Erin agreed to go back to Chicago because it was the easy way out. She was stubborn, but she was also sick, she didn't have the energy to keep fighting with Hank and Jay. Together the two of them would always wear her down. She didn't really know what she wanted, she wanted to be left alone but when she was alone, it didn't take long before she was unhappy and wanting them back. She didn't really want to stay in St Louis, she wanted a fresh start but St Louis wasn't the city she'd choose to make it in, it was just the one she ended up in. A lot of bad things had happened to her in Chicago, but there were good things which had happened to her too, her life wasn't all bad. Deep down she knew all this was true but it was hard to see through the darkness. No matter how much they said they cared about her she couldn't shake the feeling they'd be better off without her.
It took four days for then to arrange the transfer. Hank was doing all the leg work, making all the phone calls. Her doctors started treating her differently, they were more interested in keeping the status quo, making sure she remained stable but they didn't try to improve her condition. The early concerns they'd had about the amount of pain she was on were pushed aside, they treated her pain, stopped questioning the validity of the pain.
…
The night before Erin's transfer Hank and Jay sat together in a booth at the place they'd been eating at most nights of their stay. It was somewhere between a bar and a diner, at the times they were there it was more diner like but apparently it was quite a happening place come late night. They were making their way through burgers, bowls of chilli fries and a jug of beer.
"So this is it," Jay said with a smile, "Tomorrow we'll be home."
Hank nodded his mouth full of burger.
"I don't mind this city, but I'll be glad to see the back of it," Jay continued, "maybe we could go see a Cubs game when we get back." A month ago he never would have asked Hank that, but now the question seemed to fall out his mouth as easy as anything. Their relationship had changed during their time in St Louis; circumstance had forced them to work together in a way quite different from how they worked in the unit. They had an understanding of each other and a friendship, ties that ran deeper than anything they would have got from work alone.
Voight finished his mouthful and smiled, "maybe when Erin's out of the hospital we can drag her along to one."
"Does she like baseball?" Jay asked, in the time they'd spent working together she'd never once mentioned it.
"Not exactly," Hank said, as a smile spread across his face all the way to his eyes. "Did she ever tell you how her and I first met?"
"No," Jay said his eyebrows rising in curiosity.
"Well," Hank said still smiling, "I think she was about ten. It was a few years before she started working as a CI for me. I'd just got word of my promotion to Detective and I was shifting to the gang unit the next day. So I was working my last shift as a patrol officer in uniform and I get this call that a bunch of kids are creating a disturbance at Wrigley Field. So partner and I drive down there and there's this massive group of kids hanging around a side entrance. We give the lights and serein a quick flash and the kids scatter, all except this one girl."
"Erin?"
"Yeah," Hank smiled and he kept going. "She'd been trying to get into the stadium and had somehow got herself stuck on the perimeter fence. Her hair and her jacket were all caught on the barbed wire. So she's just hanging there, fifteen, twenty feet up in the air. We had to phone the fire department to come cut her down. She wasn't hurt and it was nearing the end of my shift so I decided to let her go with a warning. I told her to scram and I didn't want to see her around the area again. A few years later I saw her again, helped her out of another jam. I don't even know if she recognised me but I recognised her. That was when I gave her my card."
"Nice," Jay smiled, "did you ever take her to a Cubs game?"
"Nah," Hank said suppressing a laugh, "I asked her a couple time but she said she didn't like the place."
Jay chuckled to himself as he pictured a little Erin hanging from the fence of Wrigley Field.
…
Jay gave Erin a hug, kissed her goodbye and told her he'd see her in Chicago. Voight and him had worked it out, he'd say goodbye in the morning and start the five hour drive home. Her transfer wasn't scheduled until the afternoon but this would mean one of them would be there to meet her when she arrived. Not that there was any shortage of people wanting to see her back home. The whole unit was looking forward to having all of them back. It had been a tough few weeks operating without their Sargent and two detectives.
Erin was acting very non-phased about the transfer; it was like once she accepted it was happening she didn't try to fight it. She just nodded, smiled, and did what she was told. For the most part she seemed to have her head on straight but then she'd say something and he'd question how much of what she was presenting was just an act. He had five hours to think about it, five hours to analyse and over think everyone of Erin's actions.
…
Erin watched Jay walk out the room and she let out a slow breath. There was an anxiety and dread building inside of her that she wasn't expecting. She'd known the transfer was happening, once she'd agreed to it, it had taken Hank four days to organise. She'd accepted she was returning to the city she'd always called home. It wasn't returning to Chicago that was freaking her out, it was the transfer itself. She could feel her heart racing at the idea of it. When Hank came to see her he didn't notice but the anxiety was building, she was breaking out in a sweet. When they came to move her she freaked out.
"No!" she said gripping the side of the bed so hard her knuckles went white, "I don't want to go."
