Author's Note: Okay, so Quinn sleeping with Puck seems to have caused a bit of controversy, LOL. I didn't intend for that to happen when I started writing the story, but as I got to that point it just felt like something she would do. As I said at the start of the last chapter, I feel like Quinn always does stupid things whenever she's hurting (e.g. getting a Ryan Seacrest tattoo or trying to get Beth back by planting tabasco sauce and books about devil worshipping in her adoptive mother's apartment!) Hopefully, this chapter will start to make up for it though, and I promise some happier times ahead (for a while at least)!
Chapter Twelve: Wherever You Will Go
Quinn looked critically at her reflection in the full length mirror in her bedroom and barely recognized the girl starting back at her. In the past five days she'd lost several lbs from her already slender frame and her black dress hung loosely. She had dark shadows beneath her eyes and her complexion was pale and washed out. Her new haircut, courtesy of her mom's stylist, fell just below her shoulders with long wavy layers and bangs just long enough to brush her eyelashes. Her mom would be happy that it covered the ugly bruise above her left eye.
It was more than just her physical appearance however. Quinn didn't know who she was turning into. Using someone for sex, cheating on someone she really cared about in the process - she really didn't want to be that kind of girl. She was tired of worrying and over-analyzing and she was sick to death of crying.
She closed her eyes and prayed, making a deal with God that if He helped her get through today, she would be a better person. She just hoped He was listening. She fastened her gold cross around her neck and attempted a smile at the girl in the mirror. It was only a small smile and it didn't reach her eyes but the girl in the mirror smiled back.
The funeral went much as Quinn expected, people talking about what a wonderful man her father had been and how it was a terrible shame that he'd been taken before his time. The fact that her father had been a bully, a bigot, and a hypocrite was glossed over as the priest eulogised about a good man who loved his family and his church.
Quinn sat dry eyed in the front row whilst her mom and her sister wept beside her. It wasn't until the end of the service when they were leaving to go to the cemetery that Quinn noticed the familiar face at the back of the church. It touched her more than she could say that Mr Schuester had come along to the church. He'd never met her father so she knew he was there for her. She wanted to ask him how he'd known about the service but her mother had hold of her hand and was dragging her to a waiting car for the private burial.
An hour later, they arrived at her mom's house (Quinn could no longer think of it as her house) for the wake and her mom headed straight for the bar. Tired of babysitting her, Quinn wandered outside in the direction of the pool and hot tub. She sat down on the low wall separating the patio from the grass and looked out over the garden. Most of the mourners stayed inside as the day was overcast and cool, but one or two drifted over to talk to her and commiserate over the terrible sense of loss they thought she must feel. Her responses were perfunctory at best and she was soon left alone with only her thoughts for company.
"Quinn?" a familiar voice snapped her out of her daze. Will Schuester stood on the patio behind her and he wasn't alone. He was flanked by most of the current members of the McKinley Glee Club. Quinn felt her first real smile of the day light up her features as Mr Schue gave her a hug. She asked him the question she'd wanted to know earlier at the church.
"How did you know?"
"Rachel called me," he admitted. "She and Santana thought you might be able to use the support, even if you wouldn't admit it." Quinn's smile widened, hearing Santana's name.
"Thank you for coming," she said, hugging Tina, Artie, and Sam, one after another. "It means a lot."
"We wanted to be here for you," Tina told her. "You'd do the same for any one of us."
Sam cleared his throat, and gestured to the long dark haired girl Quinn seemed to remember was called Marley. "We wanted to do something for you," Sam told her, as Artie produced a CD player and pressed play. Marley opened her mouth and began to sing, her beautiful voice clear and melodious.
So lately, I've been wondering
Who will be there to take my place?
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall
It'll fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own?
The rest of the Glee Club harmonized along with her on the chorus.
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
Sam sang the bridge before the rest of the gang joined in again for the final chorus.
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go
As Marley's voice rang out on the final notes, Quinn felt the Glee Club members crowd around her to squeeze her tightly in a big group hug. Sam pushed through them to whisper into her ear.
"Blaine told me to tell you that Santana chose the song," he said. "I don't know why, but Blaine said it was important that you knew."
Quinn didn't get back to the loft in New York until almost midnight but her roommates were all waiting up for her. They crowded round and made a fuss of her, all but Santana who held back slightly.
