WOLVES OF ARCANUS

(Arc Two: New Beginnings)

CHAPTER 12: This is harder than when I chased omegas!

For Ulysses Feral, the magic lessons he was forced to endure weren't going well, leaving Kam to deal with the brunt of his mate's ire on those bad days, which were, unfortunately, far too many. It didn't help the tom's temper to see Jake having fewer difficulties using his own brand of magic but then it was a far different type of magic altogether than his own.

Until he got a handle on using his magic, Ulysses was a danger to himself and his crew mates which made the members of the Wizard's Sept very concerned. It was taking a lot of energy on their part to keep the Kat's volatile energies safely bottled up whenever Feral wasn't inside the controlled environment of the work room. It was particularly worrisome when Feral's anger and frustration at having to learn magic in the first place would explode in the form of temper tantrums. These tantrums would spike the energy levels to such a degree that it took several wizards working in concert to keep them from escaping into the crew population. But they never told Ulysses as that would only exasperate his already foul mood. Since his lessons were always spiked with heavy waves of resentment, especially on days when things were going really bad for him, it created a lot of work for the wizards, much to the captain's concern.

"I understand his feelings about suddenly discovering a talent he truly hates, but he has no choice and if it is necessary to get his cooperation, I will have a stern talk with him," Captain Ing told his Chief Wizard bluntly on a recent update meeting.

"I must caution you against such an action, sir," Star said, shaking his head, worry in his eyes. Ing gave the wolf a questioning frown. Star sighed. "Ulysses would react poorly to your interference, sir, and be even more difficult to manage. I sense things will change soon and it will no longer be an issue. Please have patience."

Ing eyed Star intently. "Something your inner eye has told you, hmm?" Star veiled his eyes and said nothing. Ing knew better than to press the wizard for an answer when it dealt in that area. "Very well. I bow to your expertise in this matter. However, if he ever becomes a threat to this ship and crew..."

"I will inform you immediately, sir," Star reassured him. Ing nodded and dismissed him. As he made his way back to the Wizard quarters, Star sighed to himself. "Please hold it together young one...things will get better," he murmured to himself then winced. Apparently, Feral was having another bad day if the energy wave he was feeling was any indication.

He was right, Feral was having a not so great day. On some lessons, Ulysses and Jake were required to train together for the purpose of learning to work magic in a group situation, today was one of those days.

It was vitally important the pair learn with each other first before they were ever allowed to work with the whole Sept at once for, if they couldn't mesh their energies with each other, then they certainly couldn't be allowed to do any major workings with the full complement of the Sept, which sometimes was necessary to protect the ship.

The lesson on this late afternoon, based on ship time (something all three of them were still having issues with), Feral was supposed to use his flame energy to provide power for one of Jake's unique inventions...one of his first using his own special magical skills. The small tom was already well on his way to being an exceptional techno-mage, but Feral was seriously lagging behind in managing his own type of volatile magic which was the use of fire in its many forms.

Feral wasn't jealous of Jake's abilities, not really, though he was a bit miffed the tom was having a much easier time of learning how to use techno-mage abilities than Feral was with his flame generated ones. He did try very hard to ignore those feelings of inadequacy but too often they got the better of him and it showed in his continuing failure to make his fire abilities do what he wanted them to do.

Getting annoyed with the tom but trying to hide it, Jake attempted to help Feral do the exercise. "Just focus on that small hole there and send a tiny burst of energy into it," he suggested, lightly.

Frowning in concentration, his body tense and thoroughly pissed at his inability to do such a simple task, Feral was sweating bullets, had a headache that made his face muscles tight, and was quickly losing patience with the whole business.

Trying to picture the fire as sort of an entity that he needed to transfer to the construct (as his instructor, Lytol (a ferret-like being), kept drumming into his head), was proving extremely difficult for him to accomplish. The main reason was his apparent inability to picture his fire as an entity he could see and move. Just the idea of thinking of fire as some kind of thing, sounded ridiculous.

It was probably due to his not having much of in imagination when it came to coming up with fanciful images of impossible things...he was beginning to think. But whatever the reason, he just couldn't come up with an image which meant he couldn't send anything toward the construct because he had to maintain some kind of image to do just that. It was maddening and frustrating to the extreme.