"Erin," Hank spoke to her using his fatherly tone, "what's wrong? We've been through this."
"I don't know," she said because she really didn't know why her body was acting like this, "I have a bad feeling. I don't want to go."
"Erin," Hank said taking her hand, he could feel it trembling in his own, "we talked about this, Chicago is the best place for you."
"I know," she said trying to calm herself down, "I don't know what's wrong with me."
Her doctor stepped forward. "Erin, I'm going to give you something to calm you down," he told her before injecting something in her IV. She instantly started to relax.
"What did you give her?" Hank asked, Erin's hand had stopped shaking and was starting to go limp in his own.
"A mild sedative," the doctor smiled, "sometimes it's needed when transporting patients, especially road accident victims."
"Okay," Hank nodded, looking at a now sleeping Erin. He walked with them to the waiting ambulance. He kissed her goodbye and told her he'd see her at home but she was too out of it to respond. He walked away feeling like they were just scratching the surface of things Erin was going to have to battle through.
…
As the Chicago skyline came into view Jay couldn't help but smile, his five hour drive was coming to an end. He checked his watch; he was making good time it was still a few hours before Erin was due to arrive. He thought about going home but decided to go to the district instead. He only had to step in the front doors before Platt was coming around her counter and offering him a hug. The gesture completely threw him; he wasn't used to Platt being nice to him.
"How's Lindsay?" she asked.
"Getting better, I think," he said with a shrug, "It's hard to tell with her sometimes. Physically she's getting better but she's still got a long way to go."
"I see," Platt said nodding, "Do you think she'd mind if I came visit her?"
"I don't know," he said shaking his head, "You should defiantly go visit her. But she's a bit hit and miss on if she actually wants visitors."
"Okay," Platt said nodding more. There was an awkward pause between them. Jay was about to excuse himself to head upstairs when Platt seemed to finish her thought. "I've got something to show you," she said before turning around and heading back to her counter.
He waited in front of the counter for Platte to retrieve whatever it was. She placed a stack of papers on the bench, flyers. "What do you think?" she asked handing one to him, "Battle of the Badges, proceeds to help cover Lindsay's medical bills."
Jay read the flyer, boxing CPD verses CFD. He smiled at the idea, "Looks great," he said, "should be a fun night."
"We've scheduled it for three weeks from now. Do you think Lindsay will be out of the hospital by then?"
"Hopefully, but I've really got no idea." Behind him he heard the doors open and a familiar voice call out.
"Hey Sarg, we need a new vehicle. This one smells like something died in it."
"Burgess, what did I tell you about interrupting me," Platter snapped, but she said the words with a smile in her voice.
"Sorry Sarg," Burgess said placing the keys on the counter.
Platt shrugged but turned her attention back to Jay, "So Halstead, Antonio has already agreed to box the men's fight. I've just got to find someone to box in the women's fight. Burgess?"
"I already told you no, Gabriella Dawson would flatten me in ten seconds. Can we get a new car?"
"No, that's the one I assigned you today."
"Sarg."
Jay smiled at the exchange between Platt and Burgess. Platt liked to come across as a hard arse but she'd always relent in the end.
"Should I leave you ladies to stoss this out?" he asked taking half a step back, "Can you buzz me upstairs?"
"Halstead?" Burgess turned to look at him as if she hadn't realised she'd been standing next to him for the last minute. "When did you get back? How's Lindsay?"
"Just now, and she's doing okay, she's still got a long way to go though."
"Okay good, tell her we're all thinking of her."
"Will do," He said and he began walking to the stairs. He heard the click of the gate open and he walked on up. When he reached the Intelligence floor it was completely empty. On the far side of the room was the white board with the mug shots of the persons of interest for the case they were working. He starred at the pictures, at the notes that were made, without context it didn't make any sense, but he looked at it anyway, then sat at his desk, turned on his computer.
Five minutes later Mouse came dancing into the room. He was in his own world and thought he was alone. Jay started laughing and Mouse pulled up.
"Halstead!" Mouse beamed, Jay stood up and the two of them embraced in a big hug. "Glad to have you back. How's Lindsay?"
"I don't know," Jay said looking straight at his friend, "physically she's doing okay but sometimes she says these things and they scare the crap out of me."
"Like what?"
"Like the shit I used to say," Jay said dropping his voice to almost a whisper.
Mouse's eyebrows raised and a look of concern crossed his face. "You mean like?"
"Yeah," Jay said nodding. Mouse didn't need to finish his sentence for the two of them to know exactly what they were talking about. "I'm sorry for what I put you through. I had no idea."
"It's alright," Mouse said with a smile, "You were my best mate, I wasn't going to let you disappear into a black hole."
"Thanks," Jay smiled. It had been a long time since either of them had even mentioned that time in their lives. "I don't know what to do for her."
"Have you told her about you? About what happened?"
