I forgot I had another chapter to post before the one I'm working on right now, so sorry this took longer than normal.


Olivia allowed her head to drop onto the steering wheel while her hands gripped it tightly. She hadn't been thinking straight, she had just let a criminal go free and it was in no shape or form an accident. It went against everything she believed in.

Her job was to protect those who needed it, she was supposed to protect people from animals like Merritt Rook and she had failed.

If she had been thinking straight she would have thought about his other victim, the girl from the store that suffered due to Merritt's stupid little games but instead she had only considered herself. That poor girl had been subject to his stupid little games and she hadn't had a choice. Of course Olivia didn't have a choice in being tied up but she had a choice in putting a stop to everything.

At the time Elliot's feelings hadn't even crossed her mind but now they were all that occupied it.

She sighed against the steering wheel and allowed the tears to fall. Boy was she in trouble.

Elliot would lose his rag when he found out.

His neck would bulge and the anger in his eyes would be more than evident.

He would shout at her for being so stupid and so irresponsible.

He would scream at her for putting their babies at risk.

If she was lucky he wouldn't break anything in his temper tantrum, if she was extra lucky he wouldn't break her.

After the shouting and the slamming of doors he would leave.

And maybe if she prayed hard enough he might even come back.

God she was an idiot. She had been given the opportunity to end all of their suffering and she hadn't done it. She was going to live to regret this and only had herself to blame.

A loud tapping on the window and the frantic pulling open of the door interrupted her chain of thought.

"Jesus Liv you scared the hell outta me. I thought you were...I thought you were dead!"

"I'm fine. I need to get back to the kids, I left them on their own." Olivia stated while trying to shake the concerned hand from her arm.

"Fine? By the looks of things you've been crying a God damn river."

"I promise I'm fine."

"So fine that you forgot that you were supposed to be at the precinct forty-five minutes ago?"

"Oh shit. Is he mad?"

"The cap? No he's just concerned. Elliot wasn't back when I left but Munch will handle him."

"I can't imagine Munch being able to hold Elliot back."

Fin laughed at the picture forming in his head and extended his hand out to Olivia.

"Come on let's get you up."

Olivia took his hand and allowed him to gently pull her from the car. Her legs felt like jelly and suddenly gave way beneath her, luckily Fin was quick off the mark and was able to keep her upright.

"Sweetheart we better get you to the hospital." He tightened his arm around her as she leant against him, her head falling onto his shoulder.

"No, no hospitals. My legs just went a little weak from sitting in the same position for so long."

"How long have you been sitting out here?"

"I don't know....maybe an hour."

"What were you doing out here anyway?"

"Making a big mistake."

"Well in future could you please make your mistakes inside where it's a little warmer? Elliot might not hurt me so bad then."

Olivia laughed and allowed Fin to continue to support her as they walked along the street.

*****

Elliot scanned the room and quickly became aware that Olivia and Fin were missing. He shot a look in Munch's direction but he quickly turned his head pretending to have not even noticed Elliot.

Before Elliot had the chance to question Munch Cragen emerged from his office.

"Liv and Fin not back yet?"

"Not yet. Fin called five minutes ago, said they were on their way."

"Where the hell have they been? You did not let her work?"

"Relax Elliot I just sent Fin to pick Olivia up from the apartment. We were quiet here and I figured she might appreciate the gesture."

"She is more than capable of driving herself. Why didn't you call me? I could have picked her up on the way back!"

"There is one major problem with that scenario Elliot."

"And what would that be?" Elliot snarled.

"I thought you had this all planned out."

Elliot sighed.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I just wanted everything to go to plan for once."

Cragen smiled and patted Elliot's arm gently.

"You worry about her too much, she's a big girl."

"I know but I can't help it. I'm so worried she is going to say no."

"Are you two plotting some conspiracy over there?" Munch raised his eyebrows as he spoke.

"No Munch just planning your death." Elliot laughed and flashed Munch his 'just kidding' smile.

"Funny Stabler."

****

Fin drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for Olivia to get back in the car after dropping Lizzie and Eli back at Kathy's. He felt uneasy, he knew Elliot would be questioning them the moment they got through the door and he really didn't want to have to deal with it. Olivia got back in the car and quickly fastened her seatbelt as Fin continued to stare into space.

"Fin? You think we should hurry up? We're late enough as it is?"

"Huh?" He quickly roused from his trance like state.

"I said I think we should get going."

Fin started the car and pulled away. They sat in a comfortable silence for several minutes before Fin decided to make conversation.

"You have to deal with Kathy back there?"

"No the kids just went in and I left. I have no desire to see that woman right now."

"Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

"What were you doing in the car?"

"Thinking."

"For an hour?"

"No I was talking to Merritt then I was thinking."

Fin laughed until he noticed the seriousness in her eyes.

"Liv you didn't?"