So, he spent a lot of time setting fire to the outside of most of the things he was supposed to supply power to. In this instance, the image of fire which never really worked well for him, failed to hold together (of course) and he ended up setting fire to his own clothing (again). Frustrated, he stood still as Lytol extinguished the flames with a quick gesture of his paw.

Because of the volatile energy he was attempting to manipulate, he had taken to wearing a fireproof g-suit that had been made for him because he got tired of finishing the lesson mostly naked. Interesting enough, to him anyway, despite using using such flammable energy, he never burned himself. But, Lytol explained that ones own energy could never harm the one casting it. Made sense...sort of. He sighed and they began again.

This time, his efforts got the flame or energy to the device but set the whole thing on fire instead of making it run (another failure).

Jake sighed, disgust and annoyance in his eyes, as he easily made his device, now flaming like a nova, simply vanish with a similar gesture as Lytol's.

That easy use of magic that he still hadn't mastered, set Feral's temper off. But instead of taking his fury out on the small tom, he held himself in control and about faced, stalking to the heavy door, opening it and stepping through. Shutting it behind him firmly, he then stormed off down the corridor.

"Just like him to lose his temper when we still have an hour left of this to do," Jake muttered, annoyed at the waste of training time.

Lytol eyed the small Kat disapprovingly. Though the face was difficult at times to read what emotion was being displayed, Jake had learned to discern the ferret-like creature's expressions from his orientation class on how to work with other species. So, with a fair degree of accuracy, he knew his instructor wasn't happy with him right now.

Jake had the good grace to cast his eyes down and look sheepish.

"It is not in Ulysses' nature to accept the unusual. He was taught that such things were impossible, only to learn in his military career, such beliefs were inaccurate. Though he did eventually accept the fact magic was possible and act accordingly, it does not mean his earlier training from when he was very young wouldn't still affect his way of thinking. It can only have been true horror for him then, to learn he too could do magic. However, as you have plainly witnessed that fact does not make it any more palatable for him than it did you when you discovered the same truth. The only difference here is you have a more flexible mind set than he which allows you to move forward and accept what you cannot change. Since he is inflexible, Ulysses' self esteem and sense of self have been threatened and it will take much time for him to come to terms with what he is. It does not help him for you to belittle his efforts as you once did when you were adversaries. Such behavior cannot be allowed among our Sept. Harmony must be attained for the good of all!" Lytol intoned solemnly.

Jake felt really small at that moment. "I...sorry, Lytol, I hadn't thought of it that way."

Lytol nodded. "Perhaps another hour of spell work is in order to remind you of why you are doing this..."

Jake worked hard to hide his dismay and upset but he succeeded, bowed his head in obedience and set to work again. There was a project he had wanted to return to quickly but realized this was a form of punishment for his rudeness and impatience toward Feral and his failure to learn cooperation. Lytol was right, he was behaving toward Feral the way he always had...this had to change for the good of all.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Meanwhile, a furious Feral stalked angrily toward his and Kam's quarters. Fortunately, his advanced computer class wasn't for an hour yet so he had time to cool off first.

He reached his quarters and was surprised to find Kam there. Normally the wolf would be very busy in the gym or security but here he was laying on the couch reading a book. Kam eyed his mate then checked his watch before returning his eyes back to Ulysses questioningly.

"Released early?" He asked, hopefully, but knew the look on his mate's face said otherwise.

"No!" Feral barked then began to pace back and forth.

Sighing, Kam laid his book down and sat up.

"So, things didn't go well in class..." He left the sentence hanging and waited for his mate to respond.

"I just don't see the reason I need to learn magic and why I cannot have it blocked or something. I don't care if it is some latent gift. To me it is a nightmare," Ulysses ranted.

"Ulysses..." Kam said, voice showing a bit of disappointment in it. His mate ignored him and didn't stop pacing nor looked his way.

Sighing, the wolf stood up, then stepped in front of his Kat mate, forcing the male to halt in his tracks. Tipping the tom's head up with one finger, he stared into the militant gold eyes and said firmly, "Ulysses, you have a gift, one that you cannot ignore or wish away. You must learn to think of it as nothing more than a tool just like all the other tools you used back in Megakat City. Yes, it is odd and a bit uncomfortable, but it is really no different than any other skill you had to learn to be good at what you are...a protector. You trained at the academy to shoot well, lead troops, make decisions without hesitation, fly a jet and chopper, and now, learning to be a member of a star ship. Someone like that shouldn't be so upset about learning yet another skill. And that is all learning to do magic is. Yet another way for you to protect those you love. You had no problems learning all those vital skills back home, why is this so different?"