"No," Jay said shaking his head, "this is about her. I didn't want to make it about me."
"Maybe you should tell her. It might help her to see the other side."
"Or it could make things worse."
"So could doing nothing," Mouse offered with a sympathetic smile.
"Yeah, I know," It wasn't that he didn't want Erin to know about his past, about the things that happened to him, he just didn't want to talk about it. He'd spent years in therapy talking about it, it never really got easy, he just got better at dealing with it.
"Well if you need to get anything off your chest. I'm here." Mouse offered giving him a playful push in the shoulder.
"I know," Jay said pushing back. He looked down at his watch and sighed. "I should get going. Tell everyone I stopped by."
…
An incessant pounding at her head, voices screaming, yelling words which made no sense. Erin wanted to run but she was weighed down by an incomprehendable weight. She couldn't move. Fear gripped her body and then her eyes flew open.
She didn't know where she was but it was no longer dark. It was bright, too bright. She tried to sit up but pressure pushed down on her chest, she tried to move her arms but they were held down too. She let out a moan, a cry for help and someone finally noticed she was awake.
"Hi Erin, my name is Jade. I'm a nurse with Air Ambulance," a young woman began saying to her, "You're in the back of an ambulance. We're on our way to Chicago Med. You're safe. I need to you focus on your breathing. Can you try to do that for me? I don't want to sedate you again."
Erin nodded her breathing still too fast for her to speak.
"Okay good, now I want you to breathe with me. In through the nose, out through the mouth."
Erin kept her eyes fixed on the nurse. She concentrated on breathing in and out like she told her to. It was hard but it worked, slowly her breathing levelled off and she heart rate slowed down. The nurse loosened the straps a little so she could free her arms and adjusted the bed into a more sitting position. They were almost at the hospital; they didn't need to make small talk for long.
She was thankfully taken straight from the ambulance to a room on the wards. Jay was sitting there waiting for her, reading a magazine. He smiled at the sight of her.
"You know you don't have to do that," she said to him.
"Do what?" he asked closing the magazine.
"Be here all the time." The orderlies and nurses helped her transfer from the stretcher to the bed, while they moved about the conversation paused. They told her the doctor would be in to see her soon and left.
"I'm here because I want to be."
"But what if I want to be alone?"
Jay placed his magazine on the side table and pulled his chair close to her bed. "Do you really want to be alone Erin?" he asked, "Because I think you're full of it. I don't think you want to be alone. I just think you're scared."
"Whatever," she said not want to encourage him, not wanting to start a fight. He was right to a point but she didn't want him to know that. "You can stay until the doctor's been okay. You can hear what they have to say but then I want you to go sleep in your own bed."
"Okay," Jay smiled; in all honesty he liked the idea of his own bed. "How was the trip over?"
"Fine," she said not wanting to talk about the panic attacks she'd clearly had, "I slept thought most of it. Can we just watch some television?"
"Sure," Jay handed her the remote and she began flicking through channels before settling on a reality cooking show. She'd seen the show a few times in St Louis, it wasn't particularly good but two of the contestants were female cops so she found herself intrigued by it.
They'd been waiting almost half an hour before her doctors arrived. Her doctors were Dr Walsh and Dr Cy. Walsh was in charge, he did most of the talking, Cy seemed to only speak when spoken to and rattled off answers like he was being quizzed. They started off by criticising some of the decisions her St Louis doctors had made. They didn't like home much pain medication she was on and they thought she should have had her final abdominal surgery days ago. They handed her consent forms and told her they'd booked the surgery for the following morning. She gave Jay a look as they handed her the papers. She could see he was worried about another fight but she didn't feel like fighting about this, she actually liked the idea of being able to eat food again. He said he wanted to speed things up, that in a week's time he was going to have her off the pain meds and out of bed.
Jay turned to her as the doctors left, "What do you think?" he asked.
"This week is going to be horrible," she said which was putting it lightly. The idea of being both off the pain killers and out of bed scared her. The amount of pain she'd be in was daunting, she wondered if the doctors realised she was dependent on the medication.
"We'll be here with you," Jay said squeezing her hand.
"That's not going to make it hurt any less."
"I guess not," Jay said trying to smile. He stood up and caressed the side of her face, pushed some hair behind her ear. "You'll get through this," he told her, "now would you like me to stay for a bit or do you want to go to sleep?"
"I want to go to sleep," she said with a small smiled, "but you can stay for a bit as well."
"Okay," Jay smiled, "I'll stay until you're asleep, get some rest." He kissed her gently and took his seat. She closed her eyes and he watched for the moment her body would relax completely, for sleep to take her away. When he was sure she was asleep he slipped out the room. He would go home tonight; he would sleep in his own bed.
AN: Thanks for reading. I've got what I hope are some interesting things planned for this story. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and happy to take suggestions and idea. :-)