Chapter 12: Questions and Answers

Monday: Sia returns to the library, and things return to normal. Until Loki returns in the evening to discuss the Tarot reading.

Suggested music: "Her Eyes are Closing", from the soundtrack to "Dangerous Liaisons", composed by George Fenton.

Notes:

If you have not seen it, I highly recommend watching "Les Liaisons Dangereuses", the 1988 version with Glenn Close and John Malkovich. Better yet, read the book. Watch Malkovich closely during the Vicomte de Valmont's encounters with Madame de Tourvel during the visit to Madame du Rosemonde's estate. Those were my inspiration for the last scene in this chapter. Except that, unlike the Vicomte, Prince Loki is not a narcissistic psychopath.

Sóldís appeared at her usual time. Erik delivered the coffee tray, bowed, and silently took his leave.

Sóldís poured coffee, then parked me at the dressing table.

"How are you feeling today, Sóldís?" I was happy to have her back.

"I'm fine, Lady Sia, Thank you." She answered somewhat absently, concentrating on taming my hair.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me, Sóldís. You were very kind to sit up with me so late on Saturday night, and then get up early to bring me breakfast on Sunday. I am glad you allowed yourself to rest the remainder of the day."

"You are welcome, Lady Sia. My job is to take care of you. And Margot was happy to take care of you on Sunday."

It had seemed plenty late to me. Perhaps she has raised children, so being up all night with someone who is unwell is not a challenge for her.

"It was fortunate that you set the table for two. Prince Thor came by to check on me, and stayed for breakfast."

Sóldís paused in her braiding, and looked at me in the mirror. "Lady Sia, I did not know you would have company. I instructed Margot to set breakfast for one."

"Oh, no, Sóldís! There were two places set, and enough coffee and food for two."

Sóldís shook her head. "Well, I was tired. Perhaps I did set for two. I must have made a lucky guess about Prince Thor joining you that morning."

"You are so good at what you do, Sóldís!" I smiled brightly at her in the mirror.

"Thank you, my lady." She resumed braiding my hair, focusing on her work.

I stared into the mirror, and wondered what had really happened. Sóldís would not have forgotten about setting an extra place at the table. Thor had said he had seen Sóldís in the hallway outside my chamber.

An answer formed in the back of my mind. An answer that made me quite nervous.

Returning to the library created a sense of homecoming. So much had happened since I'd last been here, but it had been only two days. I was glad to be safely among the books, away from princes and schemes and fever dreams.

Another stack of books was waiting for me on the work table. Another linen card was just visible at the edge of the top book in the stack.

Dear Lady Sia:

I hope you are feeling better today. These may prove relevant to our earlier discussion.

L.

The angular handwriting was an intriguing form, almost abstract art of its own design. I wondered what a graphologist would make of it. Perhaps, for fun, I would have it analyzed when I returned to Midgard.

The reminder that I had only one week left to complete my work pulled me back to the present moment. I sat down at the table, uncapped my pen, and opened the first book.

I barely noticed when Sóldís and Erik arrived at 1:00, and then again at 4:00. I took a short break both times to graze, but the ticking of the clock weighed heavily on me, and I did not want to spend any time away from the books.

I set down my pen to pick up the next book, and watched as the pen rolled off the edge of the table and land with a quiet thud on the carpet. Grateful for the deep pile cradling the pen, I dove under the table to retrieve the pen. I noticed that the work table actually had a drawer on the other side. I picked up the pen, crawled out from under the table, and went to the other side.

This isn't really my desk. I shouldn't pry.

But no one else uses it. The drawer is likely empty.

I took a deep breath, opened the drawer, and saw a book. I quickly pulled out the book, and closed the drawer.

Returning to my chair, I examined the book. Leather-bound and embossed, like all the other books in the library, and bearing the title "The History of that Most Noble Vegetable, The Turnip, With Illustrations, Volume III." I tried to imagine who would write a three volume illustrated history of a root vegetable, and why this volume was hidden away.

Out of curiosity at finding such an unusual volume in the royal library, I opened the book, and a plain linen card fell out.

I took a deep breath, and turned over the card to read it.