"It is an abomination! No one is meant to do things you cannot see or touch!" Feral blurted out without thinking how it might sound, his fists clenched as well as teeth.

Kam reared back and eyed his mate with dismay and growing concern. "That is prejudice I hear and I never expected such a thing from you...ever! Prejudice has no place aboard this ship and you better correct your thinking on that fast," he warned, his voice hard and firm. "This is a talent given to you at birth and though it remained dormant while on Aristal, it is now active and cannot be ignored and wanting it gone due to prejudice is just wrong. Do you wish me to report such an attitude to the Captain?" He asked sternly.

Feral froze in shocked surprise. "That's not what I meant ... it is just ... I ... it does not feel normal for me ... I meant no denigration to anyone else that uses it ... just do not want to use it myself ..." He ran out of words at the sight of Kam's hard stare of displeasure. Kat's Alive! He had really put his foot in it. He had no idea how callous and ill conceived his words were when he spewed them out but it was clear he'd made his mate very angry at him.

"Ahh...then you think since it feels so uncomfortable to you, you should be excused and allowed to lock it away so you do not need to face it, eh? And those fellow crew members of the Wizard Sept are just going to have to deal with your untrained abilities disturbing them because you do not want to be bothered with it. Is that what you're saying?" Kam demanded, heartlessly pressing his mate.

"I ... no ... of course not ... I just ..." Ulysses stammered, realizing he was treading on dangerous ground but wasn't certain how or why. And the mention of causing the wizards problems was new to him.

"What do you mean then?" his mate snapped, now standing directly in Ulysses' face and giving him a hard stare.

"What do you want me to say, Kam?" The big tom ask helplessly, his paws out in supplication.

"I want to know how you really feel about magic."

Feral blinked in surprise and frowned. But Kam knew how he felt, didn't he? "I hate it, you know that."

"Come on, Uly! People hate a lot of things but they don't go around whining and complaining about it all the time. You of all people have learned to suck it up and do what's required of you. Why is this any different?" Kam pushed at him.

"I..." Feral couldn't look into his mate's eyes any longer and stared at the floor instead, feeling confused and cornered. "I don't know..." he finally admitted. Sinking down on the couch, he put his face in his raised paws that rested on his knees and hid himself.

Kam relented when he saw how distraught all this had made his mate. "My love..." Ulysses looked up cautiously, his gold eyes were deeply troubled and it hurt Kam to see it. "You're afraid. There's nothing wrong with that emotion. But right now it is keeping you from accepting a part of you that can't be changed or altered. You need to conquer this fear and move forward or this will only get so much worse for you."

"I don't think I can," Uly admitted, painfully. He knew Kam was right but he did not know how to alter how he felt about this horrible subject. His stomach was in knots now and his head pounded fiercely and unrelentingly from the use of magic earlier.

"Hmm, maybe..." Kam began to say when their door chimed suddenly. Annoyed at being interrupted at such a delicate moment, he nonetheless called out, "Yes?"

"May I speak to Feral if he's in, please," came the voice of Jake, sounding a bit strained.

Kam frowned in surprise, turning to his mate with a questioning eye.

Ulysses shrugged, too miserable now to look at his mate and not caring about anything else.

Sighing Kam called toward the door, "Enter!"

The door slid open and Jake stood there rather uncertain of his welcome and holding a steaming mug in his paws. "Come in, Jake." Kam repeated.

Feeling uncomfortable and sensing a lot of tension in the room, Jake did so but remained close to the door. It silently slide shut behind him. At the look of upset on Kam's face and seeing Feral slumped on the couch, shoulders hunched and looking truly wretched, made him almost want to turn about and leave but what he had to say was even more important by the signs he was seeing now so he made himself stay put. He had a strong suspicion Kam had just chastised the big tom and neither were taking it well.

