Hair clings to my neck as I sweat. I toss and turn unable to sleep. Unable to breathe... I feel like something is wrong with me, yet I feel fine. All I can hear is a drill... like the kind that a dentist uses. My body feels like it's on pins and needles, and my head hurts. I stare at the ceiling blankly. I've tried to sleep for the past three hours, but have had little to no luck doing so. I sit up in my bed and sigh before running my hands through my long brown hair.

"Can't sleep?"

I glance to my right seeing him stand in the doorway of the bathroom, his chest is completely bare and his hair damp from a shower. I shake my head 'no' and give him a barely there smile as my eyes scan his body. His torso is very defined, abs that could make anyone thirsty... I look away from him feeling a bit too frazzled by his presence.

"No... All I can think about is how my brain got wiped and now I don't remember anything except for a series of lies created by my father."

Being the daughter of Alexander Pierce was turning out to be more than I could handle, and I was starting to wonder if I could ever forgive my father for all he had done while he was alive. James' eyes scan me before he takes a step forward. I study him as he moves to me,the only piece of clothing he is wearing is a pair of black sweat pants, and his damp hair is pulled back into a small ponytail. He sits in front of me on the bed eyes unsure.

"I wish I could ease your worries, but I have no idea how to."

He looks helpless... He wants to make me feel better, but doesn't know how to.

"When they wiped your brain could you hear the sound of a drill? Because I can hear that sound... when it's quiet that's all I can hear."

I whimper as the memory of the sound makes my stomach turn. I don't know what is happening to me... I just hoped he somehow knew a way to stop it. I close my eyes feeling a bit dizzy all of a sudden.

"Emilia. When they wipe our brains they can't erase everything. Our minds aren't meant to be erased and reprogrammed. The sounds you are hearing are from your memories... I get them sometimes too. Sometimes when the world is quiet all I can hear is the sound of bullets. It haunts me."

He states this without emotion, his face staring blankly at me as I watch him. I want to lean forward and comfort him, but I don't know if I can.

"Was I a good person? Before they wiped my memories?"

He continues to stare at me blankly before he licks his lips.

"No. You were cruel. You were ruthless... you could kill in ways that no other member of Hydra could. You specialized in torture, you always knew how to get people to talk."

My brow furrows and instantly I feel sad... I had hurt people? I had killed people? Up until this morning I was under the impression that I was a 25 year old college graduate who was working hard to pay off loans, but now I was told that all of that was a lie. I close my eyes feeling conflicted. I wanted to know more about who I was, but I didn't, not if I was awful. Bucky had been a good man who'd been turned into a monster... I was a monster who was brainwashed into thinking I was good. I look at him as a new found thought enters my brain. He knew me from before, he knew of the evil I'd done, but had I done anything to him?

"Did I ever hurt you?"

I ask as he looks at me cautiously before nodding.

"Yes. I don't remember the details, but you did a number on me that's for sure."

When he says this I look away. My hands cover my mouth and sadness becomes too much for me to handle. I stare at the bed sheets with tears in my eyes, but I don't cry. He reaches for me guiding my back to the bed sheets behind me, he studies me as his body straddles mine.

"Don't you beat yourself up over it. Your father had you trained to be that way. You were simply following orders."

I stare up at him and shake my head in protest.

"I hurt you."

I mumble as he nods leaning his head down, lips on mine. My eyes flutter closed as my hands find his damp hair.

"And I hurt you... who do you think gave you that bullet wound? It wasn't your father, well not entirely."

He states this against my lips in a low growl. My fingers cause his hair to fall out of the ponytail it was in.

"What led up to that? You shooting me, I mean."

I ask breathlessly as he moves his lips to my neck. He chuckles as his tongue darts out of the flesh of my neck, the second his tongue touches me chills go up my spine.

"You were assigned to me... Your father thought you could get me to talk, because no one else could. After months and months of us working together your once cruel demeanor turned a bit too kind for your father's taste. He told me to shoot you, and that if I didn't do it, he's make sure when he did it, it would end badly... He wanted me to show to you that I was nothing more than a Hydra toy, and that you weren't allowed to care for the machine."

