Chapter 12

I read in Selena's diaries:

I remember the first time I met Miley, back then I didn't have these diaries to write about it; but now that I have, I know it's definitely a day to mention and remember…

I knew that the apartment in front of me was owned by someone who never came to live in it, but one day I heard noises coming that way, and I knew they were finally moving in… I also knew from the sounds and noises that it was a couple deciding to take their relationship to the next level and move in together and their friends were helping them packing everything out.

I decided to let them have fun and then go introduce myself later.

Next day early in the morning, I got my biscuits out of the oven and nicely put them in a basket and went over to greet them… it took forever for her to open the door sleepily. But it only took me a second to know we were going to be just great friends.

Miley didn't like me at first, I know that. But soon we began to act on friendly terms more and more, and next thing I knew, we're best friends.

She told me she was jealous of me at first, but I told her that her boyfriend loves her and wouldn't look anywhere out, if it was me or Miss freaking Universe.

We met Demi one day when we were grocery shopping in the neighborhood. She was kinda fighting over a jar of peanuts with another customer… apparently it was the last one and both of them believed they saw it first.

Miley put in giving Demi her jar of peanuts which she's got earlier. Demi just blushed and refused to take it finally realizing what she was doing… and then just the three of us clicked.

Yeah, I was having my little drug problem back then… it was just at the start, but I already hated it and was fighting.

XxXx

I read in Selena's diaries:

That Justin dude is a complete jerk. He used me. He fucking used me. He used my little crush on him to get me in this dirty business of his. First, he got close to me letting me pour my heart out on him and fill him in with all the secrets I have. I told him about my parents splitting up when I was a teen, and how I had to raise myself and work to even eat, let alone school.

He said I have to have some fun. Yeah, fun, baby!

He dragged me to that club ruled by the one and only Justin himself. He said that I wouldn't get addicted with just one time. But, oh, this one time just dragged along hundreds after, and before I knew it, I was really addicted and I owed Justin a lot of money. The jerk made me sign some checks with money I don't even have while I was high.

He used them against me so I get him more clients. He says he loves me. I know he does, but he just loves money so much more that I don't even matter when it come to comparisons.

But me, being me, I decided to get help… I decided to get medications and get rid of drugs without him knowing…

You'd ask why I didn't just tell the police about him?

Because, as much ridiculous that must sound, but I also love him back…

XxXx

I read in Selena's diaries:

Just watching them being this lovey dovey couple made me smile. I watched as Nick tackled Miley into the couch and got on top of her tickling her everywhere as she laughed and screamed for help, but none of us moved enjoying the scene.

She would be like "Joe, help me." And he would just shake his head and laugh replying with a "No, Miles, won't stop the fun."

Then she'd look at Demi who would hold her hands up showing she's vulnerable, "Don't look at me, dude, you know he'd crush me in a heartbeat." She'd say causing us all to laugh.

And right then, Miley would look at me out of breath knowing I'll be the one saving her, "Okay, enough, Nick." I would say as I jump on his back making him lose balance and fall all over Miley earning a yelp from both of them including myself.

"That wasn't necessary, Sel." Nick would groan getting off of his girlfriend.

"You were torturing my best friend here." I would reply as he'd just shake his head and turn to her again remembering the reason why this whole thing began,

"You still didn't admit it, Mi."

"And I won't."

"Then, you brought it to yourself again," he would say as he gets his fingers to work again on her stomach as she'd scream and cave in,

"Fine, fine, you're the cutest guy I'd ever seen."

"And?"

"The hottest?"

"No, the other one."

"The sexiest." She'd say rolling her eyes as we'd laugh and he'd lean in kissing her passionately.

And as per usual, Joe and Demi would go on shouting for them to get a room while I just smile and turn my head wondering if I and Justin could ever be like that.

As simple as the situation was, it's something that you'd never forget; those sweet wonderful moments you have with your beloved ones are the ones you hold on for forever, no matter how silly or simple they are.