That made him chew on his bottom lip with nerves and discomfort himself. However, while he'd been working on his punishment session, his thoughts were on the lecture he had gotten from Lytol on his less than stellar behavior with Feral. He realized that he hadn't let go of his feelings about the big tom from their times before on Aristal. That was wrong! They weren't Commander and SWAT Kats any longer but three crewman from the same planet, alone with no others of their kind to interact with and share the things that were a part of their heritage.

Out here it was extremely important the three of them learn to be part of an alien crew. But because of their prior history with one another, they now needed to retrain themselves to actually work as part of a cohesive team leaving all the bad memories behind them. This was what they hadn't done. Starting with them not calling each other by their first names as the captain had ordered. But it wasn't easy to change habits made over a decade. To ease that transition, they needed to address their original issues, clear them up then work on developing a new relationship. That didn't mean becoming friends, that might not happen, but it did mean learning trust, respect, and a willingness to stick their necks out for each other without the emotional baggage they'd carried here from before.

This was what he, Chance and Feral...no...he was Ulysses...think of him that way...he chastized himself... were failing to do and that was when he made up his mind to make the first move to correct that flaw. They needed to start supporting one another now. It would go a long way to helping them adjust and adapt to living in space. So, as a gesture toward that goal, he'd decided to go see Feral and make amends. Staring at the tom now, he wondered if he might be too late?

"Do you need me to leave?" Kam asked quietly breaking into the tom's thoughts.

Jake startled having forgotten about the other person in the room. His face heated but he shook his head. "Uh...No...it's okay, Kam. Please stay. Feral...uh...Ulysses...I came to apologize for being such a twit to you and to bring you peace offering...some of the herbal remedy you failed to take before leaving." He stepped forward and offered the mug.

Feral blinked, staring up at Jake a moment in bewildered surprise before shaking himself and reaching for the mug and offering a belated thank you. "Uhm...thank you."

Jake nodded then stepped back. "I have something important to say as well. It is something I was made to realize we are failing to do...that is you, me, and Chance." Feral's look was puzzled as was Kam's. Sighing, Jake plowed on doggedly. "We are part of a crew now but we have failed to learn to act as one with each other. We have to bury the things that kept us apart on Aristal and move forward to becoming an actual working member of the Wotan. I am not saying we have to be friends, but what I am saying is we need to show each other respect and be willing to work with each other without prejudices from the past getting in the way."

Feral winced at the word prejudice and looked away. Jake was confused and clueless as to why that had made Feral even more upset, but continued, not letting that odd behavior derail him now.

"So, I have made a pledge to do everything I can to learn to work with you starting with helping you learn to use your magic. Everyone has things that are difficult for them and this happens to be one for you. I understand, truly I do. If there's something I can do to help you get past this problem, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help you succeed. I will also speak with Chance and get him to understand that we have to work together so we need to mend our fences and get along. Doing that will also help us adjust and adapt to our new lives here. The first thing we have to do is call each other by our first names as we're supposed to. What do you say, Ulysses?"

He went silent and waited. Feral didn't move from the couch, he drank the mug of herbs, made a face and sighed but couldn't quite look at Jake just yet.

Jake, for his part, was growing more uncomfortable by the minute and Kam simply stood there and said nothing. Jake was seriously thinking of leaving when Feral finally looked up and stared at him. The expression on the tom's face struck Jake like an arrow ... it was a look of a Kat that was deeply troubled and very afraid. It wrenched something deep inside his heart.

Unable to stand that look, Jake tried again. "Look, we're the only Kats aboard this ship so we need to stick together to help one another. We have our heritage and world to lean on so use that and reach out to Chance and me. We'll help you, I promise," he pleaded.

Feral swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. That stunned him. He'd never been this affected by what someone said before but what Jake was saying hit him hard. This was all so overwhelming for him and he was not handling it well.

He never dreamed Jake would come here and say these things to him. But the tom was right, they did need to work together or not be considered part of the crew. Their failure to interact as a team would cause a serious ripple in the cohesion of the crew. He could never allow that to happen. The same was true of his magic. He'd been fighting his issues on his own as he had everything else in his life. But here, everyone had to work together for the sake of all.