Quinn shot her a tentative smile and Santana stepped forward to give her a brief hug. When the others weren't looking, Santana gave Quinn's hand a reassuring squeeze, and Quinn was relieved that their fight on the phone seemed to be forgotten.
As she looked at her friends, Quinn remembered what she'd promised herself that morning. God had helped her to get through the day, and now she felt it was her turn to uphold her end of the bargain.
"I'm so sorry I was a bitch to you all before I left," the new-and-improved Quinn told them all but it was Santana whose gaze she held as she spoke.
"We're just glad you're okay," Blaine told her, giving her shoulders a squeeze. "You are okay, aren't you?"
"I'm working on it," Quinn told him with a wry smile.
"You're looking thin though," Kurt said, his brows puckered with worry. "We're going to need to feed you up."
"I'm fine, Kurt," Quinn said, shaking her head at him.
"Well, I'm glad you're back Quinn, really," said Rachel, getting to her feet, "but as a professional actress, I really do need to get eight hours of quality sleep if I'm to perform at my best and I still have to do my nightly cleansing rituals so if you'll excuse me…" Kurt, Blaine, and Santana burst into raucous laughter as Rachel glared at them indignantly. The new-and-improved Quinn tried to nod understandingly but she caught Santana's eye and her resolve slipped. She began to giggle, attempting unsuccessfully to hide the fact behind her hands. Rachel pouted, but her roommates' giddiness was infectious and she laughed as well. "I'm going to bed," she said finally, when everyone had calmed down a little. "It's good to have you home, Quinn."
Kurt and Blaine started to talk about turning in as well, so Quinn hugged them goodnight and went into the bathroom to change. When she went into her bedroom, Santana was already in bed, but she looked up at Quinn expectantly.
"I've missed you," she said shyly. Quinn climbed into bed beside her and tucked Santana's shiny dark hair behind her ear gently.
"I've missed you too," she admitted, not taking her eyes off Santana's face, wanting to memorize every last detail. "Thank you for my song, by the way. I'm sorry you weren't there to sing it to me."
"It's okay, Q," Santana assured her. "I don't blame you." There was a moment of silence, where both girls were lost in their own thoughts. Quinn thanked God for listening to her prayer that morning, as she laid her head against Santana's shoulder.
"You changed your hair." Santana tugged gently on Quinn's bangs. "I like it, it's hot."
"Yeah?" Quinn grinned. "I'm glad you like it." Suddenly, Santana's smile faded as she brushed Quinn's bangs to one side and touched the ugly purple welt on her temple.
"What did you do to yourself?" Santana asked, her dark eyes full of concern.
"It's nothing," Quinn said dismissively. "I fell down, that's all. I've had worse. Do you remember when I fell off the top of the pyramid in Freshman year?"
Santana blushed. "Um, that may have been my fault. I dropped you," she admitted with a grimace.
"Why would you do that?" exclaimed Quinn with a surprised smile.
"You stole my lip gloss," Santana admitted. "It was cherry flavored and it was my favorite!"
"So, you just dumped me off the top of the pyramid?" Quinn marvelled at Santana's audacity.
"Sorry," she smirked, and Quinn hit her with her pillow.
"Ouch," Santana complained, and Quinn laughed out loud.
"It serves you right."
Santana's eyes glittered mischievously and she fired her own pillow at Quinn. Quinn caught it and a brief tug of war ensued, and Santana emerged victorious, straddling Quinn's waist as she held the pillow out of reach. Both girls were laughing and breathing hard.
"I really want to kiss you now," Quinn whispered breathlessly. Santana chuckled.
"I'm not stopping you."
Quinn leaned up and grazed her lips against Santana's, feeling the familiar tingles start up in her belly. She kissed her again, her tongue requesting access to Santana's wonderful mouth. Santana kissed her back with equal enthusiasm, tilting Quinn's head slightly so that her tongue could do some exploring of its own. Her hand cupped Quinn's cheek tenderly and when she broke the kiss to rain butterfly kisses over Quinn's throat, Quinn planted a kiss on Santana's palm.
They snuggled down under the blankets still clinging on to each other, as Santana reached out to turn off the light.
"Never let go of me, Santana," Quinn whispered sleepily as Santana played with her hair.
"Never," murmured Santana agreeably.