I look up at him, my eyes studying his. Hearing him say this only made me hate my father more...

"Why... Why would he do that? Just because I was a bit nicer?"

His eyes move from mine, and instead move down my body a small flicker of desire entering his eyes.

"Because we'd crossed a line... We didn't play by their rules."

I feel my breathing hitch when he says this, his lips inches from mine.

"What line did we cross?"

He presses his lips to mine, kissing me slowly as if he's teasing me...

"We slept together..."

He mumbles against my lips before he kisses me once more.

"... And when daddy Alexander Pierce found out he was livid."

My eyes widen when he tells me this... We'd slept together? Is that why whenever he kissed me it felt like deja vu? He draws his body in closer.

"He wanted to prove to the both of us that Hydra came first... And then he wiped your brain, making you believe you were a normal college kid who just had daddy issues. And while you got to leave and live he made me remember you and everything that happened between us. He wanted me to know how quickly he could take away the things I cared about."

Hearing the sadness in his voice made me sick. He cared about someone only to loose them... My heart breaks for him. Breathing a deep breath I lean forward and press my lips to his.

"Thank you for telling me all of this."

I mumble as he looks down at me, chuckling once more.

"I told you I'd help you remember things."

I smile up at him when his lips leave mine.

"Are you a man of your word?"

I ask him as he moves his body from mine, sitting next to me on the bed.

"I don't know about the new me, but the old me was... I think. It seems like something I would've wanted to do."

I sit up in the bed feeling lonely without his body straddling mine. It was cold, yet the sweat from my nightmare still haunted me.

"I think the old you is still in there Bucky... a man that's good doesn't just die because we Hydra members seem to kill anything that's human."

He shakes his head in protest as he reaches for me, his hands cupping my face. Looking at him I could only feel guilt. What exactly had I done to him? Would I ever remember? A part of me wanted to, because it would be nice to fill in the gaps, but I liked who I was now. I liked being someone no one feared.

"You made me human, and that's why your father hated me. You weren't like the rest of them even though they tried their hardest to make you like them. You were different than the rest."

I place my hands over his studying him.

"How many people died at my hands?"

I ask him this hoping he knows and that he'll tell me... I need to know. He sighs.

"Don't do that to yourself... You were trained to kill. You didn't know any better..."

He pauses when he sees the desperation in my eyes. The desperation I had to know the truth.

"...You killed 5 people. Like I said you specialized in torture in order to get information, usually you left the killing to Brock."

I breathe a deep breath.

"Brock? Were him and I real? Or was that all part of the brain wipe?"

His jaw clenches as his eyes dart from mine. Suddenly there's a bit of anger in his eyes.

"Yes. You and him... that was real. When you were first assigned to me you both were together, but after your father became interested in him as an undercover S.H.E.I.L.D agent you two broke up."

When he's finished speaking he looks angry. I can tell there's more to it than he's telling me.

"James. Whatever I did... I'm sorry."

His eyes move to mine, and he nods.

"It's strange. Ever since I found you... you've been different. When I first met you, you were cruel. You loved to inflict pain on me, and you didn't care. Even after we became close you never lost that occasional cruel look your eyes would sometimes get. But now... now your considering, and loving. You care deeply about people, even people you don't know... you're a completely different person."

I look at him wide eyed. I move his hands from my face and instead pull him in.

"Hey... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did. I wish I didn't, and I know that I was raised to be like that, and that I had no idea that what I was doing was wrong, but I will fix it..."

I whisper this before leaning in to press my lips to his. He wastes no time pulling me forward. My body straddling his lap as he holds me.

"... I'll fix it James.. I won't ever hurt you again. I won't be one of them ever again. I don't want to be a monster."

He holds me, face inches away from mine after our kiss.

"I'm a monster too... the things we've done... We're not perfect."