XxXx

I read in Selena's diaries:

Seems like life is finally giving me my chance to be happy! Everything is just perfect now, I'm so close to be fully treated and never need drugs again, it took a lot of potential but I know it'll worth it…

And…

NICK IS PROPOSING TO MILEY.

!

Yes, I'm happy for them, very happy. I just can't wait to see Miley's reaction to that, I know she'd be over the moon to be called Nick's fiancée and have him forever as her husband. I know she appreciate him and see him so perfect for her.

I can't wait to see her this happy. God, that's gonna be amazing.

Well, after Nick got the permission from her father to marrying his daughter and her father gladly agreeing, Nick came back from Tennessee –yes, he said it was too important to be handled over the phone, so he flew there and came back- he went on choosing the perfect ring for Miles.

I'm really happy to be a part of the plan. I can't believe that I'm actually engulfed in a plan to make someone happy. Actually it'll make 2 whole families happy, and I'm precipitating in that.

I can already imagine Miley drop her jaw and then realization hit her and then she'd jump up and down screaming a continuous "Yes" and then jump on him hugging him and kissing him like there's no tomorrow.

The only thing that I can't seem to be pushing at the back of my mind is Justin…

No matter how much I tell him that I'm not interested in him, hoping for him to realize what's wrong and then change, he seems to get worse and worse at it.

He's making me crazy with this; I love him and want him to change, why wouldn't he just get that hint?

Well, he sure has to grow some mind and think about it before it's too late and I give up on him… for good…

Even though I hope that doesn't happen, but sometimes, you just can't help it…

XxXx

I read in Selena's diaries:

Just like I expected, When Nick got down on one knee and asked Miley to be his wife, she went crazy and it was just like I expected it. Everything I wished for her.

Nick had planned this on-the-roof dinner for her watching the sunset and having a high sight of the ocean and all.

Then, right when the sun was diving down taking the last ray of light with it, Nick stood up and got on one knee and told her the speech he never rehearsed…

Yes, the one he NEVER rehearsed.

He got one speech all planned out, what he'd say and how and everything, but when it was time, he didn't speak what he has memorized, just what he felt.

From what Miley told me, it was something along the lines of "Miles, since the day Joe has introduced us, I knew you were something special, I never believed in love on first sight, but with you, I never use my logic, it just seems like everything is possible. You, Miley, are everything I'd ever dreamed of and more… so, will you please do me the honor of marrying me?"

She told me that he'd held her hand and kneeled down on one knee and looked her deeply in the eyes. She couldn't help but jump right in between his arms and hold him tightly as she said her "Yes" over and over and then kissing his cheek.

He took the ring out of the small velvet box and slid it into her perfect long finger; just where it belonged.

Then, they started kissing as the first star appeared in the sky.

You would wonder why I'm writing about them in my diaries, when I know that most likely nobody would get to read it even? Well, because those guys are the best thing happening in my life, they're the ones who keep me fighting in this lost battle… I'm looking for a love like theirs, well, I already have Justin loving me and me loving him, but…

Well, Miley, Nick, Demi and even Joe are the ones who give me hope, they're the bright side of my life… while there's another dark one, they don't need to ever find about.

XxXx

I read in Selena's diaries:

Nick and Miley went to Tennessee 2 days after they got engaged, they first celebrated with Nick's family here and then flew over to Tennessee to be with Miley's parents and family.

They were supposed to stay for three days and then come back, but then, Miley's father got a little sick and wanted her to stay, while Nick had a lot of work awaiting for him here, so, she let him come alone promising to come right after her father gets better.

That's when Justin ordered me to attack.

I don't know what got over me, but somehow, he always manages to get me under his charm and make me his own doll making me do whatever he desires.

I spent more time with Nick pretending to talk about the proposal and how it went and everything. I said we should celebrate it, he said we should wait until Miley comes back, but then I told him we could celebrate it more than once.

I took him to our place; the club. First I got him a little drunk and then I offered him our drugs, it took me some time to make him take it, but he eventually did.

I looked over at Justin to see he was smirking at me and giving me a proud nod. I sighed knowing that I've done good to please Justin, but as a price, I'm slowly losing everything else.

