didn't really notice that anymore, though. He was slipping into his own fitful sleep too quickly too. The darkness drew him in, and there was not a single bone on his body that thought about fighting it. He would take whatever sleep that came at the moment. There was no telling when he'd get his first uninterrupted night of it again, after all.

But with his head pillowed on Arthur's chest the last thought to pass through his mind before he really did fall asleep was that it didn't matter. Being with Arthur was worth all the trouble and sleepless nights in the world.