A Beautiful Mess

Eleven

Sunday passed quickly with Paul officially coming back home, something the girls were thrilled about. They weren't thrilled however with their father having to leave again for Raw and SmackDown on Monday. They had gotten through Monday night pleasantly enough though and despite Paul not being there, just knowing he was home for good now had settled the girls.

It was Tuesday morning now and Stephanie had just dropped Vaughn and Murphy off into day care and on her way to her parents place. Her mother was going to look after Nathan for a little because like she'd promised her husband, Stephanie was going to go to the doctors. She was nervous about going; she didn't dislike visiting the doctor but this trip just had her anxious.

She knew something wasn't right but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. Physically she was fine but the emotional and the mental side of things…that scared her. She'd never had any problems with her mental health before; at least not so big that it couldn't be talked through. She was afraid of what the doctor might say and she didn't know how to deal with that kind of worry.

Twenty minutes later and she was pulling up into her parents' driveway, silently thankful they lived so close. She glanced into the back, smiling softly as she saw Nathan had fallen asleep during the drive before getting out of the car. She moved to the back, opening the door quietly and getting out his diaper bag before carefully and gently getting him out of his car seat.

She held him close for a moment, pressing a kiss to his soft blonde hair. She rubbed her hand gently over his forehead as she looked at him a little sadly. "I'm sorry Mommy hasn't been feeling like herself lately. I think Mommy might be sick but I'm going to get better okay? For you and your sisters. Mommy really does love you baby boy," she whispered as she made her way up to the front door.

Stephanie looked up just as the door opened and she saw her mother's smiling face. She smiled back to her, mouthing that the baby was asleep as she stepped inside the large house. She followed her mother into the downstairs guest bedroom, placing Nathan down in the centre and surrounding him with pillows so he wouldn't roll off. They stepped outside, keeping the door half way open as they made their way into the kitchen.

"Do you want a coffee Steph?" Linda McMahon asked as she turned to look at her daughter.

"No, I'm good. I…have a doctor's appointment. That's why I wanted you to look after Nathan for a little bit," Stephanie told her, biting her lip as she leant against the kitchen counter.

"You mentioned that," Linda replied, nodding her head, "Is everything alright?" she asked, wanting to ask more but not sure if her daughter would divulge anything else.

Stephanie sighed a little not sure if she wanted to tell her mother. Looking over at her though she didn't see why she shouldn't. Her mother had been there almost a month ago when she'd gone off on Paul for doing something he'd done for years. She glanced at the watch on her wrist, noting she still had a while yet before she had to be at the doctors and slipped into the stool next to the bench.

"I'm not sure…I don't think so. Neither does Paul," she told her shrugging a little, "I've just been so moody and…I mean, you saw what happened that day mom. I just got so angry; I don't know what came over me. I've been lashing out at Paul like that for no reason for a while now and…I just…I don't think I've been happy. I look at Paul and the girls and Nathan and I love them. I know I do but it just…it doesn't feel the same," she admits quietly, shaking her head as she tries not to cry.

Linda sighed, moving over to her daughter and pulling her into a hug. She held her close; knowing that what she needed right now wasn't words but comfort. She hated that her daughter was going through this, feeling like this but all she could do was be there to support her. She had had an idea for a while now about what could be wrong but she hadn't brought it up because she hadn't thought her daughter would take kindly to the suggestion.

After a moment she pulled back, using her hands to wipe away the few tears that'd leaked out onto Stephanie's cheeks. She smiled softly at her daughter, cupping her cheeks as she looked at her. "I know you haven't been feeling like yourself sweetie, that's why it's good you're going to the doctor. They'll be able to figure out what's wrong and then you can get some help and start feeling better," the elder McMahon told her reassuringly.

Stephanie nodded at her mother's words, smiling a little. She had been nervous earlier but now that nervousness had disappeared. It was obvious that something was wrong and while she was still a little afraid of what the doctor could say she knew she had to start trying to get better. Not just for Paul or her children but for herself too.

"I know mom," she replied, wiping her cheeks a little and standing up from her seat. "I should probably get going, don't want to be late," she chuckled, "Nathan will want a bottle when he wakes up okay? Everything's in his bag. If he's any trouble just call, okay?" she continued as they walked towards the front door.

Linda chuckled, rubbing her daughter's back as she spoke, "I know how to look after my grandson Stephanie. I raised you and Shane didn't I? I've got lots of grandbabies. I'm sure I'll be fine," she assured her.

Stephanie smiled, "I know. I'll see you later. I shouldn't be a long time. At least I hope not."

"Go Steph. Before you're late," Linda insisted, opening the door and hugging her daughter again.

"Okay. I'll see you later mom."

Almost two hours later and Stephanie was walking out of her doctors' office in a little bit of a daze. She made her way to her car quickly, getting in and driving off as she tried to control the tears that wanted to fall. The words swirled around in her head and she didn't know what to make of them or what to think.

Post-partum depression.

The doctor, after she'd described everything that had been going on and how she'd been feeling, had said those three little words. She had thought she'd misheard him at first but after asking him to repeat what he'd said, she had sat back in shock. That was what he thought was wrong with her.

At first she'd tried to deny it; after all she'd never been depressed before and certainly not after she'd had her three other children. But the more the doctor had spoken about it, the more it started to make sense and everything clicked into place. He'd handed her a pamphlet about it and then continued to talk about what could be done to combat the depression.

She had sat stunned, trying to take everything in that he was saying. After a while he'd printed off a prescription and told her he'd like for her to try medication to help. She had taken it with a nod, still trying to wrap her head around the idea that what was wrong with her was post-partum depression. The thought of being depressed was foreign to her; she'd never even considered that that's what was wrong.

The thoughts were too much for her and before she knew it she was pulling in to the closest car park. She couldn't stop the tears from coming as she began to cry, hands coming up to cover her face. She leant forward, head resting against the top of the steering wheel as she sobbed into her hands. Everything was just too much for her in that moment and all she could do was cry.

AN: So she finally knows what's actually wrong. But this isn't the end yet!

Hope you enjoyed. Please review. :) LT.