A/N: I know, I know, this chapter is WAY overdue. I've had some troubles trying to figure out where this story should go after this, and I've considered maybe changing some of the following chapters to make the story go down a slightly different path. I haven't decided what to do yet, but if I decide to change the story it will take a while, seeing how I have a bit of a writer's block at the moment, and it's Christmas time (which means I'll have to cram in some writing in between all the eating and bickering with my family). Anyway, hope you'll enjoy the chapter, and please review.

Warnings: Foul language.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

12.

Ron's heart was beating madly and his mouth was dry as a desert. He was sitting on Harry's bed, anxiously waiting for his friend to return after lunch. It was the last day before Christmas break and Ron had already packed and repacked his trunk, feeling far too nervous to be able to stomach any food at the moment.

After much soul searching and encouragement from Hermione he had decided to finally tell Harry how he felt. And it was giving him bloody heart palpitations. He had waited and waited for the perfect moment but it had never presented itself, and with the ever present threat of the deadline Ginny had given Harry concerning their relationship, Ron felt it was now or never.

At first, Ron had been surprised to find Ginny's deadline (he tried to refrain from thinking of it as an ultimatum, he didn't want to think so badly of his own sister) had made him feel so stressed. There really should be nothing to it, should there? It had nothing to do with him, after all. But if he ventured further into his own feelings and thoughts, he knew that wasn't true.

There was a part of him, a small, hopeful, fluttery part, which secretly hoped Harry would choose him. Not as a romantic interest, he wouldn't dare to think that, but that the dark haired boy would choose his friendship over his sister's love. That Harry would forego Ginny to be able to keep Ron in his life, and maybe telling the other boy how he felt would do that.

Plus, Ron was really growing tired of having to pretend all the time, having to watch his steps and his tongue constantly, trying to second guess himself, feeling scared that Harry or somebody else would find out. Two people knew already, and there was no guarantee that no one else would figure it out. And Ron would rather Harry hear about it from him than from some random Gryffindor who had caught on to Ron's emotions.

Dean and Seamus had already carried their trunks down to the Common Room, and hopefully they wouldn't return to their dorm, giving Ron and Harry the space to talk in private.

Ron got off the bed for the nth time in five minutes and started pacing across the room in an attempt to calm his nerves. He was so engrossed in his own pacing that he jumped in surprise to see Harry entering the room.

"Hi mate," Harry greeted. "What's the matter? You seem a bit jittery."

Ron drew a deep breath. It's now or never, he reminded himself.

"Harry," he began, voice a bit shaky. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Oh?" Harry sat down on his bed, looking expectantly at his friend. "What is it?"

Ron started pacing again, trying to find out a good way to start.

"So yeah, I really don't know where to start with this," Ron rushed. "It's kind of a big deal and…and I don't really know how you'll react."

Ron could feel his palms getting sweaty as he continued to stride back and forth across the room, Harry's eyes trained on him.

"I'm afraid you'll…you'll hate me or never want to talk to me again or…"

Suddenly Harry was in front of him, blocking his path. Ron made to turn, not really wanting to face the other boy right now, but Harry grabbed his shoulders, keeping him in place.

"Ron, calm down. I'm sure it's not that bad. You're my best mate, and I doubt there's anything you could say that would make me stop talking to you."

Ron could not for his life figure out what possessed him to do what he did next. Maybe it was Harry's reassuring smile, or his soothing voice, or the way his hands held Ron in place, keeping him rooted.

Whatever it was, it made Ron lunge forward, closing the distance between them and press his lips against Harry's. For a moment Harry just stood there, seemingly frozen to the spot. Then, for the smallest of seconds, Ron thought he felt Harry returning the kiss. Then all of a sudden the dark haired teen was at the other side of the room.

"What…the HELL…was that?" Harry asked, confusion obvious in his voice. "Why did you do that?"

For a moment Ron considered just fleeing the scene, running out of the dorm and away from Hogwarts, never to return, forgetting all about what had just happened and all about Harry. But the look in Harry's eyes made him abandon that plan, realising that he had to tell Harry the truth. He owed him that much, seeing how he had just kissed him.

"Harry, I…I'm in love with you," Ron's voice was quiet.

"You're what?" Harry asked incredulously.

"I'm in love with you," Ron repeated, knowing very well that Harry had heard him fine the first time.

"But…how? I mean…what about Blaise?"

"I was never really in love with Blaise. I was just so afraid that you were going to find out who I really was in love with, so I…I lied."

"You lied?"

"Yeah," Ron admitted, running a hand through his hair. "It was you all along, Harry."

Harry fell silent, staring at Ron with an unreadable expression on his face. Ron twisted his hands nervously awaiting a reaction from Harry. But nothing came.

"Harry?" Ron asked carefully, when he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

Harry jolted back a little, almost as if he was startled by Ron's presence. Then a sudden look of anger crossed his face.

"Why are you telling me this now?" he asked heatedly. "I mean, you've obviously felt this way for quite some time… How long exactly?"

"I don't know," Ron mumbled, but the look on Harry's face told him that it wasn't a satisfactory answer. "Since this summer?" the redhead added hesitantly.

"You've felt this way since…for fucking months, and you haven't bothered to tell me?"

"I tried to…" Ron started, but Harry interrupted him.

"Yeah, well, you didn't, did you? You just didn't tell me, for months, and you made me believe that you and that…and that git had something together, and you never bothered to tell me… Why now, Ron? You know what Ginny has asked of me, and now you…"

"I'm not asking anything from you," Ron said quickly. "I don't expect you to…do anything."

"Yeah, well it doesn't fucking work like that, does it, Ron?"

Harry had got up from the bed and started pacing, very much like Ron had done just minutes earlier. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and Ron felt the situation turning into what he had dreaded the most.

"It doesn't work like that," Harry repeated. "You can't just tell me something like that and expect nothing to happen, expect everything to be the same. You can't just bloody kiss me and then…You've…you've changed everything. Everything!"

Harry stopped for a moment, looking directly at Ron.

"I'm sorry," Ron whispered brokenly, eyes stinging with unshed tears. "I just…I just thought you should know."

"Yeah, well now I know," Harry snarled. "What now?"

"I don't know," Ron's voice shook.

"Yeah, you said that. I just…I just…I don't even know. This is all…I don't know. You…I…I don't understand," Harry rambled, starting to sound more flustered than angry now. "Fuck, Ron! I just…why? Why me?"

"I don't know," Ron said again, choking on the words.

"You know what? I just can't…do this right now. I really can't. I…bye Ron."

With that Harry left the room, leaving a more than crestfallen Ron behind.

Hermione entered the room ten minutes later asking for Harry's trunk only to find Ron curled up on the bed, eyes red rimmed and chest aching.

He felt as if his heart was crushed to smithereens.