Sighing, he rubbed his face. "You're right, Jake," Just the sound of that on his tongue felt strange but he plowed on, "...Though I certainly know how to be a team player, I was taught to be aloof and not get down to a personal level with those below me in rank. That's just how command officers were trained. But we're the same rank here and I forgot that. And, you're right, I'm carrying the same old baggage you two are and haven't let it go. Also, I am having difficulty getting used to no longer having command and being just another member of the crew. I have to change so I can interact with the crew and not be such an outsider." He sighed and stared at the floor again, rubbing his neck.

"I never dreamed it would this hard, though," he said frankly... then looked up at Jake again. "I can't just step out of myself and become someone else. It took years to be who I am. I just don't know if I can change the way I need too," he admitted. Kam felt and heard the loss and uncertainty in his mate's voice and couldn't stand it. He went to Ulysses' side and sat beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist to provide what comfort he could.

Jake was stunned. Feral had never admitted he felt out of control and lost before. It hit him like a ton of bricks and he felt even more ashamed. He would be talking to Chance as soon as he left here. They were both guilty of ostracizing Feral when he really needed them now more than he ever had or admitted when they were on Aristal.

"We don't want you to be someone else...no one asked that of you. But you do have to grow and move away from the habits and emotions that have held you back," Jake insisted. "So, it seems Chance and I have our work cut out for us..." he shook his head, "...You aren't alone feeling a little lost, Ulysses. We too are still adjusting to being a part of a huge whole and not just relying on ourselves and we have many bad habits to overcome like you. So don't feel ashamed in admitting you need help...so do we. Let us help each other. I'll start by helping you find control with your magical talents, okay?"

"I'm afraid of magic," Feral managed to utter, though it was soft.

Jake blinked...okay...that really wasn't a surprise and it soo explained his fouler than normal temper during classes. Shaking his head, he went over to Feral and gently rubbed one shoulder. "Heh...so am I," he admitted.

Jerking his head to stare at Jake, Feral gaped in disbelief. "You sure don't act like you do."

Jake rolled his eyes. "If I allowed my fear to rule me I would never enter the damn room. I just have to stomp on my fear and listen to Star and Lytol carefully and do what they say. I treat it like a project I'm working on and nothing more. I just get the job done. Damn Feral, I'm more afraid of you than you should be of me. Your power is strong and deadly and you simply have to get control of it. You've never let anything rule you not even when Dark Kat had captured you that one time...remember? You couldn't get away but you kept trying to find an opening didn't you?"

"Well...yeah..."

"Then do the same thing here. Just be the Commander and do what you have to do to save this ship because until you gain control, you are a threat to the whole crew not just the wizards, understood?"

Feral's eyes widened. "I knew I was bothersome to the wizards but I never knew I was a threat?"

"You are. They just do their best to blanket your abilities until you can gain control over them yourself but it's exhausting."

"I don't want anyone to come to harm because I can't get my shit together. Thank you for letting me know," Feral said, feeling really bad that he was willfully harming others because of his fear.

He'd hated it when Steele and Manx had done that, so it was a shock to learn he was doing the thing he despised. Well no more!

"I'm going to see my therapist today about this and allow him to help me conquer my fear in this area then work on moving past the way I feel about you two as well. As a first step toward that, I'll try getting the hang of this scary business of magic if you won't give up on me and be patient," he said, scrapping together the shreds of his dignity and trying to do what they asked.

"Now that I know what's behind your problems, Ulysses, I'll do all I can to help you figure out why you can't direct your magic where you want it. It might be a matter of trying too hard or imagery..." Jake frowned in thought for a second then shrugged. "We will see what happens tomorrow when we try that lesson again, okay?"

Feral nodded. "Sure, I'm game...sort of."

Jake couldn't help but laugh. If Feral could keep a sense of humor about this even a dark one, he should get the hang of it much easier and he'll find his fear will fade more, he thought. "That's the spirit. And in everything else, Chance and I will always be available to you if you need us or find yourself backsliding. I'll see you in class tomorrow." Jake prepared to leave, feeling a bit better about taking the time to mend his fences with Feral. It seemed it was definitely the right thing to do.

Feral nodded. "Till then..."

"Good night, to both of you."

"You too, Jake, and thank you for making this effort, it means a lot to me as well," Kam said sincerely. He hoped the heartfelt talk the former SWAT Kat had given his mate would work because he didn't like to think of the alternative if Ulysses continued on his present path.