Okay so I'm back guys ... As I explained in my other posts this week there was a reason for my absence but I won't bore you with it.
I am back and I'm making an effort to start updating regularly again.
This is the one fic that had me stumped before I stopped writing this summer and I just couldn't see a way forward but I think I've found it.
Hope you enjoy this chapter. Love you guys who have been reviewing in my absence and asking after me.
Clary is finally walking out of the changing room to the parking lot. It has probably been more than 20 minutes mainly because she has been psyching herself out. Also because she didn't want to go out too early in case Jace wasn't there yet. She hasn't changed out of her gym clothes but she doesn't really see the point. She has already spoken to Jon and told him to stay out of the house tonight. She doesn't need the boys to have another round of fisticuffs.
She walks out and Jace is leaning against his car in deep thought also still in his gym clothes. The two bruises on his face have darkened to a brilliant shade of purple. She could kill Jon but she also realises this is probably her fault.
She walks towards the car quickly and Jace looks up at her. She nods at him and opens the passenger side and jumps in. He follows suit and they are both sitting in the car in silence.
"Do you want me to... Just drop you home." Jace asks softly not looking at her.
"We need to talk..." She says quietly.
"I'm making you uncomfortable." He says starting the ignition, "I don't want to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with.."
To be honest he is more scared of what she will say than anything else. He can't cope with losing her again.
"You're not... I just need to shower and ... We can talk." She says gently.
He backs out of the space and they drive home in silence. He switches on the radio to mask it.
Song plays - undecided.
She could laugh the song is so apt.
It doesn't take them long and they are in her driveway. The entire car ride over had continued in a somewhat comfortable silence.
She walks into the house throwing her things down. She goes to the kitchen and sees a note on the table from her parents. Jace follows behind her.
- Gone to NY to see some new talent back on Sunday - Mum & Luke xxx
She breathes a sigh of relief. Her mum has been dogging her about Jace constantly asking why he hasn't come around and Clary has dodged her constantly. It's probably a good thing she isn't here to make things even more awkward.
"Mum and Luke are coming back on Sunday..." She says, "I need to shower..."
He nods.
"I'm going to use Jon's." He says looking at her and walks out.
Clary has showered and changed into a form fitting jersey dress that skims her mid-thigh. She runs her hands through her hair to separate her freshly blow dried curls. She sighs pins them up on her head. She doesn't know why she is dressing up but she has been acting strangely lately even by her own estimations.
"This is too much" she says to herself sighing and is just about pull it off and change when she hears a knock at the door.
She sighs and walks towards the door. Jace is standing at the door his damp hair sticking to his forehead. She sucks in a breath. He is wearing a black form fitting t-shirt and dark jeans that show off his muscular lean body and he looks simply breath-taking. They are both barefoot.
He looks down at her appraising her from top to toe and his hand comes down. He removes the pin from her hair in one swift movement and it tumbles down around her shoulders.
"Much better..." He says his voice hoarse. He smirks at her and she moves away from the door to let him in.
"Sit..." She says softly. He sits down on the bed and she takes her seat next to him.
"So..." He asks softly turning to her, "can I ask what's going in that pretty little head of yours?"
"I don't know what to say..." She says shrugging. She wishes he would have said something first to make it easier for her.
"Okay...how about this?" He says carefully, "I'm sorry if I upset you but you need to tell me what you're thinking … I don't understand…"
"I can't." She says not looking at him. She feels him tense beside her at her obvious choice not to meet his eyes. She doesn't know how to explain to him how she's feeling and she doesn't feel like sharing her thoughts mainly because she's embarrassed.
"That's not good enough." He says frustrated. He doesn't want to take the lead in the conversation because he doesn't want to pressure her into anything not after he messed up so badly last time.
"You're confusing me..." She says burying her head in her hands.
"I'm confusing you?" He asks incredulously, "I think I've made it pretty clear what I want."
"What do you want, Jace?" She asks hotly looking up at him finally their eyes finally meeting. The look in his eyes is burning hot and she feels her face heat up and she stares straight back at him.
"I want you." He tells her unashamedly. And he somewhat regrets his bluntness but he doesn't want to give her an out now. If she feels even a little for him what he feels for her she could want him too. He holds onto that hope more than any other thing he has hoped for before.
"What does that even mean?" She says sighing and breaking their eye contact. She hadn't expected him to be so frank and her insecurities are clawing at her insides. The voice in her head telling her he could never want a girl like her.
"It means that I want you god dammit!" He says finally snapping and losing his patience with her, "what's hard to understand about that?"
