Hey Guys

Okay, so I know that I deserve a shitstorm coming from you after leaving you hanging for a week *ducks* I should have uploaded this a week ago but I was busy and then procrastinating and trying to deal with a major writer´s block and well...the list goes on.

Since today is my 20th birthday, I decided to pull myself together and finally update as a birthday present to you guys (yeah, that sounded weird in my head too - just go with it)

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this :D

Chapter Twelve:

The sky was completely grey, the sun hiding behind the endless clouds. The windy and chilly weather seemed to match how she was feeling. She wanted to scoff and roll her eyes at the ironic situation, but she refrained. Her eyes were locked on only one thing; Francis, riding his horse at the front of the long line of men as they rode off to Calais. He was saying something to her uncle, who was riding beside him. He was far enough away that she had to squint with her eyes to be able to see him, but close enough that she could see the anxiety in his face when he finally turned to see her. This was the last time she would see him, in months at the very least, and she wanted to remember every little thing about him. What if he never came back? What if this was the last time she would see him at all? What if-

She had been so focused on Francis that she hadn´t been listening to whatever her ladies were saying. They were probably telling her all sorts of things they could think of that would comfort her. "Francis is strong, he will be fine", "He will come back to you soon, you´ll see" and more. What else could they say? The only other person, who would understand, even if it was just partially, what she was feeling, was Greer. Mary didn´t know Leith, the kitchen boy who seemed to have captured her heart. She had only met him a few times when she had gone to the kitchens to get a snack when it was easier for herself to do it than to ask for a servant to do it. He was out there with Francis somewhere, wasn´t he? She couldn´t be completely sure, she had been so focused on her own life that she hadn´t worried much about her ladies. What a friend she was.

Even though she hadn´t really been listening to them, and even though she knew they had all the best intensions, she didn´t really feel like hearing any more of their comforting words. The only person who would be able to comfort her was Francis. How was she going to manage for months without him? How could she ever have thought that she could go on living her life without him in it? He was too important to her. She couldn´t lose him. Even the thought of it made a cold shiver travel up her spine.

"Do you mind leaving? I would rather be alone for a little while."

Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, but both of her friends clearly heard her. For just a moment they stopped to stare at her as if they were contemplating her sanity. They hesitated before nodding. She didn´t turn to look at them as they exited her rooms. Her eyes were locked on the horizon where she could no longer see Francis or any of the men of the army. They were gone. She had never felt more alone than in that moment.

…

Kenna was not entirely sure whether Mary was still angry with her. She didn´t know if she was being foolish for showing up at her door, begging for forgiveness. Then again, what other choice did she have? She was not willing to take a risk. Her friendship with Mary was one of the most important things to her, not only political wise, but also personal wise. She may not have grown up with Mary, having missed the years her queen spent at the convent, but she was still her best friend. They had been through too much together to let something like this come between them. That wasn´t to say that what she did was a little thing. It was not. Kenna deserved her anger; every little bit of it.

She tentatively raised her hand and knocked softly on the wooden door. She waited for an answer, unconsciously holding her breath, but heard nothing. She should probably have taken it as a hint that Mary was in no mood for company, but she still raised her hand to knock again. When, for the second time, she didn´t receive an answer, she got worried. Mary had to still be in there, right? The guards outside her chambers hadn´t told her that she had left, and they would have, right?

She cautiously opened the door and looked around. The sight confused her. Mary was nowhere in sight. The bed was still made from that morning, unslept in. The fire in the fireplace had burned down to embers. The room was considerably colder than when she had been in there earlier. Where could she have gone?

That was when she noticed the open door to the balcony. If she strained her ears she could hear sniffling.

"Mary?"

Kenna took a few steps forward, rounding a pillar, and finally saw her. Mary was standing in the exact same spot where they had left her. The young queen didn´t turn at the sound of her voice, but she did startle a little when she realized that she was no longer alone.

"Mary, what are you doing here?" she asks, stepping forward. She flinched back the moment their skin touched. She was ice cold.

"Mary, you´re freezing! Let´s get you inside." Kenna felt like she was talking to a small child and sighed of relief when Mary didn´t act like her usual self and didn´t object.

Kenna reached forward and put an arm around Mary´s cold shoulders. As she guided her inside, Kenna realized that she was the only thing keeping Mary from falling to the floor. The girl was leaning all her weight onto her and Kenna worried that Mary would pass out any moment.

It couldn´t have looked very graceful when she helped Mary sit on the bed. She looked up at her, searching her eyes but found them glazed over and unmoving. It was only now that she had gotten inside that her teeth started chattering violently.

Kenna knew that there was no point in asking for permission to change the queen´s clothes. She was not likely to get an answer anyway.

She tried to work as carefully as possible, not wanting to move too fast for the girl´s frozen limps to follow. The clothes were damp all the way through and Kenna wondered that Mary would get sick. She was slowly turning into an icicle out there. How could she not have noticed she was freezing?

