Sam laid Bella on the bed he hadn't slept in, in years. He hadn't been in this house for years. All the memories. Too painful to think mother Allison was a drunk. She hadn't always been but after his father left, she drank herself in oblivion. But seeing that the alcohol wasn't enough,she turned on him. Beat him blamed him, molested him and hated him. She told him until the day she abandon him. He was 18 when she left, so it didn't matter. Of course,he was always alone. He had plans to marry leah, pursue college and leave the rez behind him. But of course that all changed when he phased. Thought he had lost his mind. But it turns out life had different plans for him. He lost leah, lost his choices and was stuck. Them came most life altering, sick, un holy thing that had happened to him. He was in love with leah,which he was grateful for but he was glad it didn't work out. He and leah were long distance cousins. He had found out when he was going through some old pack archives. The genealogies that connected everyone's family. So technicality Emily was distantly related to him too. How messed up was that. And of course Paul was related to him as well. Paul was another distant distant cousin. Sam rolled his eyes. Everyone had the same origins. At the end of the day the trail always led to the one person that connected them all phasing. It caused such diaster in everyones lives. He knew leah resented him but what could he have done. He was completely at the mercy of the imprint. It was horrible. He had no choice. If he had to schoose between leah and Emily. Hed choose neither. Leah was his cousin and he couldn't do that. Emily. Emily. She was everything.. he didn't need nor want. As a person and without the imprinting. Maybe they could have been good friends. But not lovers. He didn't love her, not in the way he everyone thought he did. But he was the alpha, he had to set an example. And if he were to break the imprint what would that mean for all the other imprinted wolves and the ones that would follow. It would cause division and his job was to keep the order. His job as alpha was to protect. Keep the order. Guide and lead his pack. his pack. HIS PACK. Not Jacobs. The pack would never belong to Jacob. Not until he showed hm he was worthy of it and even if he did sam would not let go so easily. Just because someone inherited something, doesn't mean they were ready to have it nor did it meant that they deserved it.
He went into the kitchen and did something Emily never allowed him to do,cook. She always cooked. would try to but she would shoo him out. It was funny. Leah and Emily were so different .Leah was too opintionated, too vocal .too hot headed .She never truly would hear sam out when he did try to say something and Emily she was polar opposite. She did too much. She cooked too much,baked too much and never really gave her opinion on pack matters She wasn't a doormat,she could be firm but something was lacking. Sam shook his head. He didn't want to think about Emily,or leah, or his mother or his father. His father. The one who abandoned him at the age of 10. His father beat him too. Told him he hated his guts. Maybe that's why he imprinted on Emily. The spirits thought he needed someone gentle. And he did but not Emily. Sam felt sick. His father was the reason he had phased in front of her. She had accused him of being just like Joshua the time, Emily didn't know about the imprint. He was trying to take it slow .She said he was leaving leah just like his father left his mother. His father was a rapist. A rapist. His father had raped someone he knew and then got them pregnant. Pregnant. Bella was pregnant. With his siblings. By his father. Sam quickly turned to the sink and vomited. What was he supposed to now. he breathed trough his nose and out his mouth. He listening the sound of bella sleeping. He knew that thathad been the first time she slept peacefully.
Sam went outside on the porch. It was quiet. The fireflies were out and the air was warm. Without any effort or anger, he phased and opened his mind to this pack. No one was pahased. Sam ran and found himself in emilys backyard. This was where the pack meeting normally took place. Sam threw his head back and howled. He then phased to one neede to know the dark secrets he kept. It didn't take long for the whole pack to get there. And of course he could feel the thundering heartbeats of the humans they brought with them. He instantly smelled Charlie swan. He could feel Emily. But oddly enough,it felt..weak. not that breathe taking pain it normall , a huge realization took over him. When he was at his childhood home. He hadn't felt Emily at all. No attachement to her at all. It was…peaceful
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