L:

Thank you. I cannot tell you how much this means to me. Protecting Siegfried is all that matters to me now. I shall miss our talks, and I hope you find a friend who can remain at your side.

B.

I had no doubt as to the identities of "L" and "B". But who is Siegfried?

The father of Berthe's child.

But who is he? Why does he need to be protected? Why is it better for Berthe to be the Prince's discarded mistress than to publicly declare the father of her child?

Because Siegfried is married to someone else.

Sometimes, Sia, you are a genius.

It was perfect. Berthe needs to disguise the identity of the real father of her child. Who better to blame than Loki?

Brilliant.

Berthe must have made quite the impression for Loki to agreeing to participate in such a ruse for her.

You are plenty smart, Sia. But you are mortal. And even if you were not, you have no time for this.

Right. Back to work.

I tucked the note into my bag, and set the book back on the table. The book could be re-shelved, and the note should definitely not be left in it for someone else to find.

I picked up the next book in my stack, and resumed work.

Sóldís and Erik had brought tea and soup to my suite. I was too tired to do more, and certainly was not up for being a lively guest at table. I assured Sóldís that I was happy to see her, happy that she was feeling better, and that truly, I required nothing further. She withdrew reluctantly, followed by Erik.

I drank the tea, grateful for the quiet surrounding me.

Mentally exhausted from the long day, I decided to meditate to quiet my brain and restore some internal balance. I pulled one of the candles onto the table, focused my eyes on it, and began my breathing routine.

Breathing, focusing on the candle, I allowed my mind to empty itself of thought, to release the whirl of ideas and information which filled it, to become still.

Continuing to look at the candle, I willed the flame to rise and fall with my breathing. Slow, slow, fast, slow, slow, fast, fast, slow.

"That's impressive, Sia. Where did you learn to do that?"

I jumped at the sound of Loki's voice—out of my skin, then out of my chair.

"Prince Loki! How did you get in here? Why didn't you knock?" I was confused, certain I'd locked the door.

"I did knock, Sia, but you didn't answer. Knowing that you've been ill, I was concerned, so I let myself door was unlocked, so I didn't think you would mind." Loki's voice was soothing and smooth.

"I—I thought I'd locked it when Sóldís left." I was sure I had locked it. What if Loki had a key? That would be . . . disconcerting.

"I promise you, Sia, I used no magic. The door was unlocked." Loki looked at me, worry in his eyes.

"Thank you for the reassurance, Prince Loki." I sat down, and tried to steady my breath. I did not feel reassured, not in the slightest.

"You are welcome, Sia. I would never intrude on you." Loki gestured at the other chair. "May I?"

"Please. Be comfortable." My breath was calm and even, allowing my voice to be calm and even, even if that was not what I was feeling.

"Sia, really—where did you learn to do that? I've never met a Midgardian who did such things." A bit of a smile played about his lips.

"I taught myself. One day when I was meditating, I just started doing it. So now it's part of my practice." I'd never really thought about it before.

"Sia, what magic do you practice?" Loki leaned forward.

"I don't practice magic, Prince Loki. I meditate. I breathe. But I don't practice magic the way it's done in Asgard." I was the least magical person I knew. "I have friends who are ceremonial magicians, who do spells and incantations. But that's not my thing."

"But Sia, you obviously have some magic—or you couldn't make the candle flame follow your breath." Loki was smiling.

"If you say so, Loki. It's just meditation."

"Sia, you move the flame with your mind. That's magic. Basic magic, but magic nonetheless."

I looked at him. It hadn't really occurred to me. It was just something I did.

"Sia, I can teach you more. As a mortal, you can not do all a god can do. But I can teach you how to use the powers you have." Loki looked at me with a peculiar intensity.

I held my breath. Loki is offering to teach me magic.

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't think you could do it."

I sat up straighter. "Very well, then, Loki. I wish to learn magic from you." Why not? How often will I have this chance?

"Excellent, Sia. First, do whatever you were doing when you were moving the candle flame. When you start moving it again, I'll talk you through the next task."

I closed my eyes, started the breath cycle, and began to quiet my mind.

I opened my eyes, and began moving the candle flame.