"I didn't have much choice Fin, he called the apartment. He mentioned the kids, I had to."

"I knew I should have got that protective detail."

Olivia smiled a little and gave his thigh a gentle squeeze.

"I don't need you to be all protective of me, Elliot does that enough by himself. Apart from making the biggest mistake of my life I'm fine."

"What did he say to you?"

Olivia turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You mean this time or last?"

"Liv don't. You told me he wasn't a threat, that he would be long gone. You damn right lied to me!"

Olivia broke down, her body shook with gentle sobs. She wasn't normally this easily broken but the pregnancy hormones were really getting to her. Recently she would cry at the smallest of things.

"Don't cry baby girl, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout."

Fin pulled the car over to the sidewalk and turned off the engine.

"I know I did the wrong thing but at the time it felt so right, it felt like it was my only choice."

"Liv I want to understand I really do. Can you tell me why?"

"Elliot's going to kill me. I'm going to lose him."

Olivia continued to sob as Fin reached out and squeezed her arm.

"Don't worry about him for now. Tell me about it and maybe we can sort this out without him knowing."

"If he finds out that you knew....."

"Don't you worry about me I'm a big boy, I can handle him."

They sat in silence for several minutes while Olivia tried to decide what to say. Lying wasn't an option, she had to tell him the truth. She had to tell him everything and she had to do it for herself as much as for him. Maybe if she actually said the words out loud she could convince herself that she had done the right thing.

"If he hadn't of done the things he did I wouldn't be here right now."

"What?"

"I was leaving. I had a suitcase packed and in the car, I forgot the picture of Elliot and me from my apartment so I went back for it and that's when he grabbed me. None of you would have ever seen me again."

"Why? Why would you want to walk away?"

"Because Elliot's kids were hurt and I didn't want to hurt them or Elliot any further. I figured it was better for him to have his children than me. Merritt saved us, he made us realise how much we really mean to each other and that this was worth fighting for. Of course it hurt seeing each other so helpless and so defenceless but it also made me realise how far he would go to save me."

"Even if you had left he would have found you."

"No I would have made sure he didn't. I was going to sever all ties with everyone and change my name. I'm smart enough to not leave a paper trail. It would have been like I'd never existed."

"Hes never going to leave you alone is he?"

"Probably not but I told him if I see him again I'll arrest him without a second thought. I could have ended all of this but how could I put a man that brought Elliot and I together in jail? How could I be responsible for that?"

"You could have called one of us."

"Technically that would still take me responsible. I've never had a family, my Mother was always too drunk to do things that families do. I've never had a Father, never even got to know him. Simon never returns my phone calls. I just wanted a chance at having a family, of being a Mother and I thought that would be enough but it isn't. I realised I selfishly wanted Elliot, I wanted us to be a real family. Elliot and you guys are all I have in this world, I can't punish Merritt for helping us along the way."

Olivia paused and sighed.

"I know Elliot won't see it that way. He'll be so mad at me, so mad at me for risking everything. You were right Fin, I was holding back on you. Merritt told me that he would always be there and that the game will only be over when he chooses."

"You should have told me." Fin clenched his fists.

"I know that but I didn't want to be a prisoner in my own home, I don't need a babysitter. If I let him get to me then he wins."

"You can't tell me that hes not winning now."

"No I can't. I know I was an idiot Fin. I didn't think about anybody else, I was selfish. I put my own needs above everyone else's because I finally have want I've wanted for so many years but it doesn't matter now because I don't know how we can get past this. I put my own needs in front of those of a victim, I can't do this job anymore."

"Liv no. That's ludicrous you cannot quit. You are good at your job, we all make mistakes. We can make this right, if we all stick together we can fix things."

"We should just get back to the precinct."

"Okay but promise me one thing. You won't rush into anything. I think in a weird kind of way that you did the right thing."

"Then maybe you can understand that although what Merritt did was wrong, in a weird kind of way it was also right."

Fin started the engine and headed off towards the precinct. They drove in silence, Fin because he wasn't sure what to say. He was still slightly annoyed at Olivia for not telling him the truth but the more he thought about it the more he understood why she did it.

Olivia was quiet simply because she was scared, scared of what Elliot was going to say. She knew he was going to be angry, she knew he was going to shout but she hoped he would keep at least a little composure.

As they made their way up in the elevator Fin turned to Olivia.

"I understand why you did it."

"Thanks Fin, that means a lot."

The doors opened and they walked out into the corridor, Olivia silently hoping that whatever she had been called in for wasn't going to take long so she could get home and rest. The day's events had really tired her out.

"Sorry we're late guys." Fin called as he walked through the door.

"The traffic..."

He froze as he took in the scene before him causing Olivia to walk straight into the back of him.

"Fin why did....." Olivia stopped speaking as her eyes found the reason Fin had froze.

"Hey Olivia."

I'm evil I know....