Chapter XII: The Watchers
"You seem lost in thought, my friend," Anomen commented idly to Jaheira as the two of them proceeded down the main street of Saradush. The emptiness of the city was clear and disconcerting; in Athkatla, every corner would have a merchant or five ready to hawk their wares. The streets would have been bustling with a life and a vitality, and just moving from one road to another would have been a challenge with the crowds. They would not have stood out with their weapons or their clear finery, and would have been assaulted with a medley of sounds, smells and sights. Here, in the darkest depths of the siege, all was quiet. Nobody ventured far from their homes any more. There were no merchants, and no crowds. Life had been sucked out of everything by fear.
"This city is… depressing," was all Jaheira replied. Anomen knew that this was the truth, not to mention the fact that this was a distinctive and sudden shift from the green and natural beauty of Suldanessellar. To go from homes high in the lush forests to a trampled and beaten city was something even he found distinctly unwelcome. It had to be an even more disconcerting change for a druid.
He wasn't enough of a fool to believe that was all there was amiss, regardless. After all, he shared some of her concern, and had enough experience with Jaheira in her dark moods to recognise them when they came. But before he could focus his shift in topic, Jaheira suddenly took the offensive.
"You are hardly as high-spirited as you were a few days ago, for that matter," she started probingly, idly kicking a pebble along the cobblestones and not looking at him, for all the world seeming as if this was just a vague comment about the weather instead of the barbed investigation it was.
Anomen shifted a little in surprise, caught a little off balance, then managed a shrug, assuming his own casual air. "These are trying times. Action and darkness again after months of… peace. It does not sit well on the stomach."
"There is more than action and darkness shadowing your thoughts," Jaheira said pointedly, and he had the disconcerting sensation of talking to a mirror of his emotions. "It is not common for you to be… quite so distant in your thoughts."
"Nor you," Anomen bit back defensively, giving her a short, mildly irritated glare. "At least, not since the Underdark," he continued, a little sullen now and making his point in a moderately below-the-belt manner.
"And I have not seen you like this since before Bodhi's lair," Jaheira countered calmly, not rising to the bait.
A silence fell upon them as they regarded each other, until Anomen made a noise of disgust and resumed their walking again. "This is a damnably large city. We should have beaten Reynald and Sarevok to the docks. The air would probably not be fresh there, but water is much more calming than a dead trading district. There might as well be ghosts populating the city, for all the difference it would make."
They paused again, Anomen feigning interest in an empty shop window before he continued. "It… it simply does not sit well with me. How powerless I feel before them. Even if help is accepted, even in the grand scheme of things I feel no more useful than a walking sword-arm and spellbook. And when I am pushed away…" He glanced at her. "When we are all pushed away… it makes it harder." He hardly needed to specify who the 'they' were.
"And just makes us think they know how powerless we feel… and are," Jaheira agreed quietly, not looking at him now. Anomen realised that he was finding it to be a breath of fresh air to discuss with Jaheira these troubles. They had only leaned on each other intermittently in the past, even with their similar worries, but every time before it had helped. Anomen was slowly realising he didn't necessarily need to keep everything bottled up.
"Aye. I am displeased Harrian kept us in the dark with his departure to the grove, but not… overly surprised." He shifted his feet, realising how it sounded and that he was being a little too lenient in his evaluation. "It does not mean I think you do not have a right to anger, of course, merely…"
Jaheira shook her head. "I am not angry with him."
Anomen blinked. He hadn't expected this. "Truly?"
The ghost of a smile tugged at her lips as she glanced at him. "Angry at that which made him feel he had to deceives us, yes, though I understand why he did so. But… I have dealt with any initial anger towards him. Matters forced me to."
"You understand?" Anomen echoed, feeling hapless. "Then you have an advantage over I, my friend. I rarely understand anything Harrian does or thinks. And I especially do not understand matters of his heritage."
There was a long pause as Jaheira's eyes remained on the cobbled streets, before she sighed slightly. "Khalid and I knew of Harrian's heritage before he did. We were away on Harper business when he came under Gorion's care, but we came to Candlekeep as soon as we could – he had sent Belgrade to summon us, saying it was of immense importance.
"When we got to Candlekeep, all we found was Gorion and a babe. But he quickly explained just… who Harrian was, and the situation became so much more dire. And then… hah, then he asked Khalid and I to be this dark boy's guardians, should anything go wrong." She chuckled wryly, shaking her head. "'Should anything go wrong'. And even forgetting his heritage, this was Harrian we were talking about. Beacon of disaster."