This night repeated a few more times, even after Miles was back, we were out clubbing while Miley thought he was working late. He enjoyed the drugs. He enjoyed my company when he was wasted. We made sure to not make him so wasted when Miley was back home, so she wouldn't notice. If he occasionally was a little over exhausted, she blamed it on his work.

Then, that dreadful night happened. I was back at doing drugs knowing how fucked I'm. I was trying to forget the mess I'm involving myself, Nick and Miley into. Even if it was for just the night.

And that's how Justin wanted it.

But, that night. That night no one ever loved, nor will love. Not me, Not Nick, Not Justin, Not Miley, Demi or even Joe will EVER love.

Cause I remember both of us drinking a hell load of different alcoholic drinks and doing some drugs too… which just made us both so horny.

I remember first dirty dancing with Nick and then it got hotter as he slipped his hand under my shirt, the other squeezing my ass.

I remember moaning in pleasure as he kissed my neck and I grabbed his shoulders tightly.

I remember moving to the back of the club and having a full make out session.

I remember taking clothes off and me tracing my fingers along his muscular chest somehow envying Miley for being able to do that whenever she wants while I don't even get to touch Justin; unless he decides to anyway…

I remember him kissing me roughly, and telling me I was hot. HOT not beautiful, so you can see the difference?

I remember him thinking for a second before just doing it and have me scratching his shoulders and calling his name.

I remember calling him "Justin" under my breath and I remember him mistaking me for "Miley" a few times without even apologizing… but I didn't care neither did he.

I remember that for the first time during their three-year relationship, Nick touched another girl but Miley; her best friend.

It was the worst night of my life and the worst part of it, is that I remember it all.

XxXx

I read in Selena's diaries:

Miley, I know some day you'll be reading this, which means no one saved me and I'm long gone. I just know you'll come looking through my things and will find these diaries. So, here's the deal… no words could ever describe how I'm feeling right now and how I've been feeling for the past year. I know by the time you're reading this, you sure know what happened, wither you just found it and feels the hatred towards me, or it's years later and you decided to look at the shit your former best friend wrote while dying again.

I'm not going to defend myself because I'm already dead, it doesn't matter but if you want to know my reason just know that life has been a bitch to me all the time I've been alive, the only times I was happy were the times I spent with you guys. Minus that night of course…

So, what matters the most right now is Nick; he's still there and you probably just left him without hearing any explanation… but Nick has been crying for nights just imagining your reaction if you knew, Miley. He loves you. Don't let a bitch like myself gets in your way. Yes, he did wrong but he regrets it… then again, who doesn't make mistakes, aren't those your own words? Nobody is perfect, isn't that your motto?

I know you see him so perfect, but… he's still a human, he totally regrets it, Mi. He's a mess, Mi. He wants to make it up to you without telling you but he doesn't know how. He wants to make you happy and end up the torturing guilt he's feeling inside, but he just doesn't know the way.

Nick loves you.

And me, I found no way to end up the mess I made but dying. So, here I'm. You, Justin, Gabriella… everything.

Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, but it's just every time I look at her, I remember what I've done to you, and I can't put her through this, she's young now, but she'll notice I'm a weird mother when she grows up, so, I'd prefer her have normal life than mine.

So, Miley… please just forgive Nick. He loves you so much.

XxXx

I read A LOT in Selena's diaries.

After that little incident of me blacking out on Joe and Demi after the marathon of thoughts that took place inside my head I just preferred to be alone. Just me and those diaries.

Demi didn't know about that when she gladly took over Gabby for the mean time. But I was secretly reading those ripped out papers inside the big book. I cried. I cried. I cried and cried.

Selena loved us.

She did.

But, sometimes life happens…

A/N: I don't know why but I love this chapter? Am I even allowed to say that about my own writing? LOL! Anyway, what I meant is I loved writing this chapter :D So, thank you very much guys for your support.. and now that you know more about their relationship and what happened that night… what do you think? :D Please share your thoughts with me.. they definitely keep me going with this story :)