Chapter Eleven - Quaerens Responsis
(Seeking Answers)
Severus Snape paced the headmistresses office with such force that, had she been there, Minerva would have had concerns for the life of her carpet!
She had graciously given Severus access to her office for as long as was necessary without asking why, though he knew her inquisitive mind was itching to know. After yet another week of dreams featuring Miss Granger, he was sure he was slowly going out of his mind. The time had finally come to speak to his old friend and mentor.
'Severus, please sit down, I implore you' said Dumbledore from his portrait above the fireplace.
'Albus, I am losing my mind! I cannot go on like this!' Severus replied, still pacing.
'Sit, drink and tell me all, dear friend. You have ranted for almost an hour and I still have not the foggiest idea of what you are talking about' said Dumbledore kindly.
With a sigh, Severus sat in the fireside chair and began to speak. He told Dumbledore of Bellatrix and the torture at Malfoy Manor, this of course was common knowledge, but he had always related the version he had told the Dark Lord. Now however, only the absolute truth would do. He told it all. How his moment of empathy had seen him throwing himself in the way of Bella's killing curse and how he had blacked out. He told of apparating to Shell Cottage with Miss Granger's sleeping but unharmed body in his arms. He also told Dumbledore, red-faced and ashamed, about his dreams. Not in detail (Merlin, no!) but enough to embarrass him into pacing once again.
'Severus, you are asking me what is wrong with you but from what you have told me all you have done is act like a considerate and brave human being' Dumbledore stated.
'Albus, you don't understand!' Snape argued. 'I do not want Miss Granger in my head'.
He strode over to the fireplace, leant his hands on the mantle and watched the flames dancing in the grate.
The was silence for a few moments when suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed dramatically. There was an electrical-type charge filling the space and Severus lifted his head tentatively.
'Albus?' he asked, his voice barely audible.
'Severus, would you so kindly remove that amulet from around your neck?' asked Dumbledore gently.
Severus did so without question. He was used to the ex-headmaster's cryptic and often confusing demands.
'Hold it in your palm, please' came the next request.
He did so, noting that his hand trembled and looked deathly pale in the shadow of the flames.
'Thank you' said Dumbledore, 'Please sit and let me think for a moment'.
Once again, Severus did as he was asked. He sat back down in the fireside chair and twirled the amulet between his fingers. He remembered the day his Mother had given it to him. The day he boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time. It was to be the last time he saw her alive.
'Who gave you the amulet, Severus?' Dumbledore's voice broke into his quiet reminiscing.
'My Mother' he replied. 'She gave it to me when I left home for my first year at Hogwarts'.
'And do you remember what she said to you?' Dumbledore asked. 'Was there a certain phrase or incantation she used?'.
'Matres diligere' Severus recited softly, 'Matres praesidio, tueri coniungi rursus animae meae'.
'Mothers love' translated Dumbledore, 'Mothers protection'.
'Protected with my soul' finished Severus. 'I know what it means, Albus'.
'You may know what it means, Severus' Dumbledore replied, 'But do you know what it does?'.
'It's a protective amulet, a usual trinket for a Mother to give a child' he scoffed. 'It does nothing'.
'For once in your life, Severus, can you not let your heart lead you?' scolded Dumbledore.
'My heart' sneered Severus 'Is not worthy to lead anything or anyone'.
'You are wrong' Dumbledore stated, with a delicate hint of arrogance, 'About your heart and the amulet. Now, I pray you do not interrupt me as I have a lot to explain to you before Minerva wishes to return to her office'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hermione waited patiently as Madam Pomfrey searched through her potions cabinet.
'Sleepless nights, you say?' asked the medi-witch.
Hermione nodded.
'Are you under any stress at the moment, my dear?'.
Hermione blushed.
'Is there someone you can talk to?' Madam Pomfrey asked gently. 'We are all quite aware of, of what you went through. Physical scars are much easier to heal than scars on the soul, you know. It takes time to recover. A long time'.
'I, erm, I think I'm just struggling to settle back in' Hermione mumbled.
She could hardly tell the Hogwarts Matron that her sleep (and many of her waking moments to be truthful) was disturbed by unwitting thoughts of the potions professor!
'Ok, dear' Pomfrey nodded, handing her a small vial filled with a metallic blue liquid. 'This is for dreamless sleep, one sip an hour before bed and you'll feel much better'.
'Thank you, Madam Pomfrey' she replied, tucking the vial safely in her robes.
'Be warned though' called the Matron as Hermione was leaving, 'It can become rather addictive if used to excess'.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
'This amulet is no trinket, Severus' said Dumbledore calmly. 'Your mother was clearly a very talented witch, it is no wonder you became the wizard that you are'.
'Please spare me the emotional drivel, Albus' Severus sneered. 'You yourself clearly reminded me that Minerva will soon require her office back'.
'Very well, Severus' sighed the ex-headmaster, 'But the tale is an emotional one so I suggest you bite your tongue and open your heart for once'.
'I'm all ears' Severus replied, his tone curt.
'This amulet contains a very powerful magic, magicae de lumine, magic of the light. It is also more commonly thought of as the magic of love. Scoff as you may, you of all people should understand the strength of love and sacrifice when combined with magic. You know that Harry Potter was saved by Lily's protection. As highly as you thought of her, surely you don't think she was the only mother capable of that level of sacrifice? The magic that saved Harry was created in a moment, in an emergency at the time of attack, a one-off shot, if you'll pardon my euphemism. Your amulet, however, is a keeper of magic, the power of love, sacrifice and protection resides inside it, like a living thing. It is quite the opposite to a Horcrux though one cannot ignore their similarities. Have you never questioned your luck in dangerous situations over the years, Severus? Yes, you have been hurt, there is no denying it but the fact that you are still here standing before me proves it. You are an exceptional wizard but even the best of us make mistakes. Your mother has been protecting you all these years. It was her magic that rebounded the killing curse away from you in Malfoy Manor. If you look closely there is a small fracture in the casing, the amulet took the curse for you and saved your life'.
Severus remained silent for quite a while after Dumbledore finished speaking.
'It's a lot to take in, I know' said Dumbledore gently.
'My mother was not a strong woman' began Severus, his voice distant, 'She spent her married life used and abused by her pathetic excuse of a husband and you expect me to believe that she was such an exceptional witch? Why did she not leave him then? Why stay when magical talent was so obviously oozing out of her pores?' he sneered.
'Love makes fools of us all' replied Dumbledore simply.
'Fine' said Severus 'My mother saved me, and so Potter and I have yet one more thing in common. That still doesn't explain my, erm, issues with Miss Granger'.
'Ah' sighed Dumbledore, 'I do so hope you can keep an open mind'.