"Good start, Sia. Now, I want you to shape the flame as well as making it taller. Put it into the shape of a triangle." Loki's voice came from behind me. I couldn't see him, but I could sense him.

I focused on the flame, imposing the outline of a triangle on it. I saw the triangle rise as the flame filled it, then contract as the flame fell when I exhaled.

"Well done, Sia! Keep doing that. Keep the flame in the triangle, and make it taller with each breath. Don't let it contract; keep it steady, then larger each time."

I returned to my breathing, and focusing on the flame. With each inhalation, it rose higher as a triangle; with each exhalation, it kept its size.

"Now, invert the triangle, and keep it the same size."

I inverted the triangle, and kept breathing.

I'm doing this. I'm actually doing this!

"Good, Sia. Now, close your eyes."

I closed my eyes. I sensed Loki moving.

"Now, open your eyes, and look at the fire."

Loki had placed the candle on the hearth. The candle flame was still burning as an inverted triangle.

"Merge the candle flame with the fire, and make the fire the same size and shape."

I hesitated. A candle flame was one thing, but a whole fire? Well, why not?

I focused on the candle, and pulled the flame from the wick and floated it into the fireplace.

So far, so good.

Fitting the fire into the candle flame was more of a challenge than I expected. I fit one side in, and it leapt out the top. I quickly pulled it back down to avoid lighting the chimney on fire.

"Relax. Breathe. Try again." Loki's voice was even, but filled with excitement.

Keeping the candle flame floating in front of the fire, I tried again. Bit by bit, the fire fit into the inverted triangle of the free-floating candle flame.

"Are you well, Sia? Do you want to try more? We can stop if you are tiring." Loki's encouragement was palpable.

"Loki, let's keep going!" I am learning magic. I can move flame.

"Float the flame to the candle on the mantle, and light it."

I found it quite easy to do so.

"Good. Now, keep that candle lit, and move the fire back to the fireplace and restore it to its original size."

Split attention. Okay. I can do this.

I saw the fire from the fireplace in the candle flame. I created an upright triangle next to the candle, and moved the fire into it, then moved the triangle back to the fireplace. The fire sprang up almost instantly.

"Well done, Sia!" Loki exclaimed with genuine admiration. "Well done!"

I released the fire back to the fireplace, and floated the empty triangle to the hearth, setting it gently on the stones.

I sat back in my chair, and closed my eyes. So exhilarating! So exhausting!

When I opened my eyes, Loki was in the other chair, regarding me with curiosity and—something. Pride? Glee?

"Sia, that was amazing. You just did in a few minutes what takes many people months to master."

"Oh. Really?" I blinked. How could that be?

"Really, Sia. I've never seen anyone move through those steps so quickly."

"Thank you for showing me, Loki. That was quite a surprise."

"Sia, you have a talent. I would like to see you develop it."

"Thank you, Loki. I would like to learn more."

"I would willingly teach you, Sia. It would be my pleasure." No cooing, no crooning—just a statement of fact.

"Thank you, Loki. I would willingly learn from you."

We both regarded the fire, and the triangle floating in front of it.

"Let the triangle go, Sia. It has done its work for tonight."

I exhaled, and the triangle on the hearth shimmered and disappeared.

We sat in silence, watching the flames dance.

"Loki, why did you come here tonight?" I remembered that we hadn't actually talked about why he was here. He couldn't have had any idea that he would end up teaching me fire magic.

"I was worried, Sia, knowing you had been ill. I wanted to see if you needed anything." Loki stared into the fire, avoiding my gaze.

"Loki, was that really it? Or is there something else? I was at the library today, you know I am well now."

Loki paused. "Sia, I have been thinking all day about the reading you did for me last night. I was hoping we could talk about it."

"Yes, we can talk about it." I stiffened. The reading is about him, Sia. Not about you. Let it go.

"The Star card, followed by the Queen of Wands. The one I said I did not know who it might represent." Loki continued staring at the fire, not looking at me.

"Yes? Have you figured out who she might be?"

"I hadn't, and I was going to ask for a clarification card. But now, now I know."

Loki turned.

"That's you, Sia."