As soon as Kenna had gotten her into a new, warmer nightgown, Mary was guided to lie under the covers of the bed. Kenna had never seen her look more fragile than in that moment. Silent tears were running down her face and her teeth were still chattering, though not as violently.

Kenna decided, as she stood there looking at her queen, that Mary should be allowed to rest without interruption, at least until the color in her cheeks returned.

She made a move to leave for the door when Mary´s cold hand reached out and grabbed her own. The grip was no tighter than she was still able to pull her hand away with ease if she wanted to. She stayed were she was and turned to look at Mary again.

"Stay, please?" Mary begged with wide eyes, her voice weak and barely above a whisper. She visibly relaxed when Kenna nodded.

"I´ll just tell the guards not to disturb you, alright?" Mary didn´t reply or nod but her hand dropped to the bed again.

With quick steps, Kenna crossed the room to the door. She was gone for no more than a minute as she told the guards that the Scottish queen was feeling unwell and should be allowed to rest and asked for them to send for a servant to restock the fireplace. When she returned to the bed, she hesitated for a moment. Deciding that sitting on the bed beside her was out of the question, she reached for a chair and less gracefully lifted it to the bedside. At any other time she would have probably sat on the bed, but she reminded herself that Mary might still be angry with her.

As soon as she sat, Mary´s hand reached for hers again and they stayed like that, holding hands, for a while. Neither of them said a word. The only sound in the room came from the fireplace where the embers crackled once in a while. They were disturbed by a servant who apologized and curtseyed before restocking logs into the fireplace. Once she was the satisfied and the room was slowly heating up a bit, she curtseyed again and left.

The door had barely closed after her when Mary finally spoke.

"I´m sorry I overreacted yesterday," she mumbled. Kenna looked up, surprised. "I should have told him sooner. It wasn´t your fault." Silent tears traveled down her red cheeks and hit the pillow.

"Oh Mary." Kenna didn´t know what to say. She felt a heavy weight lift from her shoulder as she realized that Mary was no longer angry with her. She reached out and enveloped Mary in a hug, the latter clinging to her.

…

Once they pulled back, neither knowing exactly who made the first move to part, Kenna couldn´t help but smile slightly. They must have looked like a mess. Both were crying, Kenna wasn´t sure when or why she started in the first place. Mary´s cheeks were flushed with color and her eyes were puffy from all the crying.

Mary couldn´t help but smile in return.

"I have been so busy that I never once asked you," she started. "How are you doing?"

Kenna kept the smile on her face as she replied.

"I´m fine Mary. I understand. You have had so much to worry about."

Mary shook her head. Just because she had been busy with her duties as a queen and wife, which was an understatement, really, didn´t justify that she had completely ignored her duty as a friend.

"No it is not alright. As your friend, I should have worried more about how you were doing. I should have worried how you were dealing with your marriage to Bash…"

Mary was a little surprised by the indifference in her voice as she said the name of the man that she was once engaged to. That time seemed like a lifetime ago. Too many things had happened since then and she suddenly felt guilty that the last conversation she had with him was one right after he was forcibly wed to his father´s former mistress.

Both girls remained silent for a while. Kenna didn´t know what to say. The whole situation seemed surreal to her, still. Had anyone told her a year earlier that they would be where they were; she would have probably laughed at them and told them that they were being foolish.

"How is he?" Mary finally asked, her voice weaker than she liked. She cleared her throat but kept silent, waiting for Kenna´s response.

"He is…he is well, I suppose. He keeps thinking that it´s his job to save the world. He is foolishly stubborn that way. Just like someone else I know." Kenna smiled a little which in turn made a small smile appear on Mary´s face as well.

"He misses you, you know," Kenna admitted after forever. She knew that the relationship between her husband and her friend was much more complex than she could even begin to imagine. She knew that, even though Bash told her time and time again that he loved her; a small part of his heart, however small that part might be, belonged to Mary. She would always be special to him, but Kenna found herself hoping that he could find it in him to let her go in time. She didn´t want to be selfish like she used to be. She didn´t want to turn the situation around to make it all about her as she had done countless times before. She wanted, and tried desperately to, to understand how difficult it was for Bash to see Mary with his brother every day.

"I miss him too." Mary smiled slightly, gripping a little tighter around Kenna´s hand.

"I wish we could go back to being friends again, but I don´t think we ever can…" she admitted.

"I wish I could go back and change a lot of things, but I cannot ever take it back. I wish Nostradamus never told me of his visions. I wish Aylee and Lola were still here. I wish I never left with Bash. I wish I never sent Francis away. I wish…" she stopped for a moment and bit her lower lip.

"I wish I never led Bash on the way I did. He didn´t deserve that. He deserved better than to be treated like a second choice." Her thumb stroked the soft skin of Kenna´s hand and she looked into her friend´s eyes as she smiled slightly. "I´m glad he has you now."