"Everything ... It's all so ridiculous." She says sharply. She has been brought out of her thoughts by his words and can't help but reply in a cutting tone. This is all too much for her to process and she is responding the only way she knows how.
"Oh right... Because you're not being ridiculous?!" He asks losing his cool.
"Screw you, Jace." She says bitingly.
"Gladly..." He says not missing a beat and presses her against the bed.
She cries out but his hands and wrapped around her wrists holding her down with the weight of his body against hers. He is so close to her so close that she wants to close the distance between them and kiss him but she breaks out of the spell she is under and shoves him off.
"Get off me.. Right now!" She cries out.
He let's go of her and climbs off her. He stands up and goes to the other side of the room and leans against the wall. He can't be near her like this without wanting to have his hands on her. He knows what he did was stupid but he can't go on like this for much longer with her leaving him in a suspended state.
"I'm going to stand over here..." He says quietly trying to keep a safe distance from her.
"I think you should leave." Clary says once her pulse lowers back to normal. She just doesn't know how to get her words out there is so much she wants to ask him but she can't. She wants him to leave because the air in the room is starting to suffocate her and she can't think straight.
"You're the one who wanted to talk." He says contemptuously.
"I don't know what you want me to say." She says indignantly.
"What do you want from me Clary, I'm being honest with you, just tell me what you want." He says sighing.
She takes a deep breath and looks up at him. He looks so conflicted and she doesn't want him to feel like this, he's her best friend for goodness sake. She would never want to hur t him. Everything is so confusing and she just wants things to go back to normal despite also wanting to give him a chance.
But she knows if he was to cast her off or get bored of her like every other girl she wouldn't be able to recover after that. It would destroy her. Anyone else she would eventually be fine but him she has loved him she realises now for much longer than she had ever thought. She's known him for so long and never seen him in a serious relationship and despite what her heart wants to believe she knows she needs to be logical. She needs to look at facts.
"Jace, you're my best friend …" she starts softly and she wants explain but the words won't leave her mouth and tears spring to her eyes, "I just want my best friend back, can I have him back?"
She can't look at him but if she did she might have caught the moment she broke his heart. Instead when she looks up he doesn't look conflicted anymore he has a small smile on his face.
"Of course you can," He says shaking his head at her, "I promise I won't bring this up again."
She lets the tears fall down her cheeks and he comes over to her and wraps an arm around her hugging her close.
"Please don't cry Clary," he says softly, "Thank you for being honest with me that's all I wanted, I'm sorry if I upset you."
"I'm fine … I've just missed you, Jace" she says hugging him close to her. He sighs and strokes her hair. He feels hollow inside but he's glad to not be fighting with her anymore.
"Do you want me to leave, I can come back tomorrow…" He asks gently hoping she says yes, he needs some time to himself now to calm down and wallow in the pain he can't show her.
"Don't you dare," She whispers hugging him even more tightly, "I need you."
"Okay, Clare. I'm not going anywhere," He says quietly, "let's go down and get something to eat and watch a movie…" He would do anything for her, anything she asked him to.
She sits up and wipes her tears away on the back of her hand and smiles at him feeling like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders.
"That sounds perfect, Pizza right?" She says looking up at him. And she feels like finally things might be back to normal again.
"Chinese, Miss Fray, if I'm going to be subjected to one of your chick flicks." He says grinning at her.
"I didn't say we were going to watch a chick flick …" she says swatting him with her arm.
"But we are aren't we…" he says smirking at her.
"James Bond Marathon?" She asks thoughtfully.
"You're on!" he says standing up and pulling her up with him.
It may not be what he wants but at least he still has her. He just hopes he can make it through the weekend without having a meltdown.
"I'll meet you downstairs, I'm just going to use the bathroom." She says as he makes his way to the door. She goes to the bathroom to wash her tear stained face. She looks at herself in the mirror and wonders if she made the right decision. It feels good right now but there is a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach telling her she might come to regret it.
So that wasn't originally how I had this chapter going ... but it wasn't working well for the story and this is much more in line with how I want the story to go. It just took me a while to realise how I wanted this chapter to go.
What do you think? Is this what you expected to happen next?
If you read my original chapter you would realise this isn't where I expected it to go at all but I'm glad I finally got this chapter out.
This is a journey remember ... as much as I like to write stories where Clary and Jace get together instantly it doesn't make for very long stories. So enjoy the rollercoaster guys ... I promise you will not regret it.
P.S. Looking for a beta reader, I read back over my posts and there are so many typos and little errors. PM if you're interested but I need to get into the habit of writing things well in advance if I am to have a beta.
Much love x