My mind reeled. Me? I caught my breath. The Star was indeed my soul card, the card representing my purpose in life. But not in this reading. It couldn't be me.

"Yes, Sia. You. You saw what you did with the flame. You moved it as you breathed in—inspiration—and also hope and healing, yes?"

I tried to focus on breathing, to still my mind.

"The Queen of Wands—is she not the Queen of fire? And did you not just do fire magic?"

"So it must be you."

Breathe, Sia. Breathe.

"I am flattered, Loki. But the Star is about deep healing, a soul healer—"

"Last night, after you read for me, I retired to my chamber, expecting my usual sleepless night. But I fell asleep easily, and dreamed of a blue-eyed swan, flying among the stars."

"The Star is you, Sia."

I could feel my heart pounding wildly under my robes, defying my efforts to calm myself.

"Loki, you ask a great deal of me. I am only a mortal woman." He needs a goddess, he needs a miracle. I'm not either of those things.

"Sia, you are! You may be in mortal form, but no mere mortal could do what you did tonight—not with such ease, not with such speed!"

Loki rose from his chair, and began pacing in front of the hearth.

"Sia, I wish to speak openly. Plainly. No gilding, no poetry. Just—words."

I nodded, still trying to breathe, still trying to calm myself.

"Sia, I know you are mortal. I know that, compared to mine, your life will be short."

I nodded. The subject of mortality had become a running theme of my visit to Asgard.

"But you are unlike any mortal I've ever met. And unlike most of the other kinds I have met in my travels through the Realms."

He paused in his pacing. "Growing up a prince, I had only one friend, Sia. My brother, Thor. But it has been a while—centuries—since he and I could be truly close."

I nodded.

"Sia, I may be a god, but even gods need companions." The loneliness in his eyes was an ocean of need.

"Sia, you are intelligent. You are also clever. And you are kind." Loki bowed his head, took a breath, and looked up again, directly into my eyes.

"I should like it very much if you might be my friend."

Friend? Well, Sia, what were you expecting?

"Your friend, Loki? I will do my best, but I am uncertain how to be a friend to a god." I felt myself return to my body, solid and bound by gravity.

"Simply be yourself, Sia. Allow me to spend time with you. Not as Prince Loki and my brother's guest, but simply Loki and Sia." His eyes were wet.

"We could talk about books. I could teach you magic. We could drink wine." His eyes were soft, his face open, expressing the vulnerability of his heart.

"Loki, thank you. I would like that. I will be your friend, and do my best to be a good friend." I rose.

"Thank you, Sia." Loki stepped closer, then swept me into an embrace.

Countless years, centuries of pain and loneliness washed over me. I thought of water, letting it flow through me, so it did not become part of me. So much heartache, more than a mortal body could hold.

Loki held me as the feelings continued to move through me. I caught flashes of events, fragments of conversations, moments out of his life, all going by at light speed, lingering, passing through me, and then moving on.

I held him, and let him hold me. All the lonely days and nights I'd spent in my life were nothing compared to the years of solitude he had experienced.

The last of the images flowed through me, and the room was still.

"Thank you, Sia." Loki relaxed, and pulled back a bit.

"Thank you, Loki." I stepped back as well.

"It's late. I should let you rest." Loki withdrew more into himself.

"It's late, but I don't mind." Don't pull away. Let me be your friend. Let yourself be free here.

"Thank you, Sia. For the reading. For the conversation. For everything." His smile was genuine, his eyes still soft.

"If I stay, neither of us will rest, Sia. We will talk until dawn! I want you to be fully well! But perhaps—perhaps tomorrow night I could visit for a while?" He looked at me with eyes full of hope.

"I would like that, Loki. We can drink wine, and talk about books." I smiled with all the warmth in my heart.

"Thank you, Sia. That will be lovely."

"I will see you tomorrow night, Loki."

"Thank you, Sia." Loki leaned close, and kissed me on the forehead.

"Goodnight, my friend." He smiled down at me.

"Goodnight, my friend." I returned the smile.

He turned and left the room.

I fell into a chair and cried. That much pain, sorrow, and grief was more than one person could bear in several lifetimes. I had to let it out so it would not become my pain.