I nod as he pulls me in and kisses me once more. His hands move from my face, and instead move to my waist drawing my body to his. I moan when his lips move to my neck, his mouth marking me as his own like he'd done earlier.

"Maybe that's why we liked each other... Because we're both manipulated pieces in a big puzzle."

He chuckles as he moves his hands to the tank top I'm wearing, his hands lift the tank top ever so slightly his hands grazing over the skin of my torso. He looks at me as he lifts the tank top up a bit more. He seems to be asking for permission, permission that I am willing to grant. I nod as he lifts the shirt up over my head, his eyes drift down my body with intent. He seems more than happy with the lacy bra he'd bought me days ago.

"I missed this."

He groans before placing his lips to mine once more. I move my hands to his chest feeling the muscles underneath the pads of my fingertips. He guides me back in the bed our bodies in the same position they'd been in minutes ago. My hands across his chest a bit until I reach where his skin ends and the metal of his left arm starts. The second I touch his skin his lips move from mine, he freezes looking down at me. I watch him as traces of tears move to his eyes, he seems to remember the pain...

"Bucky we all have scars, just some of them are bigger than others."

I whisper as he licks his lips.

"It's more than a scar... it's a constant reminder that I'm never going to be normal again. I'll always be the product of a sick Hydra scientist."

I run my hand over the metal of the arm, the palm of my hand resting over the star.

"I believe you're more than that... I believe your a good man who can take this experience and make it into something beautiful. You aren't a bad man Bucky Barnes... and as far as being normal... normal is over rated."

He gives me a small smile before kissing me once more. My hands move to his back my fingers trailing the muscles in his back. He seems hungry in his touches his hands moving from my torso, to the hem of my sweatpants as he kisses me. His lips move down my neck not stopping until he reaches the area above my heart. He kisses me tenderly as more chills move up my spine.

"I've missed you..."

He groans as my hands rake down his back.

"... I've missed you so much."

His moves the sweatpants down a bit until they're past my knees. I look at him while he does this, noting the concentration on his face. It's like he's afraid his touch could hurt me.

"James..."

I whimper breathlessly, knowing that the more he touches me the more I want him... It was unbearable how badly I wanted him.

"... I trust you."

I state simply as he pulls both the sweatpants and my underwear off, the fabric gliding down my skin slowly before he throws them to the ground.

"I could hurt you..."

He mumbles with his mouth inches from mine, his eyes filling with a new level of desire.

"...I could hurt that pretty little face of yours if I wanted to."

I nod knowing that he was absolutely right... he could hurt me. But I wanted this, and I think he did too... By the way his breathing changes when are bodies get closer, I could tell he wanted this.

"You could, but I know you won't."

His metal arm rests on one side of my head as he props himself up. His right hand trails down my torso going lower and lower to where I need him most... He teases with expertise, and I feel like I'm going to burst, just because of his fingers...

"James."

I whimper his name in frustration as his fingers move from me, and a cruel grin flickers to his face.

"Emilia."

He growls this against my skin before lifting his head to look down at me. He knows that he's making me want him... He is very aware that I'm not thinking clearly with his every touch. He chuckles.

"I have you on the ropes don't I? Do you want more? Or should I stop?"

I glare up at him.

"Watch it smart mouth."

I moan as he gets up from the bed leaving me sexually frustrated. I glare over at him once more. His smile grows, I think he likes that he's the one doing the torturing for once. He moves his hands to his own sweatpants pulling them down. I stare at him unable to move my eyes as he rids his body of the few clothes he has left. My eyes drift lower which makes him smirk a bit before he returns to me.

"Do you still trust me?"

He asks his body descending upon mine. I nod looking at him.

"Yes I do... I trust you with my life."

He smiles leaning down pressing his lips to mine. He makes our bodies become one in a rhythm that I have never experienced... Every touch left me feeling like I was on fire... I wanted more, and after hours of him having me in the most intimate of ways I realized one thing... I realized that no matter where I'd come from, the person I am now is the person I want to be. I will help him take down Hydra, because we had more than lust in common... We both wanted revenge.