"I can see that being… trying," Anomen observed grimly, if uncertainly. "To know of his heritage, and still to bind your fate to his?" He shook his head. "I hold nothing against Harrian for not telling me, considering how many people react badly, but when I found out about his Bhaal-blood I stayed by his side despite it. I knew he was a good man by then, my friend by then, and not someone to abandon. If I had known from the start, I might not have joined you all that day under Ribald's roof, but have been… more cautious. And it would be a different life I lead indeed."
Jaheira nodded. "I did not want the responsibility at first. It was Khalid who won me over, after much convincing, and yet all the time I reassured myself by insisting that I would not be needed. Gorion was eternal, or so I thought,. When he arranged to meet us at the Friendly Arm in, I assumed it would be the last of it. I believed they would arrive, and we would travel together for parts unknown, but Harrian was a grown man by then and I had considered my service to be over."
"But Sarevok killed Gorion before he got there?" Anomen checked.
Jaheira's eyes flashed angrily at the mention of Sarevok's name. "And Harrian came to the inn without Gorion. But what he did have was a young slip of a girl who promptly pick-pocketed everyone in sight, just to 'hone her skills'. Then there were the two Zhents; a necromancer and a street thug."
"I see Imoen hasn't changed in all this time," Anomen noted dryly, with a slight smile.
Jaheira gave a wry smirk. "Harrian has. He was an uncouth lout, a boy both scared and unimpressed with the world. He was even more arrogant than he is now, and quite happy to bumble through the world his own way, not to mention ignored our teachings utterly. It took many training sessions from Khalid before he learnt respect and how to avoid being injured in a fight. They may call him the hero of Baldur's Gate… sometimes… but he was still a boy almost up until you met him. Then there was… his heritage. Sarevok. And Irenicus' dungeon."
Anomen shivered. "So much comes down to Irenicus."
"He finished what Bhaal started," Jaheira corrected. "Gorion left a letter for Harrian, which we found upon our return to Candlekeep. It explained everything… but by the time it was over, he'd realised that it was not news to Khalid and I. I never had, and never have since, seen him so hurt and angry and… betrayed." She shook her head. "I thought he was going to walk out right then in the argument afterwards. Abandon it all."
"Understandably so," Anomen said uncomfortably.
"Yes…." Jaheira nodded. "I've watched him go from boy to man, from lout to hero. I've seen him at his best and at his worst… but I don't think I'll ever be able to understand him. Understand the darkness within him." She looked at Anomen. "I don't even know if Imoen can, though she has more chance than I. Yet what I do know is that the burden he carries is… great. More, I think, than I could bear."
"I wish we could do more for him," Anomen said helplessly. "I wish I could do more for Imoen, too. I just don't know what I could do."
"Imoen is going through her own phase of understanding her heritage, coming to terms with it. She has Harrian to support her… and you, if needed," Jaheira reassured him. "Simply stand and wait. And even if she does not turn to you, she will know you are there."
"She never turned to me before," Anomen said falteringly. "Before, it was that damned bard."
Jaheira gave him a sceptical look. "You are jealous of Haer'Dalis? I hope that is out of habit, Anomen, not any real fear, for I am sure it will be unfounded."
"What makes you so sure?" Anomen grimaced. "I do not trust him, but I recognise how very important he was to Imoen when she discovered her heritage. Then, he helped. What is to say he will not help now?"
Jaheira looked at him, and shook her head a little. "Have a little faith in the girl, Anomen, and her feelings for you. She is not fool enough to run to that ridiculous bard just because he is here." She sighed, eyes turning skywards. "You did not see her in Hell, when she turned her fury on Irenicus. Power given by her Bhaal-taint, for certain, but prompted by what happened to you." She fixed him with a piercing look.
"What happened to… yes. The spell." Anomen shifted his feet and looked away. "But I… succeeded at resisting. Helm has a purpose for all things, and I know he had a reason for granting me… life. Resistance, I mean." He faltered, then resumed his pace down the street, still not meeting her gaze.
Jaheira was looking evaluatingly at him by now, but didn't seem about to question him or voice whatever she was thinking. "Yes. Just… have faith in them, Anomen. They carry heavy burdens, but are no fools." She smiled wryly. "Well, Imoen is not."
Anomen chuckled a little, but he sobered quickly. "Yes. It is just… you are right, they carry heavy loads. They have their fates harassing them from all sides." He sighed, and shook his head. "I just wonder if they understand how hard it is to not be the ones with the destinies."